1For Forever- Chapter 2, Together by herself

Buffy was sitting in her window seat, clicking her nails on the pull out table simultaneously. She only stopped doing it when she noticed the lady across the aisle giving her dirty looks. She couldn't help being fidgety. She was nervous. In the pit of her stomach was the dread that you feel when guilt or worry gets the best of you.

She had drank four glasses of water before standing up and making her way into the small bathroom. She felt like she was trapped in a closet. She closed the toilet lid and sat down, putting her head in her hands.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I get over this? Why can't I get over him? What is my problem? Why would he tell me he loved me if he was with Cordelia? What am I doing on this plane? Why am I on my way to Los Angeles? What am I going to say? How am I going to tell him? Will he take me back? Is he in love with her? I need to go back to Rome. I need to not do this. Ever. Why can't I get him out of my head? Why is Dawn doing this to me? What have I done to deserve this? He won't take me back. I told him to forget. God, what should I do?

All these questions were floating around in her mind. She stood up and turned her body so she was facing the small mirror and sink. She turned the water on and splashed some on her face. Then, she stood looking at her pale face, her hand on the pocket with the one thousand, two-hundred dollars in it.

"Goodbye Buff," Willow had said, when they heard her flight called on the speakers.

"Bye, Will." They embraced.

Faith had even hugged her. And as Buffy tried to pull away, Faith pulled her face close to Buffy's ear and had said, "I got your back, B." Before letting her sister slayer go. Buffy had smiled. Then, Giles, and Xander had hugged her too, and walked her over to the boarding entrance.

"Bye Buffster," Xander said, hugging one of his best friends.

"Bye, Xand."

"Goodbye Buffy, have a good flight," Giles had said, embracing her as well.

"Bye Giles, see you when I get back?"

" You're quite correct," he answered.

Angel was her first, and her true love. Her soul mate. Mo Anam Chara. And she needed him. She finally admitted it to herself. I need Angel. He was her deepest desire. He was who she showed all her passion to. He was her one and only. And now, she was going to get him back. She was so sick and tired of crying over him. So sick and tired of missing him. Just so sick and tired of it all.

"Damn it!" she cried, as the plane shifted and she hit her head on the opposite wall. She had to get out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked back to her seat, happy that the person scheduled to sit next to her, wasn't able to make the flight. She sat in her seat and swung her legs up onto the other seat and sat back to watch the movie.

"Peanuts?" The flight attendant asked as she walked by Buffy's seat.

"Um, sure. Thanks." Buffy took the peanuts and put them in her carry-on bag. It was her slay bag, and she was glad that Willow had made her invisible until after she got to the boarding area. There were knives, swords, stakes and a mini crossbow in the bag, along with anything Angel had ever given her.

"You almost went away today," Buffy sniffed, burying her head in Angel's shoulder.

"We both did," he told her.

"Angel, I feel like... that if I lost you..." she cried into his shirt.

"Shhh... I..."

"You what...?"

"I... I love you. I try not to but, I can't stop." he said brokenly.

"Me too, I can't either."

They kissed passionately.

"Buffy, maybe we shouldn't..."

"Don't," she said, putting a finger to his lips. "Just kiss me."

"Miss, we would like you to put on your seat belt, the plane is going to land very shortly."

Buffy jumped, and blinked her eyes at the flight attendant. "Oh, yeah. Sorry."

She buckled her seat belt, shaken by the dream.

The plane landed and Buffy's pit of dread got bigger.

As she stood in front of the Hyperion Hotel with her suitcase she was taking very deep breaths.

This was the building that held him. The man that held her heart.

She took one last deep breath and went up to the back steps. It was dark. The moon light was shining off the hotel. She put her suitcase on the back steps over to the side, and opened the doors.

The first thing she saw was the round blue velvet couch, and the main lobby. So, this was where Angel lived now. It was just like Willow had described it. The maroon carpet, the main doors across the way. They were beautiful. Glass. Stained glass.

The second thing she saw was her Angel. Her beautiful Angel. He hadn't even noticed she'd come in. He was busy then. He didn't even notice her presence. And that was only the small part that hurt her. She had thought they had a connection. In his letter he said he could feel her. And, she didn't deny it. She had brought her army of slayers to that alley and had helped fight The Apocalypse. And then, without warning, she had quickly brought them all back. She couldn't bear to see Angel. And now, here he was. She had gotten the nerve to see him, and she had chose n the wrong time. He was there. Looking the same, except... he was kissing another girl. A dirty blonde. She couldn't help but notice the way their tongues explored each other's mouths. He said he could feel her. Well, she was standing about ten feet away and he hadn't even noticed.

