Disclaimer: I do not own Brokeback Mountain or any of it's characters, they are exclusive property of Annie Proulx and Focus Features.

Author's note: Thank you so much to those who have reviewed every chapter in this story, it seriously means a lot. So, special thanks to thiZZorDIE, asara kaden, onefreetoroam, Judy, blackpanther95, victopet and aussiejohn.

I dreamed a dream

Chapter 13

"So here is the death certificate… do you know what funeral home you'll be using, do you know where you'll bury him?"

"Yes, we had all those things sorted. Thank you, doctor."

"No problem, Mrs. Twist. And my condolences to you both."

"Thank you."

Jack was numb. He could see the doctor was talking, could see his mother answering politely, but for the life of him he couldn't focus on what it was they were saying, couldn't attempt to follow the conversation. He didn't know what to say, what to do… what to feel.

The one thing he was conscious of was the memory flashing in his brain of his father, gasping for breath, clutching his chest… trying to say something, groaning in pain. His mother crying, caressing his hair. Ennis calling the doctor, clipped tone, worried. And him… looking into his father's eyes, feeling that somehow his dad had something to tell him… something he would never find out now.

He shivered. John C. Twist was dead. The monster of his childhood, the creator of his insecurities, the looming pillar of disapproval… but his father, after all. His father was dead. Why the fuck do I feel like this, huh? I hated the old bastard! No way to ever please him, made me feel like shit my whole life… why the hell am I sad? Why? Shit, I feel so confused…

Suddenly, a familiar and welcome warmth enveloped him, someone was saving him from his numbness, from his memories, from his grief.

"Ennis…" he whispered. And buried himself in his shoulder.

Ennis watched the scene from a small distance. He felt the whole thing was rather a family affair, that his presence would be disruptive. After all, the doctor was handing Mrs. Twist her husband's death certificate, they were sorting out the necessary yet seemingly pointless details of funeral homes, burial plots and priests…

Mrs. Twist was pale, but determined, resigned. She was taking charge, displaying her quiet strength. Ennis knew she'd be alright.

He looked at Jack, took in his slightly slumped shoulders, his somewhat bent head. Ennis knew he was staring at nothing, he seemed to be far away, reliving memories… he desperately wanted to hold him, to tell him it would be alright, but felt rather unsure. The moment he saw Jack shiver, saw his hands trembling, he moved before he realized he had, he took Jack in his arms and held him close.

He felt more than heard the shuddering breath, his name being whispered.

"Hush, little darlin'… hush. I'm here."

Mrs. Twist closed the door. She looked down at the official looking paper in her hands… wondered at the irony that a human life could be reduced to a mere piece of paper, a few printed words, a signature. That's all. That's John C. Twist, my husband, the father of my son. A paper.

It was easier to think of him like this than to think of him as the cold and lifeless corpse, waiting for the funeral parlor to take him.

Don't' be morbid Grace. Pull yourself together… you'll be just fine. You will.

She turned around and looked at Ennis and her son, wrapped in a tight embrace. She saw the tenderness with which Ennis held Jack, the way he was holding him together.

All she could do was thank whoever was listening that Jack had someone to lean on at last.

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"… and we commit his body to the ground. Let us pray."

Mrs. Twist, Jack and Ennis bent their heads and prayed with the minister. The whole affair was seeped in pathetic fallacy, the weather mirroring the burial perfectly. It was a cold January day, the sort that robbed the world of any warmth and semblance of life. The icy wind blew, defying the stitches in their clothes and managing to freeze them to the marrow. The blackened skeletons of trees wept with thawing ice, the grass was withered and no birds sang. It was a perfect day for a funeral.

Jack couldn't decide whether his old man deserved such a deserted service for being like he was, or whether he felt sad that John Twist had no one else to mourn him but his wife, his queer son and his lover. Perhaps it was poetic justice, Jack mused.

At last, the dreary event was over. Mrs. Twist lay down a few flowers which looked incongruous in the setting, and they turned and left the family plot.

