Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except the drama and tension I'm going to cause. Enjoy.

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Chapter Seventeen

"Sadness is easier because its surrender. I say make time to dance alone with one hand waving free."

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Was it me? It had to be. Surely there could not be any other explanation for it. I was cursed. And every summer, that curse reared its ugly head.

Three summers in a row.

Three summers when things had gone from bad to worse, when friendships had been tested and relationships had been broken.

Once is accidental, twice is coincidental, thrice… well, that's fate.

Perhaps fate had always been in the background, screaming that message at me. When I'd first been bored, when Henry had first returned, everything had seemed to perfect. And then ruined. That first summer had changed everything. It had tested us, and helped make us stronger.

Made us believe that we were stronger, at least. Better together than apart. That's what I'd believed… for an entire year I'd counted my blessings and hoped that things would remain the same.

Fate had a cruel way of toying with us, I mused, as the light wind whipped around my body. Last summer it had dealt out its second hand… and come up trumps.

Lily, Parker, Queensland and everything in between. Fights and make-ups, break-ups and tears, everything had gone down hill so quickly I hadn't realised the sadness of it all until it was too late. We'd held onto something for too long. Grasped at something that we all realised wasn't there any more. We tried desperately to hold onto something that had been… not could be.

And we'd all become broken in the end.

The year apart was meant to fix things. It was meant to make things easier. Make things hurt less. But all it had done was create layer on top of layer of façade and lies. That had come crashing back down on me once more. A bittersweet ending to another summer that had broken my soul.

Thunder sounded deeply around me, causing the ground to vibrate. Turning, I looked up towards the sky, looming behind me, the clouds darkening against the once lit horizon. My stomach twisted, my mind reeling, and the strangest sense of familiarity over came me. Before I knew it, my mind had floated back to the dream that had been plaguing me all summer, and I was reminded of those fleeting moments I could vaguely remember. The wind whipping around me, the dark clouds gathering, the waves crashing against the shore, and my body and soul feeling lost, like it had never been before.

And then, I heard my name, being called gently on the breeze. Only, it wasn't an unfamiliar voice, as it had been in my dreams. It was a voice I'd know anywhere, a voice that penetrated my very being. A voice belonging to a person I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to face.

"Tilly." His voice was calm, quite, softened by the howling wind. I felt his presence, felt his gaze, but refused to meet his eyes. Something told me that I wouldn't like what I saw… wouldn't be able to handle what I saw in those eyes.

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes

"Tilly." He repeated, as he sat down next to me, not too close, but not too far, as if he felt the apprehension radiating off my body. Sighing, I tired my hardest to ignore his voice, focusing my gaze on the ocean, concentrating as hard as I could on the waves crashing on the shore. But, despite everything, I just, couldn't block him from my life.

Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait

"Fine." He said, a little harshly. "Don't speak, but please," He said, his tone changing a little, my heart breaking a little, "please, listen to me."

Sighing, I conceded, nodding a little, my gaze still facing the ocean. The least I owed Luke, after everything we'd been through, was this one chance to prove himself to me. This once chance before I let go completely.

Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left

"I know what you're thinking. Something along the lines of 'three strikes and you're out.' But really Mattie, it doesn't have to be that way."

I didn't respond. The words just wouldn't form. So he kept talking.

"I made you a promise, that time, on the beach, in the rain. I promised that no matter what, I'd never let anyone, or anything, come between us. And I failed. Because last year, I forgot what it was like to be near you. To touch you, to feel you. I began to forget you, and that scared the hell out of me."

'Cause you know,
you know, you know

"And I panicked. And the more I panicked, the more I convinced myself that you and I were better off as friends. Every time I spoke to you, you always sounded so happy, and every time I was reminded of your happiness, I could only think of the unhappiness in your voice when we spoke before… and I just, kept convincing myself that it was all for the best. And then, when I finally believed I'd placed you in the dark depths of my heart, that would be untouchable, I met Sara."

I turned to look at him at this stage of his speech. He looked shocked for a moment, before inching closer to me, apparently taking this as a good sign.

