I know, Elvis was random. But it was funny, at least!
Okay, lets see... I migth as well wrap this thing up. I need to start thinking about my next one... If you've read my newest Hellsing story, you'll know what to expect. :)
Special thanks to all the folks who read, reviewed, and re... re... I can't think of anything else good that starts with re... Ahem, anyway... THANKS, FOLKS!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, Resident Evil, Elvis, Kurt Kobain, Nirvana, Final Fantasy, or anything else for that matter. So please don't sue me!
Ichigo's life had reached the apex of bizarre. Things had been bad enough. But now he had to fight Elvis. Elvis! THE KING!!! How was he supposed to do that? It should have been easy. Chop, chop, the job is done. But... Elvis? He didn't know if he could kill such a well respected and greatly loved celebrity.
"ARE YOU GONNA HELP OR WHAT?!" H screamed at Ichigo, waking him up from his deep musing.
"Huh?" Ichigo shook his head. "Oh, right!"
"HELP ME, DANGIT!!!" H yelled angrily. Elvis, being a Hollow and whatnot, was now clutching the poor guy in his hands, holding him up in the air. Elvis slowly opened his mouth, thick saliva dripping down from his Hollow's teeth. H's began to struggle even harder. "OH SNAP HE'S GONNA EAT ME!!!"
"SHUT UP AND STAND STILL!!!" Ichigo dove into action. Rushing forward, his Zanpakto held high above his head, Ichigo let out a fierce battle cry as he charged at the Hollow. However, it wasn't going to sit around and get killed. In the true Elvis fashion, he shook his hips and hopped out of the way. Ichigo couldn't stop in time, so he ran straight past him and into oncoming traffic. "OH CRAP!!!" Ichigo jumped up and over an approaching hot-rod, then landed on the roof of a truck.
"Hah hah hah hah..." Elvis chuckled as Ichigo played Hop-Scotch in traffic. "Foolish Shinigami. You're no match for m-"
Cli-click.
"Huh?" Elvis turned his attention back towards the writhing hostage in his hands. "What are you doing?"
"Um..." H stared up at the Hollow. "I was just... ya know..." H suddenly wrenched his right arm free and raised it towards the monster's face. Clutched in his hand was the Broken Butterfly. "Admiring the butterflies..."
KERBLAM!!!
Elvis rocked slightly as the shot ripped through his mask and obliterated most of his skull. Most Hollows would have died from a wound like that. But Elvis just smiled. "Stupid man. You can't slay me with such a weapon. It may have worked on a lesser Hollow, but I have devoured sveral Shinigami. I will be much harder to kill."
H watched in horror as the hole in his mask regenerated. "Well that's not good..." H gulped. "Um... Ichigo? HELP ME!!!"
"I'm on it!" Ichigo suddenly darted past them. Elvis blinked dumbly, confused as to why the Soul Reaper had run past them.
Then his arms fell off. "YEAAAAAAAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!" he howled as his limbs dropped to the ground. H rolled free from their limp grasp and jumped to his feet. He promptly fired every bullet left in his gun into the Hollow. Weakened and wounded, Elvis dropped to his knees. Panting for breath, he looked up weakly at the faces of Ichigo and H.
"Elvis has left the building," Ichigo commented calmly as he brought his blade down upon the mask of the Hollow.
"Is it dead yet?" Rukia poked her head out from behind a nearby parked car.
"Yep," Ichigo clapped his hands together as the last remaining bits of the Hollow disintegrated.
"Thanks, Ichigo," H bowed. "You saved my life..."
"Don't mention it," the Soul Reaper replied in a less-than-polite tone.
"So... why was that Elvis guy here anyway?" Rukia asked.
"Beats me..." H shrugged.
"HI RUKIA!!!!" Everyone jumped at the sound of Isshin's voice. Rukia spun around and stared at Ichigo's dad. "You here for the Nirvana Collection CD release, too?!" Isshin grinned merrily. He was wearing a "KURT BOBAIN ROCKS!!!" t-shirt.
"Um... yeah!" Rukia nodded happily. "But the store got robbed or something!" she pointed at the wreckage of the store, which was now on fire thanks to attempts of Ichigo and H to "save" it.
"Aw... that's too bad..." Isshin frowned.
"I am so glad he can't see us..." H whispered to Ichigo.
"No kidding," Ichigo nodded.
"So where is that son of mine?" Isshin put his hand up and scanned the area around them with his eyes.
"Oh, uh... He went to get me something to eat!" Rukia lied.
"Awww, that's my son, alright! Taking care of other's needs before him!" Isshin clapped his hands together, tears of proud joy running down his face.
"Actually," Rukia smirked, "He was hungry. He just said he'd get me something if he had the money."
Ichigo's jaw dropped. "No..."
"WWWWWHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT?!" Isshin roared. The flames of Hades burned in his eyes as anger raged within his soul. Rukia took a few steps back. "THAT NO GOOD, SELFISH, SORRY-EXCUSE- FOR-A-MAN, HORRIBLE SON OF MINE!!!!!"
"I know! You should have another talk with him. A lonnnnnng talk," Rukia smiled.
"Oh don't worry," Isshin growled, "I will!" And with that, he stormed off.
A very tense silence followed. "Wellllll..." H started to tip-toe away. "My work here is done... time to head back to Urahara's shop... And I'll be living there now, so don't worry about my suitcase. Mr. Mustache Dude said he'd go get my stuff!" Ichigo wasn't even listening. "Right... bye!" H darted off.
"I hate you," Ichigo growled at Rukia.
"I know..." Rukia smirked as she started to walked away.
"So much..." he skulked after her. "So very much..."
"I know..." Rukia continued to smirk.
"There goes that crazy girl again, talking to herself and whatnot..." the old store owner across the street shook his head as he swept the sidewalk.
------------------------------------OMAKE-----------------------------------
-Elvis and the Menos Grande are Salsa dancing, while Ichigo and Isshin wrestle around on the ground.-
Agent HUNK: Well, I guess it's finally over...
Urahara: You still owe me a lot of money. -Hands Agent HUNK the bill-
Agent HUNK: Yen? No problem...
Urahara: No, I already translated it to US dollars.
Agent HUNK: -cries- Why me?
Rukia: Because you're a sorry excuse for an author?
Byakuya: -pops up- And why wasn't I in this story?
Rukia: Nii-san!
Agent HUNK: I dunno, I couldn't think of a way to fit you in. I wanted to, though. You're like the Sephiroth of Bleach...
Byakuya: -stares- The what?
Agent HUNK: Sephiroth...
Sephiroth: -appears- Did somebody call my name? -stares at Byakuya-
Byakuya: -stares at Sephiroth-
Agent HUNK: -grabs Rukia, Ichigo, Isshin, and Urahara and starts to drag them away- We need to run. Now.
Menos Grande: -does Mexican hat dance, oblivios to the massive battle raging behind him between the two guys with long hair- Aye, aye, aye, aye... Yo no canto buenooooo! Aye, aye, aye, aye... Pero yo bailo perfectoooooo! (I can't sing good, but I dance perfectly!)
Well folks, I guess that wraps things up. Unless of course I get a huge number of reviews... then I may consider a sequal... But anyway, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the show!
And I hope I got the Spanish bit right... The Menos Grande's dancing was a pun, considering his name is Spanish and all that... Yeah... I know you don't care...
SEE YA NEXT TIME!!!!!