Inside, was a sight of pure horror.
"ARRRRRGH! CHO CHUNG! MY EYES! MY EYES!"
"JESUS! SHE'S MAKING-OUT... WITH A BOY!"
"HOW CAN YOU? THAT'S DISGUSTING! HE'S GAY!" Spoons announced, pointing at Davies menancingly.
"HETROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE DISGUSTING!"
"YOU SINNERS!"
"CRIME AGAINST NATURE!"
This continued for sometime. Knives suddenly stopped.
"GUYS?!"
"What?"
"WHY!?"
"Calm down Pride, but listen! I-if our yaoi senses led us to a," she looked around. "Sexuality-that-must-not-be-named, that means that... WE AREN'T YAOI FANGIRLS!"
All three ran around screaming in horror and terror for about 15 minutes. Until Spoons stopped.
"Or that means that Cho is a boy..."
Silence...
A murmur of "That makes sense." was started.
Smirking, the Utensils turned to face Cho and Davies. Cho shuffled uncomfortably.
"Uh... well... you see..." Cho said, voice still high-pitched.
"Drop the act, fugly girl/man," Knives ordered.
"D-d-dude look like a lady!" Forks sung, head-banging.
"So, she's a he, and he's secretly gay but pretends to be a girl to get men," they pieced together.
"Like Kakashi."
"HIIIIII!"
The Utensils froze, glancing at each other in amazement.
"How does she always know?"
A girl burst into the room. "WHO CALLED MY KAKASHI GAY?"
Forks hid behind Spoons, Knives hid behind Forks. Spoons cowered, holding a scythe in front of them protectively.
"You guys are stingy, why am I always the shield?" she moaned.
"Shut up, Pride! Was it you?"
"No, GP! Sporks! Ma'am!"
Forks peeked over Spoons's shoulder.
"Well, GP... um... M-maybe Kakashi doesn't know his sexuality..." She quickly darted behind Spoons again.
GP gave them a death glare.
"WHAT. DO .YOU. MEAN. BY. THAT, HI?" She ground out, lacing each syllabe with poison and the promise of a merciless death...
Spoons peeked from behind her scythe. "I think what Forks meant was that since you keek ... um, Kakashi in a bag all the time he doesn't know if he's gay or-"
SMACK!
The three girls were running for their lives as Splades came at them with her trusty axe.
"WHY DID YOU SAY THAT, FORKS?!"
"I THOUGHT SHE WOULD LET HIM OUT OF THE BAG!"
Harry watched them pass, blinking owlishly. He sighed. "Bother!"
"AHHHHH!"
Harry fell over.
"Haha, got you Harry!"
"RON!"
Whilst Ron was forcibly ravishing Harry (aka, raping), Sporks was chasing down the other Utensils. They were all screaming at the top of their voices, begging for their lives and screaming over fandoms.
"THIS IS WORSE THAN SAYING SIRIUS IS GAY!"
"HE IS!"
"NO HE'S NOT! NO WAY!"
"SPORKS, DON'T MAKE ME BOOT YOU!"
"YOU WOULDN'T DARE, PRIDE!"
Knives suddenly stopped, sniffing the air. She wrinkles her nose in disgust.
"GP, kill us later - yaoi is occuring."
"Oh god, you're not gonna drag me -"
"FORCEFUL yaoi which isn't HAWT."
Spoons stiffened. "OROCHIMARU'S RAPING YUKI! THE MOSTEROUS PEDOPHILE!"
Sweatdrops.
"...some how I don't think so, Pride..."
Spoons grumbled and crossed her arms. "I get credit for imagination."
The others nodded. Knives polished her giant ass sword, Forks put on her boxing gloves putthing the yaoi fics aside for now, and Pride whipped out her trusty scythe. Sporks looked at them like they were crazy.
"You guys aren't seriously going to go and ... do whatever you're going to do?"
Forks winked. "Believe it, baby."
"HI, DID YOU JUST CALL ME BABY!?"
Forks ran, as did everyone else.
Spoons slapped Forks over the head. "YOU GET HER ANGRY ALL THE TIME!"
