-So many dreams sitting on the shelf-Tori Amos-
/I will watch the children, If you pay all the bills-Where have all the cowboys gone?/
She never really understood what love was.
Sure she had heard stories.
And sure…she supposed she had seen people in love.
But for the actual thing itself…she could never be sure.
And she always hated uncertainties.
Like when a pilot came in injured and she wasn't sure if they would make it.
And HIM.
Everything about HIM was an uncertainty.
Maybe that's why…
She used to think she could possibly love him.
Possibly. Probably.
But he never brought her roses.
Never.
And when she thought of love…she imagined a house, a dog, kids, a husband who kissed like a movies star and….
Still gave her beautiful roses.
Then again…she had to remind herself she could be wrong.
She didn't REALLY know any of that for sure.
What she DID know was he didn't give her butterflies either.
Maybe moths instead.
Like something inside of her being eaten away.
Every time she stared at his rough face…
And smelt the rusting smell of smoke that was just HIM…
She felt like gagging.
But yet…
She always found herself standing with him.
Regretting things she couldn't change.
Wishing for things she couldn't have.
Because she could be right beside him…and everything still felt so out of reach.
It confused her sometimes…how she ever came to this point.
Top nurse of G.O.A.
Wasn't she supposed to be the repairer of the pilot that defeated victim?
Wasn't she supposed to move to Zion, become a mom?
Fall in love?
Wasn't she? And wasn't he going to…
Pushing the few golden strands out of her face, she stared at the smoke he was blowing and decided…
He was a moth.
Everything he WAS.
Everything he REPRESENTED.
A moth chewing at her.
Nesting.
A moth…her second rate butterfly.
Her dreams unrecognized.
Foolish desires burned in a flame.
But Rill didn't like thoughts like those.
Because the burning in her stomach told her…
If he was a moth…
What did that make her?
A/N: yes I know, this one took a while to post. Well hopefully the last chapter comes sooner. Thanks to all.