Chapter 3 – I Ain't Missing You At All

Since you've been gone.

The following morning, Rory woke up before her mother. She lay still and silent for a few moments, letting last night's events catch up with her. What time it is? she wondered as she shifted to glance to Lorelai and the alarm clock. Ha, still fast asleep. And it's 1 o'clock already?

Rory and Lorelai had stayed up all night revealing secrets and talking about the issues that had been troubling their relationship for some time. Rory hadn't realized it until they'd started talking, but she and Lorelai hadn't really shared a good conversation in a long time. She also realized that this confessional episode with her mother had been the perfect start to her vow of rediscovery. Who knew her and who she was meant to be better than her mother?

They'd talked about everyone and everything, really. Lorelai ranted at great length regarding the men in her life: Christopher, Max, and Luke. She expressed her fear of never being married, especially now that she had ruined her chance with Luke, the only person she wanted to marry. Rory had comforted her, and they discussed the loves of Rory's life too, examining the different types of relationships Rory had shared with Dean, Jess, and Logan. They'd spoken of previous hopes and current dreams, each assuring the other that things would eventually work out. They wondered about the future, creating ridiculous scenarios as options for what the future might bring.

However, the best part for Rory as they laid in the dark, swapping stories, was listening to her mother talk. Rory reveled in her mother's rapid, pop-culture reference ridden style of speaking. It was like their own private language that connected them to one another beyond the confines of just mother and daughter. And something about it is so distinctly Mom, Rory silently reflected. But Rory knew a small part of it was her too; this was the way she had learned to communicate, the way she spoke to Lane, to Logan, and other people she encountered.

To Rory, the entire experience was cathartic. Not only did she receive advice from someone whose wisdom she greatly valued, but Rory finally got things off her chest that had been bothering her for a long time. She almost wished that the two of them had done this sooner; Rory couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so close to her mother.

At some point during the shared confessions, Lorelai had admitted that sometimes she didn't recognize Rory anymore. She mentioned her books, clothing, and habits, citing them as examples of just how much her daughter had changed. "You don't dress anything like you used to; I feel like I sent Farm Rebecca to college and instead of blonde, butterfly tattooed Rebecca who befriended Pauly Shore, I got Emily Gilmore circa 1973."

Hearing Lorelai acknowledge the problem that had been gnawing at Rory for so long nearly broke her heart. But, in spite of the pain, Rory's heart also felt lighter than it had in a long time. Lorelai's words—Jess's words too, she thought—sealed her commitment to rediscovering herself. This summer is my time, she declared hopefully.

But first things first, she thought with a smile. No Gilmore could engage on a life-changing journey without some means of sustenance. She silently made her way down to the kitchen to retrieve a pad and writing utensil.

Five minutes later, Rory had left a loving note on the pillow next to Lorelai and was making her way toward the diner, uncertain of what was going to happen next. Once she was standing in front of the diner, Rory realized that her nerves, which had only been a small bundle when she'd set off from her house, had multiplied into a serious case of cramps. Oh c'mon, it's Luke! her minded shouted reasonably. However, the voice couldn't seem to force her feet to move toward the diner door.

Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately, she later reflected), Rory found that forcing her feet into the diner was unnecessary as the door swung forward, revealing Luke.

Rory stifled a horrified gasp; Luke looked more terrible than she could have ever imagined. His skin was deathly pale and even though only a few days had passed, Luke looked as though he'd lost some weight, particularly in his cheeks. He also seemed strangely unkempt; his clothes were rumpled in a fashion that suggested he'd been wearing them for a few days. His usual frown was absent. Instead, his expression seemed devoid of all emotion. As Rory inspected him, she realized that he held the look of someone who has not slept in a very long time. However, what frightened Rory most were his eyes: they were bright red and yet looked lifeless, as if the fire that had often lit them was gone forever.

"Rory," Luke said, the surprise evident in his gruff voice. He looked so heartbroken that Rory suppressed the urge to rush forward and hug him. "How are you?"

"Luke. I'-, I'm good. It's good to be home. How are you?" She replied a low, sympathetic voice.

Luke opened his mouth to form a reply but was interrupted by another person exiting the diner.

Only one word registered in Rory's brain as she stared at the person in shock: Jess.

Jess Mariano was back in town.