Reflections

Part Four: Stepping Up
(Set four days after the end of Freak Nation)

Max pushes open the door to the small supply room acting as a temporary first-aid station and pauses in the doorway. Across the room, Alec lies sprawled on the small bed, one arm draped over the edge, injured arm folded across his body.

She walks quietly across the room and then stops, looking down at him. His face is turned towards her, his eyes closed and his breathing regular in sleep. He's thrown off the blanket that was draped over him and she picks it up, tucking it back around his body. Then she sits down on the edge of the bed, brushes his hair back and rests a hand on his forehead. A little too warm still, but the fiery heat of fever has gone.

During the four days since the desperate retreat to Terminal City, she's seen a different side of Alec. This Alec is single-minded, disciplined and authoritative. Since forcefully and successfully backing her leadership against a potential uprising led by Mole, he's worked flat out by her side, helping to deal with some of the hundred-and-one issues that require urgent action. After a day or so, she stopped double-checking his decisions and now trusts him to get the job done. Alec is fast becoming her link with the leaders of the various transgenic and transhuman groups. He has a way with people, charming, cajoling or persuading co-operation from the different factions.

It's hard to reconcile this behavior with the Alec she knows. He's always done as little work as he can get away with, and she had the impression that he viewed hard work an inconvenience to be fitted in as infrequently as possible between more lucrative scams and sexual encounters.

"There's room in here for two, if we cuddle up close."

Startled, she snatches her hand away and finds herself looking into a pair of sleepy but amused green eyes. She was so busy with her thoughts, she didn't notice him wake.

She chooses to ignore the remark.

"How are you feeling?"

He frowns. "I don't… what happened?"

Her eyes drift down to the fresh bandage on his arm. She feels bad about the injury. When she saw Dalton patching him up at the Jam Pony office, she assumed it was a minor wound and dismissed it with a curt, "Been there, done that."

In her defense, it was the blood loss and subsequent infection rather than the bullet wound that caused the problem. Even transgenics with superior healing power need to have their wounds properly cleaned and cared for, and it had been over twenty-four hours before Alec had sought any medical attention, and then only to replace the makeshift bandage.

"You fainted in Command," she tells him.

"I… hey, wait a minute. I didn't faint! Girls faint. I just … got dizzy for a minute."

"Okay," she agrees amiably, stifling a laugh at his indignant tone. "You got dizzy, passed out and hit the ground ass first. Better?"

"Oh, much." He grins. "Far more manly."

Suddenly she's annoyed with him for scaring her like that. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"That you're sick."

He shrugs. "I'm fine. Transgenics don't get sick, remember? It's not a big deal."

That's rich, coming from someone who usually whines if he so much as stubs a toe. Yet she remembers another time he took a bullet helping her out, and he didn't complain that time, either. He must have been in pain over the past few days, tired and weak from the infection. But he never said a thing, and she'd been too busy to notice.

Dalton tried to tell her that there was something wrong with Alec, but she paid little attention, thinking the kid was just being overprotective. The young X-6 has a bad case of hero worship and has become Alec's shadow, to Alec's obvious delight and the amusement of everyone else.

She should have listened.

"The medic says you've lost too much blood, you're exhausted, and you have an infection. You've been pushing yourself too hard, not giving your body time to heal."

"Careful, Maxie, you're gonna make me think you give a damn."

His tone is teasing, but she looks away, because she does give a damn, and she isn't sure what to make of that.

"Don't get your hopes up," she says lightly.

"Don't worry, I never do."

She looks at him then and he holds her eyes with an unreadable expression. She's struck by how much he reminds her of Ben.

She catches the thought with a frown. It occurs to her that something has changed, and she's hardly noticed. There was a time when she saw a reflection of Ben every time she looked at Alec. Now, mostly, she looks at Alec and sees – Alec. She isn't sure what this means, but she senses that something fundamental has shifted inside her.

There's an awkward silence, which he breaks by clearing his throat and asking, "What time is it?"

"Just after 2 a.m."

He starts to sit up and Max puts a hand on his chest, firmly pushing him back down.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Getting up. I'm leading a raid at 3 a.m."

Max shakes her head decisively. "No, you're not. Mole has that covered. I think his actual words were, 'Don't let that pigheaded dumbass back in Command 'til he's had a night's sleep and looks less like a week-old corpse.'"

Alec grumbles, but he doesn't make another attempt to get up, either. "That lizard says the nicest things."

"He's right. You need to rest."

"Come on, Max. I'm hardly dying here."

"But you could be," is the thought that runs unbidden through her mind, and she shivers. They're living on a knife's edge. Biggs was a strong, fit and agile X-5 and he died, beaten to death by humans who thought he was a monster. Cece was killed instantly by White's men at the Jam Pony siege. Both times, it could so easily have been Alec, and the thought frightens her more than she wants to admit.

"You need to rest," she repeats firmly.

"I'm fine," he protests, but his voice is weak, and he's having trouble keeping his eyes open.

She rolls her eyes at his stubbornness. "Whatever, but you're still gonna stay here until Wade says you're okay, and that's an order. You're no good to me if you can't function properly."

"Thought I wasn't any good to you any time," he murmurs.

The words sting, because that's not how she feels, not now. "That's not true," she says softly. "You… the last four days have been really tough. I couldn't have got through them without you, okay?"

"Aw, Max, I'm touched. You trying to say you don't hate me anymore?"

In his eyes, she sees an intensity that belies the mocking tone in his voice.

"I don't hate you, Alec. I never… I haven't hated you for a long time." She pauses, but he doesn't speak, so she goes on in a mock-serious tone. "But if you don't go back to sleep right now, I might change my mind."

His lips curl in a smile and he snuggles back into the pillow. "Whatever you say, Max. You're the boss."

She isn't sure why, but she needs him to understand that she's telling the truth, that she sees him differently now.

"Alec?"

"Mmhm."

"I just … I want you to know … I don't see Ben anymore."

He shifts to face her, one eyebrow raised in a silent question.

"When I look at you," she says firmly. "I don't see Ben anymore."

For a moment, he seems surprised, and then his expression turns thoughtful. "That's good, right?" he asks softly.

"Yeah." She smiles. "It's good."

He reaches out and lightly touches her arm. "It's gonna be okay, Max. We'll get through this."

"Yeah, I know we will."

And strangely, despite everything, she believes it.