Eh... Somebody asked if this story has a plot. Yes and no. It started out without one, but I'm going to use a story idea I thought would suck. But I might as well use it.
If you are wondering WHY the following events occur... me and my friend got bored after watching Bleach a few months ago and started thinking of random fan fic ideas...
I'm probably making no sense. Just sit back and enjoy the bizarre show.
Disclaimer: Right, I'd better point out that I do not own Elvis, Nirvana, Kurt Kobain, or Bleach. So no lawsuits!
"How was your date?" Isshin peeked over the top of his newspaper as Ichigo and Rukia walked into the living room. Ichigo slowly turned his head towards his father and glared daggers. Rukia shrugged. "Aw... was the movie not good?"
"There's still popcorn in my hair," Ichigo grumbled, plucking a piece of the snack food from his orange hair.
"It was good," Rukia told Isshin kindly.
"Great!" Isshin smiled. "I hear the sequal comes out next month!"
"No thanks," Ichigo grumbled, heading up the stairs. He wasn't seeing any more scary movies with Rukia. His ears hurt and his neck was killing him. The fiasco with Urahara and H hadn't been a walk in the park, either. He had splinters in his right hand from punching through the fence, and his left hand was bruised from punching H in the face. He didn't really have a reason for hitting H... It had just been a spur of the moment thing.
"Are you alright?" Rukia asked Ichigo as she followed him into his room.
"Never better," Ichigo replied as he lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling.
"Oh..." Rukia sat down on the floor next to him.
"NII-SAN!!!!" Kon pounced from the closet and latched on to Rukia. "I MISSED YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!"
Ichigo grabbed Kon by the tail and plucked him from Rukai's chest. "That's annoying... SO STOP!!!" Ichigo hurled Kon back into the closet.
Beedily-Beep. Beedily-Beep.
"What is it?" Ichigo sighed.
"A Hollow is going to appear across town in thirty minutes..." Rukia checked the report. "We'd better get going."
'I can't catch a break. No matter what, I just can't...' Ichigo sadly shook his head.
---------
Twenty-seven minutes later, Ichigo and Rukia were sitting in front of a music store. "Is this the place?" Ichigo looked around. Unsheathing his Zanpakto, he prepared for battle.
"I think so..." Rukia checked the report. "Hmmm..."
"What?" Ichigo raised an eyebrow.
"The information on this Hollow is interesting... He's very powerful..." Rukia stared intently at the communication device.
"Oh really?" Ichigo smirked. "Not too powerful for me, I hope..." The sarcasm in his voice was apparent.
"No..." Rukia shook her head. "He should be easy for you. But... he's from America, it seems..."
"America? Who the heck is he?" Ichigo was confused.
(A/N: This plot will make no sense. Like I said, me and my friend were bored. It should be good for laughs, though...)
"Somebody named Elvis Presley," Rukia shrugged. Ichigo fell flat on his face from shock.
"ELVIS?!" Ichigo jumped back to his feet. "I HAVE TO KILL ELVIS?!"
"Who's Elvis?" Rukia calmly asked.
"He was a famous American rock star! Why's he here?!" Ichigo couldn't believe what he was hearing. Elvis Presley, the father of Rock and Roll, was a Hollow. And he was in Japan. Where was the sense in that?!
"I dunno. I guess he worked his way over here while killing and eating... He's killed five Soul Eapers over the past few months."
"Five Soul Reapers?! Are you serious? Elvis is a super-tough Hollow?"
"I don't see what the big deal is. You've wounded a Menos Grande, so why should this be a problem?"
"I dunno..." Ichigo shrugged. "Its just... Elvis?"
CRASSSSSHHHHH!!!!!!
The window in the music store exploded as some poor guy was hurled through it. "EAAAAAAGGHHH!!!" he screamed as he soared through the air and landed at Ichigo's feet.
"Well, time to kill the King..." Ichigo sighed.
--------------
"Such a slow day..." Urahara waved his fan in front of his face, trying to keep cool during the mid-summer day's heat. The fusebox was still a bit twitchy, so the air conditioning was out. H's first assignment was to fix it. Urahara had figured H could handle it, but...
