The Storm

After the call, Ryan left work early. He needed to talk to Marissa. And now. He thought that she would be devastated by the news and so he wanted to be able to talk to her in person. But in truth part of him wished he could have stayed at work. Anything to delay telling her what he knew she would have been dreading for weeks. They should have talked about this earlier.

As he drove along the freeway heading back to Newport, he tried to think of how he could break the news without it breaking her heart at the same time. But he didn't think that was possible. In truth, he knew, he was concentrating so hard on the effects it would have on Marissa because he didn't want to consider the effects the news was having on himself. He tried running through various options in his head, trying to find the best words to tell her but nothing seemed to do the trick.

It seemed that they still hadn't managed to get over their issues from high school. They couldn't manage anymore than a few weeks drama free before something out of their control sent things suddenly awry. He pulled into the garage at Newport and turned off the car and just sat there. All of a sudden he didn't want to even get out of the vehicle wanting to delay things as much as possible.

---

Marissa, Emily and Keith were returning from a walk on the beach when they saw Ryan's car turn the corner and then pull into the driveway. Marissa glanced at her watch and wondered why he was so early but she was just excited to see him. She began to quicken her steps and then turned to Keith "I'm just going to run ahead. Will you stay and bring Emily with you?"

"Sure." Keith replied.

Marissa started to jog. She wanted to get home a fast as possible, knowing that she hadn't left Ryan a note so he would get inside and wonder where they all were. But when she got to the house Ryan was still sitting in the car. She walked up to the driver's door and opened it. Ryan was startled. He had thought that they were all inside the house and that he'd have a bit more time to compose himself.

"Hey. You're early." Marissa learned in and gave him a quick kiss. "Did you run away or get let out for good behaviour?"

Ryan grimaced. She was in such a good mood. How could he destroy it?

"Or could you just not bear to be away from me for a moment longer?" she asked.

"Something like that." He replied trying to smile but failing.

Marissa started to drag him out of the car. "You'll be able to come for a swim with Emily and I." she started and then realised that he wasn't returning her smile. "Ryan. What is it? Is something wrong?" she asked just as Keith and Emily joined them.

"Wyan." Emily cried out as she raised her arms to him wanting a cuddle.

Ryan stepped out of the car and quickly picked the small girl up and held her to him, not wanting to ever let go. "Hey Em. How's my girl?" he got out.

"I'm dood. We've been down at the beach and I found some pwetty shells but Marissa wouldn't let me keep them all." She said sadly, a big pout on her face.

"That's because you wanted to bring them all home. Even Keith couldn't carry that many. But I did let you bring home your special few." Marissa explained.

"Yeah. They are all in my pocket." Chimed in Keith.

"Well. I'd love to have a look. But maybe you and Keith could go and wash them for me first." Ryan said. He looked up at Keith. "Would you mind?" Ryan asked.

"Sure." Keith shrugged. "No problem." He took Emily from Ryan sensing that Ryan had something important that he wanted to speak with Marissa about.

"Come on Em. Let's go out by the pool. We can wash these and make sure there are no little animals living inside because otherwise the animals will die and then your shells will smell terrible." He scrunched up his nose. "And then we'll dry them off and polish them all so they will look extra special for when you show Ryan."

"Otay." Emily said happily … totally unaware of the silent undertones.

Marissa looked at Ryan concerned now about the way he had brushed Emily off. He never did that. He always gave her all his attention when he first came home. Marissa always got her share of attention later, after Emily had gone to bed. There was definitely something wrong. "Ry." She frowned. "What's going on?"

Ryan took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Let's go inside." He suggested.

"Ryan. What is it? You're starting to worry me." Marissa said.

Ryan looked at her and shook his head. Desperately wishing there was something else that he could do. But there wasn't. He took another deep breathe trying to steady his nerves and calm the nausea in his stomach. "We need to talk."

---

Marissa sat on the sofa with her head buried in her hands. She was leaning forward; her elbows on her knees and her hands holding up her head that now felt like it weighed a ton. She ran her fingers through her hair and with considerable effort she raised her head to Ryan and simply said. "When?"

Ryan was surprised by her reaction. He had expected something else … something different. Maybe tears? Certainly something other than this feigned acceptance of the inevitable. "They asked for tomorrow." Marissa looked at him with panic in her eyes before he added "But I told them that was impossible. That we couldn't possibly do it. But since we were supposed to take Emily to see Cheryl this weekend anyhow … I couldn't put them off any longer. So we have to have her back by Sunday at the latest."

