Chapter 26

Jaina crouched in the darkness, pulling her cloak closer to her chilled body. She shivered, even though the weather wasn't all that cool. In fact, for Coruscant, it was a beautiful day. The sun shone happily in the clear skies, seemingly oblivious to the mourning lifeforms on the planet's surface. The sun made it harder for Jaina to be inconspicuous, and so she huddled further and further beneath her cloak.

She was afraid to take a hovertaxi, and so resorted to walking the few blocks to the Great Hall where Han Solo's memorial service would be in probably less than a half hour. Jaina was unconcerned with being on time. In fact, she preferred to be late. She would be immediately recognized at such a gathering, and coming in late would prevent a confrontation between herself and her mother. How would it look for the chief of state to have her mourning daughter turned out of her father's memorial service on the Holonet?

Until then, Jaina wished to keep her anonymity. The last thing she wanted was for the media to get wind of her presence, or worse yet, her mother. She hadn't even made her presence known to her brothers and uncle because of this. She didn't think they would tell, but any link to her mother made her chances of slipping in unnoticed slimmer.

Jaina weaved in and out of the foot traffic, passing more people than she went against. Most were going exactly where she was. Even if it would be too crowded to go inside, they insisted on being present for their hero's final farewell. Jaina didn't intend to sit outside with them, though. She would be up front, with her brothers, right where she should be. How she would get there was another matter. She supposed she would take care of that one step at a time.

She could see the Hall up ahead, and shouldered her way forcefully through the crowd. Most people grunted and pushed back, but Jaina's lithe Jedi frame helped her slip easily through gaps until she was at the entrance to the building. It's gold and marble surface had been polished to a shining hue, and it gleamed brilliantly in the sun, hurting Jaina's eyes. She squinted against it, climbing the burnished marble stairs two at a time until she stood on its apex. There she was met with the whithering stairs of a dozen guards who had roped off the area. "The space is full. You'll have to watch the screens outside with everyone else," one barked at her.

Jaina waved her hand nonchalantly as she unclipped one of the ropes and stepped around the other side. "There's room enough for me. I'm too small to take up much space."

The guard scratched his head and looked to his compatriots. "She's too small to take up much space. There's enough room for one more."

Jaina smiled beneath her cowl and sidled past them and into the building. The corridors were deserted, so she followed the sound of the microphones to the main area. Only the huge wooden doors stood between her and the room of mourners. Jaina took a deep breath and shrugged her shoulders out from under the robes, letting them fall to the ground. She was dressed underneath in her Imperial dress uniform, complete with all the multicolored bars pasted across the left side of her chest. Then she opened the door.

The entire congregation stopped and turned in their seats as the huge doors creaked open. Utter silence met her. For a moment Jaina stood in the doorway, looking at the scene before her. She was at the end of long aisle leading to a covered casket raised on a dais. Kneeling in front of it were five people, all who turned to look at Jaina as well. Jaina sighed and started forward. The only sound in the Hall was the clacking of her won boots on the stone floor, not even a whisper of another sound. Jaina's heart pounded in her ears, but the rhythm of her footsteps was even. Finally she came to the end of the aisle, where she stopped and looked at the five members of her family who knelt there.

Leia Organa Solo stood with in a flourish of robes, her countenance one of frenzied grief. She looked as if she hadn't slept or eaten in days. She looked worse than Jaina had ever seen her. And the stare she fixed Jaina with was harsher than anyone she had ever given her. "What are you doing here?" she hissed into the silence.

Jaina looked to her brothers, who moved away from each other, leaving a space on the ground for her. Jaina lowered herself gracefully between them, then turned to answer her mother. "I am here to say goodbye to my father. Would you deny me my last goodbyes?"

Silence reigned in the convocation room. The loudest noise was the panting breath of the smoldering Chief of State. Finally her face seemed to cave in on itself, as if the fight she had wanted wasn't worth having. She half-knelt half-collapsed onto the floor beside Luke, who took her hand encouragingly. He looked over at Jaina and smiled then, offering welcome. Jaina noted that his skin was an unhealthy gray and his blue eyes lacking their usual shine. He was grieving with the rest of them.