"I try…"
Harry was crying. A lot. They could tell listening through the door.
"Ahh! THAT HURTS!"
Knives, Forks and Spoons grinned. "Who do you think it is?"
"Orochimaru."
"Pride, I think you're obsessed..." Sporks sighed.
"...well... erm... he called Tsunade princess!"
"That's a real bad excuse."
"Spoons secretly likes Orochimaru?" Forks considered, shuddering.
"I don't! I just like mocking him!"
"ARRRRRRGGGGGH!"
Spoons kicked the door open. "AH FUCK! NO! THAT'S NOT HOT! THAT'S NO GOOD!"
"SO MANY DISTURBING IMAGES IN ONE DAY!"
Sporks threw up, before pulling out her axe. The others ran around screaming and being down right idiots.
THUD!
Everyone looked up at Sporks, amazed.
"I think you should stop," she said, coolly, pulling her axe from the ground.
The girls looked at Sporks in awe.
"Wow…"
"Cool…"
"Pie…"
Sporks glared viciously at Ron. "Ron, you're a cool character, don't get me wrong-"
"SHE CALLED ME COOL, EVERYBODY!!"
"Shut up, Ron!"
"But you are rather annoying and pansy-ish. Therefore you must die."
"Yeah!"
"Stupid!"
"FUGLY!"
Ron made a noise that sounded like Chewbaka mixed with a snore, grabbed Harry under one arm, and ran off with surprising speed …leaving the Utensils pissed, astounded, and a bit disturbed all in one. They blinked owlishly. Spoons scratched her head.
"Wow... um..."
"Uhh..."
"Yeeeeeeah..."
…
All Utensils looked at each other forming a mental confirmation.
"DRACOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Draco was doing his own thing - meaning his nails - when the Utensils ran up to him, babbling.
"What do you want, womans?"
"Ron kidnapped Harry!"
"And is raping him!"
"And it's not in the good way... it's not smexy!"
"IT'S MESSED UP!" All the Utensils yelled.
"...fine, I'll go..."
Spoons glared.
"Have SOME compassion, man! Your true love is being raped by the ugliest thing to hit the planet aside from Joan Rivers!"
Draco shrugged and stood up.
"Oh, damn." He looked pitiful. "The polish isn't dry yet. This could be-"
"DON'T CARE! JUST GO!"
He was shoved to the door.
"Fine! I'm going! Jeez..."
Forks sniffed and wiped an imaginary tear. "There goes the bravest man on earth..."
The other, aside from Sporks, bowed their heads.
"Amen..."
Silence...
"You guys are pathetic. I'm off to talk with Kakashi."
"He's here?" Spoons asked, blinking in surprise. "When I was in Konoha, I could've sworn I saw him making out with Iruka-sensei..."
Knives and Forks winced.
"Pride! I thought you knew better! DAMMIT KAKASHI ISN'T GAY!"
Spoons walked over, reaching up to pat Sporks on the head. "There, there. I know what it's like to have a crush on a gay character."
Sporks twitched. "PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE!"
"You had a crush on a male character?" Forks asked, amazed and horrified.
"I was ten. It was Tidus... ew..."
No-one else knew what she was saying, as usual, but nodded and smiled.
"Let's go after Draco!" Knives suggested, grinning.
Sporks glared and sulked, but followed nevertheless a little irked about the accusation of Kakashi being gay (which he is, I mean look at his hair!). Forks and Spoons walked into a wall reading yaoi fanfics, giggling about how this and that should have been done, and Knives was a little ahead scouting the way.
"SEXY ELVEN BISHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-"
Sweatdrops.
"Aragorn, go away."
Draco, on the other hand, calmly walked down the corridor and sighed. Another menacing problem to deal with, per usual.
"Ron, there's a girl here to see you."
That should have the loser packing this way...
"SEXY ELVEN BISHIIIIIIIII-"
Forks smacked him.
"YOU GET A JOB, ARAGORN!"
Sulking, Aragorn disappeared.
"Isn't he a fairy king or something?" Spoons asked.
