House and Cameron sat uncomfortably on House's couch. Whatever had been bothering him the last few weeks was making things strained between them. Cameron was nervous, she was afraid he'd decided he didn't really love her. They'd been silently sitting in front of the TV for nearly an hour before she simply could not be silent any longer.
"Just say it," Cameron said.
"Say what?" House asked, turning and looking at her.
"Whatever. You don't really love me, you don't want to be with me, the sex has been great but I'm tired of you now. Just say it. I can't sit here like this any more," Cameron exploded.
"What makes you think I'm going to say something like that?" House asked her.
"I don't know; the fact that you've barely talked to me at all the past couple of weeks or the fact that you've been extra nasty to everyone else. You're obviously upset about something and you're taking it out on everyone but me. Logic says it's me you're upset about," Cameron said, feeling dangerously close to tears. He was supposed to say he really did love her.
"Something has been bothering me, I just didn't really want to talk about it," House said.
"Well I can't live like this," Cameron said. "It's driving me crazy. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around you all the time and I'm just waiting for you to do something."
"Something like what?" House asked again, purposely trying to put her off.
"Dammit Greg, stop this!" Cameron shouted, now bursting into tears. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, and this is killing me. I don't expect you to tell me every little thought or feeling you have, but weeks of shutting me out is too much."
"I'm sorry," House said quietly. "I don't know how to talk to you about this without upsetting you."
"It's a little late to be worrying about that now," Cameron said ruefully.
"Yeah," House said, watching her cry. "I guess I've just been thinking about how long we can really make this work."
Cameron drew in a sharp breath. She was right. She knew this was coming, she just hadn't expected it to come so quietly. She'd always thought, in the recesses of her mind, that this might not work out. She'd just assumed that one day he would do or say something hurtful and that would be the end of it.
"So that's it, huh?" Cameron said softly through her tears.
"I didn't say that," House said slowly.
"You didn't have to," Cameron replied, standing from the couch and walking toward the door.
"Allison, wait. I thought you wanted to talk about this," House said.
"I do," she told him without turning around. "But what's the sense if you've already made up your mind?"
"But I haven't," House said staring at her back. "I haven't decided anything."
"Then what is this?" Cameron demanded, turning back to him with her eyes ablaze. "A test? You want to see how far you can push before I'll go? I'll tell you, it's not much farther."
"It's not a test," House answered her.
"Then what?" Cameron asked, more like demanded. She waited, but got no answer. She was tired of this already. She waited another minute and turned again to leave.
"I'm afraid, is that what you want me to say?" House yelled at her.
"I want you to tell me the truth!" Cameron yelled.
"You can't handle the truth!" House yelled backed. Cameron chuckled, she couldn't help herself. It was just so ridiculous. "Sorry, didn't mean to go all Jack Nicholson on you."
"It's okay," Cameron replied, somewhat more calmly than before. "I can handle it."
"I love you," House said. Cameron nodded. "I don't want to get hurt again," he continued. Cameron nodded again. "Love means a chance at being hurt."
"Yeah, it does," Cameron agreed. "But it also means a chance at being happy."
"I don't know how to do that anymore," House said. "Be happy."
"You can learn," Cameron said walking back to the couched and sitting back down with House.
"And what if I can't?" House asked her.
"Then I guess we'll just have to miserable together," Cameron said. It sounded like a joke, but she was serious. "I'd rather be miserable with you than happy with anybody else."
"Damaged," House said softly. "I don't want you to be miserable."
"Then don't make me leave."
"I don't want you to leave. But I'm not sure I want you to stay," House said honestly.
Cameron closed her eyes and tears began to flow again. She didn't know what to do. She wanted him so much, but he was clearly unhappy with her. Maybe he was right, and he really couldn't ever let himself be happy. Maybe he'd always be waiting for something bad to happen. Could she really live like that? And would she ever be happy if he wasn't?
"Then I'll go," Cameron said. "But I'm not going to wait forever for you to decide." She leaned forward and kissed him, roughly and fast and then she was gone.
House sat on his couch. Part of him wanted to run after her, but another smaller part almost felt relieved that she was gone. He had told her the truth. He didn't want her to leave; he didn't ever want her to leave. And that was what scared him. That he already wanted her so much. He hadn't even let her all the way in yet. What would happen to him if he did? Would he still be the Gregory House he knew? And if he wasn't, would that necessarily be a bad thing?
