Author's Notes:

Here's Part 2. One chapter left to go. Again, the song is not neccesarily in order (in different scenes) and is used to denote time, as the gap in it can help you denote the gaps in time, if you're so inclined. Even more crazy POV shifts! Very important to note that the underline means a POV shift or you WILL get confused. At least once.

The underlines still represent new sections since doesn't let me section the stories off with my usual methods.

Disclaimer:

I don't own any of this stuff. Not the characters. Not the names. Not the song. No lawsuits, please!

Part Two
After the Party

Veronica stared at the ceiling of Mac and Parker's dorm room. She wasn't sure if she was trying to sleep or sober up. She was almost sober, that spinning, sad feeling of coming out of it, so she decided on the latter. Suddenly, she wanted out. She sat up and laid back down two or three times before she finally stood up, unable to stand feeling trapped any longer.

She practically jumped off the couch, and her foot landed in the crook of Piz's arm. He was crumpled on the floor of Mac and Parker's dorm, still avoiding his room, she guessed. Wallace was lucky he'd gotten such an understanding roommate. She tried to extricate herself, but she wasn't as sober as she thought and she got easily caught in his limbs, stumbling as though he were an obstacle course. And waking him up.

"What the – ?" He said. "Oh. Hey, Veronica."

She had jumped away by then, and he sat up.

"What's going on? You going somewhere?" He was quickly awake.

"I wanted to." She felt like he was talking fast or she was hearing slow. No, she was definitely not as sober as she hoped she was. So much for driving. "But I don't know if I should drive."

"Then you probably shouldn't."

"I guess I'll just go for a walk."

"Yeah?"

"I've got to get out of here. It feels like the ceiling's coming down," she said. "And I'm starving."

He nodded. "Okay. Want some company? Pizza sounds good."

Veronica liked the way he said it, as though he was asking permission. No questions. No judging her. No protecting her. No "It's not safe at 3 AM" looks. Just light and breezy.

"Yeah. Pizza would be good."

"I know a place that's still open. Till 4," He said.

He went straight to the bar as soon as they got to his room. He needed more gin. A lot more. He needed to stop figuring out what the hell he was doing and just do it. This would be effortless, meaningless – clean, quick, just to get the feeling of Veronica off of him. It had to be someone. She'd be gone in three days. It might as well be her. It might as well be tonight.

Madison followed him to the bar and poured her own drink. She had stopped talking, as if she knew. As if she was making it easier. She kissed him.

They'd kissed before. They'd even slept together once. He barely remembered it – just sex on his father's boat in the middle of a party. Before she was with Dick. When he was broken up with Lily, and she was chasing after some college guy. They'd never talked about that, and they'd never have to talk about this.

Not that it would be much more work to pick up someone new. A little messy, but he could have done it. Who was he kidding? This was about Veronica.

He saw Madison smile coldly as he started to take her shirt off, and he wondered who she was thinking about. Who was her revenge on? Him? Dick? Veronica? Someone new? The world? He didn't care, but it gave him something to think about as he went through the motions with her skin.

Her skin was smooth but not soft. Nothing about her was soft or welcoming, and he was glad. This wasn't about feeling good. It was about forgetting. Veronica was still the last girl his hands had really touched. Still the last his lips tasted. Still the last he'd felt. He knew he couldn't erase his feelings, but he could try to cover over the memory with this. This was rough and sad and wrong, and that was exactly what he wanted.

He knew he couldn't make it go away. He just wanted to feel a little less.

He wanted to kiss her, but he knew better. He knew he didn't really have a shot, no matter how many pieces that guy Logan left her heart in. He had a type, she had a type, and he wasn't going to be hers. And that had to be okay with him.

Wallace and Mac thought he was delusional or something. They thought he believed he had a chance with Veronica, and Piz never bothered to correct them. It didn't matter. Yeah, he liked Veronica Mars. Who wouldn't?

She wouldn't let him buy her pizza. She ordered one with mushrooms and pepperoni. She got cheese stuck in the right-hand corner of her mouth. He pointed it out, and she looked down, embarrassed. But then she looked back up, and she didn't look away.

She looked around. She seemed to be doing better. "I'm going to have to come back here. This place is handy."

"I come here all the time."

"I could tell. The guy at the counter knew your name. That might mean," she started in a teasing tone, "you come here too often. A lot of 3 AM pizza runs?"

"Wallace drives me out a lot. This is not an isolated incident."

"Really? Wallace is a stud?" Veronica said, laughing. "And I always thought it was just in his own mind. Hmm."

"I think I actually slept here once. I was that desperate."

She laughed. He smiled. She still didn't look away. She looked happy. Happier, at least.

He looked down at his feet and reminded himself that he had no shot.

None. No shot. Not even a basket to shoot into. Not even a target to hit. Nothing.

And then she stood up, still smiling, and he knew he was in trouble.

She didn't care that he wasn't there with her. She caught his guilty looks, and it made her want to laugh – or maybe throw up. She'd do both later, in her own room, her hand down the back of her throat, bringing out the rest of her cosmopolitans, two hundred calories worthy of cranberry juice coursing out of her system.

She liked control. She didn't bother finding the way to the bedroom. Their feet were drunk, but the rest of their bodies knew how to go through the motions. The couch would be fine.

