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3. Sticking together (set immediately after the end of Dawg Day Afternoon)
Max is sitting on the threadbare sofa, staring blankly at Alec's precious "boob tube" with the sound turned down, when Alec returns and drops heavily onto the seat beside her. He runs his hand through unruly hair and sighs.
"Is he asleep?" she asks.
Alec nods. "Yeah. Guess he wore himself out crying."
They sit in silence for a moment, the air between them heavy with sorrow.
Three long hours have passed since the news of Annie's murder flashed across the TV screen. After the initial shock, Joshua was beside himself with grief and anger, and it took both of them to calm him down and prevent him from going after White.
Finally, Alec persuaded Joshua to go to his room to lay down. From her place on the sofa, Max listened to their muted conversation, hearing mainly Alec speaking in soothing tones with the occasional grunted response from Joshua. Five minutes ago, the voices faltered into silence.
Alec scrubs his hands over his eyes and sighs again. "I feel so damned useless, but there's nothing I can do or say that's gonna help him."
She glances at him, sharing his frustration, and remembers that he's been through the same hell as Joshua, and is still hurting. Even though he hasn't mentioned Rachel since that night at the Berrisford mansion, she's seen his devil-may-care, "I'm always all right" mask slip every so often. Time hasn't yet healed that wound. Maybe it never will.
"I guess all we can do is be his friends," she says. "Let him know we're here for him." The words sound lame, but she has no answers and no solutions.
"Yeah." Alec's eyes are full of emotion. "It's just…" He hesitates. "What if he can't get over this?"
Max is touched but not surprised by Alec's obvious concern for Joshua. Although Alec had at first dismissed Joshua as a subhuman freak, a genuine if unlikely friendship developed between them, and despite her initial misgivings, Max can see that they're good for each other.
Since convincing Joshua that his budding romance with Annie was a bad idea, Alec has spent most of his spare time with him, trying to cheer him up. And tonight he's been as upset as she has at Joshua's grief.
"He'll get over it in time," she says, faking a confidence she doesn't feel.
"Maybe." He doesn't sound convinced, though. "But this is Joshua, Max. He isn't like us. He has a simpler view of things." He shakes his head, brow creased in a frown of frustration. "I told him he shouldn't get involved, I told him we don't belong with them. It isn't safe for them, or for us, especially not now."
Max flashes back to Alec's words to her at Crash a week or so ago. "Max, we don't belong with them, okay? We're a danger to them. When are you gonna finally see that?" She'd brushed him off, dismissing his words as sour grapes over losing his chance with Asha. But then she began to think he was right. Transgenics were clearly becoming a danger to their friends.
Annie's death is proof of that. Who would be next? Sketchy or OC? Logan?
Max stands up abruptly. "I'm gonna make some coffee. Want some?"
"Sure."
She makes the coffee, concentrating on the simple actions of putting instant powder in the cups and pouring the boiling water inside them, trying not to focus on the thoughts swirling round in her mind. When she returns, Alec is asleep, head squashed uncomfortably into the corner of the couch, eyes closed, lips slightly parted.
Quietly setting the coffee down on the floor, she sits back down beside him, careful not to jog the couch and wake him. She looks at him thoughtfully, noting that his brow is still wrinkled in a frown, and feels the stirring of an emotion that feels suspiciously like affection.
Affection? For Alec?
She has to admit it's not as strange as it would have been a few months ago. If someone told her then that she'd ever feel anything towards him other than contempt, she would have laughed in their face.
But her feelings have changed, in large part because of that night she told him the truth about Ben's death.
While she's always been afraid to tell Logan what really happened, unable to bear the thought of the horror and condemnation she'll see in his eyes – she did kill her own brother, after all – it felt right to tell Alec. He'd been arrested for a crime Ben had committed, and he deserved to know the truth.
Her mind drifts back to that night. Telling Alec the story brought back the full horror and pain of the terrible moment she'd ended Ben's life, and she broke down. Alec came up beside her and put an arm around her shoulders, resting his chin on her hair and whispering, "I'm sorry Max." Sensing his acceptance and understanding, she leaned back into his embrace and allowed herself to cry.
It was ironic, really. After waiting so long for the moment when Logan could hold her in his arms like that, it should have been him, not Alec, giving her the comfort and support she so desperately needed. Yet she knew that she was with the right person. No one else, not even Logan, could understand why she'd heeded Ben's plea to end his life. Alec understood. He had been through re-indoctrination, and he knew why Ben had begged her to finish it rather than let him be captured and taken back to Manticore.
Later, they sat long into the night drinking coffee. He told her what life was like for him at Manticore after the 09'ers left. She told him a little about her life after the escape. And for the first time she felt a real connection between them. For the first time she looked at him and saw not the epitome of everything she hates and despises, but a broken soul who's been as badly screwed up by Manticore as she has.
Alec stirs and opens his eyes, then yawns and pushes himself upright with a sheepish grin. "Sorry, didn't mean to drop off."
Max summons a small smile. "It's okay. You should go to bed anyway, it's late."
"Nah. Don't think I could sleep for long."
Max understands. She's all churned up inside and filled with a sense of foreboding about the future. "You know this is just the start," she says flatly. "It's all gonna get worse. Not just White – everyone. They want us dead and they're gonna hunt us down like animals."
"That's what they think we are, Max," Alec says, his expression grim. "Even transgenics like us, who look normal."
Max stands up, paces the room, tense and restless. Then she stops dead, whirls to face him and blurts out, "It's all my fault, Alec. I let them out, anything that happens to them is my fault. What if they all die? What if—"
"It's not your fault, Max," Alec interrupts. "It's Manticore's fault. You just did what you thought was right."
She shakes her head, unable to let go of the feeling of responsibility.
Alec gets up and walks over to her. "Hey, come on Maxie. This isn't like you." Reluctantly she looks up into serious hazel eyes. "We're not just gonna give up. Where's that ass-kicking, fighting spirit?"
She shrugs.
"You want an ass to practice on, you can use mine – you always do anyway." He affects a long-suffering expression and she feels the tension inside ease a little.
"Don't tempt me."
"Or, of course, I'm always available if you want to let off any other kind of steam…"
He waggles his eyebrows suggestively and this time she can't help but smile – as was clearly his intention.
"We just have to be more careful," he goes on, serious again. "We need to stick together, watch each other's backs."
"Yeah. Yeah, I know."
They lapse into silence and she thinks that it's late, she should probably go home. But somehow, being here with Alec and Joshua feels more like home than anywhere else.
Alec is right. They might be an unlikely trio, but at this moment, they're all they have. And it surprises her that she finds comfort in the thought that when the crunch comes, Alec will be there, right by her side.