Darkwing Duck: Prince of Thieves
Act IV
Princess Elizabeth stormed across the campsite, her face a mask of strained diplomacy. Gosalyn followed her closely, not the least bit intimidated by the Princess's business-like manner.
"But I don't want to go home!" Gosalyn persisted. "Can't we stay just one more day?"
Elizabeth answered, "No, I want to leave, and I want to leave now." She reached Darkwing's tent and walked right in. "Forgive my intrusion," she began politely, "but Gosalyn and I have been waiting all day long to be returned to our kingdom, as you promised us that you would. Now, if you are unable to do so, I can understand that. Simply loan us some horses, and we'll be on our way ourselves, no bother to anyone."
Darkwing sounded surprised. "Oh... did you want to go home?"
The expression on Elizabeth's face was, in its own way, classic. She couldn't speak for a good thirty seconds, during which time Gosalyn piped up, "I don't want to go home..."
"If... If I somehow failed to make myself clear last night, my apologies are in order," said Elizabeth finally. "But yes, I want to go home. Will you please oblige me that one request? You needn't worry about your reward," she said, a hint of distaste creeping into her voice. "If money is all that you love, then that's what you'll receive."
Darkwing turned to Launchpad, looking genuinely surprised this time. Launchpad shrugged. Darkwing asked, "How much?"
Having found a bargaining chip, Elizabeth decided to use it. "A thousand," she said. That had to be enough. How many poor people were there around here, after all?
Launchpad poked Darkwing on the shoulder. "You gonna take it?" he asked quietly.
Darkwing turned around and whispered to Launchpad. The Princess sighed impatiently. "I don't think so. We can get a lot more than a thousand for ransom."
"Yeah... But maybe she'll go higher if ya ask!"
"Maybe, but this way is more befitting a legendary thief. I mean, we do have a reputation to uphold, after all." He grinned sheepishly. "Besides, I sent the ransom note out to the King already." They turned back to the Princess. "Well, I'd love to take that offer, your Highness, but it'd just be too dangerous!"
She looked completely perplexed. "...Too... Dangerous?"
"The Fearsome Five don't give up easily, you know. If Negaduck and his gang attacked you once, they're certain to try again! In fact, they're probably out there right now, tearing the forest apart, looking for you. You'd be most vulnerable out there in the woods, with no one around to protect you. As long as you're with us, though, you're safe."
Gosalyn whispered, "Wow..."
Elizabeth seemed a bit more skeptical. The indefinite nature of this arrangement bothered her. Darkwing seemed to be implying that, if the Fearsome Five never got around to attacking, then he would never let her leave. The idea might have had its merits for Gosalyn, but she found it deeply disturbing. She probed at Darkwing's interpretation of the situation a little, trying to see exactly how far he could stretch this. "So you're saying that the Fearsome 'Five' is after me. And that if I leave the safety of one band of thieves I'll get taken by another."
Launchpad grinned at her. "Well, they're not as nice as we are." He winked. She looked uncomfortable, and frowned.
"Exactly," said Darkwing. "They're not nice in the least. They're prone to torture, in fact... I can't tell you how many valuable men I've lost to Negaduck and his thumb hangings." He let that thought- which he had made up on the spot- hang in the air for a moment. Gosalyn seemed suitably impressed, but Elizabeth still didn't look convinced.
"Well, who's Negaduck? He wasn't with the Fearsome Four... ah, Five... when they attacked us," asked Elizabeth. It dawned on her that if there was a fifth member, that was probably why they called themselves the Fearsome Five. The possibility of another member hadn't occurred to her, and she was suddenly a little embarrassed.
"Oh, he's the leader of the Fearsome Five. By themselves, Megavolt, Bushroot, Quackerjack, and the Liquidator are all pretty dangerous enemies," said Launchpad.
"Well, to someone less experienced, maybe, but to Darkwing Duck, they're all less than important. Worthy. Almost. Almost worthy... foes, that's a good word... on their own," interjected Darkwing.
