Alrighty for the sake of warning, we got some good news and some bad news. Okay first the bad news is that Jump City is officially, absolutely, and positively bonkers. Now secondly the good news is… well… um… huh…
I just saved a butt load of money on my car insurance by switching to Geiko! Ain't that awesome?
CRASH!
Now that, my friends, is the bountiful sound of two cars slamming into one another at a nice calm speed of 80 miles per hour! Which should be expected. But the way those red eyed civilians were thrashing on one another soon afterwards wasn't. Talk about road rage! Though even then this scuffle was as relatively minor as can be, after seeing how the rest of the city was fairing of course.
Jump City was now Blood's canvas. And he and Toxin were original Picassos.
There was a war going on. And in this war, the lines of good and evil were more blurred than a cruddy dubbed anime that you've recorded on a cheap VCR and tape for a friend. Citizens were fighting citizens. Heroes were thrashing heroes. Villains were beating on villains. Where are your saviors when you need them?
In all fairness even Venom wouldn't have been a bad option right now.
(Cue Scooby Dooby Doo theme!)
Come on Venny Poo! Where are you? We've got some butt to whoop now!
Where were our heroes? Sleeping on the job? Getting some R and R? Nope! In fact they were totally hands on at the moment. But in that fact there lays the biggest problem of all.
"Gyah!" Emerald eye beams slashed a building literally in half, Starfire not showing this kind of rage since Robin was forced on that date with Kitten.
The starbolts and energy blasts continued to rain down from the skies above, Starfire's little green target scurrying off like the little speed devil he was. Beast Boy made a living on frustrating his enemies, and as the emerald cheetah of a boy darted into the safe haven of a few trucks and cars he was doing exactly that.
"Come on Starfire, is that the best you got?" Beast Boy snickered toothily in his human form, the kid's face looking as evil as can be. (Not very evil obviously)
Starfire's eyes glowed in frustration, righteous fury pumping through her veins. "Come out from hiding you… you… you… Zabblegorf!"
"Oh boohoo," Beast Boy laughed. "Don't cry your heart out just because you want me!"
"It is I who wants you? Hah!" Starfire's opened palm was glowing an intense green. "We Tamaraneans are a warrior race! I would never fall for what you are. And you are what you Earthlings call the wimp!"
"A wimp? Are you-Whoa!" The truck Beast Boy was behind suddenly ignited into flames, the explosion sending him rolling across the ground like a green rubber ball. Spinning and shattering into a dazed glare inside a Starbucks coffee shop, BB quickly found himself with a purple boot on his neck.
"Say good night 'friend'!" Starfire beamed evilly down with those sharpened teeth, threatening to crush her teammate's throat. BB shook out of his daze, gagging a bit only to look up confidently.
"No, I think I'll say screw you Tinkerbell!"
The feeling of Beast Boy's crushing grip on Starfire's ankle made her yelp a bit, the alien surprised by her young teammate's strength. The changeling's laughs turned into growls, his face elongating, his green skin sprouting fur. Soon he was about twice the size of his alien comrade, having Starfire by her ankle that now seemed like only a twig.
"Eeeeek!" Starfire grimaced at the strain on her ankle, only to angrily rear back, preparing to fire a Starbolt against Beast Boy's chest. The werebeast didn't even hesitate, leaping into the air sidestepping the blast, hurling poor Koriand'r through a concrete wall and straight through it bowling ball style.
The emerald beast let out a yell to the moon, roaring at other civilians who obviously made haste like Tokyoites did for an invading Godzilla!
That is except for one person.
"Wowzers sooo cool." Beast Boy heard that cocky voice from outside along with mocking claps.
"Really BB, good work! Werewolf transformation totally original." Spider-Man sighed, playfully tapping his finger on his head. "But here's an idea for a next transformation! Why not morph into something that can tell a good joke for a change?"
RAAWR!
"Sheesh, a little criticism and they go A-wall."
Beast Boy roared, launching his claws towards this overly snug Spider-Man in a primal fury. Peter Parker just swayed in the wind a bit before initiating into his super uber counter attack. As the werebeast came, almost in a flash, BB found his grotesque head rammed into a brick wall. A taunting Spidey turned, to the glass of a nearby store, glaring at the reflection of Beast Boy trying to pry his head out.
"Mirror mirror on ze wall, who looks like an ass and is about eight feet tall?" Spider-Man sang looking at Beast Boy who finally got his head out of that trap. "Well what do ya know Beast Bum? It's you!"
Beast Boy just growled again as he broke free, the primal monster screaming out as he charged recklessly. Those jaws opened, spit spewing out, total disgusting imagery firing on all cylinders. But once again this Spider-Man didn't even flinch, a confident smile appearing, as he suddenly drove his fist into Beast Boy's chin.
"Just like I took care of Robin," The gray strands of web entwined around the changelings legs, BB crashing down against the pavement in a whiplash. "It's lights out punk!"
Boom! It was clear that the primal beast was knocked out. And while BB reverted back to his normal form Spidey dusted off his hands. "Now who else wants-"
SPIDER SENSE!