She was still drunk when she left. It didn't take that long. She wanted to tell him he was pathetic, but what did that make her? It didn't really matter. He looked at her like he wanted to say something, share somehow, but they both knew that wasn't part of this. She didn't care what he thought, or what anyone thought. Not anymore.

"I can't believe you stayed in Neptune, Logan," She said, as she left. "What's the point?"

Madison didn't wait for an answer. She didn't really care.

She had really wanted to go for a ride, with the windows down and no one on the road – to just drive into the darkness. Piz had only had two beers, both well before midnight, and he was fine to drive even if she wasn't. And he always did what she asked.

She'd asked nicely. Nicer than usual. It was easy to be nice when she knew she'd get her way, when everything didn't feel like a struggle.

"You probably wish we'd taken your car," he said. "Mine kind of sucks."

"No, I like it. It's got charm. A joie de vivre, so to speak," Veronica said, mostly out the window, but she looked at him and tossed a smile.

"Thanks."

The campus radio station was playing, but really quiet.

"Can I turn this up? Do you mind? I want the music so loud, the air starts to thin out a little. Or something."

He laughed. "Well, I don't know if that actually works. But give it a try."

She smiled and turned it all the way to the right. She looked out the window again and her smile faded as they passed by the high school. Neptune. So much for driving in the darkness.

Turn into
The only thing I ever--
Turn into

She wanted to closer her eyes, wanted to be free – just once. But, as she'd told him, as she tried to tell everyone, she was who she was. And the air didn't thin out for her. Her heart didn't get put back together. The pieces would always be in her throat.


Hope I do
Turn into you

I know, what I know, I know
That girl you found
Keeps that kind of window closed

Logan was relieved when she left. He stretched his limbs out and tried to find his clothes. He hadn't gotten up, spoken, or looked at her. He certainly wasn't going to answer her question. What had kept him in Neptune? All the good memories?

It was her. Of course. I would have gone anywhere.

But she stayed there. He wondered sometimes if somewhere else, she could let him in. There was something wrong with this town – that was what she always seemed to think – and maybe it was what was wrong with her. Them. Him.

He wanted to shower. He felt exactly as dirty and rough as he'd wanted, and he kept it on him as he turned the radio on and rested his head on his knees.

I know, what I know, I know
That girl you found
Keeps that kind of window closed
She'll turn into
The only thing you ever--
turn into
Hope I do
Turn into you

Can't say why I kept this from you
My those quiet eyes become you
Leave it where it can't remind us

Logan heard his phone ringing on the table. He picked it up. Just a text message.


Turn this all around behind us
Oh! Well I know!

Piz watched as she turned the radio down again.

The only thing you ever--
turn into

Apparently, loud hadn't done what it was supposed to. He didn't ask any questions. He just looked over and made a goofy face. "Definitely thinner now."

"Yeah."

He watched as she started to formulate her question. He didn't know what she'd ask, but he knew who she was thinking about. Even if she didn't. He wasn't stupid. It wasn't him.

"Sometimes I wonder – if I'd gone away from here," she said softly. "You ever wonder?"

"I did go away, remember? I'm not from here."

"I mean anything. Things that – things like that."

"Sure. I wonder all the time."

About you. But I'll never know. And you're not leaving.

"Yeah. Me, too."

Hope I do
Turn into you

Can't say why I kept this from you

He watched her type in a text message. He knew who it was to.

My those quiet eyes become you
Leave it where it can't remind us
Turn this all around behind us
Oh! Well I know!
I'll fall right in to keep you out
I'd like to tell you all about it

It took him a minute to work up the nerve to open her message. He half-expected an all-caps rant and rave about how and when he was allowed to look at her. It wasn't that at all.

I know, what I know, I know
This last time around
I'll hear it in my head real low
Turn into
The only thing you ever know

I know, what I know, I know
Ah yes.

He looked at the text for almost twenty minutes. It might have been the nicest thing she'd ever said to him. It was so damn simple:

"I was a bitch. I should have just said, 'hi' and 'happy new year.' I don't know why I am this way. I'm sorry. Truly. Not just for tonight."

He wanted to write her back, but his fingers didn't make sense of the keys. He wanted to say something that meant something, and nothing seemed to mean what he wanted it to. He wanted to take it all back – everything – if only he knew she'd let him in.

If only she'd change a little. Just around the edges. Not the way he'd changed for her – not so much. She didn't need to, and he'd never ask her to. He'd never wanted that. He just wanted her to make a space. For him.

Veronica inhaled the thick air as she saw her car approaching. Piz parked right next to her car, and she smiled at him. She was tired.

"Thanks for the drop-off. And the ride. And the pizza. All of it." She sat there for a minute, and then looked back at him. "You heading home?"

He nodded. "It's almost five. Hope the coast is clear."

"Good luck," she said, stepping out of the car.

"You, too." He said it like he knew something even though he couldn't have.

Because if he knew then, he would have known before she did, before she realized that she wasn't driving home. That she hadn't been waiting to sober up so that she could get home. She'd been waiting to get to him.

She didn't know it until he spoke, and she wasn't sure she could do it until she heard her phone. She smiled – the first real smile all night – and hugged Piz goodbye. She knew where she was going now.

"Thanks, Piz."

He knew exactly what she meant. And it broke his heart, but he smiled anyway. "You're welcome."