"What makes you think Obi-Wan wouldn't make you a good master, Ani?" I asked, patting the bedside next to me and indicating Anakin should sit there.
His face scrunched as he blurted out, "He was your padawan, and you were willing to replace him with me. I – I must be better, or stronger, than he, so how can he train me?"
"Replace Obi-Wan, no!" I was a bit shocked at his thought.
This was the crux of his concern. That statement of mine in the Council chamber was what would become the first great misstep in many. It was the seed of much that was to come, and I didn't recognize it. None of us did. If we had…perhaps so much would have been different.
"I knew Obi-Wan would soon be knighted and would no longer be my padawan. I wanted you to be his successor, not his replacement." No one could ever replace Obi-Wan. I wondered if both of them thought this was true, and if so, I had to make sure both of them knew the truth.
"You are the Chosen One, Anakin. That makes you special. But even as special as you are, I would not allow you to displace Obi-Wan until his spot at my side was vacated. Now it is, and I would take you as my padawan if I thought it would be fair to you. But it isn't. The healers tell me I will be bedridden for a while. You need a master now, not in months. If I had died, you would have needed a new master, then too. The Force has seen fit to make another your master. You must accept that. The Force is what guides us at all times. Even if against our heart."
Stubborn little boy. His lips quivered but he remained silent, bright blue eyes shining with tears under the curtain of his hair. I almost relented then.
"You want to be a Jedi, Anakin. It's time to start behaving like one. Be brave, and face what life gives you." I rubbed a finger over his lips and he nodded uncertainly, then leaned forward and wrapped his arms around me, carefully this time. I hugged him back.
I looked over his head, out the window. It was a beautiful sunny day, and my lips curved in a soft smile. I was alive, and so were my two young friends. Life had been good, to grant me this.
"Will you accept Obi-Wan as your master?" I asked, turning my attention back to him. "If you really object, I suppose we could see…of course, perhaps he won't ask you…." I let my words trail off. As expected, my words acted as a challenge.
Anakin's head came up and he stared at me in surprise. "You…you mean…he might not want me?"
He hadn't even thought of this possibility, and it startled him. It even seemed to scare him a bit. I could see him bit his lip and look around as if answers were hidden in the room. I could see the possibility of some unknown master threw him, and as his mind puzzled through all the possibilities, I could see him start to panic.
"What if he doesn't want me?"
He was just coming to terms with the idea of Obi-Wan as his master, and now he was really confused and feeling twice rejected. That wasn't the reaction I had wanted.
"Oh, I'm sure he wants you," I said hurriedly. "I didn't mean to scare you. He will be good to you, Ani, you'll see. So, is it okay if he trains you?" My tone was now softly cajoling and I put a bit of Force emphasis behind my words.
"He's…okay, I guess," he said reluctantly, and a big grin slowly split his face. "I can get used to anything, so I guess I can get used to him."
I smiled at him. Now, I needed to persuade Obi-Wan.
I waited until later in the day when Obi-Wan showed up to sit with me. We remained in companionable silence for a while.
"This is a beautiful planet, Master," he said suddenly, apropos of nothing. "I would remember this place with sadness had things turned out otherwise. I am glad to leave it with nothing worse than mixed memories. To almost lose you…and then to get my heart's desire."
He turned his soft eyes on me and smiled. "I would have traded my knighting for your life without hesitation, had it come to that."
"It didn't, padawan, it didn't," I reassured him, "But I appreciate the thought. So, when's your knighting ceremony? I have looked forward to it since the day – that day we swore an oath to each other. You promised to obey me, and I would say you pretty well managed to keep that part of the oath, even when you were a bratty teenager."
"I wasn't that bratty, was I?" He looked at me, startled, and I could see him searching his memories. I only laughed and winked at him.
"Not really; I heard I had it quite well compared to what some of your age mates put their masters through." I rather remembered how put out some of the masters had been when I would sit quietly listening to their exchanges and sighs over their padawans. I always felt a bit guilty, so once in a while would find some minor incident to embellish. After all, it was for Obi-Wan's own sake.
In my experience, no padawan deserved a reputation for being perfect, and of course, none were. Even Obi-Wan. When one was perfect, the standard was too high to live up to and inevitably, at some point, the padawan would not achieve it.
"So, you haven't answered me, padawan. Until I remove that braid, I expect you to continue obeying me." I grinned, grabbing it and giving it a slight tug. "The ceremony?"
"When will you be well enough to attend, Master?" his voice was mischievous, and I waggled a finger at him.
"I would climb out of this bed this minute if I needed to, don't think I wouldn't. Has Yoda said whether we'd have it here, or wait until our return to the Temple?"
"The Temple, I think. That'll give you a few more days to recuperate. Besides, I have to construct a new lightsaber first, according to Yoda. He's making arrangements for me to borrow a small ship to get to Ilum."
Ever-considerate. I didn't really care, yet it seemed somehow fitting that it be at the Temple. That was how I always imagined it. What a triumphant return for Obi-Wan that would be.
