A/N: Belated Happy New Year, everyone! I hope that people are still following this in spite of the problems the site seems to have with its alerts (again)… please don't let it stop you from reviewing, k?

On a sadder note, the day has come- Idina Menzel left Wicked! So this chapter is, once again, dedicated to her.

21- Miss Lonely

Joanne wasn't home when she stormed in an hour or so later; probably had to be in court. She closed the door and turned slowly to face the empty apartment. Loneliness echoed from every wall. The pain of several hours before came rushing back as her adrenaline faded, and a sigh escaped her as reality crawled back in. She went straight into the bedroom to pack her stuff, then walked into the kitchen, figuring she'd need some stuff to get through the first couple of days or so. Once she was done with that, she wandered around the apartment to make sure she didn't leave anything behind. She had no intention going back there, ever. She was going to start over, no regrets, no looking back. She left the apartment keys in the mailbox downstairs, but didn't attach any note. She knew Joanne would understand.

It was dark when she stepped out of the building eventually, but still kind of early. Following the plan she had made earlier, she took a cab uptown, where she rented a room in the most decent-looking motel she could afford. She had some money thanks for some savings that she managed to have, and the payment from her last performance. She did her best ignoring the chill in the room as she curled on the shabby mattress under the thin covers. She'd start looking for an apartment tomorrow, she told herself. Right now, she just wanted to close her eyes and get this day over with. In spite of the cold, the pain, the heartbrokenness, deep inside, she couldn't help but feel satisfied. This was what she always wanted, after all. This was why she came to New York in the first place. It was finally happening. And with that in her mind, exhaustion finally took over, as she fell into a deep, dreamless slumber.

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She didn't get the lead.

Well, not that she expected it to get it with no experience and acting so unprofessional in this whole audition thing. No matter how well she did on her audition eventually, she knew that the chances she'd get any significant part were extremely low. But she did expect to get some part, at least as a part of the chorus. When the cast list was posted at the theater a week later, her first reaction was slight confusion and even bigger disappointment when she couldn't find her own name on it. There must have been some sort of mistake, she told herself. Maybe she was too excited after her audition to interpret correctly the man's enthusiasm. Maybe she was too naïve to realize it didn't necessarily mean she was in. Maybe he was just making fun of her innocence and lack of experience. He did try it before. But it didn't feel as if he was mocking her in any way, and he did say-

There it was.

Down there… even beneath the chorus. That meant something really small and insignificant, didn't it? She read it slowly. Understudy for Melody Banks- Maureen Johnson. Melody Banks. Didn't she read the name before? Her eyes wandered over the list again. Yeah, there she was, at the top of the list. She was the one who got the lead. Her name was slightly familiar, too. She thought she saw her in a talk-show once, but she wasn't sure; she couldn't remember her face. But that was hardly the point now. She was a fuckin' understudy? How could she possibly become a part of the theater world if all she was expected to do was to be on standby every night and practically do nothing? She felt so frustrated, so stupid. She actually believed that this time would be different for her. But then she decided that being all upset about it was kind of pointless. She was in. After one audition. For other people it took months, if not years, to get any role on Broadway. And she could learn a thing or two just from watching, maybe more than she could on actual acting. Yeah, she thought as she left the theater. She'd be okay.

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Chicago was their first stop.

After months of rehearsals it was finally happening. Her first show, even if technically she wasn't an actual part of it. She did get the chance to replace Melody during rehearsals several times, since Al, the director, wanted to make sure she knew her lines and choreography in case something went wrong. She gave everything into the role during those rehearsals, all she had. Judging from Al's reaction, he seemed to have liked that, which boosted her ego a bit more. Finally, she felt complete with what she was doing. This was what she always wanted to do. And she loved every second of it.

The cast and crew were really great, but she knew it might change several months into the tour when boredom and exhaustion would start taking their toll. She spent most of her time in the company of people from the chorus, some dancers too. She loved those guys. They were all extremely talented, and funny, and the best guys to hang out with after a long day of rehearsals. They were almost like a family. She found herself constantly comparing them with her other family, the one she left behind in the Village.

It turned out that she did know Melody Banks. It was her whom she saw at that talk-show. She was a brilliant actress, and a marvelous dancer, there was no doubt about that, but she had a serious problem with her attitude. Melody was your typical prima-dona. Her previous performance in a musical earned her a Tony nomination, and although she didn't get it eventually, her superiority implied otherwise. She did little efforts to be nice to everyone; unless being spoken to, she hardly ever spoke to anyone, except for Al or the producers, or Joey Silverstone, for obvious reasons.