"Right!" said Launchpad, as if he had suddenly been reminded of what a great guy Darkwing was. "Anyway, by themselves they're almost worthy. But then Negaduck suggested that they band together so that they could get rid of DW and take over Santa Canardia. And since there were five of them, they called themselves..."
"The Fearsome Five. Yeah, I kinda guessed," said Elizabeth, with a touch of impatience. "But my question was, 'Who is Negaduck?' And why haven't I heard of the Five before this? I've lived in Santa Canardia all my life!"
Darkwing fielded this question. "You haven't heard of them because I've done such a great job of keeping them from conquering your kingdom. I've kept the Fearsome Five at bay so effectively that the inhabitants have never even realized that they were in danger! As for who Negaduck is, well, he's the only one of the Five who's really given me trouble. I hate to admit it, but he's a genius. No one else could get those lunatics to work together the way he did, and even though I've been able to fend them off each time they've attacked Santa Canardia, I've never actually permanently defeated them. Negaduck and I are almost at matching intellects. Fortunately, I'm still a bit ahead of him in terms of smarts."
Elizabeth sighed loudly. "Do you really expect me to believe--"
A member of Darkwing's band rushed in. "Sir! I just got news. The Fearsome Five is on the lookout for our hideout!"
"Hey! Great! Ah, I mean- Now that we know, they don't have much of an advantage over us! Thank you."
"My pleasure, sir." The thief saluted and left.
Elizabeth said, quietly, "Do you promise to take me home soon?"
Darkwing nodded. "Right after we defeat the Fearsome Five." It dawned on him that this was too soon, though. He needed a way to extend the time before they defeated the Five. "Ah, but we can't risk you getting hurt while you're here. Why don't we just go to the secret hideout?"
"That could work," said Launchpad, considering.
"Of course it could."
Elizabeth thought of something. "Excuse me, but why is it safer to take us to this hideout than it is to take me home?"
There was a pause, which surprised her. Eventually Darkwing sputtered, "W-well, the hideout is secret, and... Your castle... isn't?"
"Don't worry about it, Beth, I'll be lookin' over ya the whole way," said Launchpad. Elizabeth flushed and stopped speaking. Launchpad was momentarily surprised by her reaction- hadn't she ever been protected by someone before? He thought back to Darkwing's order earlier, to pretend to be interested in her in order to keep her off-guard. Whatever he'd just said, it seemed to be doing the job pretty nicely.
Darkwing was grateful for the diversion, as well as to Launchpad for remembering his part in this plot. "We can leave behind a few of the men to throw the Five off our trail. Get the girls some blindfolds, and we'll get going."
"The girls?!" exclaimed Elizabeth, even more offended this time than she'd been at the first usage of that term, just as Gosalyn cried out, "Blindfolds?!"
"Yes, blindfolds. If you saw how to get there, it wouldn't be a secret hideout anymore, would it?" said Darkwing. Gosalyn took the implied cue and quit arguing.
Less than a half an hour later, the Fearsome Five (Four) had tracked down the camp where Darkwing's men had been staying. Enraged to find no trace of either Darkwing or the Princess, they began trashing the camp grounds and then moved on to interrogate the remaining men.
"You must know where he went!" accused Bushroot spitefully to the two guards the Four were interrogating. Harry looked at them through half-lidded eyes and said nothing.
"Sorry, dudes, but it's like they disappeared off the face of the earth!" said Ted. His hair fell into his face, blocking his eyes. His hands had been tied behind his back, so he blew upward to get the hair out of his eyes. It lifted upward quickly, but as soon as he stopped blowing, it drifted back downward and blinded him again.
"Liar, liar, pants on fire," taunted Quackerjack.
"In a blind taste test, most of Darkwing's gang said that he had a hideout!" said the Liquidator. "Is it behind door number one, door number two, or door number three?"