Spider-Man gasped suddenly backflipping onto a wall as a few projectiles whizzed by his head. The arachnoid turned, noticing that ninja stars were now jammed into the wall. They were in the shape 'x's, being such a close call that Spidey just had to feel at his face to make sure it was still there.
"And who the heck are you supposed to be?"
The black clad being who attacked sat upon the lamp post staring down with pupiless eyes. A laugh started to echo as Spider-Man just stared stupidly.
"Whoa Robin?" Spider-Man mused. "I thought you did the smart thing and ran away. Overestimated smart ol' Robbie's instincts apparently."
"Nah," Robin thinned his masked eyes. "I just took your advice and ditched the old uniform." He admired his suit as his tattered cape blew in the weak winds. "I was more of a dark suit kind of guy anyway."
"Riiiight," Spider-Man brushed off this new suit like it was yesterday's news. "So you think just because you've got some new black suit that you're suddenly any tougher?" the boy blinked. "Wait… why does this sound so familiar… ugh… oh yeah…"
"This isn't just for the look." A mask was suddenly adorned, a skull with a crimson X carved into one of the eye slits. "And the name isn't Robin… it's Red X…"
"Red X?" Spider-Man shook his hands mockingly. "Oooh, I'm so scared."
"You shouldn't be. I promise you won't feel a thing." X just smirked making a countdown signal with his fingers.
Uh oh…
"Spider soup anyone?"
And now those red stars began to glow brightly.
I think I better move…
KAAAAAABLOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
- ! -
Pizza Palace. A place where the Teen Titans were often found munching down on the most delectable of pizza pie on numerous occasions. If one were to see that rotten hallow refrigerator of theirs then no questions really would be asked. But right now wasn't pizza time. It was more like survival time!
A groan whisked out of an alleyway, Raven holding her head as she was leaning up against the wall. Her memory seemed to take a hit as she could only piece together some images here and there.
Let's see. First her friends went ballistic. Then her mind felt like it was being torn apart. Then she fled wildly blindly probably bumping her noggin at a few places. And oh yea, Brother Blood was now a teenage psychopath that was even uglier than Carnage and Venom put together. Fun!
"Oh no," Raven gasped, eyeing the end of the alleyway, seeing herds of civilians wailing on one another. She clutched her head as she remembered how much telepathic and empathic muscle it took to resist that shot of aggression Blood and his symbiote were unleashing. Brother Blood was great at playing tricks on the mind. The symbiote only amplified and made those powers more extreme.
Raven could see the red energies in the air – the violence and the anger being poured out into the streets like fruit punch on a glass table.
"I've got to do something." Sneaking out of the alley against the wall seemed like the best action. Everyone in the city was literally hell bent on aggression after all
"Get her!" She heard them scream.
I swore stealth was usually my thing. Raven thought as she prepared to rock that Azarath chant only to pause.
"I can't hurt them." She realized, backing up as she levitated objects in the form of crates to use as a barricade. She turned once she finished, only making a violent contact cheek to cheek with a certain someone.
"Oof!" Raven fell on her rear, glancing up to see pink eyes staring right at her.
"Oowie…"
"Stay back!" Raven growled, her hands being in a position to cast a spell.
"Gah!" Jinx flipped up from her fallen position ready to fight back. "No! You stay back you-… you… w-wait, are you giving me a warning?"
"What else does it sound like?"
"Weird," Jinx blinked, her energies lowering. "You're the first one that hasn't just tried to beat the snot out of me out of no where. Even Gizmo and Mammoth tried to."
Raven reluctantly stopped the glow in her hands as well and nodded. She felt none of that aggression in Jinx. Ironically…
"Apparently besides us," Jinx scratched her head, "the whole city's gone crazy."
"Gee, what makes you think that?" Raven motioned at the crazy civilians trying to get to them.
"Totally Resident Evil style," Jinx made a chibi scared face.
"Yea, and it's all because of your H.I.V.E."
"I know! Isn't it awesome?"
Sweatdrop.
"But hey now," Jinx pointed. "How are you not insane to the membrane?"
"If my mind could be taken that easily this world would've been gone along time ago," Raven brushed herself off. "Being telepathic doesn't hurt. Now can I ask you that same question?"
"Heh, it wasn't easy." Jinx rubbed her head. "But I did it the same way you did."
"Um, since when were you telepathic?"
"Hey, a girl has her secrets." The pink lovin' thief rolled her eyes. "You think hexing magic is all I can do?" the girl grinned suggestively. "I've dove into plenty of dark magic that's a bit too dangerous. I just choose not to use them."
"Huh-"
BAM! The civilians slammed their only barrier away. Jinx's eyes instantly turned pink ready to hex these normies to Hell.
"No! Don't hurt them!" Raven grabbed her hand, levitating the two up into the air. Jinx eeped as she was pulled from the ground, dangling by her wrist.
"Hey! I'm going to defend myself if needed alright?"
"Yea well it's not needed." Raven landed the two on top of a rooftop, instantly being met with another mob of brawlers. Chains and crowbars aren't fun to see when being confronted by angry people.
"You were saying?"
"Oh shut up," Raven flicked her wrists suddenly pulling the weapons away, wrapping the citizens with the metal peeled away from the pipes of the building. The victory was short lived though as the sorceress turned to see Jinx's hands right up against her face glowing pink.