Back in the house, they had coffee and cherry cake, sitting down and not finding any words to say, feeling more comfortable with the silence. It was Grace who shook herself out of her reflections and decided to tackle more practical matters.

"You know, Jack… I think I want to go live with your Uncle Harold and your Aunt Muriel in Gillette. They have invited me to stay with them, to visit them more than once… and when I called to let them know your father was gone, Muriel insisted I go live with them."

"And will you be alright, momma? You sure that's what you want?"

"Yes… yes, I don't want to stay up here."

"Ok, momma. I gotta tell you, it eases my mind to know you'll be with them… I woulda hated the thought of you alone somewhere… had a half mind to ask you to come live with us, when we get settled."

"Oh, Jack, thank you. But I would hate to intrude on you two, the last thing you want setting up a place is an old woman… No, I want to go down to Gillette. I've missed Harold and Muriel… I'll enjoy being with them."

Jack took his mother's hand in his own, squeezed it tight. Perhaps now his mother would finally live in a house filled with warmth, with laughter. A house where she'd be welcomed and loved, not stepping around eggshells all day long. It took away a great weight from his shoulders.

"And what are you going to do with the ranch? It's yours now."

Yes. Wasn't that just grand. The place he'd run from his whole life, that he'd wanted to escape since he could remember was his.

"I know momma… I… I think I want to sell it." he wondered if his mother would be sad about that. But when he looked into her eyes, all he saw was a deep and sorrowful understanding. She knew what this ranch symbolized for him. Understood why he couldn't stay, why he had to put it behind him at last.

"Do you know if there's anyone interested, Jack?" asked Ennis, voice soft.

"Actually… yes. When I went to town with… before…" he took a deep breath. Shit, get over it Twist. "Last time I went into town, I went into the real-estate office to get all those brochures…" he couldn't help the involuntary smile that came to him, remembering the night he and Ennis had looked at them. Ennis answering smile let him know he was remembering it too.

"Anyway, I overheard two ranchers talking about wanting to buy this property. They seemed quite interested in it. So I figure I'll go into the office, let them know I'm selling… I'm sure they'll know who those guys were."

"That's good, son. Just… make sure you sell it to good people, alright?"

Jack remembered his dad saying something to that effect, about how hard his family had worked on this ranch. And it seemed terribly important that he not ignore the request… it seemed like a lot in his life had been decided because of this very ranch.

"Yes, momma. Don't worry. Me and Ennis will go down to the office tomorrow, ok?"

"Sure thing. Well, boys, if you'll excuse me, I'm beat. Good night."

Jack got up, gave her a gentle hug. "Good night." he whispered.

He turned to look at Ennis, sitting quietly, reading the love and the support in his eyes. And before any words were spoken, Ennis was up and his arms were around him.

You're gettin' soft, Twist. Need to be held like a child every minute…

But he didn't care. Because right now, the only thing that seemed right in this world was to be held by Ennis.

"Ennis… why do I miss him? I'm a fucking mess… but he was a bastard, Ennis. Why the hell do I miss him?" he asked resting his face against Ennis' shoulder, voice tinged with desperation.

"Oh, rodeo…" Jack could feel the quiet rumble of Ennis' words, his steady breathing. "it's alright to miss him. Because as much of a bastard as he was… he was your father."

Ennis held Jack a bit tighter. He knew how much he needed this, to be held and comforted. It hurt him to see the look of pain and confusion on Jack's face, hurt him to know he couldn't do anything about it but listen, but be there.

"Let it out, lil' darlin'… let go. It's alright. Just let go…"

And Jack did. He sobbed out his grief, he let himself mourn. He was mourning for the father that had died, and for all those things he'd never received from him, for the words of comfort and of pride, for the love and approval of a father that he'd always wanted, and that he would never get now.

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"You ready for this, rodeo?"

"Yes, Ennis. Let's go inside." with a deep breath, Jack opened the glass door of the real-estate office. A yellow folder in his hand held the scriptures to the ranch and other legal documents, originals and copies. He felt Ennis behind him, beside him. It's time, Jack.