"Hideout? Someone gave you bogus info, dudes. I never heard of any hideout," said Ted. He was trying his best, but what that evil dude with the bells on had said was true- he sucked at lying. If Harry would just go through with his part of the plan, then the Five would go on and leave them alone... but was being as quiet as ever. Bogus. He glanced over at Harry, who had somehow managed to get a toothpick into his mouth with his hands tied behind his back. Harry looked straight ahead, not worried in the slightest. Ted, on the other hand, was getting really worried. Someone could get hurt if they didn't act soon.
"Hey, this is a great opportunity," said Megavolt, chuckling. "If you continue not to tell us anything useful, I can let off all that extra energy I've had building up for so long!" He grinned, and began to glow faintly. Ted gulped, but remained silent.
"Welp," piped up Harry suddenly. "I reckon I kin tell ya where they wandered off to."
Ted was so relieved that he broke into a huge grin. Harry was going to do his job after all! Excellent! Harry looked back at him soberly, and Ted remembered that he wasn't supposed to let on that this was a trick. He tried to look as serious as possible.
"What?! How come you didn't say anything up until now?" asked Megavolt.
"Y'didn't ask me," said Harry. He chewed on his toothpick silently, watching the Four as they grew more and more antsy.
"Well? Where are they?" asked Bushroot.
"Welp, since y'asked," said Harry. He spoke slowly, as usual, and paused to spit out the toothpick before continuing. "The secret hangout is a big ol' tree that ain't got no innards. It's out in the middle o' the forest. Find that tree, an' you'll catch up with 'em right well, I reckon."
The faces of the Fearsome Four lit up eagerly. "What tree is it?" asked Bushroot.
"I forget," replied Harry. Ted grinned again.
"Who cares? We got 'em! How many trees can there be in this forest?" cried Quackerjack enthusiastically, flipping about the tent. "Let's get going!"
A little doubtfully, the others followed, getting headaches as they thought of the amount of trees that could be hollow.
"Thanks, man, you saved my butt," said Ted to Harry as soon as the Fearsome Four were gone.
"Yep."
"I just can't believe that this is your hideout!" exclaimed Elizabeth incredulously as she looked around the inside of the building. It wasn't just a building; it was a castle. Literally. Just the hall, which they were currently standing in, was enormous. Darkwing led the other three through the dim interior, while Launchpad fielded Elizabeth's incessant questions.
"Why on earth do you hide out in a castle?" she asked.
"Well, we found it, it was empty, and no one expects it from thieves," answered Launchpad. He chuckled. For some reason, Elizabeth sniffed and turned her head away from him.
"You found it, LP," Darkwing corrected him. "Launchpad found it on his own, and suggested we sort of co-opt it," he explained to Gosalyn and Elizabeth.
"Wow," said Gosalyn, her eyes trained on Darkwing. "A real secret hideout." Darkwing half-expected her to start taking notes on what he was saying, she was listening so intently.
"Yep, it ain't much, but we call it home," replied Darkwing casually, as if he had found the castle himself.
"Not much?! It's huge! Well, for a summer castle, anyway. That's what this is. It's too small to be a part of the main castle, and much too far removed. I wonder why my parents don't use it anymore?"
Launchpad was impressed; this was the first time he'd really heard her talk without having her guard way up. "Who says it belongs to your parents?" he asked, grinning. Elizabeth's expression became confused. Launchpad opened a door. "Here's the kitchen."
It was surprisingly small and simple, with the typical stove, counter, and other kitchen type things. The only other furnishing was a sturdy wooden table in the middle of the room. Apparently this room served as the dining room, too. "I can have some soup fixed up in about ten minutes... Got a match, DW?" he asked.
"A match... Now, I'm pretty sure that's an anachronism, although I can't really be sure...," mumbled Elizabeth to herself.