Jaina linked arms silently with her brothers as the service continued as it had before she interrupted. A man Jaina didn't recognize stood on the other side of the bier, reading the ancient Corellian rites of passage. She didn't understand the anile tongue, but knew their meaning well.

Jaina lowered her head and put herself fully in the moment, let her hurting rule the moment. She groaned softly and clutched Jacen and Anakin's hands fiercely between her own. They gripped back, Anakin's so strong she thought the bones in her hand might break. Where he exhibited his pain outwardly, Jacen seemed to shrink under his. His palm was slick with sweat, his hand almost limp in its return embrace. He was lost inside himself, feeling the pain with such an intensity it frightened Jaina. But she knew this was how he handled things. He would let go of everything now, wallow in his sorrow, and after it was over would pick up and move on. This was the only time he would let the pain take control. After this service, it would never have power over him again. Maybe he was better off, she thought.

She looked up at the bier in front of her, looming in its considerable mass. This wasn't her father. Not all of him, at least. It was wreckage gathered from the site of his demise, but there was no assurance that any part of his body rested there. It was a formality, a symbol. It supposedly helped with the closure.

As the service came to a close Jaina rose stiffly to her feet with a little help from Anakin. They were the only ones who knew how she felt, who would ever truly understand her loss. But a sorrow shared was a sorrow halved. Or in this case, trisected. So Jaina leaned on his shoulder—which she realized with a start was now at the height of her own head; where did the time go?—and looped her arm through his. Jacen took her other side, but stood tall beside them. He had grieved, and now he would move on.

Luke helped Leia to her feet beside them. She leaned heavily against him, and Jaina thought she might collapse without his support. Luke and Leia went down the aisle first, and the three siblings followed closely behind. After they were gone the rest of the congregation filed out solemnly.
Leia would make her own address tomorrow when the statue built in his honor was unveiled and dedicated. Jaina was glad of this. It would give them all time to recoup. Jaina didn't want to be blubbering like a fool in the middle of it. In fact, Jaina wasn't even sure she would go. She had paid her respects, and staying any longer seemed pointless. Jag needed her, and she needed him. The more she thought of it, the more staying seemed illogical. As she had vowed the last time she had been on her homeworld, her relationship with him was her priority now. Nothing could get in the way of that.

While the whole of Coruscant was enveloped in artificial light, one pocket of night could be found in the deserted courtyard. Jaina could barely make out the covered sculpture in darkness, but she knew it was there. Lithely she dropped the five meters from her perch on the safety wall into the courtyard. She landed in a crouch then slowly straightened, her muscles taught and bunched under the binding flightsuit. The wind blew her hair in her face, but she pushed it aside as she slowly approached the veiled statue.

A noise wafted to her ears, and Jaina stopped short. Until the next day, this was a restricted area. If someone caught her there with her Imperial identichips...well, Jaina didn't want to think about that. Frozen in place, she listened carefully, trying to decipher what she was hearing. It was a gasping, a wheezing almost. A whimpering, that was it. Someone was crying.

Jaina took a few careful steps foreward and peered into the depths of the night. There, crouched at the base of the statue, was a hooded figure. It was on its knees, hunched over itself under simple robes. Jaina went towards it, deliberately keeping the whisper from her footsteps until she stood beside the hooded one. She stooped next to it. Under the hood was the face so like her own.

Leia turned to look at her eldest child. "Why are you here?" she said softly. There was no evidence in her voice of the tears Jaina had heard.

Jaina looked at the covered statue. "For the same reason you are, I guess."

Leia followed her gaze. "He would have hated this."

Jaina allowed herself a small laugh. "He would have really hated this." She looked at her mother curiously. "You mean you didn't plan this?"

Leia shook her head. "Hardly. I didn't plan any of this. My aides did it all. Today was the first day I've been out of bed since he died."

Jaina bit her lower lip. "Did...did you really love him?"

Leia's head snapped around as if she had been slapped. "How can you even ask that? Han was...Han was my everything. He's still my everything. My life is empty now."