Marissa nodded. "So three days." He nodded. "How did they track down her grandparents?" Marissa asked stoically.

Ryan watched her intently, waiting for a sign of how she was really feeling about this. He knew that it would be tearing her apart inside and yet she was steadfastly talking about it as if she had been expecting it. It worried him that she could put up this front that seemed almost impenetrable. That she could shut her feelings off so easily. It was obviously a strategy that she had learned to cope with things while they had been apart but he didn't like it at all. He would have rather had her sobbing on his shoulder than this seemingly aloof person in front of him who was in such rigid control. "They didn't. Apparently Cheryl's parents had been trying to call her and just thought they were timing their calls badly to when she was out. After a couple of weeks of not being able to reach her they eventually tracked down her next door neighbours who told them what had happened. They got in touch with the hospital yesterday morning."

"Maybe they won't want to interrupt their holiday?" Marissa suggested hopefully.

Ryan shook his head. "No. They actually offered to fly home yesterday. But after talking to Cheryl and being assured that there was no urgency, they decided to drive back. They will probably get back to San Francisco either late tonight or early tomorrow." Ryan explained. He looked at Marissa who was still showing little emotion and added "For what it's worth, I did try calling the attorney to see if we would have any chance of retaining custody once Emily's grandparents return but he assured me that it would be impossible. The judge had made it quite clear that the temporary custody was only approved until a relative could be found to care for her."

"I'd better go and pack her things." Marissa said standing up to go to Emily's room.

Ryan walked in front of her to stop her in her tracks. "There's plenty of time for that. Why don't we just go and spend what time we have left with her?" he asked.

Marissa looked at Ryan and for a moment he saw his own sorrow mirrored in her eyes. She nodded but didn't move. It was as if she had forgotten how to function all of a sudden.

"Didn't you say that you were going for a swim with her?" Ryan suggested trying to motivate Marissa.

Marissa nodded.

"Well how about we do that?" He suggested.

Marissa nodded again and then looked back at Ryan. "Do you think she will be happy to leave?" Marissa asked.

"I don't know." He replied. "But I think that we have to try to get her to look at it positively. That she will be with her grandparents and she will be near her mother. I'm sure she will enjoy that. But I know that she will miss you."

"And you." Marissa added.

"And Keith." Ryan smiled.

"And Sandy and Kirsten." Marissa added to the game.

"And maybe even Seth and Summer." Ryan suggested.

"And the wedding plans." Marissa said.

"Actually for once we actually have a reason to look forward to this wedding because it means that Emily will have to come for a visit. Remember when Cheryl gets out of hospital, we have already told her that she is welcome here whenever she likes so maybe we'll still get to see some of her." Ryan said.

Marissa nodded. She knew that Ryan was trying to make her feel better. But right now she was trying not to feel at all. It was as if she had anaesthetised her heart. She knew that if she didn't, it would break at the thought of losing this little girl who had become so much a part of her life. She was trying hard to hold it all together. It's wasn't as if they didn't know at the start that Emily was 'on loan' but that hadn't stopped them from totally falling for the little girl. She had wormed her way into their hearts and when she left she would leave a gaping hole that nothing would replace.

Ryan watched the play of emotions on Marissa's face. He could see that she was trying to shut down and he didn't want that to happen. If he had learnt anything over the years it was that they needed to deal with things as soon as possible and not let them fester. They only got worse. This Marissa who was in control on the outside but no doubt falling apart inside reminded him of when he had taken her to the Cohen's to see Julie … When Marissa had finally cracked it had scared him. He didn't want things to get to that point again. But how could he get through to her?

Marissa went to walk past Ryan towards the bedroom to get changed when he grabbed her hand and pulled her into his arms. "Ris?"

"What?" she asked trying to push him away – not wanting to let down the guard that she had put up, she wanted it to be impenetrable. But as Ryan resisted her efforts and just pulled her closer in to him she felt her resistance begin to fade and the emotions that she had been holding in check finally came to the surface. She broke down and sobbed into his chest as he held her tightly to him. "Why?" she sobbed. "Why us?" Even though she knew she was being irrational, all she could think of was that only a few short weeks ago they had been planning their lives around Emily and the possibility of a baby of their own on the way. Now, there was no baby and within days there would be no Emily. They would have nothing.

More importantly …SHE would have nothing.

Her work on the flim was finished. There would be nothing to stop her returning to Paris.