Here I am, one last time, in a small room with a half naked Kazekage.

But wouldn't it be nice if it wasn't the last time? If we could be in this situation some other time, in different circumstances that weren't so… clinical?

"You let her rope you into work on your last day in town?" Gaara asked as soon as I walked in the door. I just sighed and bowed my head under the pathetic truth of it; I'm a big sucker.

I set about getting everything ready and sterilized, and he said, quietly, more to himself than to me, I think, "I'm glad."

I do all the usual check up actions almost mechanically, glad that my body is so used to the actions that it's pretty much automatic because my brain is definitely not thinking about the check up. Well, not the medical part anyway.

"Tell me…" he says, while I'm checking his blood pressure, and I immediately focus in, ready to tell him anything. I would do that; I'm that hopeless when it comes to men. "What was it like, when you were dead?"

I pause for a moment before answering, wondering if I should tell him the truth or the convenient lie I came up with for these situations: 'It's like nothing.' But somehow it feels wrong to lie to him about this, like a sort of betrayal, and I know he's had too much of those lately, so I tell him the truth.

"It was really quiet at first, but then I started to hear voices. I recognized them, because they were all friends, loved ones. They were all dead. I thought at first that I was dreaming, but when I could feel their touch, I knew that I was just like them. And they were so happy to see me, it didn't matter that I was dead because I was just so glad to be with them again. I was so… happy." I turn to the counter and quickly wipe away the little tears gathering at the corners of my eyes. I'm glad Gaara's back is turned to me right now. "Stupid, to be so happy to be dead."

Gaara is silent a long time before answering. "I'm not so sure. If it's like that, then I would be happy to die too, if I knew that there was someone who loved me, who would be waiting for me. But as it is…" He doesn't finish his sentence. He doesn't have to. I know what he's thinking. 'There is no one.' I wonder what dying must have been like for him then, to be able to think such things.

"Gaara." I say, almost surprised when he actually looks up at me. "When you told me I shouldn't wish for death – you were right." As I say this, I'm holding a needle to the inside of his elbow, getting ready to stick it in for a blood sample. Somehow, this actually makes me feel more comfortable; how messed up is that? "But…"

We both watch in silence as the small glass tube fills up with dark red liquid – his blood. When it's full I pull the needle out and place the blood sample in another container.

"But?" He asks, swiveling his body around on the table to follow my movements.

I shrug. I'm trying to act as casually as possible, as if this isn't a big deal for me – because it shouldn't be. Really it means nothing, right? "But if I was to die, and I'm not saying that I'm hoping for it, but if it happened…" I take a deep breath, steadying myself. "Then there would be at least one person waiting for you on the other side. So you wouldn't have to be… sad." Oy. What a lame ending to what I had hoped would be the speech to make him fall madly in love with me. He would be so charmed by my thoughtfulness, and realize just how much I love him and stand up, and take me in his arms and kiss me…

"But I would be sad." He says instead. My daydream falls into pieces like so many bits of glass in my mind. It hurts. "I would be sad if you died Sakura."

I guess that's as good as I'm going to get out of him. Expecting anything more was silly really. My fantasy went up against his real character – and lost miserably.

I pull out my stethoscope and put it into my ears. This is my favorite part of the check up, when I have a perfectly good excuse to get up close to Gaara. It's quite natural that while holding a stethoscope to his chest my hand would rest on his skin there. I'm just holding the stethoscope in place.

How did I fall so low? To use such childish techniques just to touch Gaara's skin? I'm quite ashamed of myself.

But too content at the moment to really think about it. Listening to Gaara's heart beat soothes me, almost puts me to sleep.

"Sakura?"

Gaara's voice jolts me back to reality. I realize I've just been standing here, with my hand pressed to his back, listening to his heartbeat for who knows how long.

"I, uh, thought I heard an irregularity for a second there," I stutter, making up some lame ass excuse for my behavior. "But it must have been a mistake. My own heartbeat maybe – you know how hard it can be to tune it out sometimes."

I turn back to the counter to put my stethoscope away and try not to sigh too loudly at my stupidity. Why do I always come off as such an idiot in front of the men I really like?

I pick up the clipboard I've been making notes on (it's a wonder that they actually sound like legitimate medical notes, not some girly fawning, I was so tempted to just fill out this sheet with how sexy he looks without a shirt on) and walk around the table until I'm facing Gaara.

"You can put your shirt back on." I tell him reluctantly. "I'm done."

As he pulls his shirt on I look over the notes I've made. This is really just a way for me to extend this time with him; we both know he's perfectly healthy. Forget that; he's perfect, period.

"I'd say you're as healthy as a horse, but that's a cliché, and I hate clichés so…"

Gaara grabs my hand, and holds it, stares at it. "Do you really mean it when you say you'd be there waiting for me after death?" He holds my hand so tight, like he's afraid I'll pull it away.

"Of course I mean it." I answer, still, though hardly successfully, trying to sound casual. "Unless of course, you die before me. But judging from this physical I just did, that's not likely to happen." He doesn't respond, he just stares at my hand, and even just the top of his head makes me feel so sympathetic that I go on. "I suppose we could always just arrange it so that we die at the same time, and avoid the whole waiting bit. It would save a lot of fuss."

He looks up into my eyes then, with a look so hopeful and sad at the same time that I nearly burst into tears for him. "Really? You would do that?"

"Sure. Anything for you…" Anything for you love. That's what I want to say, but the last word just won't unstick itself from my throat. It doesn't matter; that little is enough for Gaara. He smiles more brightly than I've ever seen him smile, tearing my heart in two, without ever knowing it.

I lean down and put my head on top of his and my arms around his shoulders. He in return wraps his arms around my waist and pushes his face into my collarbone.

And it just fits. How can I be leaving tomorrow, when I finally know that I have a chance? How can I leave when I've found something here that fits so perfectly?

Haha, no kiss. I'm afraid every place I tried to stick it in was just too... stupid sounding. Oh well, maybe later.