Jaina felt a surge of anger. "Empty, hmm? Nothing to live for? Three children and a galaxy under your care and there's nothing to live for? Oh, that's totally understandable."

Leia looked away. "My children don't need me. You stopped needing me years ago."

Jaina licked her lips nervously. "Perhaps. But what about before then? You had your chance to be a mother to us. And if you had you would have had us to lean on now." Jaina felt a sudden swelling of bitterness. "It's your own fault you're alone."

Leia's tears stained the front of her robe. "I know. I know."

Jaina's heart was hardened to her suffering. "Why did you even have children if you were just going to give them away?"

"I wasn't chief of state when we had the three of you! I didn't know, okay? And then Mon Mothma got sick. She asked me take care of the Republic for her. It took up so much time...and then I started to have fights with Han over it. He said that me being away was why everyone thought it was so easy to kidnap you. That I needed to come home and help him protect you." Leia stopped, choking on long-buried emotions. "I couldn't just abandon the Republic that way. So we decided you should go live with Luke. It was the best thing for everyone."

Jaina rocked back on her heels, not really interested in debating the point. In this at least, she was right. Jaina and Jacen and Anakin had been better off with the Jedi Master, because he had loved them. He had guided them through life and set their feet firmly on the right path. He had given them stability. These were things Jaina could have never gotten at home. "That may be. But you must have not learned the same things in life Uncle Luke did, because he told me something when I was little that you haven't learned yet. He told me that you have to realize what's important to you, and take responsibility for your actions. He was talking about being a Jedi, and knowing where to draw my moral line. But it applies to you as well. You chose to bring three children into the galaxy, and it was your responsibility to take care of us."

"It was also my responsibility to make sure the New Republic was run correctly. And I couldn't pass that on to someone else. But I could make sure you were loved, that you were fed and taught about the Force and learned about everything a child needs to know when becoming an adult. Luke did that for you when I couldn't. I did the responsible thing, whether you accept that or not."

Jaina looked away. "What about the Chiss?"

Leia sighed deeply. "In that I failed you. But I do not regret it. It brought a powerful ally to the Republic that we would have never had otherwise. I had given up responsibility to you, a long time ago but the Republic was still in my care. Like you said, I had to prioritize."

Jaina's gut burned in anger, but almost as soon as it rose it vanished. Jaina didn't want to spend the rest of her life being angry with her. There was nothing she could say that would change the past. But maybe she could change the future. "I don't agree with you; but we don't have to agree on everything. Before I go, Mother, I want to give you something to think about. You've given up your whole life for the Republic. As long as it stands, your life will never be empty. Don't let your whole life have been for nothing. Stand up for them now, Mother, when they really need you! Give this war your all! Join with Empire and the Chiss and defend this galaxy you've sacrificed everything for! Don't let the Yuuzhan Vong take away what you have left. Don't."

Leia just stared pale-faced up into Jaina's eyes. "If I did, would it make up for everything I've done in the past?"

Jaina slowly shook her head. "No. But it would go a long way towards making Jacen and Anakin and me respect you."

Leia looked back down at the ground. Jaina left.

Jagged Fel felt like he was standing at the center of a star, that all the bright light in the galaxy was being directly focused into his eyes. He groaned and drew his hands—that were strangely sluggish—up to cover them. He rubbed vigorously until the light seemed a little less imposing, then opened them a sliver. A featureless chrome droid face looked down at him. "Welcome back, General Fel," it said.

Jag tried to respond, but ended up coughing on his dry throat instead. A cup was put to his lips, and he drank eagerly. Feeling a little better, he turned back to the droid. "Jaina?" he said simply. He couldn't remember where he should be or what had happened to get him there, but he had the distinct impression he should be concerned for her safety.

The Emdee droid treaded past the foot of his bed to read the vital signs on a monitor. "Your wife is not here, I am afraid."

Jag felt his heart constrict into a knot with fear, and the monitor beside his bed's beeping grew more rapid. "Where is she?" he struggled.

"I am not sure," the droid responded, moving to his side. "But she left a datacard for you, if you would like to read it."