She was immediately glared at.
"Hey, I've got Harry," Draco announced, holding a crying and half-naked ex-mullet man.
"That was fast," Knives observed, "how?"
"You're an Indian?"
"No, how did you do it!"
"Magic," Draco replied flatly, walking away.
Spoons gagged suddenly.
"What's wrong, Pride?"
"Harry looked like Voldemort before he was dropped into that pot in the 4th movie..."
A pregnant pause...
"...EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!"
Sporks sighed and walked away. Knives stretched.
"Now, we have to get those bags holding the Gravi characters, find where ever Sasuke and Naruto went and nab Envy and Ed."
They sighed.
"The life of a Utensil-"
"-is very hard. That is what we say-"
"-so thank god for the gay."
All bowed their heads.
"Amen."
"You guys are idiots!"
"Shut up, Sporks!"
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!"
"... I love you?"
"You are so whipped, man."
"You shut up."
Spoons smiled, giggling. "Can we go after Ed and Envy first?"
The others rolled their eyes.
"Pride, I think you have a problem..." Forks sighed.
"It IS smexy," Knives agreed.
"...isn't that the one with the guy who looks like a girl?" Sporks asked.
"ENVY IS NOT A GIRL! HE'S HAD A VERY, VERY DIFFICULT LIFE! HONESTLY, A COMPILATION OF A MILLION SOULS, ABANDONNED BY HIS BASTARD FATHER AND MANIPULATED BY HIS MOTHER! ENVY-SAMA IS A HERO!" Spoons bellowed, teary-eyed.
"...and yet he's the villain."
"Shuddup."
Knives sighed. "Alright, let's do this. Pride you go after Ed and Envy, Forks you go after the Gravi cast, and I'll go after Sasu and Naru."
"But I wanted to go after them!"
"NO! TAKE WHAT YOU GET!"
Forks grumbled and obliged.
"Fine, but don't blame me when I behead Tatsuha..."
A moment of weird silence...
"Um... okay..."
"I'll do it, man..."
"Riiiight, Forks. Anyway, keep your cells on in case of an emergency and keep an eye peeled for-"
Spoons took out a potatoe peeler with a flourish.
Knives sighed. "It's an expression, Pride."
"Aw, I thought we were going to peel someone's eye!" She gave a pointed look in Ron's general direction.
"My ass is even more rashed now!"
"I TOLD YOU WE DON'T CARE YOU FUCKING MOFO BUSH BABY!" Spoons screamed, booting Ron yet again.
"Whoa! He went through the roof! Nice, Pridie!"
"What about GP?" Spoons asked, looking around for Sporks.
IN A RANDOM SECLUDED AREA BECAUSE HOGWARTS IS DAMN BIG...
"I love you Kakashi!" Sporks hugged him not noticing he was sending Help Signals to the student pointing and laughing at them from a window.
Spoons gave an irked smile.
"She's with Kakashi. Who is sending Help Signals. To a student pointing and laughing. At them from a window."
Silence...
"Pride, I think that's enough cordial for today..."
"No faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair!" Spoons whinned, hitting a high octive.
"Ow! You trying to take an eye out?"
"...gimme a plain roll."
Sweatdrops.
"Let's all split up and get to work on that yaoi, okay?" Knives sighed.
ZOOOOOOOM! Off they raced, in different directions, which stops it from being a real race. Shut up.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE SHUICHIYUKITOHMARYUICHITATSUHAK AND MR. KUUUUUUUUUUMA!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE-" Forks shouted shrilly throughout the castle. "HEEEEEEEEEEE-"
The chimey version of Joy to The World rang. Forks picked up her cell.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Forks..."
"Hi, Pride!"
"Forks do me a favor, kay?"
"Yeah, anything!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"
Forks held the receiver away rom her ear.
Dial tone.
Forks glowered.
"Heeeeere ShuichiYukiTohmaRyuichiTatsuhaK and Mr. Kuuuuma..."
Cackling, Spoons continued her search.
"Ready steady can't hold me back..."
Nothing.
"Ready steady never look back..."