Joey's name was well-known on the stages of Broadway as much as Melody's name was, and they have known each other from previous productions and parties the two of them attended. Not being as snobbish as Melody, Joey seemed to draw everyone's attention, not just the girls', and of course, she couldn't remain indifferent to him. The guy was handsome and attractive. But she decided not to act on it, for the time being. True, it was somewhat unusual for her, and the temptation was enormous, but she felt that she had to be alone for a while, at least until the scars would heal. She had enough relationship-issues for a lifetime. So she didn't flirt with him like she normally would have done, she never answered his suggestive innuendoes with more than a smile, and she tried not to be around him altogether.

Which was why she was so surprised that once, during their stay in Seattle, he walked over to her after a performance and asked her out for a drink.

Against her better judgment, she went out with him. It was almost impossible not to let her defenses drop. He was a true ladies' man, charming and extremely irresistible, and she just felt so lonely. There was this void in her heart that had to be filled. Joey was just the guy for the task. They managed to keep the quickly-developing love-affair a secret for a while. She didn't give a damn about what their colleagues, Melody included, would think, but she preferred to keep away from the headlines for a while. She was determined to defend her privacy as long as she possibly could.

She didn't love him. She knew as much. And he didn't love her either. But they were good together. They had a great time. Falling asleep knowing he was there made her feel safe. Above all things, it kept away the past. But they were nights when she found herself awake hours after Joey fell asleep, his arms protectively wrapped around her, gazing into the darkness, waiting for slumber to take hold on her, but it didn't. Those sleepless nights were when she felt the loneliest. She had everything, but at the same time she had nothing. She finally got what she wanted, but she wasn't as happy as she thought she should have been, yet on the other hand she wasn't miserable either. Life just felt sort of… well… empty.

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It was raining heavily by the time they got to California. It was the beginning of the winter, but she hardly felt the cold. She was immune to it, after living all those years in the Village with hardly any heat. She got accustomed to living on the road. Rootlessness was sad at times, almost frightening, but at the same time there was something really cool about it; she got to see places she never thought she'd get chances to visit at. They were doing the show for several months now, and the responses were great wherever they went. At some point she became a part of the chorus, which gave her something to do. She got really bored from just sitting backstage, doing nothing.

The sound of ringing pierced the chilly morning air, waking her at once. Joey grunted in protest as she released herself from his embrace to reach for the phone.

"Hello…" she murmured huskily, sitting up.

"Maureen. Morning. It's Al."

Even if he wouldn't have said his name, she could have guessed. Al was one of the most practical people she ever encountered. His sentences were always short, calculated, as if he didn't want waste any time speaking.

"What time is it?" she asked, yawning. Joey sat up as well, looking somewhat agitated. He hated to be woken up that way.

"It's early. Look, something came up. I need you in the theater as soon as you can get here."

It sounded urgent. There was this slight panic in his voice. "What's up?"

"Melody is down with bronchitis. The doctor just walked out of her room. It looks bad; she can hardly speak."

"What are you saying, Al?" she asked, heart racing, as the meaning of the situation slowly sank in.

"You know what I'm saying. You're standby for Sally, you're gonna do the lead tonight. I need you at the theater to make sure the costumes still fit and to do a quick sound check with the orchestra. We'll get everyone else for a dress rehearsal later today, but just be here as soon as you can, say… half an hour?"

"I'm on my way," she said, her mind everywhere. She hung up and just sat there, staring at nothing in particular. She needed a moment to get herself together. It was finally happening; she was about to get her chance.

She was terrified.

"What is it, Baby?"

She blinked and looked behind her. Joey looked at her questionably. Sitting there against the bed-board, wearing nothing from his waist up, he was every girl's fantasy.

She was surprised to realize how little affect it had on her.

"That was Al," she said, in case he didn't yet realize that. "Melody is sick. She can't perform tonight."

"Oh." It didn't sound as if he got her point. His look was empty, as if he wasn't quite up yet. "What is it to you?"

She gave him a look. "I'm her understudy," she said slowly. "Al asked me to get to the theater as soon as possible."

"Well, I think I'm gonna stay here for a while," he said through a yawn and stretched lazily, then snuggled back into the covers.

She slid out of bed silently. She wasn't expecting any cheers or parades, but she hoped for good luck or something of the sort. It was going to be her first time in front of a live audience. Her whole future career was depended on this one night. By remaining so indifferent to her news, Joey just… sort of dismissed the importance of it. Instead of calming her down, as any other normal boyfriend would have done, he actually made her panic increase. And she really didn't need that. She needed someone who would support her, someone who would be happy for her, someone like… like-

She shook her head and stuck it under the steaming water, trying to get rid of the image that floated in front of her eyes. She just wouldn't think about it. There were other things to consider right now. A small, unconscious smile curled on her lips.

The diva was about to get her stage.

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She had never believed that there was such a thing as an overnight success. How could there be such a thing? It sounded like a sappy, romantic cliché, something that happened only on fairy-tales and chick-flicks.