"MEOOOOOOOWWWWWWRRRRR!!!!" the howl of an angry cat filled the store. Urahara had to step back to avoid being run over by the rampaging feline as it tore through the doorway out of the store's back rooms.
"What's wrong Yuroichi?" Urahara asked softly as he picked up the small black cat.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" H suddenly burst through the doorway. "I was tired, so I sat down on a crate! The cat was sitting there, and I didn't see it! I'm sorry!"
"You sat on Yuroichi?!" Urahara stared at his employee. The cat hissed at H.
"It was an accident! I'm sorry!" H exclaimed.
"Well... it doesn't look like Yuroichi's hurt..." Urahara examined his pet.
"Oh... good..." H let out a sigh of relief.
RWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!
Urahara, H, and Yurouchi all looked up. They listened keenly to the distant howling. "What was that?" H asked.
"A Hollow, of course..." somebody replied.
"Who said that?" H looked around.
"I did," the cat in Urahara's arms waved its front paw.
"Uh..." H stared at the cat. "Did that thing just talk?"
"Thing?" the cat glared. "I am not a thing! I'm Yuroichi!"
"Okay, you're a talking cat named Yuroichi, who knows about Hollows," H looked up at Urahara, "I love this town!"
"So how close do you think it is?" H asked no one in particular. He didn't feel... normal... asking a cat questions.
"A few blocks from here. I can sense Kurosaki's spirit energy... as well as the Hollows," Yuroichi replied.
"Should I go check it out, boss?" H crossed his arms and waited for an answer.
"Hm..." Urahara thought for a second. Yuroichi nodded. "I guess so. Just to make sure Ichigo keeps everything under control. Make sure not to interfere in his job too much..."
"No problem, boss," H nodded and took off out the front door. "I'll be back as soon as possible!"
"He's gonna get stomped..." Yurouchi commented once H was gone.
"H or Ichigo?" Urahara raised an eyebrow.
"Both..." Yuroichi sighed.
-------------
"Alright, lets see..." H ran onto the street all the noise was coming from. "Ichigo and Hollow should be around here some-"
"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" Ichigo flew through the air, soaring directly over H's head.
"Where..." H added meekly.
"What are you doing here!?" Ichigo yelled as he scrambled back to his feet after hitting a telephone pole. The pole had broken in half, but Ichigo showed no signs of injury.
"I came to watch. I wanted to see how well you did against a Hollow," H shrugged.
"This may be a bad example!" Ichigo barked.
"Why?" H tilted his gas-mask clad head to the side.
"Look behind you..." Ichigo pointed out. Turning around slowly, H found himself face to face with the Hollow Ichigo had been fighting.
"Is that Elvis?" H blinked dumbly. Sure enough, the large humanoid beast shared a striking resemblance. His body, while mostly grey, had white tassles dangling from the arms and torso, much like Elvis' old shirts. And while he was wearing the usual Hollow mask, the trademark Elvis hairdoo was strikingly obvious.
"Yep..." Ichigo answered.
"Oh... Okay, just checking..." H slowly took a step back. "Um... Hi, Mr. Presley?"
"Are you..." the Hollow's hoarse voice petrified their souls, "a fan..."
"Of you?" H asked.
"Kurt Kobain?" the Hollow finished the question.
"Um..." H scratched his head, "Yeah, I suppose. Nirvana is cool. Why do yo-"
WHAM!!!!
H was sent sailing by a swift backhand to the face. "AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"
"CURSE YOU, KURT KOBAIN!!! MY FANS HAVE ALL ABANDONED ME!!! YOU SHALL PAY FOR THIS BETRAYEL!!!!!!" the Hollow bellowed.
"Did I miss something?" H gasped as he climbed out of the bush he had landed in.
"Um..." Ichigo raised his sword, "Elvis is a Hollow, you just got smacked down, and I'm about to kill the King."
"Okay, that works..." H nodded dumbly.
Kill the King? What is this, a game of chess?
If you don't understand, Kurt Kobain is more famous than Elvis now according to the newspapers. So me and my friend figured Elvis would get so sad he'd become a Hollow and go on a mass Nirvana-fan killing spree. I know, stupid. But still funny...
Yeah this story sucks. Don't worry, it'll end once Elvis has left the building.
Sorry, had to say it... :)