I dreamed a dream
Chapter 5
"Open up, Jack Twist. I know you in there! Brought by a new friend to the cabin, huh? Open the hell up!"
Ennis felt his stomach clench, his insides swirl with both jealousy and fear. It had to be the man whose voice he'd heard, Jack's 'friend'. One look at Jack's white face, his trembling hands, confirmed Ennis' suspicion.
Another burst of mad knocking made the door shake.
Jack couldn't think straight. Randall was here. Here. And Ennis was here too. Shit. 'Ok, do something' you stupid sumbitch…'
"Uh…" had that horse grunt come from him? "I best open the door… afore he breaks it down with that knockin'."
Ennis looked at Jack then, saw the fear, the confusion, the love in the swirling azure. Jack looked back and could read nothing in Ennis' inscrutable cinnamon.
He took a deep breath and walked to open the door, acutely aware that Ennis had stood up as well and was right behind him, though offering support or recrimination he didn't know.
The door was slowly opened by Jack's trembling hand.
The figure outside staggered inside and Ennis could at last see the man Jack had replaced him with.
Tall, big shouldered, rough beard, deep brown eyes.
And very drunk.
The silence in the room was pregnant with tension, the apprehension in the air making it near impossible to draw a breath.
"Randall, what're you doin' here?" asked Jack quietly.
"What am I doin' here? I should be the one askin' that, you fuck!" Randall slurred out "Imagine my surprise when I hear you borrowed this cabin to spend the weekend with a 'friend' and I ain't the friend you was coming with!"
Randall moved towards Jack then, fists clenched, but before he could even think of taking a swing, Ennis stepped forward with a growl, a feral look in his eye that would have sent the very bear who threw him once running.
"Don't you dare touch 'im" he snarled.
Jack placed a placating hand on Ennis' shoulder, he didn't want him to get in trouble, didn't want things to come to blows.
"So this here is your friend is he? And don't you two just make a real nice couple? Mayhap he's the name you whisper when you're with me, huh? When you think I can't hear?" Randall said quietly, tauntingly. " I want an explanation Twist, and not even your growling friend is gonna stop me from getting' one" he continued, a dangerous note in his tone now.
"Aw, shit Randall, what explanation do you want? Yes, this here's my friend. My long time friend. But don't try an' go all 'wounded soul' with me, 'cause we both know damn well what we mean to each other." said Jack, slightly annoyed.
"Oh yeah? And what is that, Twist?" ground out Randall, face challenging.
"Fuck all, that's what!" exclaimed Jack, throwing up his hands. "I don't know much 'bout you, Randall, but I'm pretty damn sure you ain't in love with me. I can see the look in your eyes when we're together, it's the same as mine! We're both missin' someone else and the only reason we got together is 'cause that someone wasn't there!" he ended, breathing hard.
Randall seemed ready to yell something back, but when his eyes met Jack's, he knew that it was the truth. Missing someone else… the thought of that someone else was enough to sober him and make him want to drown in whisky at the same time.
"Alright, Twist. But don't you go tellin' nobody what we did, or…"
His words were cut off by a strong punch to his gut that left him gasping in pain.
"Is that a threat you're makin', huh?" Ennis' deadly voice sent shivers down Randall's spine "'Cause if it is I can make you hurt so bad you won't know your name boy. I'll ask you again, was that you tryin' to threaten my man?"
"Uh… no, no. I was… I was just about to leave." Randall choked out.
"Well good. Don't see nobody stoppin' you" Ennis released Randall and pushed him towards the door.
With a final look at Jack, Randall left.
Jack let out a long breath, seemed he'd been holding since the moment Randall knocked on the door. He looked at Ennis, but his back was to him, shoulders hunched, hands resting on the wall.
'That coulda gone a lot worse' Jack thought to himself. 'And I don't know if I want to kiss Ennis outta oxygen for saying I'm his man, or punch him for drivin' away the meager comfort I had left here'
Ennis was trying to sort through the million of emotions coursing through him, trying to find some semblance of calm in the roughness of the wood against his palms.
Jack had been with another man. He'd just met the other man, just punched him and sent him on his way before he lost complete control and killed him for daring to touch Jack's body. He wanted to kill Jack too, for daring to touch another man.
But then, words echoed in his head. 'We got together 'cause that someone wasn't there'. That sentence had been like a knife straight to Ennis' heart.
Could he blame Jack, then?
Hadn't he learnt how much Jack hurt, back when they fought about Mexico?
He noticed that he was shaking. He didn't know if it was anger or grief.
A warm hand on his arm startled him out of the whirlwind of his emotions.
He turned quickly, as if scorched, shaking Jack's hand off his arm.
"Get fuck off me" he muttered, not meeting Jack's eyes.
Jack's sigh sounded too loud after the unnatural silence.
At long last Ennis looked up, met Jack's eyes. Neither showed anything other than heavy expectation.
"So that was your 'friend', huh Jack?" said Ennis. The second the words left his mouth he knew it had been the wrong thing to say, because eyes no longer held expectation, they flashed bitter anger.
"Yes, Ennis. That was my friend. You wanna go through this again? Fine. Fine." Jack spat out angrily.
"I've told you plenty of times how goddam bad it gets. And you know what, Ennis? I ain't afraid no more to admit what I am. I ain't afraid to admit that you're the person I want most in this goddam world, that when I'm with you is the only time I feel right. If that makes me queer then hell yes, I am queer. There, I said it."
Ennis flinched as if struck.
"I know you like to pretend that wanting to sleep with another man is some sorta temporary insanity, Ennis, but let me tell you, almos' twenty years is a long time for a temporary insanity. No matter how much you try an' deny it, boy, it's who you are." Jack said, eyes challenging. He turned around.
"You heard Ennis. Randall means nothing to me, an' I don't mean nothing to him. But, shit, boy, you just went ahead and scared off the only comfort I had left and when this weekend is over, you'll leave too. And where does that leave me? Here, alone. Alone." Jack finished, voice quiet. Defeated.
"Not alone." Ennis murmured. All of Jack's words flashing in his brain, all of Jack's pain, his own pain making him quiver. "Not alone" he said again, louder.
Jack turned around then, eyes a raw mixture of burning sorrow and heartrending hope.
"What… what do you mean, Ennis?" he whispered.
"That's what I came here to say Jack. I… I want that sweet life you talked about, them years ago. If… if you still want it." said Ennis, words coming out slow and hesitant.
It took Jack less than a second to reach Ennis, to bury himself in his arms, sobbing.
"It's alright, lil' darlin'… it's alright."
Author's note: whew, well, there was Randall. The boys have to tie some loose ends, too… after all Ennis is still being good ol' denying Ennis and where are they going to go live, anyway?
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