"You've got to be kidding me." Raven blinked.
"Stand still," Jinx warned.
Suddenly a crack against the ground could be heard, the teenage woman who was about to smack Raven from behind with a bat being stuck in the hole. The blue hooded girl turned back to see Jinx smirking.
"I didn't hurt that precious little innocent girl and now we're even."
Raven breathed a sigh of relief inside. "Glad we're on the same page."
HORRIBLE REALIZATION!
"Uh after this is done?" Raven growled. "This never happened."
"Deal," Jinx sighed. "Besides don't flatter yourself. I gotta help my boys and you're the only one that's sane enough to listen. Poor Venom and Carnage are gone. And my two best buds are probably beating the heck out of one another right now."
"Nice sob story," sarcasm rang, "But we'll stop this. My teammates are in trouble too."
"Sob story?" Scowls! "Hey my friends are just as important as yours Ms. I'm a big hero. Just because we're the 'bad guys' doesn't mean we're chopped livers k?"
"It's your fault. You all started this mess."
"Obviously Venny Poo and Carnage didn't know this was going to happen."
Venny Poo?
"And I know Headmaster Blood would never do this under normal circumstances!"
"…"
"Okay then again maybe he would," Jinx scowled. "But not all of us villains want this type of end of the world trouble. We just wanna have some nice innocent, fun!"
"Innocent? Whatever," Raven looked around, "There's no time for arguing."
"What do you mean there's no time? Like you have an idea to stop this?"
"As a matter of fact I do."
"How?"
"We're going to do the same exact thing Blood is doing." Raven closed her eyes, a magical orb forming in front of her.
(Jinx gives a look at the reader, and makes the 'she's crazy' sign.)
The orb suddenly took shape, soon forming into that meditation mirror Raven used as a pathway to her mind. The sorceress grabbed the mirror and stared at it with those steady eyes.
"We need to revert all this negative energy into a calm state."
"And you're telling me this little beauty mirror is going to do that?" Jinx suddenly gasped. "Wait, the Ice Queen has a beauty mirror?"
"Quiet," Raven just groaned in annoyance. "Whatever Brother Blood is doing I can use this to counteract it."
"Sounds complex," Jinx frowned. "What are the chances this works?"
"Slim to none." Raven replied calmly, "But we have no choice."
"Well you're the "good guy", and you good guys always seem to win." Jinx rolled her eyes, "Yea I can see how this is slim to none."
"Oh why don't you-"
Wham! Suddenly a car flew by the two girls, both ducking as the massive vehicle rolled across the rooftop and hit the street with a thud. Instantly the girls noticed two combatants duking it out at a furious pace. A red blur and a black blur there was. Apparently X and Spidey were at each other's throats.
"What was that?" Jinx hid behind Raven.
"Robin… Spider-Man…"
- ! -
A symbiote's daily To Do list:
1) Find new ways to make all organisms on the planet become symbiotic hosts.
2) Eat some brains!
3) Kill those said newb symbiotic hosts and try your best to create all out anarchy!
4) Eat even more brains!
5) Fumigate the host's living quarters to make the crib a smexy bachelor pad!
6) (Cough) Brains! (Cough)
7) Be forced to watch host's favorite TV shows to make them feel somewhat appreciated.
8) Give me a B! Give me an R! Give me an A! Give me an I! Give me an N! Give me an S!
9) Look totally Burt Reynolds badass while doing all these things!
10) Brai-… um is this really necessary?
If one would ask Venom and Carnage how they were doing with said list then all would be checked besides number 3. Sure the world was full of anarchy and a new symbiote host was there at the moment. But there was one big problem…
They weren't creating the problems!
"Cruddy cruddy crud vapors!" Carnage growled, shoving a dumber than usual Mammoth to the side with ease. "This isn't what was supposed to happen! I was supposed to be the star!"
"Oh shut up!" Venom heard his teammate's whining, now being even more irritated than a disturbed bees' nest. "This is all your freakin' fault!"
"Say what?" Carnage turned to Venom dumbfounded while jumping out of the way of a chunk of concrete wall being hurled at him. "It's not all my fault assface!"
Venom gave the stare of doom.
"Okay so it's mostly my fault!"
"Ugh, you need to pay more attention to detail!" Growl! "Every damn time with your 'I gotta act psycho and make everything into a freaking spectacle!' routine!"
"Oh and you don't do the same thing with your dual identity crisis?" Carnage replied. "We, our, us, you sound so stupid just to make yourself seem different!"
"We-… well… um… at least our name isn't Cletus!"
Carnage gasped as if he had been stabbed in the heart. "Oh you just did not go there!"
"Yea we did!" Suddenly Venom's eyes budged, sensing something from behind as a few signature Gizmo smart bombs were sent his way.
"Fry in Hell ugly!" That baby-faced villain yelled.
"Aw, and here we were hoping we'd be poached or something." Those smart bombs were easily batted to the side with a heavy dose of tendrils, exploding at a safe distance. Gizmo gave a pissed off sigh as the attack failed, only to get even angrier as he found himself dangling upside down soon after.