Zilch.
"Ready steady gimme good luck..."
Zippo.
"LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GOOOOOOOOOO!"
Still no sign of life.
"...my plan could use some work..."
"What plan!?"
"AHHHHH!!" CRASH!
Spoons leapt to her feet. "FORKS! DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!"
"Say 'what plan!?' ?"
"No- yes- WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING FOR THE GRAVI CAST?!"
"Well, I did. And I found them. Or one of them."
"Who was it?"
Forks looked thoughtful. "I don't remember..."
Spoons sweatdropped and face palmed.
"BUT I do remember I didn't like her very much."
"HOW COULD YOU- wait, back up-"
Forks starting backing up.
"NO! What do you mean by 'her'?"
"I meant as in, she's a GIRL."
"HOW COULD ANOTHER GIRL BE HERE?!"
"Dunno..."
Spoons chucked a spazz. And chucked a spazz. And chucked a spazz. Forks sipped her slurpee with joy.
"Spoons, I remember now. I'll wait 'till your finished spazzing..."
It's always polite to let your sensei have their spazz time, children. They need it dealing with kids like you.
"Okay, okay, I'm calm," Spoons announced coolly.
"SEXY ELVEN BISHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"
SMACK!
"SHUT THE HELL UP!"
"Calm, huh?" Forks sweatdropped.
"Who was the girl?" Spoons demanded.
Forks began to wonder if her sensei needed stress relief...
Forks scratched the back of her head. "It's Mika..."
Spoons calmly took an ugly 1st year, held him in a head lock, and with a sickening crack, broke his neck.
"Forks."
Then, in Pride's rage, she went on a rampage and KILLED Remus!
"Forks!"
She then attacked Buckbeak and chewed his feathers-
"FORKS!"
"Huh?" Forks's thought cloud burst with a loud pop.
"Don't daydream when we're talking..."
Forks looked ashamed. "Hai, sensei..."
"Anyway, who is it?"
"Oh, it's Mika."
Spoons twitched (a more and more common occurence...)
"WHAT!?"
"Uh-huh."
"SHE'LL GET IN THE WAY HORDING TOHMA AND YUKI! YOU CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN, FORKS!"
"Hai, sensei!"
"YOU MUST BE A UTENSIL!"
"Hai, sensei!"
"YOU MUST KILL MIKA!"
"FORKS!"
The dream cloud popped again.
"Huh?"
"STOP DAYDREAMING AND GO FIND HER AND TELL HER TO LEAVE!"
"Hai, sensei!"
Spoons shook her head, watching Forks sprinting off.
"Haruhi help me..." she groaned.
"Who's Haruhi?"
"AH!" Spoons shrieked, spinning around with a hook-kick. "ENVY! DON'T DO THAT!"
"Don't kick people who're just asking a question."
"ARE YOU BACK-CHATTING?"
"Yes."
"Oh, okay."
"...who's Haruhi?" Envy repeated, surprised at Spoon's very, very, very rare calmness.
"Suzumiya, Haruhi, from the Melacholy of Suzumiya Haruhi. She's God but doesn't know it."
"...huh."
"TO EDO!" Spoons shouted suddenly, yanking Envy along behind her.
"-the Utensil calmly stalks her prey like a lion of the plains... She checks right!"
Naturally, Forks looked left.
"She checks left!"
She looked right.
"Spotting no dangerous Teachers, Professors, or Teammates running away singing "Ready Steady Go" with Envy under their arm screaming about back chatting and kicking people when they just ask a question... the Utensil moves on..."
Forks did an army crawl behind a statue and rolled to a defensive crouch.
"All arms, locked and ready!"
She did some shifty eyes. Then reached to her belt and grabbed a thing that looked like a gun with a hook at the end. She remembered Spoons's long boring speech about how to use your weapons wisely and not to waste them. She'd been playing Game Boy then and not listening to the lecture.
Forks grabbed the hooked gun and fired it at the ceiling. It hit with a crack, a rope hanging from the hook. She swung on it, yowling like a banshee.
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"
Then the rope broke. CRASH! THUD!
