Reflections

Part Five: A Debt Repaid
(Set eight months after Freak Nation)

Max sits on the edge of the sofa, trying not to fidget, her eyes scanning the room to see if Logan has added anything new.

It's been eight months, but she still finds it strange to think of this house as Logan's. He's made a lot of improvements, but somehow, Logan and his sophisticated technological setup seem out of place in this old house that she will forever associate with Joshua.

But Joshua's home is in Terminal City now, with over two hundred others of their kind. Although an uneasy truce replaced the siege six months ago, they are far from a place where any form of integration is an option. Normals still view them with suspicion and hostility, and the transgenic community keeps itself to itself, its members only venturing away from home when absolutely essential.

Logan sits opposite her and Max tries hard to concentrate on the story he's telling her about some raid Asha and the S1W have carried out against a government facility.

"So, Asha pretended… Max, are you even listening to me?"

She starts guiltily. "I'm sorry, Logan, what were you saying?"

Logan looks at her appraisingly. "I'm sure they're fine. They're only a few days late, and there are a hundred-and-one reasons why communications could be down."

Alec and a small team have been away on a mission for seven days. They are now three days overdue, and Command lost touch with them a day before that. She keeps telling herself that there's no need to worry. Despite his reputation for not doing things by the book, Alec's a competent soldier who can take care of himself and his team. Still, she can't shake the constant, gnawing fear that they've been ambushed, killed or, even worse, taken by White. She can't shake the paralyzing fear that Alec has been killed or taken.

"I know, you're right," she says. "It's just…"

Her cell phone rings and she snatches it out of her pocket. "Hello?"

"It's Mole."

Her pulse quickens. He wouldn't call unless it was important. "You've heard from them?"

"You could say that. They're back."

Thank God. "Is he… are they okay?"

"Yeah." Mole sounds amused. "He's a bit battered around the edges, but no pieces missing. The others are fine."

The stone in the pit of her stomach shifts. "Thanks, Mole. I'll be back soon."

She flips the cell off and turns to Logan. "The team's back, and they're all okay."

"Well, good." Logan smiles. "I told you there was no need to worry – if there was ever a survivor, it's Alec. So, what do you want for dinner? I was planning pasta or pasta."

She frowns. "Logan, I have to go."

Logan raises an eyebrow. "Why? You said they're fine, so what's the rush? Max, I know you feel responsible for these people, but that doesn't mean you have to hold everyone's hand all the time."

"I don't want to hold anyone's hand," she snaps, irritated at his attitude. "I just need to see … them … for myself, to be sure they're all right."

Logan's eyes narrow. "Don't you mean, 'I need to see him.'?"

Max frowns. She doesn't need this, but she can't deny that he's right. All she wants right now is to get back to TC to see for herself that Alec's really okay, that Mole's description of "a bit battered around the edges " isn't his way of describing a more serious injury. It wouldn't surprise her, given that Alec's a trouble magnet, and it would be just like him to try to hide it from her.

Still, she doesn't like Logan's tone. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs. "Nothing. But you might just as well be honest and say you can't wait to get out of here to see Alec."

Max sighs. Logan's known for a long time that she and Alec have never been together, as she'd allowed him to believe. He forgave her the lie, understanding that she thought it was for the best, and they resumed their on again-off again pseudo relationship. Yet she knows that he's been jealous of the genuine friendship that's grown between herself and Alec.

"Logan, Alec's my friend, okay? Like Joshua and OC. I care about him. Something wrong with that?"

Instead of answering her question, he says, "You know, there was a time when you'd rather gnaw off your right hand than call Alec a friend."

She flushes, and her reaction annoys her. She has no reason to feel defensive about her feelings. "Things change," she says, a little defiantly. "He's changed."

Logan's looking at her searchingly, and she holds his gaze for a long moment.

"Maybe," he says finally. "Or maybe you're the one who's changed, Max."

The truth is, they're both right. Alec has changed. He's still cocky, he still acts before he thinks and gets his ass into trouble all too often, and he still has the ability to drive her to distraction. But he's developed a sense of responsibility towards the citizens of Terminal City, and these days, his wheeling and dealing is generally done for the good of the community. He's now her official second in command, and she relies on him heavily.

More importantly, he's somehow become her closest friend.

She knows that she's changed, too. Over the past few months, she's come to accept who she is. She no longer feels she has to work at being "normal " because she's already normal – as a transgenic. She feels comfortable at TC with people of her own kind. She doesn't have to pretend, hold back her strength, wonder if people think she's a freak.

She's no longer there because she feels an obligation. She's there because she wants to be, because it's where she belongs, and Alec has played a large part in helping her get to this point.

"Maybe I have changed," she says slowly. "Is that such a bad thing?"

She sees a myriad of emotions flicker through his eyes until his expression settles into one of acceptance.

"No, it's not a bad thing," he says softly. "I know life is tough at TC, but you're more at peace with yourself than you've ever been. And I'm glad of that, Max, really. It's just… I kind of miss you."

