I dreamed a dream

Chapter 7

"Mom? Daddy? What's going on?" asked Bobby, looking rather bewildered at the scene in front of him.

He sensed something strange was happening. His mom and dad were sitting next to each other in the couch, but Jack looked like a deer caught in the headlights and Lureen was drinking the whisky in her glass rather like it was water. And his daddy's friend looked more uncomfortable and generally flabbergasted than he'd ever seen anyone look in his life.

'Yep, somethin's up, alright' Bobby thought to himself.

Ennis looked over to Jack and Lureen and then to Bobby, with blue eyes full of anxious expectation. He felt that this was a discussion he had no real part in, Bobby needed to hear everything from his parents and had no need of a strange man looking on while life as he knew it broke down. He cleared his throat and stood up.

"I, uh, I'm gonna go fer a smoke outside." he said, barely audible. He looked at Jack, gave him a small smile which Jack gratefully returned, more with his eyes than anything else.

Then he walked hastily towards the entrance, giving Bobby a nod when he passed him.

"Well?" Bobby asked, raising his eyebrows.

Jack took a deep, calming breath. He owed Bobby a straight, full answer.

"Son…you ain't a little boy no more, you are a very intelligent teenager, and I reckon you have felt this coming." Jack started, his voice steady but quiet. "Yer mom and me are gettin' a divorce" he continued, motioning to himself and Lureen with his hand.

"It is the best decision for all of us, Bobby. Your dad and I aren't making each other happy anymore, we haven't for a while now… and to stay together would do us more harm than good" added Lureen.

Bobby sat down on the chair Ennis had just vacated. He was quiet for a while, looking at his hands which were resting on his knees, absorbing the information.

Lureen and Jack looked at each other nervously, but didn't say anything.

Bobby looked up, no anger or surprise on his face, rather… relief.

"Daddy… Mom… I know it's the best decision. It ain't an easy thing to realize your own mom and dad don't go well together… but I'll be honest… I was hoping you'd do this for a while now." he said, hesitantly putting all he had felt for so long now into words. "You can't imagine how it made me want to scream sometimes, the silence between you. How sad it made me to see my parents so unhappy… and knowing I couldn't make it better, no matter how hard I tried." Bobby continued, his voice breaking.

"Son…" Jack whispered, tears in his eyes "Believe me… none of this was your fault. Never, for one second, think that. What happened between yer mom and me was my doin'…"

"Ours" interrupted Lureen "Our doing, Jack. It takes two to make a marriage… and two to break it"

Jack thanked Lureen with his eyes. She gave a soft smile in return.

Jack stood up and went over to kneel in front of Bobby.

"Bobby… I wish you didn't have to go through this. You don' deserve this pain… but son, trust me, even if this life I got wasn't exactly what I expected… I wouldn' change it. Because it got me you. You are my son, Bobby, and I love you." Jack said, looking deep into his boy's eyes.

Jack knew, at that moment, that it was the truth. How often had he wished for time to go back, back to when he had just met Ennis so he could convince him to stay with him. Back to when he was nineteen, his life still full of dreams and with no responsibilities. But even if this damn life he got hadn't been what he wanted then… it had given him Bobby. Even with all the pain, all the heartbreak, all those years of endless yearning for Ennis and of slowly giving in to bitterness, he didn't wish for time to go back anymore, because his difficult life had given him a son he loved. And that made up for all the hardships.

"Oh, daddy… I know… I love you too" said Bobby, forgetting for that instant that he was supposed to be a surly teenager and throwing himself into his father's arms like a little boy.

Jack knew that he had to say everything then, the whole truth about who he was and who he loved, because it would never get any easier and time would make it more awkward. He drew apart slightly from Bobby and looked into his eyes once more.

"There's one more thing I gotta say, Bobby." Jack began, voice serious. "You… you met my fishin' buddy Ennis. You know I told you I met him a very long time ago, when I was but nineteen…"

"Yes, daddy, I remember." answered Bobby, a slight question in his voice.

"Well, son… you see… Ennis… he ain't just my fishin' buddy. I… ever since we met…" he took a deep breath, a last breath before the plunge. "I loved him. I can't rightly explain why, I don't know meself… but there is nobody in this world who makes me feel as happy as Ennis… nobody that I feel as complete with."