House sat on the couch that whole night. He never went to bed. It was too soon to go sleep in there when she wasn't with him. He sat on the couch and stared at the TV, not even aware of what was flickering on the screen. When the morning news came on, he limped to the phone and called Wilson. He told him it was about time they set up some interviews for Cameron's replacement. Then he went to the bathroom to get ready for work. He took a shower, and cried the whole time, because there he could fool himself into believing it was just water and not tears on his cheeks.
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Cuddy groaned as she felt Wilson lean across her to answer the phone. The shrill ringing had woken her from a deep sleep, and as she glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand she wondered who in their right mind would be calling them at 2am?
"No, don't let her drive. Can you put her in a cab?" Wilson spoke into the phone, and Cuddy frowned. Put who in a cab? She heard Wilson give her address and frowned more deeply. Put who in a cab and send them here? "No, give her car keys to the cab driver and we'll pick the car up tomorrow. Thanks."
Wilson hung up the phone and sighed, then leaned back to his side of the bed and ran his face over his hands.
"You know, I don't appreciate you inviting strange women to my house in the middle of the night," Cuddy remarked, looking for an explanation.
"It's Allison. That was the bartender at The Funky Monkey. She wants to drive home. He found your number in her cell phone when she spilled her purse on the floor." Wilson said. "I told him to send her here. She probably shouldn't go home alone and the only reason I can think of for Allison Cameron to be drunk on a Tuesday night is…"
"House," Cuddy interrupted. "Right, bad idea to have them drive her there." Cuddy frowned again. "I thought things were going well. He told her he loved her."
"Yeah, and if you're House that means its time to back off," Wilson grumbled, getting out of bed and putting his robe on over his pajama bottoms and t-shirt. "Why don't you go back to sleep? You need the rest."
"I can wait up with you," Cuddy said lamely as she stifled a yawn.
"Yes, you can. But you're not going to. Go to sleep. If I can handle a drunk House I can certainly handle a drunk Cameron," Wilson said dryly. "I'm just going to grab some old sweats of yours for her and we'll probably be late tomorrow morning."
"Not too late," Cuddy said, blessedly unconcerned as she drifted back to sleep.
"I knew there would be benefits to sleeping with the boss," Wilson smiled to himself.
"Oh Jimmy, I think I'm dying," Cameron moaned as she leaned back from the toilet.
"I don't doubt that," Wilson replied. "Just relax, it'll be over soon."
"I'm sorry I woke you up in the middle of the night," Cameron said quietly, wiping her face with the washcloth Wilson handed her.
"Don't worry about it," Wilson said, waving a hand at her. "I haven't sat beside anyone puking their guts out in far too long." Cameron retched again and Wilson grimaced. "Sorry. Besides, usually it's House in the predicament and you're much more pleasant, even on your worst day."
Cameron leaned back from the toilet once more and rested her head against the cabinets. Just hearing House's name made her want to cry, but she had no tears left. She just closed her eyes and let the pain wash over her. Even with as much as she'd had to drink, it hadn't even come close to dulling it. She wondered randomly how much Vicodin it would have taken House to dull this sort of pain.
Wilson watched the pain play across her face and his heart broke a little for her. In between throwing up, she'd told him all of what House had said. And even though seeing her like this made Wilson want to throttle House just a little, he couldn't really be as angry as he wanted. He'd been honest with her and Wilson could respect that. Wilson remembered being scared about falling for Lisa so fast, and he was nowhere near as commitment phobic as House.
When Cameron was fairly sure she was done, Wilson helped her clean up a bit and get changed into some sweats. He made up the couch in the den for her and left her with a bucket, just in case. She fell asleep almost as soon as she lay down, and Wilson watched her for a minute to make sure she was really okay. Satisfied she was asleep and not unconscious he went back to bed and thought about the best way to handle House in the morning.
Luckily for Wilson, he didn't have much handling to do. House came in the next morning and went directly to Wilson's office. House told him everything he and Cameron had said, remarkably the same as Cameron had told it, and then asked Wilson to please not lecture him about it. He wanted some time to think it over and if he wanted to talk he'd let Wilson know. Wilson just nodded.
Things were not altogether unpleasant for the next few weeks. Cameron and even House were able to maintain their professional relationship at work without too much difficulty. They worked on a few cases and managed just fine. Outside of working on a case, House kept pretty much to his office and Cameron to the administrative offices.