"...owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."
Forks dusted herself off and looked up. AT EIRI YUKI!
Yuki looked frightened for a second. It looked as if a mouse had walked right up to a cat. They both stared at each over for a minute...
THEN YUKI TOOK OFF RUNNING!
"YUKI, WAIT! MY SENSEI NEEDS YOUR YAOI!!" I WILL NOT HURT YOU, FOR I AM NOT A FAN GIRL, BUT A CERTIFIED YAOI NINJA!!! WHICH IS LIKE A FAN GIRL, BUT WAAAAAAAAAY DIFFERENT! YUKI!"
Forks ran after him waving a signed piece of paper all Utensils had to have telling people that they were apart of the CYNU or Certified Yaoi Ninja Utensil.
"Ready steady can't hold me back," Spoons sung. She glared back at Envy. "YOUR FAULT!"
"You honestly think singing "Ready, Steady, GO!" will lure chibi-chan out?"
"...yeah...well...your dad."
Envy's eye twitched heavily. "FUCKING BASTARD I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM AND WILL RIP HIS INTESTINES OUT AND STRANGLE HIM WITH THEM!"
"...hey, Envy, think we're related?"
"Think you're stoned?"
"I'M AN ALCHOHOLIC, NOT A STONER!" Spoons bellowed. "Now, new song; Riraito!"
"Oh crap..."
"AND SING THIS TIME!"
Envy sighed heavily.
Forks could hear distant yelling from a random room.
"Spoons must have pissed off Envy. ... Or Envy pissed off Spoons, either way it leaves you with yelling!" She concluded, knowing her sensei could split underwater volcanoes if she yelled loud enough.
Forks looked for Yuki high and low, but to no avail. The man had just disappeared like the NSYNC band. Sighing, she quickly noted the NSYNC joke in a random notebook to use for future funnies, then she sat down.
She quickly jumped up when she sat ON something, and looked at it.
It was audibly pink.
Forks hissed and retreated a few steps (pink not being a favorite of hers) then realized her luck.
"YES! I FOUND TEH MR. KUMA!"
Cackling she scooped up the bear, did some shifty eyes hunched protectively over the bear/bunny, then tip toed down the hallway.
"WHERE OH WHERE COULD ENVY'S CHIBI BEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"
Envy's eye twitched.
"WHERE OH WHERE HAS ENVY'S CHIBI GOOOOONE?"
Envy's entire body was twitching.
"Hmm, he's smarter than I thought..." Spoons sighed.
"He IS a prodigy."
"Yeah, well, he can't be very smart since he won't surrender to the yaoi side!" Spoons snapped.
"...true."
"Okay, so, Envy, when we find him, you go "I try to live without you, everytime I do I feel dead"," Spoons instructed. "Possibly adding "I know what's best for me but I want you instead"."
"You tragic romantic," Envy groaned, "you sound like Lust."
"I stole it from Three Days Grace, jeez..."
Forks stopped and panted. "This... really... isn't ... working!"
She threw down the bear/bunny in her frustration and sulked for a minute, quoting "Emo Kid" by Adam and Andrew.
"My life is a black abyss..." She slumped against the wall. "It is slowly spiraling downwards... I hate it..."
She stopped when she heard a sound.
"OH WEHRE OH WHERE-"
"Jeez, Pride..."
"Hey, Forks!" Spoons greeted, waving manically.
"Help me..." Envy whispered.
"Pride, have you been shoting straight cordial again?"
"...no," Spoons replied, eyes shifty.
"Liar!"
"Hahaha! You're wearing SHOES!"
Forks gave a once over at Envy and mouthed, "it can't be that bad..." over her shoulder.
Spoons was babbling about shoes, again.
Forks sighed, nodding and agreeing with her every few sentences when she noticed something.
"EGADS, PRIDE! RON IS HITTING ON ED!"
Spoons stiffened, glaring around. "Oh hell NO!" she screamed, clicking and pulling out her scythe.
"Where'd the scythe come from?"
Forks shrugged. "No-one knows..."