Jack looked down then, not able to meet Bobby's gaze just yet.

"I don't know what you'll think of me now…" he whispered.

A hand drew his chin up. Jack saw Bobby's eyes then, not full of hate or condemnation… but understanding and love.

"Oh, daddy… I guessed." he said quietly. "I can't read too good, but I ain't stupid. I've seen you all these years, going to those fishing trips. And daddy, if Ennis is what will make you be happy at last… then there's nothing wrong with you loving him. No matter what… you are still my daddy. Ok?" he asked

Jack could barely breathe. So much weight had been taken away from him… he felt more free and at peace than he had for almost twenty years.

"Ok, son… ah, my son."

He drew Bobby into his arms again then, holding his boy with all the love in his heart.

After a long embrace, father and son drew apart, sniffing and rubbing their eyes. Bobby looked at Lureen then and went to give her a small hug.

"I love you, mom." he whispered.

Lureen had watched the entire exchange quietly, the slight shaking of her now empty glass the only sign of emotion. But when she held her son, her boy who looked so much like his father, who was so much like him… she couldn't stop tears from falling down her face.

"I know, Bobby. I love you, too." she answered softly.

She drew a deep breath, and collected herself. 'Let's get everything settled, then' she told herself.

"Well, Bobby, there's still a few things that need to be done" Lureen said, walking back to the couch and taking the papers in her hands. "but your dad and I want you to decide who you want to live with… you are old enough to make this decision for yourself, and we'll respect whatever you decide."

Jack crossed his fingers behind his back, praying that Bobby would choose to live with him. 'Don't be selfish, you fool… he will choose what he wants, and what he feels is best for him, and if it ain't you then you better not look disappointed and support him… but, please… let him choose me.'

Bobby sat down again. He knew what he wanted. He hoped nobody would take it the wrong way, he would hate to hurt one of his parents… 'But they said it was up to me… so here goes'.

"Well…" he started. "Um… I want you to know that what I decide doesn't mean I love one of you more than the other… but I would be happier if… if…if I lived with my daddy." he finished, looking expectantly to Jack and Lureen.

Jack let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding and did an inner happy dance.

Lureen just nodded resignedly, her earlier assessment of Bobby's wished confirmed.

"It's alright Bobby. I know you'll be very happy living with your father. You take after him so much…" said Lureen. "But before you can move with him, he has to settle several things, the most important one being where exactly he plans to live"

"Yes, mom, I know. I'll stay with you for as long as my daddy needs to settle down." Bobby said, nodding.

He looked at his dad then, who was looking at him.

Both were flashing dimples, smiling so big they could light up Brokeback on the darkest night, blue eyes twinkling with unreserved joy.

The resemblance was almost too perfect. Father and son.

Ennis had finished his smoke for a long time now, and was now occupied in pacing back and forth in Jack's porch like a caged bear.

"Jeez, cowboy, stop before you make a hole in the damn floor." the teasing voice jolted him sharply out of his nervous anxiety. He looked around and saw Jack, leaning on the door, smiling so brightly he looked years younger.

"Shit, Jack, you scared me. So what happened?" he asked, hoping Jack's smile was indeed an indication for a good outcome.

The victorious whoop and strong embrace wasn't exactly the answer he had expected, but before he could say anything, Jack told him exactly why he was so happy.

"Bobby wants to live with us Ennis! And I told him everything… and he didn't care Ennis, he said he loved me an' that I was his daddy no matter what!" Jack laughed then, laughed with glee and relief and without a care in the world.

Ennis, holding Jack, hearing that laughter couldn't help himself, and before long he was laughing as well, laughing with his man, because he was so happy for his man.

Inside, Bobby looked on from the window. It had been the right choice. And nothing that made his daddy that happy could ever be wrong, no matter what the holly-rollers said.

He smiled.

Author's note: whew, I hope that came out alright! I know it was a short scene, but more is coming… I just thought this was pretty intense and I wanted to explore what everyone was feeling rather than just going too quickly. Thank you so much for your support, all those who have read and reviewed… you have no idea how much it means to me!