"Let me go you pit sniffin moron!" The kid struggled. "I'll get you!"
"You better calm down shrimp before we think about having an early dinner." Venom threatened. One could never tell when this guy was joking or not. Playing it safe seemed like the best option… for a sane person anyway.
"Oh! So the big bad Venom is hungry huh?" Gizmo chuckled evilly, suddenly a hi-tech Star Trek looking blaster popped out of his backpack. "Why don't you have a nice big serving of sonic salsa snizzle breath?"
"… Crap… GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Pops?" Carnage blinked as he turned to see no one.
"DIE BUG!"
Always with the bug thing. Damn you Parker! Carnage easily dove under another haymaker, the red symbiote doing a great Ichiro Suzuki impression, skidding into a flipping recovery.
"Mammoth! Chill out!" Carnage backed off as he was being barraged with swings. "What's up with the hostility? We're cool dude!"
SLAM!
Carnage's head became friends with a lamp post, the symbiote finding himself tumbling across the floor only to have a mailbox break his skid. "G-guess not," Cassidy grumbled, getting up suddenly snapping his neck into place, and his feisty temper up to the norm.
"Oh that does it!" Carnage's suit began to erupt in axes and blades, slinging around wildly. "No more Mr. Nice Carnage!"
Mammoth didn't even flinch as fear wasn't even a passable emotion anymore. The tank for a villain went off with his bat for a lamppost ready to take another swing. A slash, a slash, and another sneaky slash later and the big metahuman suddenly found himself weaponless. A solid kick to the face that drew blood and our big fuzzy beat was now slumped against a truck KO'd.
"Everyday is a good day to die ain't it?" Carnage began to laugh his psycho laugh, a blade sliding in for the kill. Any other time and this would've been another swift murder to put under his belt. But apparently not this time…
"W-what?" Carnage blinked, suddenly letting his blade coil back into his suit, the symbiote seemingly shaking 'no'. "What the Hell is happening?" his eyes bulged! "No way… I can't!"
"Huh? You can't what?" Venom grumbled irritably, not even getting a reply as he was yanking a webbed up Gizmo like a sack of potatoes. Eddie's suit seemed to be a bit agitated at the moment, probably from that sonic smorgasbord he had just been unwillingly invited to.
"I can't… kill him." Carnage muttered. "I can't do it…"
A pin drop could be heard. Until…
"Bwaaahahahahahaha!" Venom did his best Side Show Bob impression, tossing Gizmo onto a wall to let the kid hang, a bunch of swears that were probably best left unheard being quite audible.
"This is not funny!" Carnage's eyes thinned. "Shut up!"
"Oh hold onto your symbiote sunshine, it's simple logic" Venom rolled his eyes. "He's your friend. There's a human impulse not to kill your friends. Apparently you consider this big monkey a friend."
"B-b-b-but… no! I've killed allies before!" Carnage scowled. "This is embarrassing! I'm me! Carnage! This doesn't happen to me! I am the baddest mother fuc-"
"Like we said," Venom interrupted quite timely. "You're getting soft and you know it."
"N-no!" The deranged killer frowned, forming his mask into a cheap rendition of the infamous Darth Vader mask.
(Dramatic Music!)
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Sweatdrop.
"God what is the matter with this place?" Carnage tantrumed as he frantically sputtered around. "It's official! This place is just not right!"
"Uh, you mean this universe?"
"Yes I mean this universe!" Carnage literally grabbed the giant drop of sweat away from Venom's head. "Seriously, what is this shit?"
Blinks.
"And this is just the beginning!" Carnage screeched. "Tell me Smarty pants. How come every time we get mad or pissed off at something we turn all red and steam shoots from our ears?"
"Uh…"
"And why do we shrink like to bug size and start distorting when Brother yells at us?"
"Um…"
"And why does everyone have such big ass eyes?"
"…"
"This place is messed up pops!" Carnage tossed the sweatdrop away, grabbing Venom by his symbiote suit, "I wanna kill! And I wanna kill now man!"
Silence.
"Uh dude," Venom began to slowly back away as he shoved him off. "And you said we had problems?"
"On the contrary," The snuggest of voices said from up high. "Both of you have problems. And quite sizable ones at that."
Venom and Carnage just sighed pathetically as they heard that bad news voice, peaking up in a totally screwed manner.
"Well if it isn't sonny boy." Carnage hissed. "Finally decide to fight us yourself instead of giving us this world gone mad stuff?"
"It was just a parting family present dad." Blood replied, chuckling as Toxin was running rampant from within. "I'm giving you and grandpa one last peak at the ultimate success of our race before I rid the world of the both of you. You two have forgotten what it means to be a part of the symbiote race."
"Uh news flash child from Hell," Carnage pointed. "Buuuuut, me and V-dawg wrote the book on how to be a stand up symbiote alright?"
"Yeah!" Venom crossed his arms.
"And I'll be damned if some punkass newbie wants to rain on my party ya dig?"
"Yea foo!" Venom egged on.
"So you want a piece of us? Bring it! Cause I am so in the mood for kicking someone's ass right now!"
"Oh yeah!"
