The Things Drunken Nobodies Do
HopelesslyxXxLost
Grr…fingers hurt from stupid Keyboarding Class. Oh well, chappie 3! Whoo! As usual, thanks for the reviews that keep me alive!
Thanks to: Roxas4ever, VirtualLibertine, Vampiremist, and shinysilver-san tachi for the reviews! Here's your chapter!
Summary:Zexion was usually careful when it came to alcohols, but what happens when he makes a tiny little mistake? Absolute crack. Mainly MarZeku, but with other pairings.
Warning: Umm…my weird sense of humor, drunk actions, cross-dressing, yaoiness…odd pairings.
Pairings: (Oh boy) Marluxia/Zexion; one-sided (and temporary) Xemnas/Zexion and Demyx/Zexion; Akuroku; one-sided Saïx/Xemnas; Xigbar/Demyx; and some other random hintings I may of have dropped in here.
Disclaimer: Touch down turn around, don't think I own Kingdom Hearts, Anywhere or anymore, it is what I'm looking for, Touch down turn around, everything is safe and sound, Everywhere and every time, as long as you keep reading this!
P.S- Guess what I'm listening to right now! ;
BTW, Xigbar's brilliant idea was originally my friend's, used with her permission.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
Xigbar had a plan, and it was pretty. It shone with the brilliance of a million stars. It's bright rays caressed the puny Nobodies whose lives will forever be changed by it's awesome awesomeness…okay, getting too oddly wordy here. Anyways, Xigbar wanted his boyfriend's attention back, and knew the only way to do so was to break his heart.
Marluxia and Zexion were at their Shakespeare-style(), dramatic dialogues again.
()-Correct me if I'm wrong, I haven't gotten to Shakespeare yet.
"Zexy!"
"Marly!"
…and Demyx was busy trying to separate the two so he can keep Zexion for himself.
"Get away from my Emo Boy, Flower Girl!" He was literally drilling himself into the hugging couple in hopes of prying his beloved from the imposter (Marluxia is so totally NOT a guy. I swear, it's just a girl in disguise! Zexion deserves a real man, like ME!)
Despite the fact that he was the girl in his actual relationship, but we're not here to talk about that…
Xigbar used his awesome space-controlling skillz and dumped the three drunkards in front of him, effectively knocking them unconscious. He ran away to the nearby bathroom, for he absolutely refused to degrade himself to Marluxia-level, and came back in a priest's outfit.
By then, Marluxia had woken up and was desperately trying to wake Zexion up. Demyx lay in a forgotten crumple next to them.
"Ahem," he said in a voice, managing to suppress his surfur-dude-ish dialect(?). "You two are planning to be wed, yes?"
"Yes, sir!" Marluxia shouted instantly. Demyx stirred. Zexion nodded enthusiastically. The two stood and assumed their positions.
"Since this is the shortened version of a wedding (it's not even official) so let's get straight to the point. Oh, and don't worry about the rings. Do you, Zexion, swear to blah (I have no knowledge of weddings despite the fact that I attended two already) blah in health and in illness (or something like that)blah blah blah?"
"I do…" Zexion said, tears glistening in his eyes…er…eye. Demyx opened his eyes and sat up groggily.
Xigbar turned to Marluxia, "do you, Marluxia, swear to blah blah blah in health and in illness blah blah blah?"
"I…do," Marluxia looked into Zexion's eyes…er…eye, wiping away the stray tear that fell. Demyx got up with shock evident on his face. A person in a wedding dress + A person in a nice tux + a priest a wedding! That meant—
"You may now kiss the bride…groom….whatever," Xigbar finished proudly. The two happy soon-to-be-newly-weds began a slow-motion beginning to a passionate kiss. What's with these guys and moving in slow-motion?
"NNOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMONOOMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!?????!!!!" Demyx let out a heart wrenching and semi-gibberish scream (which is fun to try and say). The two got through the slow-motion and were now having a pretty heated makeout session. Xigbar grinned inwardly.
"My heart!" a loud shattering sound rang throughout the room. Demyx clutched his 'heart' and began to hyperventilate.
"HAA HOO HAA HOO HAA HOO HAA HOO…"
"KID! Calm down, easy," Xigbar rushed to Demyx's side, making sure he didn't kill the lovely and super-hot blonde with his plan. Once Demyx regained a controlled breathing, he leaned into the older man.
"Thanks, whoever you are…I guess Zexion never loved me…" he sobbed, and Xigbar silently did a 'Yes!' pose.
Let us leave the happy couples to make out with each other and head back to the violent side.
"You will never defeat me with those sissy attacks! You're merely throwing pebbles at me!" Vexen let out his high-pitched battle laughs, causing Luxord to cover his poor ears.
"MY POOR EARS!"
Lexaeus slammed the tomahawk down, causing a rumbling earthquake. Vexen giggled and leapt up into the air, whereupon he created a floating, icy platform to kneel on. He sent a blizzard of small ice shards towards the Silent Hero, who blocked the dangerous burst of wind with a large slab of earth he pulled out of the ground.
"I told Lexaeus to lay off Avatar: The Last Airbender," Saïx sighed, "He's been fighting like that one girl, Toph or something like that."
"…and you know about this…how?" Xaldin asked. Silence fell upon the three sane Nobodies, one of them close to being bumped off the list.
Saïx twitched, "because…BECAUSE AZULA IS FUCKING HOT, COMPRENDE!?" His eyes gave off an eerie yellow glow and his incisors grew long and pointy. His hair fluffed up as yellow aura surrounded him.
"…oh shit…"
Meanwhile…
"WHY IN THE NAME OF KINGDOM HEARTS AM I NOT GETTING DRUNK!?" Larxene sobbed as she downed her 10th soda. The poor, poor soul…
"I want my Ienzo plushie, mommy…" Xemnas mumbled in his sleep.
"Just one—"
"JUST GIVE IT UP, AXEL!"
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
Eh he, I am evil. It's New moon on the day I am typing this (January 18th) and I made Saïx go berserk! I have decided to take Marly and Zexy's marriage contract hostage, so if you don't review, their homophobic parents will come in and force a divorce on them!
I am seriously bored, so I am going to hold a contest of sorts. I will post a translation of a lyric at the end of each chapter, and if you get it right first, the next chapter will be dedicated to you! This is to test your knowledge of J-music and to practice my mad translating skillz. Sound fun? No? Oh well!
Challenge Numero Uno: Beginning with something easy…
This is a rhapsody to
The people who support me all the time
I hope this feeling of appreciation will reach you
So always, thank you. No really, thank you
Anywhere I may be at
I'll be thankful for your existence.
Good luck!