Gosalyn rolled her eyes and shrugged as Darkwing and Launchpad looked at her questioningly. Darkwing reached into his pocket and gave Launchpad a book of matches, and after a minute or so of fumbling with them, he got the stove lit.
"You cook?" asked Elizabeth, startled.
"Yeah. I like to," replied Launchpad good-humoredly.
"Oh." Elizabeth wondered why she found this to be so... startling. It just didn't fit with her impression of him- rough, uncouth, rude. Not mean, just... thoughtless. After all, he wasn't acting angry towards her at all for her 'introduction' to him, but his behavior still made her nervous. Was this his form of revenge? She did feel bad about hitting him, but... She couldn't find a way to apologize, because she knew what he'd think if she brought it up now. If he got mad and yelled at her, she could have a reason to dislike him and argue with him. Even if he politely told her it was okay, and then avoided her for awhile that still would be okay. But no- if she brought it up now, he would think she was... interested. It was too late, the time had passed. That... jerk, she thought, still unable to find a better word.
Darkwing noticed the slightly vacant expression on Elizabeth's face, and turned to Gosalyn. "Anyone home in there?"
Gosalyn shook her head. "Not right now. If she gets like this you kinda have to wait for her to snap out of it. When you wake her up she gets sort of disoriented. Hey, Darkwing, how old were you when you started feeling like an adventurer?"
"Oh, I don't know, about nine or ten, I guess-" he stopped, noticing that her face had lit up at that. "O-of course, I was about fifteen by the time I acted on it!" Her face fell.
"Oh," she said simply. He wondered which was worse, upsetting her by keeping her out of the team, or risking her life by letting her in?
"Soup's on!" announced Launchpad, filling a bowl and setting it in front of Elizabeth. "Hope you don't mind ham."
Elizabeth jumped slightly, color coming to her cheeks, and she seemed to take a moment to remember where she was. Then she said stiffly, "I don't eat ham."
Launchpad set a bowl in front of Gosalyn, and offered one to Darkwing, who passed. "Is that a Princess thing?" he asked. Elizabeth's face hardened, and she picked up a spoon, never breaking eye contact with Launchpad.
The soup wasn't great. In fact, it was far from it. Gosalyn swallowed a spoonful, and tears came to her eyes. She gagged and spit what she could out onto a napkin, and then wiped it over her tongue to get rid of the taste. She looked at Elizabeth and was startled to see that the Princess had drained most of the bowl already.
"How can you eat this?" Gosalyn whispered.
"Queen Binkie liked to cook meals for us. You get used to it," she answered. She slammed the spoon down. "Done," she announced.
"Glad ya liked it!" said Launchpad. Elizabeth let out an irritated breath and turned away from him.
Bushroot groaned and sagged against a tree. The tree obligingly lowered its limb as a seat, and Bushroot sat down and rested. "You guys, we've been looking for so long already!" he whined. "I don't think the stupid tree is here--" His sentence ended abruptly as the tree withdrew its limbs out from under him and he landed heavily on the ground. "Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean you!"
Megavolt walked over and yanked Bushroot to his feet. "Hey, this is the only lead we've got, and we've gotta use it! Negaduck will murder us if we don't!"
The Liquidator poked his head out of a hole in a tree. "93 of the people in our 'Man-on-the-Street survey' preferred life to dealing with Negaduck!"
Bushroot slumped again. "Yeah, but we've been at this for two days already! And no sign of 'em! Don't you think maybe..."
"I think maybe you're just goin' soft, Twiggy!" Megavolt poked his fellow villain in his chest.
Bushroot slapped his hand away. "I am not... Sparky."
Almost as vindication of Bushroot's proclamation, Megavolt sparked at this. "Don't call me that--!"
"Ooh! Fight!" said Quackerjack, and ran over to observe them. "My money's on Bushroot."
The Liquidator looked around at all the trees in the area warily. "No bet," he said.
Mr. Banana Brain spoke up. "I'll lay odds to that!"
"You're on!" cried Quackerjack challengingly.