"Hah," Blood scoffed out of amusement. "Always the confident ones aren't we? Sure, all be it sometimes delusional and ill-willed but it's all fine by me. I'll be glad to rid our race of the stench of two of the most washed up symbiotes to date."
With a childish laugh, the symbiotic Blood slowly lowered himself to the floor Magneto style, his robe beginning to ooze out psudedopodia that morphed into blades. As the crimson fluids of life dripped down his fangs and his claws gave a red glow, the monster dared one of them to strike first.
Second thought is now the keyword for today.
"Um," Carnage blinked awkwardly as he stared at those blades. "You want first dibs Venom?"
"… No!"
- ! -
It was rockin like a hurricane! No, not that cool 80s Scorpions metal song but it was like one of those big in your face hurricanes that was sweeping through downtown Jump City. Bam! Clash! Boom! Even if you were staring at it from yards away you might have not been able to keep up.
Red X was fast.
Spider-Man was fast.
And of course by the laws of mathematics fast plus fast equals really really fast!
Woosh! A spinning blade swiped nothing but air as our crimson arachnid managed to dart out of the way of yet another near decapitation. Spidey was doing the usual acrobatic bit. He flipped and he twirled, leaping with a swirl, X not letting up even a bit as those twin blades of destruction swiped over and over.
Roundhouse! Block! Uppercut! Parry! Toss! Flip! The fight had been going back and fourth for quite awhile now, X's gadgets keeping Spidey at bay quite efficiently. And as another spray of synothium energy came across Spidey's nose in a singe, the thoughts of ending this fight right away came to mind.
"Time to wrap this sucker up," Spider-Man stated with the utmost confidence, suddenly engulfing X in the largest batch of web he could muster. Against his will X went into the web-cocoon stage, eeking as he hit the floor face first.
"Ouchers… ugh, webbing?" X grimaced as he was being wrapped in the stickiness, "What a freaking lame trap."
"Hey it gets the job done doesn't it?" Spider-Man replied snugly, "Someone's a bitter loser."
"I agree," X scowled as his belt glowed. "And it's you!"
The ability to phase your whole body hundreds of yards away ain't so bad right? Sure it isn't. That is unless you were Spider-Man at the moment.
Teleportation is so not cool!
"Neat trick with the webbing."
So so so so not cool!
"But as cool as that is. I must say welcome to the 21st century dude." Spider-Man turned to be face to face with an as always arrogant X. "And in this day and age we have a thing called 'technology'! Let's explore that term shall we?"
"Um, I don't think we should… BLAH!" Spidey was pancaked, slamming into a concrete wall, the infamous red adhesive gel holding him there like a mounted painting. Apparently his super strength wasn't enough as he struggled to pull away, having about as much success as the Buffalo Bills in the playoffs.
"Boy that never gets old baby!" X began whistling a victory tune as he let his blades spin like saws again, Robin's alter ego moving in for the kill. "Don't worry my arachnid buddy. This will be over before you know it."
"W-wait!" Spider-Man shook his head. "That's impossible! Cause I know it's over now!"
"Uh," X just blinked. "Oh well, too bad then. You better start worrying."
"… You suck."
The blades were coming closer. Spidey was struggling wildly. Was this the end of our favorite arachnid hero? Was Peter Parker going to become nothing but a diced and sliced memory? Am I going to kill time and writing space to ask more questions? Are you sick of question marks yet? Well?
"Robin!"
And with a shout that let it out from Raven's lungs all was right with the world. Uh, relatively speaking of course… well then again, not even that. More like figuratively speaking… wait, that can't be because what kind of figure am I talking about? Ya know what… uh, X… save me here!
"Well, well, well," X turned, "Now what do we have here?"
"Ugh, Robin snap out of it." Raven pleaded as she walked over to him. "This isn't you. You have to fight this urge. You can't do this."
"Urge huh?" X laughed childishly almost ignoring everything Raven said as he eyed her up and down. "Are we thinking of the same urges here?"
"Naughty boy Robin is with the mask." Jinx replied, lagging behind a bit for her own safety. "Oh this is hopeless. Give it up and let bug boy bite the big one."
"Shut up!" Raven disregarded her obviously only temporary ally, turning back to see X right in her face.
"You know," X held her hand, "I don't know why I've bothered flirting with that red-haired airhead all this time. I should've been using that time on you."
Raven just gave one Hell of a skewed face.
"Smooth," Jinx blinked. "But w-why isn't he clobbering you? He's like putting the moves on you."
"Aw, someone's jealous?" X turned to Jinx. "Don't worry baby. There's plenty of me to go around."
Jinx and Raven just made that unofficial girl sorority eye contact, not knowing really what to think of this. Apparently Blood's primal epidemic of savagery didn't kill the human impulse of 'getting it on'How typical no?
"Um, as satisfying as that sounds Boy Blunder," Jinx scowled. "I'm already taken thank you very much!"
"Anyways, sorry to be so rude but," X gently shoved Raven back. "Stand back toots. After I finish this punk off, we'll have plenty of time to-"
WHACK!
