The Things Drunken Nobodies Do
HopelesslyxXxLost
Thank you for all your lovely reviews! As promised, here is chapter 2 with more crack and oddity than thought possible. Enjoy!
Thanks to: Roxas4ever, VirtualLibertine, Vampiremist, and Ivan's Kitsune-san for the reviews!
Summary:Zexion was usually careful when it came to alcohols, but what happens when he makes a tiny little mistake? Absolute crack. Mainly MarZeku, but with other pairings.
Warning: Umm…my weird sense of humor, drunk actions, cross-dressing, yaoiness…odd pairings.
Pairings: (Oh boy) Marluxia/Zexion; one-sided (and temporary) Xemnas/Zexion and Demyx/Zexion; Akuroku; one-sided Saïx/Xemnas; Xigbar/Demyx; and some other random hintings I may of have dropped in here.
Disclaimer: Do you honestly think that a broke, hopeless little fangirl who is struggling with Biology would own a game as great as Kingdom Hearts? I thought so…sob.
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Demyx was currently busy pulling Zexion away from Marluxia. Xigbar was SHOCKED! Why was Demyx intercepting VI and XI's wedding?
Wait a minute—
"Demyx!" Xigbar cried out, "why are you cheating on me!? With Zexion, nonetheless!" Demyx replied with a blank stare.
"Who the hell are you?"
…
Xemnas resisted the urge to smack his head on a wall somewhere and took another drink.
Roxas approached the table, "Superior, sir, if you don't mind me asking, why are you drinking so many sodas?"
Xemnas shook his head, "I r-refuse to eeeeeeeend up l-l-like…THEEEEM!" He stumbled over the slurred speech. Roxas took the empty cup from I's hand.
"But sir," he gave a confused stare, "you've been drinking beer…ew…" He threw the cup away in disgust. When he looked back, Xemnas was gone, and Axel was in his place, holding two cups.
"Come on Roxy, you've got to try at least one drink…"
"NO!"
Meanwhile, Demyx and Xigbar were engaged in a rather loud (and heated) argument.
"I'm telling you I've never met you before!"
"We've been going out for years, dude! How'd you forget me!?"
"How? It's so fucking easy that even a baby can do it! I never met you before!"
During the whole argument, Marluxia frantically waved at Zexion, motioning for him to get away from the water-Nobody. Zexion happily obliged…until a swirl of darkness engulfed the poor wedding dress-clad emo kid.
"ZEKU-CHAN!" Marluxia shouted out in misery. The room fell silent again.
"Zeku…chan?" Vexen's eye twitched. That's not good.
"I don't know you!" Demyx yelled one last time, "—hey! Where's my Zexion?" He sent a death glare in the direction of a certain Graceful Assassin, "MARLUXIA!"
"It wasn't me!"
Xaldin sighed, "If you drunken retards would stop acting like immature brats, you'd know it was the Superior who took VI away…" Probably to end this madness of a party…
"You imbecilic lowlifes!"
Apparently not…
Vexen's eye twitched uncontrollably as Xemnas showed up with an utterly traumatized Zexion.
"Why can't you perverted freaks leave Mar-Mar and me alone?" He sniffled.
"Mar…Mar…" Vexen felt ready to either faint or smash something. Lexaeus chuckled, "YOU THINK THIS ORDEAL IS FUNNY!?" Vexen exploded and decided to choose the latter option. He took out his shield and started smashing Lexaeus with it.
"Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow !" Lexaeus covered his head and desperately tried to dodge the Chilly Academic's attacks. Once he got away enough, his temper exploded.
"YOU DARE ATTACK ME!?" He shouted and summoned his tomahawk. The showdown between Ice and Earth was ON! BUT! No one cares, so moving onto the main event of this particular party…
"Number VI belongs to me and me alone!" Xemnas cackled madly, clutching on tightly to Zexion so he wouldn't escape.
"NO! He's mine!" Marluxia cried out.
"What the hell are you two on? He is so totally MAI-NN!" Demyx said in an awkwardly snobby voice.
"SILENCE!" Xemnas boomed, "Now then, dear Zexion," he moved in to kiss the younger man.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Three voices shrieked simultaneously, but one quickly became muffled as a pair of lips covered the poor guy's mouth.
Once Xemnas pulled away, sporting scratches and small bruises from the younger one's protests, Zexion screeched, "RAPE! RAPE!!! I'M SUING!"
"Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha! Victory is mine!" Xemnas struck a victory pose (OMG…frightening). Suddenly, he fell forward, unconscious. Marluxia showed up from behind the man with a (gasp) PIKO-PIKO HAMMER!()
()- Just in case you guys don't know what a Piko-Piko hammer is, it's a Japanese toy used mostly as comical relief in Manga/Anime. It's nothing more than a plastic hammer with sides that are made so that if you hit something, the rush of air will make a sound that vaguely resembles a "Piko!"
Xigbar just couldn't stand it anymore. His love (which made him a pedophile, but he didn't care. He survived watching Xehanort harass poor Ienzo relentlessly before, and if that isn't pedophilia, then, he didn't know what is) had forgotten him and was fighting tooth and nail with another guy over his co-worker! Who is wearing a dress!!! He needed a plan, a plan so great, so selfless…something to fix this mess.
"Fine then, Demyx. If you won't remember me, then I guess I'll just have to force you to!" He cackled Xemnas-style and grinned. He had a VERY good idea. Without looking at the signs, he grabbed an alcoholic drink and rushed it down his throat.
His plan will set everything (except maybe Xemnas) right.
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OMG! Chapter 2! Yes, things are getting a little heated here, isn't it? What is Xigbar planning? What happened to Vexen and Lexaeus? When will Roxas give in to Axel? What's with all these questions???
Review and find out!