"She was sweet. She was innocent." He said honestly, and I couldn't deny the pain that his words caused… "And yeah, I may have loved her a little." … like a dagger to the heart.

"But she wasn't you."

I love you
I've loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long

"And for every minute I spend thinking about her, I'd spend an hour thinking about you. Thinking about us, and everything that I remembered. The good and the bad, the sweet and the ugly. All those years, that we'd just thrown away, because we believed that it wasn't there any more." He said, his voice cracking as his honesty shone through. "But that wasn't it. It will never be just that. This summer has proven that to me, and I know somewhere it's proven it to you too." He continued, appealing to me. "Why can't you just let me in?" His finished, and finally, as I looked to meet his gaze, I saw tears forming in his deep blue eyes.

I opened my mouth, and began to speak, before I realised the words still would not form. Because as much as I wanted to tell Luke he didn't need me in his life to be happy, I couldn't. Because, strip away all the bullshit of the summer, of the last year, of relationship mumbo jumbo, I still found myself needing him, craving him. Like never before.

I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

But I couldn't let myself feel that again. I just couldn't give in to the vulnerability being in a relationship with Luke allowed me to feel… I couldn't be the one to hurt him again.

"Luke," I managed finally, my voice raspy, "Luke, we just…"

"Can't." He finished for me, shaking his head. "Why is it that we always can't Mattie, when we could, and did do, so well, for so long?"

I hadn't expected that. I mean, if I could see so clearly that he and I, we were better of as friends, despite our feelings, because in the end we always wound up hurting one another… then why couldn't he? Surely he had to realise that we were better together than apart…

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance

I opened my mouth to speak, but his voice silenced my own.

"Whatever you're about to say Matilda Hunter, I'm sure I won't want to hear it. Because there is only one word I want to hear come from your lips. Okay. I want you to say okay to me when I ask you to let me prove that I'm the one for you. I want you to say okay, that you trust me to never let you down again. I want you to say okay, when I tell you I'm transferring from Canberra to Sydney to be with you… I want you to say okay when I tell you I'm about to kiss you."

Shocked by his words, I sat back a little, as his eyes bore into my soul. Swallowing the lump in my throat, my mouth went dry, as Luke began to lean ever so slowly towards me. Inside I was in turmoil, he was giving up his dream course to be with me, and all I wanted to do was push him from my life.

'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of Hell to hold your hand

His lips were inching closer to mine, but I couldn't let it happen, not yet. Not without telling him the truth. Quickly, I stood up, and moved myself away from him. His saddened eyes looked up into mine, and I felt his pain. But that couldn't be helped, if he got to tell me everything he was thinking, then surely I was allowed the same rights?

"Luke," I began, as his eyes began to ice over. "Just let me say this, please. I'm scared Luke." I whispered, my voice trembling. "I'm scared that if I go back, if we go back, that I won't feel the same again. I'm scared that maybe there really is someone else out there for me, and for you. Other people, who we may never find, because we were always so… safe, together."

I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything, but I won't give up

"No Mattie," Luke began, but I held up my hand, silencing his cries.

"What if Luke?" I asked, begged, of him to answer, before it was too late, before I closed my heart off from him forever. "Because if the answer turns out to be the one I'm so scared it is, then once again you'll leave me broken, forgotten, by the wayside. Or worse, I'll be the one leaving you, and I don't think I could live with that pain. We were friends Luke," I said pleadingly, "We were good friends. Can't that just be enough? Can't we just, forget this summer ever happened?"

"You mean like we forgot the last two summers?" He replied bitterly, as I nodded my head a little, the tears welling in my eyes. "I know I've hurt you in the past." He continued "and I know there may be times in the future when you are hurting too, but that doesn't mean you should deny what you feel in your heart… it doesn't mean you should deny me, just because you're scared it won't work out. What happened to the Matilda who took risks, who wasn't afraid to live life? Because if she's disappeared, then maybe you're right. Maybe we don't want to do this any more." He finished, his anger piercing my heart.