"CALLING ALL UTENSILS! AND ENVY! WE MUST KICK RON'S ASS! SPLADES! KNIVES! SPORKS! GET OVER HERE!" Spoons screamed at the top of her voice.
Forks whined.
"BUT, PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE... I'm close to finding Ryuichi!"
"NO!"
Knives jumped down from somewhere and glared.
"PRIDE! I WAS THIS CLOSE TO CATCHING KIBA!!"
"NO!"
Forks pouted. "Fine, finefinefine. We'll help you, even though you could kick their ass alone and with Envy, but ..."
She didn't know how to finish the sentence so she just stamped her foot.
Knives resembled Kiba a bit with pointy fangs and a glare plastered on her face, but she didn't say anything.
Spoons raised her hand triumphantly. "WE WILL PREVAIL-" She sighed and tapped her foot, looking at her Utensil's Watch. "WHERE THE HELL IS SPLADES?!"
Splades, the fifth Utensil, was at home when it happened.
"CALLING ALL UTENSILS! AND ENVY! WE MUST KICK RON'S ASS! SPLADES! KNIVES! SPORKS! GET OVER HERE!"
"Spoons!" Splades cried, leaping to her feet. Quickly, she grabbed her toggle coat, buttoning it up. "Wonder what Ron's done... hit on Envy?"
Splades shuddered at the idea.
"Wait, Envy-kun would rip that fugly's heart right out... unless... HE WAS TIED UP WITH ANTI-HOMUNCULUS ROPES!"
Somehow, (Never question a Utensil) Splades made it to Hogwarts where Spoons, Forks, Knives and Envy stood, Spoons tapping her Utensil watch impatently.
"Envy-kun!" Splades squealed, promptly glomping the Homunculus.
"Shit, there's more of you freaks?" Envy groaned.
"Splades, Ron is hitting on Edo!" Spoons announced.
"...gross..."
"AND WHERE THE HELL IS GP?"
SOMEWHERE IN A SECLUDED AREA BECAUSE HOGWARTS IS SO DAMN BIG...
"And I said, yeah right! Isn't that funny Kakashi? Kakashi? KAKASHI!"
Kakashi was trying to tiptoe silently away when Splades caught and attacked him.
She sat on him, frowning. "You're learning bad habits from Pride..."
Her Utensils Cell gave a horrific cry.
"CALLING ALL UTENSILS! AND ENVY! WE MUST KICK RON'S ASS! SPLADES! KNIVES! SPORKS! GET OVER HERE!"
Splades sighed and whipped out her handy dandy pillow case.
"In Kakashi."
With a sigh, the man hopped into the bag as Splades swung him over her shoulder with Ultra Human Strength, and made her way to the others.
"...so, you're blonde, huh? I got red hair...and a rashed ass."
Ed shivered, glancing around desperately for an escape. There wasn't one. He was cornered by some hideous creature, the one those Utensil girls seemed to hate so much.
"I think you're HOT."
"So do lots of people - mostly men for some reason - but get the hell away from me!" Ed snapped.
Ron giggled. Shuddering, Ed pressed harder against the wall, willing for it to consume him. Sadly, walls do not consume people who are about to be raped by some fugly, rashed teenager.
'Envy...' Ed thought rather sweetly as he scrunched his eyes tightly shut.
Ed flinched as he felt Ron's breath on his lips. The red head was about to move in when suddenly-
"STOP, IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS HOLY AND ... UTENSILY!"
A sigh of aggravation.
"Very nice opening speech there, Pride. No, really I applaud the effort."
"Shut up, Forks."
The Utensil stood in an assembled line as followed: Spoons, Forks, Knives, Sporks, and Splades, all holding a weapon of choice. Standing a little ahead of them and flanked with Knives on his right, and Sporks on his left, was Envy. AND HE LOOKED... PISSED.
"What the hell-"
Spoons stopped him.
"Don't waste your breath on this piece of trash, Envy. Let Knives handle it."
"Oh, so I'm the equivalent of a piece of trash!?"
"TALK, WOMAN!"
Knives sighed, and leaned against her big ass Cloud sword casually.
