Chapter 15

Jagged Fel despised arrogance. Some might say that was a hypocritical perspective, but he had never pictured himself as arrogant. He was confident of his abilities, but just as aware of his limits. He knew he couldn't do everything. And he knew that somewhere, there was someone who was better than him at everything. That didn't bother Jag. He was realistic about the world around him, and never let his mind stray from the actuality of any situation.

But the Imperial commander in front of him was arrogant. He wasn't self-assured, he wasn't overly optimistic. He was arrogant. Everything about him screamed of his self-righteous dignity, his vanity. It was this galling flaw that caused him to make supercilious comments when Jag tried to explain the mechanics of a coralskipper, or the importance of the yammosk. It was this that made him tell Jag that he shouldn't be so pompous to assume to should try to tell them how to fly a TIE fighter. And it was this unfounded self -opinion that caused him to ask Jag if all Chiss thought they were as brilliant as Thrawn.

A muscle in Jag's jaw twitched. It was the only outward sign that his grim demeanor had been breached. He ground his teeth as he stared at the man—Commander Ean Thorn—wondering how he should respond to such a blatant veiled insult. Finally he said, "Thrawn lacked the ability to meet Chiss standards. He broke one of our most important laws, and was banished for it. Perhaps if he had been wise enough to follow our edict he would have been able to defeat the Rebellion."

Thorn went silent, his eyes revealing his anger at the not-so-veiled insult to their most vaunted Grand Admiral. "Now," Jag continued, "I suggest you stop speaking before you embarrass yourself any further." He looked away, back down at his datapad, effectively ending any response the inept officer might have made. Jag studied the datacard, the one Jaina had gave him to present to commander Naidi. Finding the spot he had left off with, he continued.

"Yuuzhan Vong ships are propelled and defended by the same organism. It's called a dovin basal, and acts like a gravity well projector. Since it propels and defends, firing numerous low-powered shots degrades maneuverability. You can also overwhelm the dovin basal with enough shots in quick succession because it can only do so much at one time."

"That's why you said wingmates were so important," another commander said, a young man probably three years older than Jag named Elkanah Eliab. "If you both target the same skip and fire in close sequence you can take out skips easier."

Jag smiled inwardly, but only nodded his assent to the commander. Not all the men Jag was instructing were grandiloquent. Many of them he related to well, even admired. Those such as Eliab were well-trained and disciplined soldiers with a will to learn and protect their government. Jag respected that. In fact, he respected most of those he had become acquainted with so far. The Remnant was not the Empire of old, full of tyranny and corruption. They weren't xenophobes and bigots. Women and aliens alike rose in their ranks, though the number of aliens still remained sparse. The Imperial Remnant was a government with the same basic ideals and beliefs as the Chiss, except they were human.

Jag found himself relating to his new comrades in a way he had never expected. He had lived as an outsider, an alien himself for his whole life. It was strange to be among his own kind, people who didn't immediately assume he was lesser because of his race. Here he was welcomed because of the aid he was providing, and because of who his father had once been. Everyone knew the legendary flying of Baron Fel, and assumed Jag to be just as great.

But it wasn't the praise Jag enjoyed about the Remnant. He had earned enough of that back home, and he had never desired that anyways. Jag liked the humor, the comraderie, the oh too human emotions he had never been exposed to before. It was strange and uncomfortable, mainly because he wasn't sure how to respond, but pleasant all the same. He realized then that perhaps there was something he had missed by being raised in the Ascendancy. He had glimpsed it when he met Jaina, but it was different. Now he understood the New Republic wasn't subordinate to the Ascendancy. It was just different. And maybe different wasn't such a bad thing after all.

"The weak points in their armor are underneath the arm, under the skirtplates, and through the holes in their helmets," Jaina was saying.

"I still don't understand how you can fight them without being able to anticipate their movements," Anakin said.

"That's why you need a sensitive danger sense," Luke said. "You allow the Force to protect you, guide your movements."

Anakin shook his head. "I still don't get it."

"Let me show you," Luke said, rising. He took his lightsaber off his belt and ignited it. Anakin stood and did the same. Luke then proceded to shut his presence completely off from the Force, hiding himself in it. "Can you sense me?"

"No," Anakin replied.

Luke lunged, slashing once at his midsection, crossing over towards his knee, then back up at his head. Anakin blocked all three. "Then how are you blocking my attacks?"

"Oh," Anakin said, then turned off his saber and sat. "I get it now."

"It's still harder than being able to get a feel of your opponents thoughts and intentions,"Jaina said. "Especially when they have so few weaknesses. Our advantage has been cut."

Luke shook his head. "The Force is the greatest ally we will ever need. It's when you've been stripped of everything else that you realize it's all you ever needed. Even if we can't use it in the same ways we have gotten used to, it doesn't mean our strength in it has been diminished."

"But Uncle Luke," Jacen said, "what about what all this means? How can something alive exist outside the Force if the Force is life itself?"