So far away
Been far away for far too long

So far away

Shivering, I pulled my lose shirt tighter around myself. The storm brewing in the distance was nothing compared to the storm brewing in my mind… in my soul. I knew the girl that Luke referred to was still hidden somewhere inside my body, but, somewhere along the way, she'd been replaced by this cold, closed off woman, who only responded to her best friend, to Gilmore nights, to the people she knew would never leave her, never hurt her.

And she'd distanced herself from the girl, woman, Luke had loved, as much as she possibly could. And I wasn't sure if I could bring her back… to chance it again. To be with him again would mean I'd need to open my heart, and until now I'd believed I was fine the way I was.

Was I wrong?

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say

I turned to look at Luke, tears silently falling down my face, but he only shook his head and looked away from me, his eyes darkened with anger, hatred, betrayal. Standing up, he began to walk away from me. And in that moment, I felt my heart begin to beat a little faster, and my breath became caught in my throat, and my belly began to dance a little again.

And maybe it was because he was walking away from our friendship, maybe because I was throwing away our one chance to begin again… either way, I knew then that I couldn't do it. I couldn't let him walk out of my life, I couldn't be without him… couldn't live without him.

"Luke." I cried out hoarsely, and he stopped. I saw his body relax a little and as he finally turned to look at me, he broke out into a small grin. I smiled a little myself, then, as I walked slowly to him.

I love you
I've loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long

"Luke," I repeated, as I reached him, his body only inches from my own. His eyes were clear now, the colour that I'd always remembered them to be, and for a moment I began lost in those depths… for a moment, I allowed myself to be cast back to times I thought I'd long forgotten.

"Tilly." He prompted, and I laughed a little, because he'd only ever called me Tilly when we were being completely serious.

"I'm afraid of being hurt." I sighed finally, allowing all vulnerability to show through. "But I don't want to…" I said, stumbling through my words, as Luke waited patiently, as always. "I'm not going to hide away… just for the sake of not getting hurt." I said finally, as his smile broadened. "Because in the end, it's you who makes my heart beat faster, and my breath quicken, and my belly dances with butterflies… and it's always been you… and it might always be you. But I won't know that unless I let you in again." I said, as Luke pulled up into his arms, spinning us around in circles.

I smiled in the embrace, laughed out loud, overcome by happiness that I could not describe. Placing me down, he replied "Finally. Thank God." Laughing a little as I pouted in response.

"But," I said, taking a step away from him. "This is all on one condition."

His smile dropped a little, but his eyes remained locked on my own.

So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it

"We need to do this right. We need to start from the beginning." I said, as he looked at me, confused, and a little bewildered. "Hi," I said, holding my hand out to him, "I'm Matilda Hunter." A mischievous smile played on my as Luke looked at my hand apprehensively. "Come on Luke," I said, before covering my mouth, giggling. "I mean, person I haven't been introduced to."

"I'm Lucas Holden." He replied, taking my hand that I'd dropped, and shaking it firmly. "It's nice to meet you Matilda Hunter."

"It's nice to meet you too, Lucas Holden." I replied, smiling shyly back at him.

Together, we sat on the beach that afternoon, and simply spoke. Of things that had happened once upon a time… of memoires that had been dredged up by the all-encompassing summer… words that had remained unspoken for so long.

Too long.

And my mind was so captivated by being with him, next to him, again, that I didn't notice until the sun was setting on the horizon, that the storm had finally passed us by.

Keep breathing
Hold on to me, never let me go

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AN: And it ends. Summer may be gone, but I don't think it'll ever be forgotten. I hope everyone sat back and enjoyed the chapter for what it was - which is whatever you got out of it. I'd like to send a million more hugs to Jade, not only for posting the chapters leading up to this one, but for proofing the entire fic for me, for her continued support and suggestions. My faithful reviews both here and on BttB - you know who you are - I've thrived off every single word you've said to me, and I truly hope this chapter does the story - and the trilogy - justice.