Chapter 29: Willing

Sabere was playing with fire. She'd awoken from her fit in the infirmary, but hadn't waited for anyone to come check on her. She slipped quietly back upstairs to sit in one of the common rooms, curling up near the fireplace to watch the flames and hate them.

Kurt was trying to find her, but she made sure he never knew where she was. She wasn't sure why she wanted him away from her, but it just seemed easier.

Everything was too complicated now.

She took the ring off her finger and rolled it between her palms, watching the flames climb higher.

"Look, Phoenix," she whispered at the empty room, at her own mind. "Fire. You like fire. Why don't you just pop in there and get warm and leave us all alone?"

Her voice caught on the last words and she felt the ring grow warm in her hands. It had all been so simple…even after it had gotten more complicated, it was simple, because Kurt was there. Now she had to make a choice that really wasn't a choice at all – let herself go and save everyone, or save herself and lose everything.

The Phoenix noticed Jean come in, but Sabere didn't. When the older woman laid her hand on Sabere's shoulder, she responded with fire. Fortunately Jean had been ready for it, and her shields easily dissipated the blast.

"It almost has you, doesn't it?" Jean murmured, kneeling next to her. Sabere returned her ring to her finger in answer, twisting it around and around with her other hand.

"Sabere, there's a way out of this," Jean said softly. "Give it to me."

She shook her head, watching the flames flicker. "I don't have a choice."

"It's taken me before, just try," Jean argued. "I know how to deal with it, and I can tell it what – "

"It'll just kill you again." Sabere turned back to Jean. "It came to me for a reason and it still wants its payment. I have my end of the bargain to uphold."

Jean shook her head. "I won't accept that. In the battle, after it's done – can't you push it into Apocalypse or something?"

Sabere felt a flash of anger, remembering her coaxing, wishing she could shove the Phoenix up that chimney, and still feeling that the Phoenix would willingly go if there really was another option. "There isn't a way out of this! You think I haven't thought about – "

"What about Kurt? Did you think about him?"

The words hit Sabere like a kick in the stomach. Her right hand trembled and clasped around her left. Kurt, her love, her anchor, her first true joy since the accident, the only reason she bothered some days…oh, Kurt…

"Sabere, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" She vaguely realized Jean could sense everything, but she was so…so tired, so sick of being afraid of the future and hating, completely hating with every beat of her heart, hating that she knew how this would end.

"You're going to do it, then?" she whispered.

"You did," Sabere replied, remembering the Phoenix's memories of the lake. "There was never a choice to begin with. Not for either of us."