I finally made it… here's the final chapter. I have to admit, I cried a little while I was writing this, not only because this is the end of this story, but also because of what it's about. I hope you all like it and appreciate its meaning… I enjoyed writing Lost without each other and I'm glad you all read and loved it. Thanks to everyone!
Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.
22 – The Memorial
"Explain then. I'll listen." I sat at the kitchen table and managed to look calm and collected, when I really was almost shaking. I was feeling a rush of emotions run through my body…
"It's…" Sodapop bit his lip. "I didn't want you to know… I didn't want you to worry, but they're not what you think." He sat in front of me. "You've always wanted me to go see some psychologist or somethin'…"
I didn't understand what that had to do with the pills. "So what?"
"I finally did, some months ago. I just never told you. He gave some pills to fight depression and anxiety." Soda showed me the small box which read Xanax. "I've been doing a lot better since I've started with those. It ain't been easy, lying to you, but I didn't want you to think I needed these, 'cause with time I'll be able to drop all medications. Doctor told me so."
I was suddenly feeling horrible. "Oh God, I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have accused you… oh God." I repeated. "I'm awful."
"No you ain't, you couldn't know. Everyone would've thought the same thing."
"But I'm not everyone, I'm your wife! I know you better than that." I reached out and hugged him. "Forgive me."
"There's nothing to forgive. And now… you're probably thinking I'm weak and that's what I never wanted you to think." He looked disappointed.
"How could I think that, after all you've gone through? Seriously, Soda, you've dealt with a hell of a lot more than most people do in a lifetime… I admire you more than anyone else I know. You're my fortress. And now let's just pretend this… scene… didn't happen because I feel so stupid."
Soda grinned. "Sure thing."
"Look, are you really feeling fine now? I mean taking the pills and… after talking to a psychologist… are you sure everything's alright? If not, you have to tell me, I don't want you to keep things from me, I'm-"
"Sybil, I'm doing great! I know it's kinda confusing but… about the pills… I didn't want to tell you 'cause I wanted to make it on my own. It wasn't a big deal, they're just some help. But the amount of help you and Jesse James give me everyday is far bigger than this one." He said. "And I don't want you to think otherwise."
I smiled. I knew everything he was saying was true and it made me feel relieved.
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8 years later
November 12, 1982"Sodapop, we're going to miss the flight!"
"I'm coming!"
I looked around the house trying to make sure everything was in its place.
My brother was contently sitting near the fireplace, reading the newspaper, and Jesse James was reading a comic book. He read a lot for a nine year old, Soda said he definitely didn't take after him. "Lewis, do you remember-"
He interrupted me: "I know where everything is, I know exactly what to do, don't worry. I'm the best baby-sitter in the whole wide world."
I smiled, because he really was. Since he had moved back to Tulsa, three years before, Lewis often spent time with us. Being single and with no children, it was inevitable. And his nephews loved him…
"Here we are!" Sodapop came running downstairs, with our seven-year-old son Valentine on his back. "I'm ready!"
"And they say women are always late." I joked. "Come here, Val." I kissed our child. "Be a good boy and do whatever uncle Lewis says, okay?"
Valentine looked at me sadly. "Do you really have to go?" He had Sodapop's warm brown eyes, but he looked more like me. The miserable look he had on his face at the moment was making me feel awful for leaving for two days, but Soda and I couldn't do otherwise. "Dad and I will be back in two days, you'll have so much fun with uncle Lewis you won't even notice we're away." I tried to reassure him.
"Yeah, we'll bring you presents." Sodapop promised as he kissed Jesse James. "You two get along, alright? Don't drive uncle mad."
Jesse James grinned, showing that smile that was so much like Soda's. "We always get along!" he exclaimed. He was right, he and Valentine never got into fights, and when they did, they usually held a grudge for less than five minutes. Soda always said they reminded him so much of him and Ponyboy.
After other hugs and kisses Soda and I left. As he drove, I stared at him. He had celebrated his 34th birthday a month before, but to me he still looked the same eighteen year old boy I had met that day, many years before, when I'd stopped at the DX station where he was working. He was always the same, despite the sadness that from time to time appeared in his eyes, on some particular days.
Today was one of those days. "Are you nervous?"
"A little." He admitted. "I'm glad you're with me."
"I'm glad we're together."
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Hours later, we had arrived in Washington D.C. Two-Bit, Josh and Sophie had gotten there a day before and they were all waiting for us in the hotel where we were staying for the night. "Hey, how was your flight?" Sophie asked me.
"It would've been better if the stewardess hadn't flirted with Sodapop all the time." I remarked.
Two-Bit laughed. "Well, what's new. Soda, Josh and I met Harry Mansfield, you remember him?"
"Of course I do! How is he?"
Josh looked sad. "He's in a wheelchair."
"Oh…"
I looked at Sophie. "Why don't we go outside? It's a beautiful day… and I might find some toy for Jesse James and Valentine." I said. "So you guys can be freed from our presence for a couple of hours." I joked.
"Be careful and don't be late." Soda warned me.
"Yeah, don't worry." I kissed him goodbye and Sophie did the same with Josh, then we left the hotel.
Sophie and I were silent that afternoon. We were both feeling anxious, I guess, for the following day, but we didn't really know why. We were waiting for something, but Soda, Josh and Two-Bit were expecting something. And like them, hundreds of other veterans of war.
I'd never forget that day, November 13 1982. It started with a march to the site of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial site by thousands of people and for me it was the most moving experience of my life. Hearing the ex soldiers speeches, seeing them all, so different and yet so similar, affected me deeply.
I couldn't help but stare at Sodapop's uniform. He was wearing it for the occasion, like most of the other veterans there. He'd been eighteen-going-on-nineteen when he had worn it first, but it still fit him well. And watching him, I realized how lucky I was, because that day, all around me, I could see dozens of mutilated people, who carried the signs of the war on their bodies as well as inside.
It was a very long day. As Soda and I walked in front of the Memorial, I couldn't help but weep a little. All those names inscribed on the stone, the names of the ones who died or went missing in action, were so many. Too many. 58,249 and maybe there were still others…
We were reaching one of the ends of the stone walls when I took Soda's hand and squeezed it. He was crying. "There are too many." He said. "I can't believe the madness that caused all of this."
Near to us, many people were having the same reactions. Crying, disbelievingly. Watching. Suffering.
"But it's over." Sodapop tried to smile. "It's finally over. I can feel the difference. Today just…ended something. I can move on now."
"I'm glad you can." I hugged him.
We walked away from the Memorial. His arm rested on my shoulders and we were looking around, to make sure we wouldn't forget what we saw that day. It had taken a long time, but it was truly over now.
"I miss our boys." Sodapop whispered. "Let's go home."
I nodded. "I love you, Soda."
"I love you too, Sybil."