"Ahem, Ron? Newsflash here: YOU ARE UGLY AND HATED. You're also stealing Envy's chibi boyfriend-"
"I AM NOT A CHIBI! NOR AM I HIS BOYFRIE-"
"Zip it, you Misplaced It's-a-Small-World-After-All robot. As I was saying, RELEASE THE CHIBI AND NO ONE GETS HURT..."
Forks did some jazz hands to emphasize this, Sporks sighed dropping her pillow case ("Do I really have to be here?" "Yes, you do.") ignoring the loud "Ow!" from within it, and Splades grinned manically waiting for a fight. Spoons had a vein throbbing in her head noticeably, and was beating her fists together. Forks cleared her throat, took out a scroll from her giant book, and read aloud.
"Today will be thy day of reckoning to thine Ugly Red Headed Ginger Kid. Thoust beady pig eyes with be ripped from thine's sockets, and smashed under a mighty ... pillow ... case... yes... Um, and thine head will be staked and posted on thine Castle Gate to warn intruders-"
"JUST SHUT UP, AND ATTACK!"
Ron screamed in fear, ripping off a fingernail and hiding behind it.
"...what the fuck?"
"It's RON, Pride!"
"Ah, I forgot..."
The other Utensils groaned.
"...um...so...attacking?"
"HUZZAH! BANANAS AND MELONS!" Four cried, before glaring at Sporks.
"GP!"
"I'm not saying that."
"FINE! Bring the WHOLE TEAM down!"
"GP, you mofo..."
GP sat back in her Kakashi sun chair and watched the battle commence.
"Kakashi!"
Kakashi crawled out of the bag, dragging his feet.
"You rang, ma'am?"
"Fetch me a lemonade and a puppy."
"Okay..."
Forks and Knives exchanged looks. Both did some odd hand signals then yelled, "NAKED MODEL NO JUTSU!"
Immediately, Itachi ran across the scene wearing nothing but a hair net. Everyone watched in horror/amusement. It didn't have the desired effect on Ron who just got a nosebleed and stared a bit too intently.
"Another one!"
"Right!"
Both did more hand jives and yelled, "YOUR MOM NO JUTSU!"
"YOUR MOM IS SO FAT SHE USES THE OCEAN AS A BATH TUB!"
"YOUR MOM IS SO UGLY SHE HAD TO MOVE TO ATLANTIS AND THAT'S WHY IT SUNK!"
Ron scratched an armpit absentmindedly.
"Shit! It's not doing anything, Spoons! He's immune!"
Spoons cracked her knuckles before raising her deadly scythe.
"This is going to be entertaining..."
"Ronald Weasly if you don't get a FUCKING LIFE in FIVE SECONDS I'm gonna rip you head off and give it to Zim so he can use it in his mission!" Spoons yelled.
"One..."
"Oh man, she's really gonna do it?"
"Two..."
"EDO! C'mere!"
"Three..."
"Fuck that was scary, that kid was gonna RAPE me!"
"Four..."
"Eep."
"FIVE! GOT A LIFE YET?" Spoons bellowed.
Ron's eyes widened. He shook his head before sprinting off.
"UTENSILS! WE GIVE CHASE!" Spoons announced.
"Do we really have to? You got that shortie back..." Sporks asked, rolling her eyes.
"Uh-oh..."
"WHO-ARE-YOU-CALLING-A-SHRIMP-SO-SMALL-YOUR-MAN-WHORE-WHO'S-GAY-CAN-CRUSH-HIM-WITH-ONE-FINGER?" Ed screamed.
"Uh-oh..."
"DID YOU JUST CALL MY KAKASHI A MAN-WHORE?"
"Pridey, can we please run?" Knives asked.
"Yeah Spoon-san, it's not safe here!"
"Fine... let's go kidnap someone," Spoons sighed. "Forksies, who?"
Left it there because that's all we've done. Forksies is going away somewhere and I'm focusing on other stories, Yami no Matsuei and DNAngel :p
REVIEW ARE NICE! LIKE A MOOSE!