Chapter 2 – I'll Stand By You

Take me into your darkest hour, and I'll never desert you.

The drive to Stars Hollow wasn't particularly long, but Rory's impatience and longing for home caused time to feel as thought it was were barely moving at all. Roughly pressing her foot on the gas, Rory watched as the speedometer satisfactorily jumped up.

She fiddled with the radio in a desperate attempt to block her mind from Jess's words; even now, they quietly resonated in the back of her mind. "This isn't you…"

She finally settled on a station playing an old Metallica song, somehow feeling closer to Jess in the process. I wonder how he is doing in Philly, she casually thought.

However, she quickly banished Jess from her thoughts again, deeply unsettled by how easily he seemed to creep up in even the most innocuous of moments. And how concerned she was about his overall existence. When had that happened? she wondered.

While the uneasiness she had experienced in the apartment hadn't quite faded, Rory knew it was lessening with every mile closer the car brought her to Stars Hollow and her mom. She wasn't expecting her hometown or mother to work miracles, but she secretly knew that even just talking to her mom about nothing at all would make this strange feeling in the pit of her stomach vanish. Just sitting in Luke's diner, drinking coffee, and finally feeling comfortable in her skin would do the trick.

Rory glanced at a passing freeway sign and realized she had at least another hour to go. Sighing, she focused her thoughts on Logan and how much she missed him already. Sometimes, Rory reflected, I really think that Logan is the complete opposite of me. At least, the real me.

Where Logan was self-assured, confident, and effortlessly smart, Rory had been shy and studious. In fact, Logan operated in a world that for a long time, Rory had adamantly rejected. But the more time she had spent with Logan, the more he had brought her in. The strange part was how quickly and subtly she had changed under his guidance. Both little and big things, like the way she dressed or the way she treated other people, had undergone serious transformations as she and Logan become casual daters and eventually lovers.

Well, that's all going to change now, Rory silently vowed. This summer is all about rediscovering me. The real me. Heartened by her voiceless promise, Rory pressed her foot to the gas once more so that she could return to the only place she knew her rediscovery could begin.

Forty-five minutes later, Rory pulled in front of her long time home. Retrieving her purse and slinging it around her shoulder, she quickly moved out of the car.

At this moment, her mother stepped out on porch, and Rory was suddenly struck by that feeling of uneasiness once more; however, this time she knew it had nothing to do with herself or Logan. Even from afar, Rory could tell that all was not well with Lorelai.

In a strange way, Rory welcomed whatever drama Stars Hollow had managed to whip up; she welcomed anything that would take her mind off her sadness at Logan's departure and those lingering feelings of self-doubt. And those distressing words Jess had spoken. Anything that distracted her from his words that made her feel as though she was slipping through the cracks.

"Rory!" Her mother cried, shaking Rory out of her momentary reverie.

"Mom!" Rory responded, rushing forward.

The two raced towards each other with open arms, meeting in the middle of the yard in a desperate, clingy embrace. They hugged for several minutes, both feeling as if the other were a lifeboat that they had to frantically cling on to in order to survive. Rory couldn't help but feel as though the analogy, given the situation, was apt.

Rory pulled away first, smiling in a relieved and fond sort of way, only to see Lorelai's red eyes, rapid tears, and a deeply unsettling frown. It was only then that Rory also noticed her mother's poor posture, frumpy clothing, and pale skin. "Mom?" Rory softly questioned, staring at Lorelai.

Lorelai looked down at her daughter, pasted a brave smile on her face, and said, "Come on, kiddo. I've made some coffee." The two wrapped their arms around each other's waists and slowly headed inside the house. Smiling at her mother, Rory knew, come what may, she was finally home.

"Rory, I have to tell you something and I need you to remain calm," Lorelai said hesitantly ten minutes later, after the girls had settled in the living room with large mugs of coffee.

Rory sipped some of her coffee and nodded at her mother; she knew that something had been bothering Lorelai but had been reluctant to bring it up first.

"Well, last night… Luke and I had a fight. A huge fight. The fight to end all fights. A fight that probably topped all of the fights between Brad and Jen when they broke up. And after this huge, colossal fight, I made a really big mistake." Lorelai paused, tears welling up in her eyes as she recalled how foolish she had been. "I went to Luke after dinner at my parents and I asked, well really, demanded, him to elope with me."

"What happened next?" Rory quietly asked, her eyes widening slightly with shock.

A few tears coursed down Lorelai's face as she said, "I gave Luke, the love of my life, the Ricky to my Lucy, the Jack to my Rose, an ultimatum. I told him I wasn't going to wait anymore and that it was now or never."

Rory unintentionally gasped at her mother's confession. "But Luke… Luke hates ultimatums."

"I know, I know, don't you think I don't know what Luke likes or doesn't like? I love him! I was just so caught up in wanting to be married, wanting to be married to him, and I was so sick of waiting for him to work things out, so sick of working around April. I just couldn't handle it anymore."

Rory set her coffee mug on the nearby table, her face sympathetic. Covering Lorelai's hand with her own, Rory nodded at her mother's words before speaking in soothing tones. "I know this whole April situation was really hard for you, and Luke definitely needs to make some changes. But really, this is nothing; you two can work though this."

In the smallest voice possible, Lorelai replied, "There's more."

"Oh?" Rory asked hesitantly; in her experience, more was never good.

"I was so hurt by Luke's refusal to elope with me that I went to the only person I knew I could count on. I went to Boston, to Christopher, and… and I slept with him, Ror. I didn't mean to, but somehow I did, and now I can't take it back, and now I can't ask Luke to take me back, because I could never tell him because I know it would devastate him more than I can ever imagine. And more than anything, I never, ever want to hurt Luke again."

Unconsciously, Rory retracted her hand with a horrified look on her face. "Mom, you didn't. You couldn't! How could you do that to Luke? It was a fight! Couples fight all the time!" Rory leaped off the couch in fury, suddenly disgusted with the person sitting in front of her. "Why didn't you come to me? How could have you done this? To me! To Luke! To yourself!"

"Don't you think I don't know? I've ruined it, Rory. Luke was it, he was my soulmate, and now I've completely and utterly ruined everything between us!" Lorelai began shouting, more tears pouring down her face. "There's no happily ever after ending any more! The hooker princess isn't going to end up with the rich prince! The hooker is actually going to end up alone, forever, unmarried because she ruined her chance with the prince, the only real man she could ever love!"

The sadness of Lorelai's words flew through Rory's ears and settled in her stomach, and she suddenly felt more exhausted than she ever had in her life. Her fury, which has been so close to the edge only a moment ago, had dissipated quickly, like air let out of a balloon.

She slowly walked towards her mother, took the coffee mug that was teetering in Lorelai's shaking hands, and placed it on the end table next to her own. She then climbed back onto the couch and enveloped her mother in a large, silent hug. Lorelai hugged her tightly back, and Rory knew that more than ever, her mother needed her.