House and Wilson had finally begun interviewing. Wilson, scarred from their last escapade in interviews had wisely scheduled only two interviews every other day. The search seemed to be fruitless until one Wednesday a young man stepped into House's office.
"Dr. Rupert Price," Wilson said as the young man sat down. He was tall and thin, with angular features. His hair was dark brown and wavy, with just a little flip to it. House had looked over his CV while he'd waited for Wilson to bring him in, and it was pretty impressive. House grinned when he took in the stiff-collared shirt and the precise Windsor knot in the tie. But when he opened his mouth to speak, House nearly fell out of his chair laughing.
"It's a tremendous pleasure to meet you, Dr. House," Price said, in an extremely proper British accent. House guffawed in the young man's face. Bewildered, he looked to Wilson for enlightenment, who merely shrugged. "Did I say something funny?"
"What's your specialty?" House managed to ask.
"I've a double specialty, actually, in hematology and oncology," Price answered, once again bewildered by House's mirth.
"Excellent, you're hired," House said. Price reached forward to shake House's hand. House just looked at him for a minute before the man turned again to Wilson. Once more, Wilson merely shrugged as he led him out of the office. Returning, he looked at House with a peculiar smirk.
"I knew you missed Chase," Wilson accused.
"Please. I screwed up when I hired Chase. This guy is the real deal. He probably went to Eton," House replied.
"He did, in fact," Wilson said, looking at his file.
"See. Besides, with Chase and Cameron gone, I need someone with pretty hair." House picked up his tennis ball and began tossing it up and catching it.
"Oh well, as long as you have a good reason for hiring him," Wilson smirked. "See you for lunch?"
House nodded. Mentioning Cameron had been a mistake. Now that he'd hired someone, it meant she was leaving. True, she was only going downstairs but somehow to House it felt like the end of everything. Pursing his lips, he stared out the window as he kept up a steady rhythm with the ball. Maybe it was time he did something about that.
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Cameron packed up her laptop and some patient files. Today was her last day in the diagnostics department. She looked around the conference room a little sadly, and a little hopefully. These few years had certainly not turned out the way she had ever expected. She was beginning to feel a little sentimental and she shook her head as if shaking the emotions out of her. She was only moving downstairs, not across the country.
She knew she was making the right decision. She had learned a great deal working for House, but she had suffered a great deal too. Moving on would be good for personally, as well as professionally. She wasn't sure she was really ready to let him go, but maybe taking a break from him for a while would help her make up her mind.
She heard voices behind her and turned to see Foreman and Jasper, in animated discussion over something, followed by Price, House's new fellow. She took a deep breath a plastered a bright smile on her face as she turned to face them.
"Dr. Cameron," Price said and Cameron's smile became a little more genuine. She found it absolutely hysterical that House hired a real British guy, and his accent tickled her. "Sorry we won't have the opportunity to work together on any cases."
"Me too," Cameron answered.
"Still, you're only moving downstairs. I'm sure we'll still you about," Price continued, and it was really all Cameron could do not to laugh at him. She was sure she'd be dealing with them plenty, being in administration would definitely mean dealing with House's team, and she'd really have to make an effort to get used to the accent.
"Cameron, you'll have to come up and visit sometimes when you have the chance. I need the estrogen boost," Jasper said.
"Not to worry, I know what it's like being the only girl around," Cameron reassured her.
"So, now that you're technically one of the bosses, do I have to call you Dr. Cameron now?" Foreman asked.
"No. A simple yes ma'am and a salute will do," Cameron replied, now beginning to waver again. She was not going to cry, she was not.
"Yes ma'am," Foreman barked promptly, complete with the salute. Cameron laughed. "It's past five and I actually have a date, so I have to run. I'll see you," Foreman said, and offered Cameron his hand. Cameron looked at it, and then made a small 'how about a hug' gesture. Foreman smiled and they hugged briefly. "See you guys tomorrow," Foreman said to Jasper and Price as he grabbed his coat and bag on his way out the door.
"I believe I'll be pushing off as well, then," Price said, shrugging into his overcoat and walking to the door. "Ladies."
Jasper stepped forward to hug Cameron too, just as House stepped into the conference room from his office. Jasper glanced in his direction quickly. She hugged Cameron, whispering a 'good luck' in her ear and walked out quickly.
"So," House said, tapping his cane on the floor.