Jag nodded vigorously, but relaxed somewhat just knowing that she was alive. The droid left the room for a moment, and when it returned it was carrying a datapad in one of its four arms. Jag snatched it away and turned it on hurriedly. Words appeared immediately on the screen.

Dear Jag,

I don't know what kind of state you'll be in when you get this, so I'm going to cover everything. First, I want to say what an idiot you made of yourself coming after me like that. And I love you so much for it. Sadly, we lost the battle for Ithor. But the only reason we're alive right now is my father. He saved us. But he died doing it. That's why I'm not here with you right now. I need to be on Coruscant for the memorial service. I have to say goodbye, Jag, and thank him for giving us a future. I shouldn't be there long, and hopefully I'll be back by the time you wake up. I hope you can understand why I did this, and know that I would so much rather be there with you. I love you Jag, and I'll come back to you as soon as I can.

Jaina

Jag sat the datapad down in his lap, not sure what to think. His heart ached for Jaina's loss, and he wished he had been awake to comfort her. He couldn't imagine the stress she must have been under, having to leave him alone and injured to pay her last respects to a father that had made the ultimate sacrifice for her. But he couldn't help but be excited by the prospect that he would get to see her again soon. She would come back to him, and then he could show her exactly how much he had missed her.

Jaina watched the service from her TIE fighter Holonet transceiver, hanging above the Coruscanti sky. She would jump to hyperspace after her mother spoke, but until then she was content to wait.

Waroo, Chewbacca's son, was speaking now. The service held in Chewie's memory had been on Kashyyyk the day before, and Waroo had traveled immediately to Coruscant to be there for Han's the next day. He growled and barked in the rumbling Wookiee tongue, and in the background an announcer translated. He told of the lifedebt between their families, and the love and loyalty that would always lie there. He spoke of how his father wouldn't have wanted to die any other way, and he was sure Han Solo had felt the same. After he was done Leia came to stand behind the podium.

She looked a little better than she had been the night before, but still not herself. As she flipped through the flimsiplast sheets in front of her her hands trembled slightly, but her gaze never wavered. When she looked up finally she seemed to be in control of herself. "This day," she began slowly, "is a day I never foresaw. I never dreamed twenty five years ago when a dashing young smuggler rescued me from the heart of the Death Star that one day I would stand next to a memorial in his honor, after sharing a lifetime of memories and love with him.

"Han Solo never aspired to be a hero, and I think that made him all the more heroic. He may not have always played the part, but when the chips were down he never failed me, or the galaxy. He was my rock, my shelter in the storm. With him at my side, there was no problem too great. The galaxy made sense."

Leia paused, but whether out of emotion or dramatic effect Jaina couldn't tell. "And my husband met his end in the noblest of ways. Knowing him as I did, I can say with an honest heart that any lesser death would have been unacceptable to him. He gave his life for one of our children, and for the protection of a galaxy he gave up so much for.

"But the legacy of my husband will not die. He will live forever in our hearts, and will be remembered fondly by a wife, three children, and a grateful galaxy. This, our heritage, our freedom, is his legacy. And that is why we cannot let our way of life fall."

She shifted her stance, seeming to switch subtly from passive to aggressive. "Han and the martyrs at Ithor will not have died in vain, that I swear to you. The Yuuzhan Vong pose a threat not only to our safety, but to our intrinsic way of life. There has not been a more dire threat to this galaxy, to our families, since the Emperor. I will not stand aside now and let them walk freely across our borders and pillage our planets as if the can have anything they want. I state right now with the entire galaxy, the esteemed members of the Senate, and my grieving family that this shall not continue. When I leave here I am immediately going to open negotiations with Grand Admiral Pellaeon of the Imperial Remnant and the Four Ruling Families of the Chiss Ascendancy. Together we will unite and drive back these foes from another galaxy, and together we will emerge strong and victorious."

Jaina smiled from her perch in the vacuum, and cut the connection. She didn't need to see the rest. If Leia Organa Solo never did anything for her again, that would be okay because Jaina would forever be grateful to her mother for this day.