/ I'm useless but will you love me anyway?-unkown/
/Sometimes it be that way-Jewel/
If she could have everything she wanted.
Well the most important thing she wanted.
He'd close his eyes and tell her….tell her how much he loved her and how being with her made him forget to try to remember fading faces.
That she was enough for him to be better for.
That she was more important then….him.
He'd tell her she was everything he needed, everything he wanted…and that she was perfect…cat ears and all.
But this was life. This was life on G.O.A. And Kizna was aware that what she wanted and what she got rarely ever matched.
Sometimes she wasn't even sure why she wanted him.
Maybe because it was comforting to have something that felt reachable…touchable.
Constant.
Maybe because all her dreams rested in him. Because he was going to be a pilot.
He would succeed where she failed.
Well he HAD to succeed where she failed….so that her life wouldn't feel so pointless.
So finally she'd have more to remember than disappointments.
And maybe he'd kiss her….maybe.
And IF she could have everything she wanted…his lips would feel like silk…and his kiss would taste like strawberries.
They would FIT like a puzzle. The way everyone thought they did.
And she would lay beside him….and she would BE him and he would be her.
It wouldn't matter that EX was GOING to kill him and that she'd never be a full person.
None of the puzzle pieces would be missing.
Because in the REAL WORLD…Kizna was full aware of how incomplete she was.
Of how ridiculous she must look beside his blue eyed perfection.
And of how she'd never really measured up…that she wasn't his equal.
Hiead was.
And those were the pieces life had given her.
Or as Wrecka says, just a tad to cheerfully…. "that's the way the cookie crumbles."
It's the way things are…
The way they always will be.
The way things FIT….even if it wasn't how she wanted it to fit.
But maybe she was just being selfish.
Maybe she was being stupid for thinking life was FAIR.
But wasn't there supposed to be a rainbow after the rain?
Where was her silver lining?
Didn't she DESERVE some sort of happiness...after all this time?
Hadn't she accepted that she wasn't going to be a pilot?
Hadn't she accepted that she wasn't going to ever look NORMAL?
Hadn't she suffered every unbearable day with a smile?
And this is what she got…nothing….absolutely nothing to show for it.
Sometimes she wished she was smart like Clay.
Then maybe she'd be able to put the pieces to the puzzle together.
Maybe she'd be able to understand…to fill in the missing blanks.
But then there were these time, like now…laying beside him in the grass where she felt like they were beginning to mold…become one.
Times like now…when it was ENOUGH to know he would fulfill all her hopes, her dreams, and that he would carry her when she fell.
Times like now when everything felt perfect….when everything felt worthwhile.
But then she'd notice him staring at Hiead who was yelling at Ikhny and she knew….
She KNEW.
What did it matter??
Because even if she could…for a moment…have everything she ever wanted…
It wouldn't change anything.
It wouldn't change the fact…
That at the end of the day…when the war was over…
When Zero either won or couldn't fight anymore…
She would be left alone.
With nothing.
With a whole lot of nothing.
Just waiting for her turn as the weight of unshed tears and missing pieces crushed her.
A/N: Whoooohooo…finally the end of this…I'm excited cause now I can write something new…thanks to all who r/r…hopefully the 1st chapter of my new story will be soon.