"Um, you were saying something?" Spider-Man taunted as Robbie slumped to the floor, a backhand to the head knocking out his clock about 20 years back. The red masked crusader began to bust out in a mocking jig celebration only to glare up and see our two resident sorceresses backing away quite slowly.
"Oh if it isn't the gothy girls. I appreciate the help back there." Spidey commented as his pupils were blood red. "I can see why Robin here got so distracted. It's like candy for the eyes isn't it?"
"Whoa, you think so huh?" Jinx smiled brightly, striking a Cosmo-girl pose.
"Oh yeah, you're hot." Spider-Man commented. "Especially for a stick girl."
"Aw, I-… wait a minute Hey!" Jinx was about to go lay the smack down only to be yanked back hard by Raven.
"Spider-Man, you got to listen to me. Don't let these emotions consume you. They're not real."
"Yada yada yada," Spider-Man chuckled. "You're so hot when you're playing the hero aren't you?"
"…"
"Heh, somebody has the hots for someone." Jinx tossed in her two cents only to get a harsh elbow to her shoulder. "Ow!"
"This isn't funny."
"Come on Raven," Spider-Man stood above X's body grabbing him by the cape. "You know it. You're a fox."
Raven blushed heavily, but at the same time was preparing herself to attack.
"I can just picture you now." Spidey closed his eyes making a dreamy look to the air. "In nothing but a two piece bikini on a steamy summer day… Yeah." Cue dreamy look, "I'm thinking it'd be… hot pink… and barely covering that bod of yours… wowie… totally rawr…"
"GAH!" Raven's eyes doubled in size. "Oh no you don't! You stop that right now!"
"Ugh what are you bitching about? I wish Venom would do this for me." Jinx pouted, growling as she crossed her arms. "That guy is such a jerk! Damn his cuteness to heck!"
"But anyway, I've got a job to finish." He lifted up X harshly by the cape. "Say nighty night Robin."
"Dammit, I have to snap him out of this." Raven's eyes glowed white, only in hesitation to attack her friend. "But I can't hurt him…"
"Ugh, can't you pull off some telekinetic jibber jabber? Do some of that uber magic of yours."
"No," Raven shook her head, both of them now against the wall. "With Blood's essence being this strong and then my direct influence, I conceivably could kill him. I can't take that chance."
"Ugh, why not?"
"…"
"Well if you're out of ideas, may I suggest we take off before your lover boy takes out your lead-"
"Lover boy," Raven whispered like a drone, staring out as if she was staring into the abyss.
"Uh, grumpy I-I-I was just joking, no need to freak out on me." Jinx blinked, being totally creeped out by Raven saying such words.
Oh Azar I hope this works. Raven thought dismally, then closing her eyes knowing what she was about to do.
"Jinx," Raven whispered. "When the coast is clear, you get Robin to safety. Got it?"
"What? Like I care-"
"Just do it!" Raven growled, Jinx instantly sighing as she really had no choice. With one last dramatic breath the sorceress from Azarath calmed herself. She needed it. What she was about to do was something that was just about as bad as it got… for her anyway.
"Oh Spider-Man," those gray lids opened slowly, that voice not as cold as it should have been. "What are you waiting for?"
"Huh?" Spider-Man instantly dropped a groaning and limp X to the floor, Jinx gasping nearly in unison at that fervent tone.
"You heard me," Raven's voice was oh so seductive. "Stop with this non-sense and come here."
Gulps.
"What in the world are you doing grumpy?" Jinx was in disbelief, Spider-Man sharing the same sentiments except the boy's eyes were more quirky then a jigsaw puzzle.
"Aw, you're not talking kinky anymore." Raven strutted over, that blue cloak seeming as if it should've been something more along the lines of green or pink. "What's the matter? Don't you want me?"
"I… uh," Spider-Man's jaw was about dragging on the floor, his whole body as frozen as a statue as the feeling of Raven's generous chest against his did that magic.
"Oh you're so cute." Raven placed a finger on his nose.
"I-I-I… am?" Spidey was actually sounding more like the Peter Parker we know and love by the second.
"Mmmhmm," The unreal Raven ran her finger down his nose, and to his chest. "Do you think I'm cute?"
"I… I… yea… I would… think so…" Those reddened eyes began to drain away.
Raven smirked, now bodying up against him, slowly turning so that her rear was all Spidey would be thinking about.
Oh gawd. Jinx thought in awe, picking up Robin and trying to yank him away. This is something ya only get to see once in a lifetime.
"Ummm…" Spider-Man felt as if his inner temperature was about as hot as his good ol' buddy Johnny Storm's was, Raven's rear being right up against him.
"What's the matter? You don't like?"
Spider-Man just shook his head stupidly, suddenly watching as that blue cloak slipped off, draping to the floor neatly through telekinesis. Curves, curves, and more curves was all Spidey was seeing as Raven turned, those purple eyes staring straight into those masked eyes. He may have been possessed by some magic. But this guy was no fool!
"I've always wanted to do this." Raven whispered, the feeling of delicate hands pulling up that mask was intoxicating Spidey just as much as this tease.
"D-d-do what?" Spider-Man whispered as his mask reached his nose.
"This…"
"Oh lord," Jinx twitched, staring at the scene playing out in front of her.
