---------------------------------------NEW CHAPTER --------------------------------------
John's POV:
Why am I here?
He doesn't deserve to live. What was "Fish" thinking? That he's a renewed man now? After all he's done! What's to stop me from finishing this son of a bitch off? He's lying right before me. Hell, I know I'm doing everyone a favour. All the families. All the kids.
All the pain and suffering that this...this very man has caused and inflicted on others. Yes, he deserves to die... ...But what about all the pain that people have inflicted on him? Myself included. Why do I feel remorse for him? I pity him.
I'll be doing him as well as the world a favour. Call it mercy on his behalf. If I let him live then I'd be condemning him to live the rest of his already damaged life in misery...Or am I just trying to make excuses for myself? Make it easier on my part?
I'm looking down on him. Vulnerable. Unconscious. Defenceless. Why can't I bring myself to just pull this trigger and be done with it?
Looking back on it, I could never bring myself to kill him. Even when I threatened him with death in that shack in Fox River. I was going to do it. I know I was...But...I didn't, and I don't know why…(snort) And look where it landed me! With a slashed neck on a cold concrete floor left for dead.
And then there was the hand thing. Why didn't I just take it to the heart or the head? Quick and easy. He wouldn't even have felt a thing. I mean I'm mafia for crying out loud! I was incarcerated for murder! To dispose of him should have been an easy job! And after all that nothing has changed as I see him lying before me evidently incapable of absolutely nothing. Shit.
Theodore Bagwell can't be saved. He's damaged. He will never find God.
But maybe God will find him.