"I don't understand either, Jacen," Luke replied. "It doesn't seem logical. Just because they are from a different place shouldn't disconnect them from the Force."

"Could the Force be inherent only to our galaxy?" Jacen pressed.

"I don't see how that's possible."

"It doesn't matter, anyway," Anakin said. "All that matters is that it is, and we have to take care of it. I want to know how to fight them, Jaina."

Jaina nodded solemnly. "It's not that different from normal combat. You just have to watch for things. Their weapons could change at a moment's notice from a sword to a spear to a whip. When it's like that it can spit venom at you too. They have bugs that they throw at you that just keep coming back until they shred you to pieces, or you kill them. And then there are others that can crack a rib. Believe me, I know."

"How do you practice that?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm here more to train with you than actually train you," Jaina replied.

"These are things that all the Jedi need to know," Luke said suddenly. "They need to be told."

"Are you suggesting calling them all home?" Jacen asked.

Luke nodded gravely. "Yes, Jacen. We need to call them home."

Jaina stood outside the large ornate wooden door, not sure whether to knock or run. It hadn't been her idea, and she wasn't happy about it. In fact, she was so nervous she was shivering. She shouldn't be there. It wasn't her place. It wasn't her job.

All she had done was mention to her uncle that she had been thinking about her parents lately. He had asked 'what kind of thinking', and she had told him. She told him about wondering what her father thought about her marriage, and why he had stopped coming to see them. Luke had then fairly ordered her to go ask him.

She had argued, of course, telling him it wasn't important and she had just been thinking about it because she was bored. She really didn't want to know. Really.

He hadn't bought it. Then she had pleaded, telling him she didn't want to confront her father, that he had a right to his own life and it was none of her business. She told him she didn't care, it was just stray thoughts, a stray comment. Nothing serious. Reminiscing.

That failed too. After realizing this wasn't something she was going to get out of, she stated firmly that if she had to go, Jacen and Anakin should have to some with her. It was their father, too. But Luke had gently reminded her that this was her problem she needed to confront, and her brother would confront it in their own time when they were ready.

And what makes you think I'm ready? Jaina thought as she stared at the door. She had scanned the apartment with the Force several times to make sure her mother wasn't home, only Han. Still she hesitated. This is silly, Jaina thought, resolving herself. I shouldn't be afraid of him. I'm an adult. We're on an equal playing field.

With that in mind she knock loudly three times. Several seconds later it opened to reveal a gleaming golden protocol droid. "Why, Mistress Jaina! Whatever are you doing here?" See-Threepio asked.

"Hi, Threepio," Jaina said simply. "Can I come in?"

"Well certainly!" he exclaimed, moving aside so she could step over the threshold.

"I see Mother's redecorated since I was here last," Jaina commented as she examined the expensive new furniture.

"Why yes. It's a most delightful fabric. She purchased it from—"

"I don't really care," Jaina cut him off, wanting to get the whole thing over with. "Can you go find Dad for me?"

"Of course, of course," Threepio muttered as he scampered of. "Make yourself comfortable and I'll return momentarily."

Jaina sat on the couch, feeling awkward. As she waited she imagined what it would have been like to grow up in such a house. Probably not nearly as much fun.

"Jaina?"

Jaina turned to see Han Solo standing behind her. He looked as if you could have pushed him over with a feather. "Hi," Jaina said meekly.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, circling the couch to stand in front of her. "You're supposed to be...well, not here."

"Can't I stop by to say hi?" she asked.

"Well, yeah, sure," he said, clearly befuddled. Carefully he sat down in the chair opposite her. They sat in silence for several minutes, neither sure where to begin.

"Um," he said finally, "how's, uh, married life treating you?"

Jaina grinned tightly. "How do you think?"

He clearly had no idea what the proper reply was, and so wisely didn't answer but moved on. "Are they treatin' you good?"

"As well as can be expected," she said cryptically.

"Well. So, um, what brings you to Coruscant?"

"War," she said, not wanting to give away any secrets. She hadn't been told what she shouldn't say, but she did know that the Ascendancy had neglected to tell the Republic of the Yuuzhan Vong threat, and that wasn't a can of worms Jaina wanted to spill. "Jag wanted me away from it."

"Hm," Han said. He was so apparently uncomfortable that Jaina could have laughed. "So. Is he good to you?"

"Very," Jaina replied in truth. That was one think she would never fudge the truth on.

"Well he better be," Han replied. "No one's going to mistreat my little girl."

Jaina did laugh then. "Dad, I haven't even talked to you face-to-face in two years. Since when did I become your little girl?"

"Hey, you have always been my little girl," Han snapped. "And you always will be, whether you believe me or not."

"Oh, you mean when it's convenient?" Jaina asked. "Or just when you're not too busy to spare me a thought?"

Han stood angrily. "Go ahead and be angry. But letting you go live with Luke wasn't my decision. We were at war, and you three had already been kidnapped twice. You were safer with him. I'm not a Jedi, I can't protect you like he can."