Buffy's first instinct was to kill the girl. Rip her from Angel's arms and kill her for even getting that close to him. But, instead she slowly backed out of the lobby, back through the doors making sure not to disturb the two lovers.

As soon as she was outside, she doors swished quietly closed and she just stood there, staring at them. She stood there for awhile. At least, until a pair of strong arms put their hands on her shoulders.

"Hello, pet."

Buffy turned and looked at the man. He looked the same. Bleached blonde hair, black leather duster.

"Spike, hey."

"What're you doing here? Looking for the poof? It's not that it's bad you're here, just curious."

"Uh, yeah." Buffy didn't even notice he had called Angel poof when she usually scolded him for it.

"Well, you came all they way here and didn't even make it through the door. Let me help you." He pushed open the door and Buffy looked away from the heart breaking scene.

The look on Buffy's face was hurt. Spike's looked the same way after he realized what he had just made Buffy witness a second time, and when he realized why she was standing there staring at the doors.

"Oh, pet. I'm sorry. I didn't know they were in there doing... that.." He let the door swish shut.

"Spike, it's not your fault. So, um, how are you?"

They sat down on the steps.

"I'm good. Oh, Happy Birthday, Slayer."

"Thanks, Spike."

"Yeh."

Spike pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"Can I have one?" Buffy asked, looking at him.

"When did you develop a habit for cancer sticks, pet?" His hand was hovering near his pocket but he made no move to get another cigarette out.

"I'm trying to develop it right now, can I have one?"

Spike hesitated and then brought his hand away from his pocket.

"Nah. It won't help."

Buffy groaned.

"So, where's Cordy?"

"Um, Buffy, she's been dead awhile."

"Oh.." Buffy's head was spinning.

"Who's the..." She couldn't finish.

"Nina... they're dating." Spike said, taking a hit off the cigarette.

"Oh." She said.

"She's a werewolf if that makes you feel any better."

"Not really." Buffy shrugged, and leaned back.

"Go on, Pet." Spike urged.

"What?" Buffy looked at him in confusion.

"Go talk to him. He deserves to know why you're here and I can tell already, so don't lie to me, pet."

"Do you think he'd really–"

"Yeah, in a heart beat. If he had one that is."

"Really?" Buffy sat up looking into Spike's pale blue eyes.

"Pet, he's my grandsire. I can feel his blood, and it's screaming for you."

"Spike, thank you, but, I don't think I can go back in there."

"Buffy, just go."

Buffy thought for a minute and then stood up.

"I love you." She said, smiling at Spike.

"I love you, too, Pet."

They embraced.

Buffy stood up, and walked back into the Hotel.

This time, when she saw, she couldn't move. Her legs were jello. She turned around quietly again and back out the door to where Spike was sitting.

Spike looked at her, frowning.

"Spike, can you... come with me?"

Spike looked at her in surprise and noticed the un-shed tears in her eyes.

"Sure thing," he said, and put out the cigarette.

Then, he stood up, and followed her into the sight that burned Buffy's eyes, Nina and Angel. Locked at the lip.

Again, Buffy just stood there. Spike had to do something, he couldn't stand to see Buffy suffer.

"Ahem..." he cleared his throat, and stood about six feet away from Buffy.

Nina and Angel both chuckled, and broke their lip connection. Then, not breaking his total connection with Nina, he looked up, and his smile quickly faded when he saw Buffy and the hurt look on her face.

"Buffy..."

Buffy turned her gaze from Angel, and looked at Spike. She had tears streaming down her face, and her lip was quivering.

Spike nodded at her. He knew she was going to run, and he knew he couldn't stop her. She had wanted to try, and she had. That was all he could do for her.

Angel's face was screwed up with concern, guilt, confusion, unhappiness, surprise and lost-ness.

"Buffy..." he tried again, but, she wouldn't look at his face.

"I-I have to..." Buffy's voice was lined with grief, hatred and confusion.

She looked at Angel and Nina's hands, which were still connected. Then, the look on Angel's face, the shocked, broken, guilty look, and spun around and went running out the door, just as Angel let go of Nina's hand and advanced towards her.