Apparently not realizing his advantage, Bushroot backed off. "Hey, look, what we really ought to be doing right now is finding that Princess!"
"Methinks the plant has a point," said the Liquidator.
"Yeah, for once Twiggy's not just being a fraidy-cat!" Quackerjack laughed.
Bushroot mumbled, "I'm not a fraidy-cat..." as the other three began to search deeper into the forest. He kicked dejectedly at a rock, and followed them.
Elizabeth stood on the balcony outside the room she slept in and watched the sun come up. She had done this for the past two mornings, since she found sleeping difficult in such an unfamiliar place. She still hoped to go home any day now, but that hope simply wasn't paying off. It was like in three days, her life had turned upside down, and everyone was able to follow it but her.
Launchpad was jogging. This was something that he did every morning, and Elizabeth had discovered that she had a pretty good view of his route from her balcony. She was impressed. He was in very good shape. Darkwing had some sort of strange workout that he did at breakfast, but he didn't wake up until after 10 am. Gosalyn was begging him to let her try, but Elizabeth wasn't especially interested in it. Of course, she didn't watch Launchpad for any reason other than boredom. He was still a jerk, after all.
Nothing had really changed between them. He still made her nervous- in fact, he seemed to go out of his way to accomplish this. Did he realize that his behavior was so unnerving to her? Was this his revenge of some sort? Or was she supposed to like it? Because she didn't. Not really. Not at all, even.
She sighed and headed back inside her room. He probably thought she was a snob. If he wasn't being overtly... "friendly", he was making some kind of Princess crack, and that made her feel horrible. Okay, so she was sheltered. So she wasn't used to the life of a thief. She didn't mean to come across as a snob! It just... happened sometimes. Especially when she was talking to him. It was her only protection, it seemed. She wondered if everyone thought this about her- that she felt she was better than they were. It wasn't true, not at all. She wished she did feel superior, to anyone, just once. If only she could make Launchpad understand that...
Oh, why was she thinking about this? Launchpad's opinion of her barely mattered in the long run, because soon she'd be away from here and never have to think of him again.
Except every day, it seemed less and less likely that she'd ever get to leave.
Launchpad was still working on perfecting coffee. Since he was always up before Darkwing, he tended to busy himself making breakfast, although Darkwing insisted that he only wanted coffee in the morning. Not that Launchpad minded this; it meant more for him. But he had yet to make a really good cup of coffee, and it was becoming something of a contest for him. Darkwing never mentioned whether he liked it or not, but Launchpad watched his facial expression, and there was always something... missing from it, it seemed.
"Here ya go, DW! New blend!" he said cheerfully.
Darkwing eyed the mug warily before picking it up and sipping at it tentatively. Deeming it worthy, he relaxed a little and took a big gulp. Launchpad watched him. Still not perfect, but at least Darkwing wasn't spitting it out anymore. He grinned. "So, any news yet from the King?"
Darkwing set the mug down and held a finger to his bill in a shushing manner. "Not so loud! They could be around here anywhere!" He looked around carefully and then spoke in cautious tones. "Still no word. I don't get it. I sent that messenger out three days ago! Nobody can take that long!"
Terry looked up as someone entered her pub. A young male duck with dark hair and an angry look marched up to her and demanded, "Where is the Muddlefoot's castle!?"
"You again?" asked Terry. She would have recognized him from Darkwing's band of thieves even if he hadn't been in the pub for directions four times already. "Look, for the last time, all you have to do is go out, turn left, then go straight for about three streets. Then you turn right, and... Honestly, I don't see how you can miss it! It's a castle, after all!"
The man blinked. "It's not my fault! It seems like the more I go towards it, the farther away it gets!" He straightened his broad shoulders and lifted his chin. "Today, I will get there. Today! I swear it!" With that, he ran out of the store, and turned right instead of left. Terry wasn't sure, but she had a feeling he'd done that every time he'd been in here.