The day passes and Gaara is all around me. His face, plastered on televisions across the city, his name on everyone's lips, his voice, always present below the hum of voices, the words meaning nothing to me, as I only listen to the sound, wishing he was here, talking to me.
The man himself is nowhere to be found. At least, not for me.
Naruto insisted I take him on a tour of the city, so I kindly obliged, even though it drove me crazy, this city with Gaara on the brain, just like me, but with no sign of the real Gaara anywhere.
Now I'm lying in bed, back in my room. It's funny, that it's become my room, even though I still don't really like it, even though my cactus is gone.
It's funny.
The sun is setting outside, turning the room red. This is the most active time in Suna, when everyone comes out, when the heat is bearable, even to foreigners. But I'm staying inside tonight. I don't feel like talking to anyone. Well, there's one person…
It doesn't matter. That's what I tell myself again and again. I am nothing. Only a weapon. A weapon.
I never used to believe it. I never wanted it to be true. We used to fight against that notion, as children, Naruto most of all. We had to have meaning back then. There had to be something more to being a ninja than to be a tool, only useful as far as the government could use us.
I'm not sure how I feel anymore.
I bury my face in the pillows and burrow under the blankets, despite the heat. It's safe under here, in the dark.
Who am I kidding? Nowhere is safe. Not anymore.
I find myself wishing that Gaara would visit me again, if only to ask another favor of me. I almost wish that there was more trouble, because that might bring us together again. What is there to bring us together now?
I peek out from under the blankets when someone knocks on the door. Outside, in the hallway. Could it be him?
I get up, holding the blankets around me and walk to the door.
"Yes? Who is it?" I call through the door.
"It's me, Watanabe."
At the sound of Watanabe voice my heart drops. But I shake myself off, telling myself I'm being stupid. Of course it would be Watanabe. Who else would be knocking at the door? Naruto and Temari would just walk in, and Luo will never be knocking at my door again, and Gaara…
"Aren't you coming to supper?" Watanabe asks.
"No thanks. I'm not feeling well." I answer. It's not really lying right? After all, I do feel crappy, even if it's not an actual physical sickness.
"Oh ok. Well, I hope you feel better soon. Bye." he says, sounding almost timid. There's no sound of footsteps retreating outside, but I know he's gone, and I return to bed. If I could just sleep, then at least time would pass without my noticing.
"Thank you Sakura. You have done well."
I look up to find the woman standing in my room. When she smiles at me I realize that she is really the most beautiful creature alive.
"Where's your daughter?" I ask, pushing myself up onto my elbow.
She doesn't stop smiling, she just points up. I look up to see what she's pointing at and see the ceiling is gone, and she is pointing at the sky, and gathering clouds.
I wake up to hear a very unusual noise.
Thunder.
I get up and go to the window. It's dark outside by now, but I can still make out the clouds in the sky, and the people in the street. They're holding each other and cheering, and singing. Parents hold children on their shoulders so they can be closer to the sky, while others dance in the streets. Some people are even weeping, reaching their hands towards the sky.
It's raining.
The skies have finally opened up and shown some pity on the people down below. And I think I know why.
The rain falls in sheets, soaking people to the skin within seconds, falling as though there is no tomorrow, as though to make up for all the months of drought.
I stand on the balcony, so I can stand under the rain too. Soon I'm soaked through and freezing. I can't just stand here, but where will I go? There's only one person I want to see.
There's a feeling in my stomach, almost the same as the one I felt days ago, when looking for the child in the desert. I know where to go.
I leap from my balcony to the nearest rooftop, over the heads of the rejoicing people below, and nearly slip on my landing, only saved by my quick reaction and a little help from chakra. Then I'm on my way, out across rooftops, over heads that may be looking up, but can barely see me through the rain.
The rain makes tinny noises, falling on the roofs around me. The downpour is so strong that I can't even make out the individual drops, only a constant noise.
And then I'm out of the city, running across sands. The sound out here is different, much quieter, sort of mellow.
That's where I find him, in the middle of nowhere. He's just standing there, under the downpour. He doesn't look up the sky, as everyone else did. He doesn't look especially happy, he just looks like himself. Like Gaara.
He looks up as I approach. "It's her isn't it?" he asks, and I know exactly who he means. I like that we have something in common, something that no one else would understand like this.
I nod, and step closer to him. I wish I had brought an umbrella or something. I'd like to stand under an umbrella with him.
What a silly girl I am. I never realized how childish I could be until this moment. And now I don't know what to say.
"You look like a drowned rat." Gaara says, surprising me out of my romantic imaginings. "A pink wet rat."
"Well you don't look much better." I retort. "Red isn't much more flattering on a rat than pink. Shades of the same colour, you know."
He smiles, and I step closer again. All that stands between us is a wall of rain. I can break through that, can't I?
"So what are you doing out here? The party's in town." I say casually. Or at least in what I hope is a casual tone. I don't know how to steer the conversation around to the fact that I love him.
"I don't feel like partying." He says, reminding me that his brother just tried to kill him, and start a rebellion to overthrow his government. And here I am, worrying about a stupid little thing like my feelings.
"I'm sorry Gaara."
He looks at me with that look of his that makes me feel like he's looking right through me, that he can see every little part of me, all my thoughts. It makes me feel naked.
"Why would you be sorry?" he asks, the obvious question. But while I'm still thinking about Kankuro, he's moved on. "It's finally raining after months of drought. The people are safe. 'The good guys have won,' right?" He says, and looks down. "You can go home." He mumbles.
Home. He means Konoha. He's thinking of my house, my apartment where I used to live. He means that city of rains and green, of traffic, billboards. That city of lights.
But what about this city?
I never meant for it to happen, but I've fallen in love with this city too, where the lights aren't quite so bright, the people not quite so loud. Where the sun shines so brightly everyone stays inside. This city where it hardly ever rains, but when it does, the people have a party in the streets.
I never meant for it to happen, but that ugly, plant-less room I was given, even without the cactus, that room is home to me just as much as my room in Konoha.
Just like how I never meant to fall in love with him.
"Gaara." He looks up as I say his name. It comes out of me almost unwillingly, without thought. And I start to ramble. I don't know what it is about him that makes me babble on like I do. "When I first came here, to Suna, I didn't like it. It was far from home and unfamiliar and too hot. I thought at first that it was such an unfriendly city, a lonely city. I didn't like how dim the lights were, because the lights in Konoha are always so bright. I loved bright lights because bright lights are what I was used to. You understand?" I look to him, but he's staring at me with a blank look on his face. "No, I guess I'm not making much sense am I? I don't know what I'm trying to say exactly… I guess, when I first came, I didn't like the desert. I was afraid of the desert; I thought it would kill me, given the chance." I know I'm just repeating myself, but I keep going anyway. "But now…" I hold my hand out to Gaara, half hoping he'll take it, but he doesn't move, and I drop my hand back to my side. "Now I love the desert."
He is silent. I stare at my feet, wishing he understood.
"I wish I had brought an umbrella." I mumble.
And he gives me one. An umbrella of sand forms up from the ground, and covers our heads. I look up at him and smile, mumble thanks.
He takes my hand. "Sorry," he murmurs, "I didn't realize what you wanted at first."
Our hands are cold and wet, and it's hardly romantic, I guess, but I don't care. Someone else, looking at us from the outside would think it silly, but I'm happy. I can't stop smiling.
"I'm glad you love the desert." He says. "And I'm sorry you lost your cactus."