"Hello, how may I help you?" the secretary greeted them as they walked in. She checked Jack out without much discretion, and immediately put on her best smile and pushed up her cleavage. Ennis tried hard to keep a straight face.

"Howdy, ma'm. I'm Jack Twist. Is the realtor busy? I want to put some property up for sale…" Jack knew his advantage, so he gave her his most charming and dimpled smile.

"Well, it's your lucky day, Mr. Twist, because he's actually free right now. Let me go tell him if he can see you."

"Why, thank you ma'm. This sure is my lucky day." he said with a wink. The secretary just giggled and went into the realtor's office, shaking her ass at Jack.

"Jeez, rodeo… could you be more of a fucking flirt? The woman was waggin' her ass at you like a goddam Labrador." said Ennis, just slightly disgruntled.

"Oh, come on now cowboy… you jealous?" Jack asked flashing him a teasing smile.

Ennis grunted in response.

"You know yours is the only ass I like to see wag" Jack whispered in his ear, pinching his but not too subtly.

Ennis blushed immediately, tried to choke his response… Ennis jr. wasn't being too cooperative. And, of course, the secretary chose that moment to return.

"You can go in now."

"Thank you very much… might I ask your name?"

"I'm Rita." answered the secretary, batting her eyelashes.

"Well, Rita, it's a pleasure. Now, if you'll excuse us, we'll go in to see your boss."

Jack walked into the office with Ennis trailing behind, still a little red. The secretary looked at him strangely, wondered what was wrong with the poor man.

"Hello, gentlemen, I'm Andy Johnson."

"Jack Twist."

"Ennis del Mar"

They shook hands all around, and sat down.

"I understand you'd like to put some property up for sale?". The man behind the desk looked to be in his fifties, had a protruding belly and sparse graying hair he attempted to arrange, unsuccessfully, to cover his incoming baldness. He was dressed in a somewhat discordant mustard yellow suit, but seemed like a good enough fellow.

"Yes, sir. My father passed away just recently, and he left me his ranch. I want to sell it, heard a few interested parties a while ago."

"My condolences… your father… would that be John Twist?"

"Yes, he was…"

"Hmm… well, you are right, Mr. Twist. There are a few people that have asked me about your ranch. Why don't we do this… I'll let word out that the ranch is on the market, wait for some good bids and call you when I have them?"

"Sure, that would be great. I'm staying at the ranch, for the moment. Here, let me write down the number." Mr. Johnson handed Jack a pen and a piece of paper. "Do you need to keep the scriptures and such?"

"Copies of them would be excellent."

"Here…" Jack opened his folder and handed him the copies. "Everything alright?"

"Yes, everything seems to be in order, Mr. Twist." Mr. Johnson inspected the papers carefully and set them on his desk.

"Alright, great. So… you'll call?" Jack asked, standing up.

"Yes, I'm fairly certain I'll be in touch soon." he stood up and shook hands with Jack and Ennis. "And again, I'm very sorry for your loss."

"Thank you."

Jack and Ennis walked out of the office, Jack giving Rita a cheerful wave and flirty wink before stepping out.

"Wanna get something to drink, cowboy?"

"Actually… I'm in the mood for something other than a drink now, rodeo." answered Ennis.

Jack turned to look at him, surprised, until he saw the desire in Ennis' eyes, the slight twinkle letting him know what he was thirsty for.

"That pinch a yours got me all hot and bothered" Ennis whispered, "so I think it's only fair you take care of it."

Jack laughed out loud. He couldn't believe Ennis was actually saying these things, never mind saying them while they were out on the street. He had a feeling they had both slowly become more comfortable with being together, a comfort that could only be brought on by time shared, time together… enough at last.

"Well, we can't have that, can we cowboy? We best hurry on back to the ranch." Jack said, beaming.

Ennis just nodded. It was good to see Jack laughing again, smiling again… His rodeo was alright. And with that thought in mind, he hurried along with Jack towards the pick up, impatient for Jack to slake his thirst.

TBC

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