She thought she started to believe it now.

The first night of the show with her in the leading role was described by the reporters as sensational. She did it for over a week, until Melody got completely better, and the audience kept asking for more. This was new to her, and extremely overwhelming. Yeah, she had always strived for the limelight and attention, but now when she finally got it… she found herself sort of intimidated by it. And yet it was clear to her, as it was to everyone else, that once she was in, there was no going back.

Leaving the tour cast several months later was the end of her relationship with Joey Silverstone. When she read a year or so later he was having an affair with a dancer, she felt absolutely nothing. She just hoped that the dancer was as self-centered as he was, or it would be the end of them as well.

She stayed in California for a while to star in couple of local productions. The most famous ones were A Chorus Line, where she played Cassie, and a revival of The Rocky Horror Show in which she stole the act as Magenta. That part involved more acting than singing, but she had so much fun doing it. In her heart she dedicated her performance there to Collins, who was a Rocky fan. She wished he could see her in it. The audience went wild with the show, especially with her performance, and her fan-circle slowly increased.

She constantly got offers to star in this or that new musical, as well as invitations for auditions for roles she only dreamt of before, but she turned them all down. She wasn't ready for New York yet. But then one day, a man came to see her backstage, telling her he was working on a new, original musical, and that he was hoping for casting her as the lead. He saw her in A Chorus Line while he was working on the music for his this show, he said, and he was so moved by her performance, that when he got home, he managed to complete the score in one night, having her voice in mind for some of the new songs he added. She couldn't help but feel extremely flattered. How could she possibly refuse? It seemed like she had very little choice. Broadway seemed to be the natural next step. So once she finished her contract with Rocky, she was ready to go back to New York.

It was difficult at first. She decided to keep as far from the Village as possible. She got herself an agent and found an apartment. It was on the top floor of a fancy apartment building uptown. It even had a doorman at the lobby. Then once she was settled, it was time to get to work.

But it wasn't that easy. The memories were always there, haunting her, distracting. There was always this street corner, that tree in the park, the bench by the sidewalk… The past was everywhere. And to top it all off, when she was finally getting used to all that, when she was finally at some sort of peace with herself, he showed up.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror. She felt so old, the essence of her memories exhausting.

How do you leave the past behind when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart?

Once more, her thoughts wandered to what she has seen in his eyes. There was something else beyond that old, haunted expression. Some sort of urgency she couldn't decipher. Why was he there, back in her life, after all this time? What was it that he had to tell her? And above all those, there was the thing that bugged her the most.

Why did she want to care so much?

She raised her head and stood up, filled with new confidence and determination she thought she lost along the way. She smoothed some invisible wrinkles in her dress and hurried out of her dressing-room.

Run. She'd have to run to get there on time. But it was extremely difficult, almost impossible, as her feet kept entangling with the hem of her long, heavy dress. Holding back a curse, she grabbed as much of the material as she could in one hand and ran on. Her time was running out.

"Adam!" she said breathlessly once she reached the stage door.

Adam raised his head from the magazine he was flipping through, and gave her a surprised look. "Miss Johnson, what are you doing back here? You're supposed to-"

"The guy who was just here-" she started, trying to catch her breath.

Adam frowned, obviously still bothered by the appearance of the stranger. "He's gone. Nothing for you to worry about, Miss Johnson."

Shit. Inside, the orchestra started playing the opening notes of the second act. Double shit. She wouldn't have time to run after him. She'd have to use Plan B. She looked at Adam, who was observing her inquiringly, as if wondering why she was in such hurry. "Adam, will you do something for me?"

"Of course. What is it that you need?"

"Get him back. I don't care what you'll have to do, just…" she paused, forcing herself to calm down. "Get him."

"But I thought you didn't-"

"Look, we don't have time for this," she cut him off, a bit bluntly, looking at him urgently. She didn't have time for apologies or explanations. Luckily he worked for the theater for so many years, he was probably used to all kinds of actresses' whims. "I promise I'll explain later. In the meantime, just do this for me. Look for him inside, he probably has a ticket. Tell him I asked to see him. Take him to my dressing-room once the show is over."

Adam gave her a confused, disapproving look. "Your dressing-room? You know we're not allowed-"

"This is an emergency, Adam, please." She looked at him persistently. "I wouldn't have asked if it wasn't."

Adam hesitated, but then slowly nodded. "Alright. Will do. I'll get him. Now go, you'll miss your cue."

A slow smile curled on her lips. Maybe there was still hope. "Thanks, Adam."

A/N: because I know how much you love cliffhangers (laughs evilly)… For those of you who are confused, this final scene ties back with the prologue, so go back and read it if you got lost somewhere along the way. Oh, yeah, and review?