"I love you." He said, and in the morning he was gone.
I woke up alone, even though I'm sure Luo did spend the night with me. Well, what does it matter? I'll see him later.
I get up and dress slowly, happily. I feel deliciously lazy this morning. I go down to breakfast in the dining room. Junko is serving this morning, and asks how I am this morning.
"I feel wonderful," I say, "How are you?"
She smiles. "I guess you've heard that Luo is all better then?" I nod, and she chuckles. For a moment she seems much older than her years, and then her supervisor yells at her and she jumps to obey, acting her age again. I watch her go, feeling a funny ache in the pit of my stomach.
I miss them, I really do.
After breakfast I go for a run. Over rooftops and under bridges, across the great wide open desert… But that last bit I really only do in my mind. As much as I've grown to love the desert, I know that it would kill me quite easily, and without remorse.
And yes, I have grown to think of it as a living creature, one with emotions even sometimes.
Running on sand is a great exercise for chakra control I find. Concentrating just the right amount of chakra against the shifting sands provides me with something to put my mind to while I run, instead of thinking about Luo.
The problem is I have perfect control of my chakra. I know it, and there's no point in beating around the bush about it; it just is. Because of that, I have no trouble at all keeping my feet above ground and slapping the soft sands just as if they were running on solid ground. So my mind is free to think of Luo all it wants to, and it wants to.
But even though my mind wants to think of him, it seems my stomach doesn't. I think I'm happy, but my stomach does flips around inside of me, and not good, happy flips anymore, not like last night when we kissed. What is this? Why can't my mind and my body, my instincts, just agree on something?
I've always been told, as a ninja, to trust my instincts, especially if they're telling me to be careful. But as a near genius, I've always known I can trust my brain too. So what am I supposed to do when I think one thing, and feel another?
I like Luo. I do. So why can't it be so simple?
I try to distract my thoughts by concentrating varying strengths of chakra in my soles, seeing what different effects I can get by pushing harder against the sand, by sending out bursts of chakra through my feet. I find that by doing so I can run as if running without gravity, flying up into the air for feet every step I take. I wonder if I could…
I shake my head. Running on air? There's just not enough resistance. But maybe, if there was wind, out here, and sand in the air…
But there is no wind. The air has been dead for days now. It can't be natural, I think, but no one else seems to be reacting to it, so I've kept quiet about my thoughts.
My stomach growls at me, butting into my reverie. I laugh at it, and head back into the city to find someplace to eat lunch. My path takes me to the hospital somehow, and I see Seri walking out the front door and away from the hospital.
"Leaving your post?" I call out, slowing down to walk beside her.
She smiles. "I suppose I am. Running away to eat some real food for once. I swear, if I have to eat that cafeteria food again…"
I raise an eyebrow at her, unconvinced. "Yeah right. You eat that stuff so often you like it by now."
"Well I'm immune anyhow." She says dryly and shrugs. "Still, it's nice to get away from it sometimes, and remember just how good food is out here in the outside world." She smiles dreamily and turns to me. "Care to join me for some lunch?" she asks, and I gladly agree to her offer.
Over lunch we talk about the hospital. Mostly the hospital. I ask her how things are going and she says fine, that people are still getting sick and injuring themselves, and they're still going to the hospital to get better.
"Same old, same old," she says, shrugging. "But it's not quite the same without you there."
I laugh at her, disbelieving. "Yeah right. Everything is still the same, just as you said. You're only saying that to make me feel better about myself. Don't worry; I feel just fine."
"But you will come back to work at the hospital soon won't you?"
"I didn't think it was my choice to make."
She makes a face at me. "Now why would you think that? It's always your choice, whatever you do with your life. We just like to make suggestions to you."
"Well I do like working at the hospital…"
"But you see no more reason to visit with Luo out, do you?" she asks, raising her eyebrow at me, as if to say 'I know'.
I smile at her. "Is that what you think?"
She nods. "You don't really care about me at all, do you?" she asks, as if she's really hurt.
I nod. "I'm such a villain, taking advantage of your feelings like that."
She laughs, and I feel normal again. No more of this useless worrying and thinking about things too much. There's just this moment, living in me now. That's how Seri affects me.
"I do miss my students." I say quietly.
She nods, but makes no other move to comfort me, or even acknowledge what I just said. "So how awful was your court day?" she asks.
"Pretty awful." I answer with a shrug. "You should have been there to cheer me on. The defendant kept asking me about my past – things I doubt were really relevant to the actual case, only to my character, and no one tried to stop him."
"What did he ask?" Seri asks, with her usual morbid curiosity.