She feels a wave of regret. She's come to accept that Logan will never really understand her, and the distance between them has been growing. She's so busy as leader of TC that they don't get to see each other that often. When they do meet, her conversation is full of life at TC and people he's never met, while his is all about his different campaigns and Asha and the S1W's activities. She knows that he's still totally committed to the transgenic cause, and she's grateful for that, but personally, they just don't seem to connect anymore.

"I…" she begins, and stops abruptly as her advanced hearing picks up the sound of a key turning in a lock. She frowns. She wasn't aware that anyone else had a key to the house.

"Someone's just unlocked the front door," she says in a low voice.

"It'll be Asha," Logan says, sounding unperturbed. "I forgot to tell you, she's joining us for dinner. We wanted to run some ideas by you."

Max arches an eyebrow. "Since when does Asha have a key to your house?"

Logan shrugs, looking a little uncomfortable. "Well, she's around here quite a bit, discussing strategy, and we … I … thought it would be easier if she had her own key."

"Really?"

Asha breezes into the room and smiles in Max's direction. "Hey, Max."

"Hi, Asha." Max returns the smile. Despite past tension between them, she likes and respects the other girl.

"Any word on Alec?"

"He's back. They're all fine."

Asha seems genuinely relieved. "That's good news. We were worried."

We were worried? She knows that Logan has been working with Asha and her group, but it looks like they're working together a little more closely than she'd thought.

Asha turns to Logan. "I brought the schematics of the power station. There are several possible ways in. We need to decide which is the best."

Max stands up. "I have to go."

Asha looks confused. "I thought we were going to go over the plans together?"

"Yeah, Logan said, but I need to get back to TC."

Asha gives her a long, assessing look, and then nods. "I get it. Go, Max. I'm sure we can figure this out between us."

"Yeah," Max says, her eyes on Logan, who still looks uncomfortable. "I'm sure you can."

o – o- o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o

As Max marches into Command, it occurs to her that she should be more upset by the evidence that Logan and Asha seem so comfortable together. Asha was – and probably still is – in love with Logan, and there was a time when she saw her as a threat. Now, though, she's surprised to find that it doesn't bother her that much. She has only one thing on her mind.

Her eyes scan the room. Dix is there, manning the security cameras, and there are a couple of X-6's engaged in other computer work.

Dix glances up and flicks a thumb towards Max's office. "He's in there. He's beat, but he wanted to wait for you to get back."

She nods and walks across to the room. She spots him through the open door, sprawled out in her only comfortable chair, arms folded, feet propped up on another chair in front of him. His head is tilted back and his eyes are closed. He looks tired and disheveled, and she can see a few ugly bruises standing out vividly against the slight pallor of his skin, but there are no other outward signs of injury.

She pushes the door to and takes a couple of steps toward him. "Alec?"

He starts awake at the sound of her voice. She expects a flirtatious comment or a cocky remark, but he just stands up, runs a hand through his hair and says quietly, "Hey, Max."

Seeing him standing there, whole and uninjured and evidence that her worst fears have not been realized, she's suddenly flooded with emotion. She doesn't let herself think. She crosses the room in four strides and pulls him into a hug, slipping her arms around his waist and leaning her cheek against his chest so she can hear the reassuring thud of his heart.

He tenses, but after a moment, she feels his body relax and his arms tighten around her.

"Hey, Maxie, it's okay. I'm fine. We're all fine."

"I was worried. Why didn't you call in?"

"Had to take a little detour and ran into some trouble. Nothing we couldn't handle, but we lost comms. I'll debrief you later."

She nods into his chest, not caring about the details. All that matters is that he's back safely. She's a little scared of the sudden intensity of her feelings for him and is unsure what they mean, but she feels warm and safe in his arms, and it feels good.

Suddenly, he lets go of her and gently but firmly pushes her away. Confused, she steps back a few paces, a little embarrassed now at her uncharacteristic display of affection. For the first time, she looks into his eyes. His expression is a mixture of sadness and uncertainty, and she doesn't understand what would cause that.

"Alec? What's wrong?"

He fishes in his pocket and brings out a small package. "I've got something for you."

He puts the package into her hands and she fingers it, looking at him questioningly. "What is it?"

"It's the cure for the virus."

She's so stunned that she doesn't even think to ask how and where he found it.

He holds her gaze and she can see he's trying to keep his face expressionless, but his Manticore training can't quite cover the slight tightening of his jaw, or the twitch of a muscle in his cheek.

She's wondered over the past few months if his feelings for her run deeper than just friendship. He's never said anything directly, but the occasional careless word and expression when he thought she wasn't looking has caused her to stop and think.

Now, she can clearly see the pain reflected in those expressive eyes, and she knows for sure.

He makes a poor attempt at a smile. "Guess I've finally paid off my debt."

"Alec…" She doesn't know what to say or how to respond to that. It's been a long time since she's even thought about the "debt". She forgave him a while ago for both his part in the delivery of the virus and in ruining her chances to find the cure.

Before she can form a coherent thought, he looks away.

"Go, Max. Go and be with Logan."

He turns abruptly and walks out of the room.