Can we say bulging eyes, swelling lips, and airless lungs? Because those were the exact characteristics of Peter Parker right about now folks! Spider-Man literally went dead as a doornail, those gray lips pressing up against him. Kissing. The two were kissing, Raven not letting Peter even breath as he was squished between the cold wall and the warmest of bodies.
"Uuuugh," X groaned, seemingly regaining consciousness.
"Uh oh," Jinx gulped, looking over towards Raven. "Hey Raven stop that! He's waking up!"
"Mmmmm," Was her only reply, those two lip locking youngins apparently not being done.
"Oh come on! Isn't this city whacked out enough?" Jinx was beside herself. "I can only take so much dammit!"
Raven listened to the cry apparently, but it was not because of Jinx's pleading ways. She was simply out of breath, pulling away slowly as she stared at those lifeless masked eyes. Raven blushed, not believing what she just did, or what she had been doing, apparently this possession being even scarier than that four eyed one.
Spider-Man obviously was even more dumbfounded. A slump to the floor with dizzy eyes later confirmed it, and Raven just sighed heavily.
"T-that wasn't right." The voice was as deadpan as ever.
"You're telling me!" Jinx gasped. "You gave him one Hell of a smooch. W-was that even you?"
"Quiet," Raven got up, blushing as she levitated her cloak towards herself and wrapping it. "This never happened."
"W-what never happened?" The two girls heard, the kindly voice of our friendly neighborhood Peter Parker being a nifty chime to the ears.
"Spider-Man?" Raven looked down surprised, blinking.
"W-why does my head feel like it's been shoved in a blender?" Spidey groaned, rubbing his noggin'.
"Maybe that's because Raven shoved her tongue-"
Levitated trashcan lid to the head!
"Ow! DAMMIT!"
"Tongue… what?" Spider-Man turned.
"N-nothing." Raven gladly fibbed. "Glad to see that you're back… I didn't know that doing um… that… would make this happen."
"Okay, my head hurts enough. Talk to me slower please."
Raven chuckled as always inwardly, helping him up. "There's no time. We have to-"
"Whoooooooooooooooooooooa!"
SWAP!
"What the heck?" Spider-Man yelped, backing away only to see that black figure of nightmares splattered against the floor. "V-venom?"
"Ooooowie," The obsidian monster grimaced, laying limp against the asphalt. "We're so not winning are we?"
"Venny poo!"
"Oh God no…" A latch was all Venom received for his panic, his persistent admirer only adding to the injuries. Why oh why did we have to land here?
"Dude what is going on?" Spider-Man glared. "All I remember is…"
"That we're all totally screwed?" Venom shot back angrily , using his tendrils to place Jinx gently down as the girl just continued to admire him. "By the way, why you're immune to this pissed off epidemic-"
"He was cured." Jinx said calmly, going over to him and whispering a secret that probably should've been locked in a case forever.
"Oh hell no," Venom looked over to Raven and Spider-Man. "Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
"Okay what's so funny?" Spider-Man jumped in waving his hands as he saw Raven's face turn completely red. "Hello? Anyone care to fill me in? Or I could just act like a spastic psycho for the rest of the time?"
"Calm down Parker, you don't want to know. Because if you did? Your girlfriend there would have to kill you." Venom suddenly looked to the air. "Besides, our offspring should be dropping in anytime now… 3… 2… 1…"
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
SPLAT!
"Huh, we're guessing that fight didn't go too well for you either." Venom assumed as his kin slid down the wall slowly, Carnage's eyes doing quite the impression of one of those hypnotizing mirrors.
"Carnage!" Jinx gasped, shaking him. "You okay hun?"
"Nai nai… bu…" Was all that was said in an anime chibi tone. Jinx just sighed as she suddenly gave him the whap of the century.
WHAP!
"Gah!" Carnage yelped, quickly shaking back into his somewhat barely sane self. "Jeez that hurt!"
"Carnage you're alright!" Jinx celebrated.
"Well whoopty doo." Raven commented. "This whole city's gone crazy and we're celebrating his well being?"
"Sheesh someone's a grumpy guss." Carnage rolled his eyes.
"Ugh, this is so bad." Raven turned away from the group. "This can't get any worse."
"Hah! You think this is bad?" Venom laughed in amusement. "Just wait a little while witch. This pandemic is only going to get worse and worse and worse."
"W-what?" Raven's curiosity was perked in more ways then one. "What are you talking about?"
"Heh, we're surprised you can't sense it." Venom crossed his arms. "Brother Blood's and Toxin's bond is getting stronger by the minute. Soon this aura of madness will spread farther then your city limits. Much much further."
"Just how far are you saying?"
"Oh we don't know… let's see… multiply the mean… carry over the one… divide the sum by its square root…" Venom began counting with a mass amount of pseudo-fingers quite mockingly. "About the entire world… give or take."
"But t-that's impossible!"
"No it isn't!" Carnage interrupted. "I saw this Armageddon stuff in a movie once! Have any of you seen Armageddon?"
Blinks.
"Well this is just like that isn't it pops? Big comet smacking into the world and everything blows up right?"
"N-not exactly… no..."