I suddenly determined we would add some of the old rituals to the ceremony, and there would be a few items to acquire to do so. This would work out well, and the ceremony would make quite a transition from Obi-Wan's past to his future. Besides, I had forgotten about his lost lightsaber. He needed one for the ceremony.
Newly returned, newly knighted with a new padawan, in new quarters. A new beginning.
"Now, master, you've got that gleam in your eye," Obi-Wan said, holding up his hands and backing away from me with a mock-horrified look.
"Fright ill becomes you, Obi-Wan!" I chided, and then smiled to show my words were in jest. "No, I was just planning…I've waited many years for your knighting, padawan mine. I want it to be worthy of you – you will face so many changes on your return. Home, knighted…a master?"
Obi-Wan merely sighed. "I have nothing against the boy," he admitted. "I doubt my ability to train him – with his background – with all the changes going on. I know there is only 'do, or do not, there is no try,' as Master Yoda tells all the initiates. I have no other candidate in mind, for all this is very unexpected, you must remember. Were it my choice, I would not take a padawan for a year or more."
"I trust you, Obi-Wan,' I said simply. "Accept him, for me. He will accept you. We have spoken."
"Yes, Master," he said softly.
Our fate was now all but sealed.
I was restlessly staring out the window, wanting nothing more than to be on my feet and moving around. I have never taken pleasure in simple lazing around, and the atmosphere was not conducive to meditation. I had already chased one medical droid away, just to amuse myself, only to smirk through a well-meant lecture by a healer on the necessity of not exerting myself.
Later that day, Anakin and Obi-Wan came in together. Anakin had the smallest of braids woven into his hair, and a small nerf-tail, as I saw when he turned his head away for a minute. I grinned, for now it was official. Anakin was a Jedi padawan – my grand padawan.
Once decided on a course of action, Obi-Wan never hesitated. He was his own man now, and he had gone ahead and spoken to Anakin once he had made a decision.
Both of them looked reasonably pleased with themselves, and I had to laugh softly. When I had asked Obi-Wan to be my padawan, both of us had been solemn and moved, and I had sensed a deep sense of contentment within my new padawan, as well as a glimmer of the same awaiting me.
These two were different. Both of them were drawn together in a common sense that they were facing the unknown: Obi-Wan on his acceptance back at the Temple and Anakin among strangers in a lifestyle he – quite frankly – would find confusing.
None of us knew just how confusing Anakin would find it, and how hard to adapt to Jedi culture would be for him. None of us could have prepared him, and none of us could have helped him deal better with it. To us, it was home and all we knew – the only lifestyle we knew.
To Anakin, it would be like learning a new language and a new dedication. He was at a difficult age for this – had he been younger, or even a bit older, it would have made it easier.
Even I, who understood his need for approval and validation, would have slid into old Jedi habit and expected Anakin to seek that which he needed from within, just as I had expected the same from Obi-Wan as time went by.
If only I – we – had had eyes then to see what later became clear.
"I am so pleased," I said softly to both of them. "Both of you – you know either of you can come to me at any time, but I have enough wisdom to let you work out your own relationship, so don't expect me to hang around you both trying to direct your destinies."
My padawan only threw a mock-glare at me. "He's my padawan, Master, so you'd better." Anakin only stifled a giggle.
Obi-Wan and Anakin were careful not to tire me out, so I was bored and more than ready to visit when Yoda and Mace arrived. I was surprised to see an actual smile on Mace's face as he entered my room. We respected each other, but we had very different views of the Force and how to serve it.
"Qui-Gon, I am glad to see you recovering," he said, advancing close to my side and gripping my arm in his hand. "We feared the worst when young Kenobi contacted us."
"That young scamp didn't neglect to advise I was alive, did he? I thought I taught him to make better reports than that." I was surprised and dismayed.
"No, no – he reported you were badly hurt and that was why he was contacting us rather than you," Mace assured me.
"Strained, his voice was," Yoda added. "Serious we knew it was."
They repeated Obi-Wan's preliminary as well as his full report, and I had little additional to add. He had done an admirable job, though I thought he downplayed his role just a bit. He hadn't mentioned Anakin in his first report, but Anakin's role wasn't known to him at that time.
"Return to Coruscant shortly, your padawan's knighting ceremony to take place," Yoda said gruffly. "To Ilum he has gone, a new lightsaber to make. Meet us at the Temple, he will."
"No," I shook my head suddenly. "No, I don't want to return to the Temple without him at my side. Not again. Please."
"Qui-Gon," Mace started to say, but I interrupted him. I was sure he was going to say a Jedi feels no emotion, let it go, the past is behind us, something like that to soothe me. I didn't care.
"No, Mace," I said with all the determination I could muster. "It's not too much to ask. It'll be the last time we'll return together, as a team. I want this last time."
Mace looked at Yoda, and Yoda merely sighed.
"Contact young Obi-Wan we will; change his destination we will. Defy us again, you do." His words may have been severe, but I saw how his ears swiveled. I merely smiled.