"He asked me if I wanted to kill the Kazekage." I hiss. I don't really want the whole restaurant to hear.
Seri laughs at me. "And what did you answer?"
"No, of course." I say.
She is quiet for a while, thoughtful. I wonder what she's thinking about. Then she says, "Hm. I wonder." and that's that.
The owner comes to pick up our empty bowls. Seri thanks him for a delicious meal, and then stands to leave.
"Well, I have to get back to work now. I'll see you soon right?" she asks, holding out her hand.
"Of course." I answer, ignoring her hand and giving her a quick hug. "I'll be back to teaching classes any day now. As soon as I get Temari's approval." I wave to her as I walk the other way, towards the embassy.
Now that I've got her in my mind, I decide it's about time I had another talk with Temari.
When I get to her office though, there are people rushing around everywhere, going in and out, and yelling everywhere. I'm about to just leave her to it, when a woman grabs me and pulls me into the office.
"You're Sakura right?" she asks quickly, and rushes away without waiting for an answer.
I stand in the doorway awkwardly, waiting for some sort of cue, some reason I was dragged in here, with everything in such a mess. Temari is conferring with three people at once, and as I watch she sends each of them away, with different instructions. And then the phone rings.
I watch as she speaks into it, surprisingly calm in the face of this storm of activity. Temari's office is usually pretty busy, and I know that she has a lot of work, and plenty of underlings who answer to her as well, but I've never seen it this bad. There must be some exciting goings on in the political world of Suna.
She waves away a man who tries to talk to her while she's on the phone, and soon after hangs up the phone, very carefully I notice. Then she looks up, and finally notices me waiting here.
"Everybody out." she commands, never taking her eyes off me. Her voice holds such superiority in it, such an air of importance that I just nod and turn around to leave, without ever having seen her.
"No not you Sakura." She calls after me, sounding as if I've done something silly. I guess I probably have. "But everyone else – out now."
There's a lot of bowing and scurrying away done then, and seconds later the door clicks shut and it's just the two of us.
"I never realized you had so many interns." I say, just for the sake of saying something. I'm a little scared actually, now that I'm here. Temari looks really intense right now.
"Sakura-" Temari starts to say something, but breaks off suddenly, and gestures for me to sit down. "Take a seat. Please." I sit down obediently and wait for her to talk.
"Is something wrong?" I ask, when she doesn't say anything for a long time.
She sighs deeply. "Yes. It's… It's Kimura and Takeo."
I sit forward. "That's right. I came to ask you how the trial is going."
She stares at me for a long moment, with a bleak look in her eyes. "They're dead Sakura." She says. The words hang in the air for a moment, before dropping into my brain, creating ripples in my thoughts. "They were found murdered this morning. The guards were all knocked out or mysteriously absent."
"They're dead?" I repeat in disbelief. It feels like my heart just fell into my stomach, and stopped beating in the process. "That can't be."
"I don't know how well you knew them…"
"I didn't really. Well, I visited Takeo in the hospital for a while…" I fall silent, as the feeling in my chest worsens. I never wanted Takeo to die; I realize that for sure now. Kimura I could care less about, but Takeo didn't deserve death, I'm sure of it.
"We… We were never going to execute him." Temari says quietly. She looks sad. "Gaara was so sure he wasn't guilty; he wouldn't allow it. We were going to fake it – as wrong as that sounds, as dishonest as it would be. The plan was to kill a clone, a fake, and Takeo would be exiled, never allowed to show his face again. We couldn't just let him go, that would be a bad example; it would encourage other rebels and assassins. But… This wasn't supposed to happen."
I reach out and put my hand on hers. I don't know what to say, how to comfort her. I don't even know how to feel myself.
"What will happen now?"
Temari shakes her head. "That's what we're trying to figure out. There has to be an investigation. The trial is pointless now. It's all so complicated."
"That explains all the people here." I say.
"Yes. Speaking of them…" Temari pushes a button on her phone and tells whoever is on the other side that she's ready to continue business. "I would like to talk longer, but there's too much to be taken care of now. I wanted you to hear it from someone you know, not the newspaper. I just…"
At that moment the door burst open again and two people came in, one holding a stack of papers.
"Thank you Temari." I say, and stand up to leave. "I'll see you soon."
She nods and as I leave the office I see her turn to talk to the man at her side. What a mess.
I take the long way up to my room, hoping to give myself more time to organize my thoughts. When I get to my room it's empty, and I feel unreasonably disappointed. I was expecting Luo to be waiting for me, though I don't know why he would be.
And so, with my obscure disappointment I make myself supper and eat alone in my living room, on the couch I pulled up to the window. This city feels so lonely tonight.