"Um, then it has to be an aliens invading and blowing up the world apart type Armageddon eh?"
"You can't be serious."
"T-then is it a Unicron is coming and we need the power of the Matrix to save the world Transformer's style Armageddon?"
"What the Hell?"
"Then it's a we drive mechs that aren't really mechs and are part of a theological web that will confuse the shit out of you Evangelion Armageddon!"
"Dude, just give it up!"
"Oh! It's a Frieza has all the Dragon Balls and Goku is the only one that can save us Armageddon!"
"…"
"Or is it a Jinx told me that Ms. Ice Queen here smooched Parker and Hell is freezing over Armageddon?"
"Huah? S-say what?" Spider-Man gasped.
"J-j-just… shut up!" Raven pointed towards our two favorite symbiotes, changing the subject quite quickly. "This is all your fault! You two made this mess and you two are going to help stop this!"
"Oh, let's just play the blame the serial killer game again!" Cassidy scowled. "Sorry babe, we don't take orders from anyone! Besides, you think I'd help the good guys? Hah! I'll never-"
"Don't mind our offspring." Venom smirked. "We'll help out."
"SAY WHAT POPS?"
"Buuuut," Venom paused. "Just so you aren't getting the wrong ideas. Watching Blood achieve these heights of power is such an ego-killer to us. We're in this for our pride and our pride alone got it?"
"Well that's nice to know." Raven's sarcasm rang like a chime, suddenly the girl manifesting that mirror to her mind again. "I don't trust any of you H.I.V.E. but we're the only ones that can stop Blood."
"Uh, so I'm playing the good guy now?" Carnage gasped, feeling as if he was about to burst into hysteria. "What the hell has happened to me? I mean-" he suddenly noticed Raven's mirror. "Oh neat-o mirror!" He grabbed it and began pulling at his red pseudopodia as he stared at his reflection. "I was having such a bad symbiote-skin day today… sheeesh,"
Raven just blinked totally perturbed, turning towards Venom who just simply shrugged.
"Why we're related we'll never know."
"Oh it's quite simple gramps… it's because our family ties doesn't really mean a thing."
Crap, crap, and mega crap! was the elegant summary of the thoughts that instantly ran into the minds of our lone group of antagonists. The teens looked up to see our spiffy yet horrific Blood, only looking to become uglier and uglier as time went by. Raven ripped the mirror out of Carnage's hand and stared at the symbiotic figure above with that look of Rocky Balboa determination except a lot more attractive looking.
"It's time we finish this…"
"Oh something's going to be finished my cute little demon." Blood grinned as he drooled liquid that made his name oh so intimidating. "And that something is going to be the entire human race."
"Aw that sounds spiffy alright," Carnage waved. "But before we start fighting each other can we all have a 30 minute break?"
"Uh, why the heck do you need a 30 minute break?" Spider-Man grumbled.
"Dude! Come on! The season finale of ER is on right now! Everyone knows that!"
"…"
"Um if you kill anyone first can it please be him?" Venom pointed.
"I second that." Spider-Man added.
"Ooookay fine fine fine," Carnage sighed as he got in a lazy fighting stance. "Never mind… jeez…"
"Heh-heh-heh, it's really been nice knowing you all." Blood hissed as he began to glow like a living fireball. "Let the blood sacrifice begin…"
"Um I don't consider myself a genius or anything." Jinx sighed as she looked around. "But I think we should run… no?"
Good idea Jinx… good idea…
- ! -
(The blitzy sound of cheesy anime music and a next episode montage plays!)
Spider-Man: Hey hey hey everyone! This is your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man speaking! Boy, are we in a troublesome spot! Me and the Titans have had a blast so far kicking butt but now It's heading down to the wire and it ain't looking too good! With a new enemy on the horizon and me and Raven being forced to team up with our worst enemies can we even think about pulling through this? I think so! But Brother Blood and Toxin have other ideas… Find out this and more on the next and last episode of…
BB: Gah! Dude, this is so unfair! I wanted to do the hyper-active preview summary for the next episode!
Spider-Man: Ugh, well I'm sorry man, but I got the mic first and first come first serve.
BB: So? I can do it way better than you can! Let me re-do it!
Spider-Man: Yeah right! Not a chance!
Carnage: Hah you so-called heroes are hilarious. Neither of you can do a decent anime preview if your lives depended on it!
Spider-Man: Oh, and you can Cletus?
Carnage: Hey! Don't you ever flippin' call me that! And I can sure do a lot better than you nerd boy! It's a symbiote's job to do!
BB: Dream on! I'm so going to do the preview over-dubs!
Jinx: Oh get over yourselves fellas, can't we just leave it be? Bug boy already did the preview. It's over.
Carnage and BB: NO IT ISN'T!
Jinx: Boys are such weird creatures… why don't you guys rock paper scissors it?
Carnage: Okay! Rock paper scissors! I'm all three! I win! I'm doing the voice over!
BB: Dude what the heck? That was unfair!
(Scuffles)
Spider-Man: Uh, anyway (turns away from our arguing characters) … See you guys next time on the next episode of Arachno-
Carnage: GIVE ME THAT MIC OR DIE PARKER!
Spider-Man: GAH!