It's quiet.

Ever since the storm ceased I've noticed the silence more than ever. I hadn't really realized it before, but before there was always the sound of the sand in the air, the sound of the wind.

But not anymore. The wind doesn't blow through the city at all these days. It's unnatural. And what's worse is that I have nothing to do now. Seri told me she didn't even want to see me in the hospital until I go back to work. Not that that has stopped me from going. After all, Luo is still there recovering, and if I can't work and I can't leave the city then what else do I have to do but go visit him?

He's still in a coma. It's very strange; he should be waking up by now. I would have expected him to be up and walking by now, but I guess I'm expecting a bit much of him. He is only human after all.

I hate it in that room. But I can't seem to keep away. Whenever I go wandering around the city my feet always end up leading me to his door, and in to sit beside him. They haven't put anyone else in his room. In fact, they've taken out the bed that I stayed in for my short stay at the hospital. Sometimes when I'm sitting there, waiting, I wish there was someone else in a bed beside him. Maybe then I would have someone to talk to instead of an unresponsive body. Maybe then it wouldn't feel so lonely, and maybe then I wouldn't feel so bad for leaving Luo alone every day.

It's only been four days and already I feel like I'm going to explode if I can't do something, anything.

I went to Temari to ask for something, but she avoided my questions. Well, actually, she told me I should go see the trial, but I'm not sure I really want to go.

I don't know what I want anymore.

I've been going out into the desert every morning, before the sun rises, in my bare feet. I want to feel the way I felt in that dream; I want to understand it. But every morning I go and it just feels like I understand less and less. I see Gaara in the distance sometimes, but he never sees me, or if he does, he never comes to see me.

I wonder what he's looking for out there. Does he get the same feeling of calm, of well being that I get out there in those vast expanses of sand?

What am I looking for out here?

I'm not sure exactly. That dream sense I guess, but that was at first. At first I thought of my dreams, and of searching for that child, but now I come here for peace. I come here for the calm, the infinite feeling.

And sometimes I come out here hoping to see him. Sometimes I hope that he'll notice me and come talk to me, but other times I'm afraid of that happening.

It wasn't like this with Sasuke.

And I wonder about Luo, and I hope he'll get better. And I miss him, strangely, because I go see him every day, but still I miss him. I just wish he would wake up and tell me that he feels fine. It's about time I'd say.

I have to testify against Takeo and Kimura soon. Temari wouldn't tell me exactly when; just soon. It was at the same time as she told me to go see the trial actually. Out here in the desert it seems perfectly reasonable, and I realize that it is good advice. I should know what's going on at least, but whenever I get back into the city, when I get closer to them I just can't bring myself to go see how it's going.

Sometimes I'm just so tired of being myself. That's when I come out here, where I can avoid myself. I just let my thoughts flow. Out here I can somehow manage to escape them, letting them flow over and away from me.

There is peace out here. Sometimes it feels like death again. But I don't want that anymore, not just yet. I'm ready to live, if only for a while longer. There is something I need to do, even if I have no idea what it is.

I went to see Temari this morning, but she wasn't in her office. It's very rare that she's in her office nowadays at all; she's always in the courthouse, watching the trial. And I wonder why. We all know how this is going to end.

Into the deep…

There's a strange feeling of weightlessness in the water. I'm surrounded, and floating, sinking at the same time. Which way is up anymore?

There is light towards the surface, and in the depths. Where do I go?

I'm looking for someone, for my heart. For a child, but not one of my own.

I am looking for Life.

An explosion, and then I am once again standing in the desert, the sand flowing around me like water. It is an ocean of its own. And I am drowning.

Temari came by yesterday to tell me I had to appear in court today. When she said soon, she really meant soon. I fight the wakeful feeling, wanting only to keep sleeping. There are still hours before I actually have to go anyway.

Try as I might, sleep won't return to me, so I roll out of bed and get dressed. I go down to eat breakfast in the large dining room. Junko isn't working this morning. I wonder if someone else is teaching my class in my absence. I want to go back. I didn't really expect to, but I miss my students, more than I'd like to admit, even just to myself.

I take a walk out to the edge of the city, to clear my head before it's time to go in. I have to meet with Temari and some lawyers before I go testify. I expect this thing to be painful, so I'm here to prepare myself. The calm before the storm, one might say.

The sight of the sun rising over the sands raises my spirits. For some reason it reminds me of Naruto, of his blonde head. Sometimes he would look like an angel, at times like this, with the sun reflecting off his hair so that it shone like gold, like a halo.

I miss him.

I shake my head, clearing away those thoughts. It wouldn't do to be thinking about Naruto while I'm on the stand, being questioned by lawyers. This is a life and death situation, and in a way it is a battle. It should be seen as a battle.

Everything in my life is a battle these days, and I wish it wasn't.