"Yeah," Cameron replied. She had assumed she could get out without his commenting; they had pretty much avoided any real conversations the past couple of weeks. He seemed as though he had something else to say, and Cameron was tempted to wait. It was so hard to be alone with him and not beg him to choose her over nothingness.
Instead, she slipped her bag over her shoulder and picked up her coat from the back of her chair. She only hesitated a second or two before walking to the door.
"Cameron," House called. Cameron stopped in the doorway and turned around. He looked at her, but said nothing. Feeling tears threaten again, Cameron nodded at him and walked down the hall to the stairs, where she knew he couldn't follow.
The next morning Cameron arrived at work bright and earlier than usual, anxious but excited to start her new job. She didn't actually have her own office yet; Cuddy was still trying to work out those logistics, so for now she would be working in the small office between Cuddy's office and the clinic.
Cameron set up her laptop and began working on the pile of charts left from the previous day's clinic patients. She was smiled and realized that she was humming to herself. She hadn't felt so good about something in a long time. Thinking about how good she felt now only made her wonder why she'd been so tense before. Putting down the chart she was working on, Cameron recognized how intense working for House had been. And it wasn't just on a professional level, working for House had been intense personally and then emotionally as well. House was like a force of nature. Maybe too much of him wasn't a good thing.
"You really are an early riser, aren't you?" Cuddy said as she walked into the office. "Nobody ever beats me here."
"Just anxious to make a good first impression on my new boss," Cameron said with a smile. Cuddy reflected that she hadn't seen Cameron looking so relaxed and herself in awhile. Maybe a little break from House was a good thing for her. Cuddy only hoped it was just a break.
"Allison, I've been meaning to talk to you about something," Cuddy said. Cameron clenched just a little, assuming Cuddy wanted to talk about House or that night she had spent drunk on Cuddy's couch. "Jimmy and I wanted to ask you if we could name you as one of the baby's guardians, in case God forbid something should happen to us."
"Really?" Cameron asked, tears springing to her eyes. "Lisa I'm so flattered. I'd love to, of course," she gushed. Cuddy smiled back at her. "Good. Now, I have to warn you. There's already been some grumbling from a few of our doctors about having another woman in the administrative wing. Don't be surprised to get a little backlash. Personally, I say let's show them how it's done."
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"She sounds really nice, Foreman," Jasper said, pouring herself a cup of coffee.
"She does, doesn't she?" Foreman said. "She's not the type of girl I usually go out with. Maybe that's why I'm always single."
"Speaking of single," Price interjected, "I was wondering if either of you were aware of Dr. Cameron's current situation?"
Foreman and Jasper exchanged a glance. "Uh, what do you mean?" Foreman asked warily.
"Does she have a beau?" Price asked.
"A what?" Jasper asked.
"A beau, a romantic involvement," Price explained.
"He wants to know if she's single," Wilson said from the doorway. He'd come to check up on House, but it appeared he wasn't in yet. Foreman and Jasper exchanged another glance, and then both looked at Wilson. How were they supposed to answer that?
"I really don't know," Jasper said, deciding to play dumb. "Dr. Cameron's a very private person. She would keep something like that very much to herself."
"Yeah. Not big on the sharing, Cameron," Foreman added, looking to Wilson for help. Wilson shook his head; he wasn't going anywhere near that one. He went back to his office to wait for House.
He didn't wait long. House limped in just after nine. He sat on Wilson's desk; it was more effective to mess up the files and paperwork when everything was in arm's reach. Wilson was ignoring him, as usual. It wasn't until House picked up a pink and blue greeting card with a little bow on the front that Wilson even really noticed what he was doing.
"Oh, you and Cuddy picking out birth announcements already?" House asked. "How sweet. But I don't think pink and blue are the traditional colors for hell spawn."
Wilson tried to grab the card from House, a gross miscalculation on his part. Had he simply said yes, House would likely have lost interest and dropped it. But it was obvious from the way Wilson was grabbing he didn't want House to see the card and that just made House need to read it. Opening it and eying the contents, House stood and began pacing the room.
"It came in the mail yesterday. I wasn't going to mention it to you because I wasn't sure how you'd be, you know, about Cameron and …"
"I'm fine. It's fine. She moved on. It happens," House said quietly. It had, in fact, been an adoption announcement. An adoption announcement from Mark and Stacy Warner. Mark and Stacy were happily announcing the arrival of their twins, Adam and Shana aged 8.
"It doesn't have to happen this time," Wilson answered him. "Stop being so cautious. Just be yourself. Go get her."