"But you could have visited," Jaina snapped. "You could have called. You could have come to dinner once and a while. Maybe pretend like you care."

"I didn't have a choice, Jaina!" he barked. "Leia and Luke both agreed that you needed structure. Do you remember when I used to visit? After I left, you kids got so tore up you cried for hours. My coming around was tearing you apart. You were better off just with Luke."

Jaina felt her eyes brimming with angry tears. "But what about this? What about selling me off like some damned piece of furniture so Mom could get her peace treaty? Did you even think about what you were doing? You gave up your daughter for a peace treaty!"

"That wasn't my peace treaty," Han said evenly. "Your mother didn't raise the suggestion, the Chiss Ambassador did, and the Senate approved before your mom could. What could we do then? Nothing but make sure you would have everything you needed."

Jaina looked away, hating his excuses because they made sense, at least by a certain perspective. "You didn't even say goodbye."

Han came to kneel in front of the couch and took her hand in his. Jaina tried to pull away but he held firm. "Would that have made it any easier? Or harder? I love you, Jaina, whether you believe me or not. I couldn't help the things that happened to you. I would have if I could. I know you're mad, and you have a right to be. But please, just think about what I've told you."

Jaina jerked away and stood. "I don't need to. I've heard all I need to hear." She turned then and ran out, leaving him still kneeling by the sofa.

Jaina flopped onto her bed—her bed, the one she had grown up with—and didn't move just laid there, face-down. She had come home and went straight to her room, not talking or even looking at anyone. She just wanted to be alone, to rebuild her walls of bitterness to protect her. She didn't like this emotion, this ache to forgive him. She wanted rid of it. And so she laid in her room, the dusky light spilling through her transparisteel window.

Someone knocked on her door. "Go away," she said, the sound muffled by her pillow. Instead of complying, the door opened. Jacen came and sat down on the bed beside her, silent. Waiting for her to tell him.

After a long while she finally decided to talk. "He tried to make it seem like it wasn't his fault," Jaina growled. "Like he was so innocent, and it was the galaxy's fault he's not a good father."

"What did he say?" Jacen questioned softly.

Jaina sighed, but knew he had as much of a right to know as she did. "He said that he gave us away in the first place because we were safer with Uncle Luke. And then he didn't visit because when he did at first we would get all emotional and upset after he left."

Jacen was quiet for a moment. "I remember that," he said finally. "I used to plead with him to take me home, hold onto his leg until he had to pry me off. It wasn't because I didn't like it here; I loved living with Uncle Luke. But I just missed him, and every time he left it was like I was being abandoned all over again."

Jaina rolled over onto her back. "I never cried. I would hold Anakin while he did. I thought it was my job to take care of him."

"What about your marriage?" Jacen asked.

Jaina felt her temperature rise a few degrees at the mention of it. "He said he didn't have a choice in that either. That the Senate voted on the agreement before he ever knew anything had happened, and that there was nothing he could do after that. He made it sound like there wasn't anything Mom could do either."

"Well, I don't by that, but I understand the rest," Jacen said.

"You forgive him?" Jaina scoffed, incredulous.

"I might as well. There's nothing I can change. And even if his reasons don't make sense now, he probably thought he was doing the best thing at the time. And who knows; maybe he was."

Jaina snorted derisively, but inwardly couldn't deny that he was probably right. She was completely sure that it had been the right choice. She had had a happy childhood, and Uncle Luke had made a great dad. She had traveled and learned of the Force, had so many adventures that shaped her, adventures she might have never had otherwise.

And even her marriage had turned out for the best. She loved Jag, and if they hadn't forced her into it they probably never would have met. That was a prospect Jaina didn't want to ponder.

Sometimes she did wonder what would have happened had the two of them fallen in love before they were married, like normal people did. She snickered at the prospect of dating, of always wonder how things were going to turn out. Before they had fallen in love, even when they fought they both knew that afterwards they were going home to the same place, sleeping in the same bed. They never doubted that they would get over it, pick up and move on. They had no other choice.

"So what do I do, Jacen? Go back and grovel, tell him I forgive him for never being there when I needed him?"

"That's up to you, Jaina," he said, standing. "I can't help you with a decision like that. I can only tell you how I feel."

He turned to leave, but Jaina stopped him as he reached the door. "Jacen?"

"Yeah?" he said, turning back to look at her.

"You never hated them for it, did you?"

He shook his head. "They have a galaxy to run, Jaina. That's a task bigger than anything I would ever want to take on. No parents are perfect. How can you expect ours to even do the same job everyone else does, with everything they have on their shoulders? They did the best they could in a bad situation. We grew up together, with an uncle who we never doubted loved us. I don't think I could ask much more of them than that."

Jaina sighed. "Why do you insist on always setting me back on my feet again, right when I want to wallow in my sorrow?"

Jacen smiled. "Hey, that's what twins are for. Goodnight, Jaina. I love you."

"Good night, Jacen. I love you, too."