You know what sucks the most about being in college? Is being like a million miles away from home. Not that I'm all depressed about being gone, its just I'm expected to be home every weekend.

You probably think my mom is the one controlling all this. On the contrary, Darius Mills (A.K.A "Slave Driver", don't tell him I said that) wants me, his so called "favorite Instant Star" to make a new single. Problem is, I can't think of anything. Ugh… I just… Ah forget it.

Well now it's 6:00AM here in beautiful South Carolina, actually its raining, but whatever. I have to roll out of bed, when I'm not even supposed to be up for another five hours, and go take a shower. But before I can even step out the my room, Sadie will call, as she does everyday, to see if I'm okay.

I've come to a conclusion about that; my mom is paying her to call me to check up on me. In about 5, 4, 3, 2- Bingo, right on time Sade. Your probably wondering how I know it's her; it plays "bossy" when she calls, and when Shay calls, but he hasn't called in nine weeks.

"Hello?" I love answering as if I am depressed, so that she freaks out.

"Jude we need to talk, are you coming home today?" Ugh, no, no, no! He cannot be calling me. Damn it and I almost made it ten weeks.

"Shay please, can't you give it a rest? Maybe I am coming home today, but I will not a talk with you, when I know you are just going to bring up old times. I'm so-"

"Jude, listen." Oh no he did not just cut into my sentence. Have I really been watching too many Queen Latifah movies? "Just trust me." Ha, he says trust him…

"Last time I trusted you, I ended up hurt and alone." Okay so that was a bit too much… I was already alone. But man I feel so independent, telling him off and everything. And now I feel like an ass for congratulating myself.

"It's different this time, I swear." Wait, wait déjà vu! Oh no, never mind, I can just remember him saying that last time. God he is so predictable. But I guess I'll humor him.

"Fine, whatever, I'll be home late."

"Bye." He hung up? Wait isn't the girl supposed to hang up first? How dare he call me at 6:00AM, then hang up on me first.

(Long sigh) I don't want to go home and be grilled by everyone. Oh but I cant stay her with Tigger. And I don't want to "disappoint" anyone. I seem to do that a lot. I'm just smooth like a babies bottoms.

Okay, ewe, I did not just say that! God I am such a loser. I really need a boyfriend.

Alright, I know what your thinking. 'Jude Harrison, the First and best (had to add that part in for fun) Instant Star, has let herself go, and now she can't get a boyfriend.' But no, I can get a boyfriend…

I mean I have gone on a lot of dates… It's just every guy I try to fall for isn't like him…

My friends, and yes I know I said I don't have friends, but I do, and they try to fix me up with people, but none are to my satisfaction. Maybe I am just too picky?

So what if my last "official" boyfriend was Shay, and we both know that went downhill. And sure, I tried dating Jamie, but it got awkward when he asked wear I got my locket from. Now he has a girlfriend. Her name is Alice… Or was it Amy… No maybe Erin? You can probably tell I haven't see him lately.

Speaking of Jamie! I need to call him when I get home. See how everything is going.

Now your probably wondering 'What happen to Speiderman?'. Well him and the other guys are still my back up band, on weekends. Okay so look, I love Speid, I really do… Who couldn't? It's just isn't what I am looking for.

Damn I have a lot of issues. Maybe I should quit school and become a playmate… Ah, who am I kidding? I'm not pretty enough for that. You know, just yesterday, I was mistaken for Lindsay Lohan! God everyone knows she isn't playmate material! She's not even pretty! I know that sounds really mean and superficial, but I live alone with a fat cat, I have a right to be mean.

Oh I know! I can dye my hair brown! No black… No, wait I've got it; Magenta!... Ha, everyone knows I can't pull off Magenta.

Why can Ashlee Simpson make every color known to humans work, but I can't even make blonde work? Maybe I should just go bald… Shave my head till its shinny… Then I really wouldn't be able to get a boyfriend, probably not even Shay. Ha, ha, ha! I crack my self up… Damn I really am a dork! Oh my God! Is that why Tommy left?

Could I be anymore helpless?