Chapter 2 - You don't get to say goodbye
I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
(Here without you - 3 doors down)
''Time...Time of death 14:26'' The words bolted through his heart, sending him crashing to his knees. The room went quiet, and he could feel a thousand pairs of eyes laid upon him. He looked straight at Meredith, hoping to see her jump up and shout 'Gotcha!' But she didn't. She lay still. Lifeless. Derek slowly stood up, and casually walked over to her. He forgot about everyone else, he didn't care who watched him.
''Meredith,'' He whispered into her ear. ''Mer, c'mon the joke's over now. You can wake up, you got me.'' He laughed weakily. A part of him didn't want to admit she was gone, he wanted her to stay with him. ''C'mon Mer! Wake up!'' He grabbed her shoulders and shook her lightly. Izzie stepped in and pulled his hands away.
''Dr. Shepherd, she's gone.''
''Don't you think i know that?'' He replied. ''If you'll excuse me, i need to be alone with her.'' Derek wheeled the gurney into a small empty room, and sat with her, kissing her hand, never once letting go.
''Im so sorry, Mer.'' He began, ''I know i messed you around, and i know i should have admitted my feelings and chosen you. Me and Addison were over long ago before you and i happened...'' He trailed off and kissed her hand again. ''Mer, please you cant leave me. You can't leave me here all alone, i need you. I can't live with out you. We're suposed to be together, Mer, we're suposed to have birthdays, and christmases, we're suposed to get married and have kids, and anniversaries, and dinner parties and holidays, and grand children, we're suposed to grow old together Mer.. So you just tell the Big Guy Upstairs that he's made a mistake, and that he can't have you, because you're mine.'' Derek let his tears spill. ''Come back to me, Mer. I...I need you. I love you, I love you..Always.'' He climbed onto the gurney, and lay down next to her. He clutched her body, holding her tight, hoping that a miracle would happen and she would hug him back. Minutes passed, and still he lay there.
''Dr. Shepherd?'' A small voice came from the doorway. It was George. ''Dr. Shepherd, you...You're not the only one. That..misses her. I do too.'' George moved closer, and sat in the chair Derek had recently occupied. ''I tried on so many occassions to tell her... i loved her, even though i know she didn't love me back. She loved you. She used to yell at me...for leaving the toilet seat up, and for..for...she used to yell at me.'' George wiped his eyes and left the room. A few minutes later, Izzie appeared. ''She loved my cooking. You could always bet she'd eat the last piece of my triple chocolate covered cake. My cake is good. And my brownies. She loved Brownies. Doc loves brownies. She loved Doc. Doc loved her. Doc loved her shoes.'' Izzie stood up, and looked at Derek. She smiled at him weakly, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. ''My cake is good.'' She told him, and left the room. Cristina stood in the doorway, and watched Izzie leave.
''Get up.'' Cristina ordered him.
''Excuse me?''
''Get up.'' She repeated. ''You think you're the only one grieving? The only one hurting? We all are! You don't deserve to lay there and cry your heart out, you left her! You broke her! If you chose her, she would have told you about her feeling, and you would have told her to stay at home, and she'd still be alive! She was a friend to all of us, Me, George, Izzie, even Evil Spawn! We were there when you weren't! You broke her! You don't get to say goodbye!''
''Cristina, I--''
''No! I don't care what you have to say!'' Izzie, George and Alex stood behind.
''She's right, Dude. You should just leave.'' Alex told him. No matter how much he protested, Derek knew he was out-numbered. He left Merediths side, and headed towards the locker room. He pounded his fists into the lockers, and into the door. He flipped the bench upside down, throwing another across the room. He slid down the wall, and clutched his head. The door next to him opened, and a short woman with two cups of coffee entered. One was handed down to him, the other was pressed against the persons lips.
''Thanks, Miranda.''
''You're welcome.'' She told him. There was a small pause, but she spoke again. ''They're her friends. They're bound to feel the same as you do right now.''
''No but,..I just...'' He knew she was right. ''I can't believe she's gone. I'm never going to hear her voice again, hear that sweet laugh, smell her flower-scented hair, see those perfect pale green eyes. I just...don't know what to do.'' He took a sip of his coffee, not caring that it had burnt his tongue.
''You may have lost one of your girls Derek, but Addison is still your wife. She needs closure, if your marriage is not going to work, you at least owe her an explanation.''
Bailey sipped her coffee and left the room. Derek also left the room, and headed towards the large window next to the Chief's Office. It was pouring down with rain, nothing unsual for Seattle, but Derek couldn't help but think it was somewhat metaphorical. A hand appeared on his shoulder, he looked across and saw Adele smiling at him.
''How you holding up, Honey?'' She asked him.
''How do you think?'' He snapped. ''Im sorry, it's just--''
''You're upset. You've lost someone you cared about. Someone you loved. I know the feeling.''
''You do?'' Derek turned to face her.
''Just because Richard isn't dead, doesn't mean i haven't lost him. I lost him long ago to this place.'' Adele raised her hands to the ceiling gesturing the Hospital. ''I know its not exactly the same thing, but we both love the people we can't get back. We have to make do with what we have, Dear.'' Derek turned back towards the window, sipping the coffee Bailey had brought him a while ago. ''I know her friends might not apoorve, but you could help them. Grieve together, she wouldn't want you arguing.'' She told him, and winked as she walked away.
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The interns found Dr. Shepherd in the cafeteria, twirling his fork around in a pasta box. Izzie nudged Cristina foreward towards him, but she didn't budge. Instead, Alex rolled his eyes at them, and sat down oppostie him. Derek looked across the table at Alex, and raised an eyebrow at him. ''Can i help you?'' He asked. Alex looked back at the other interns, then back at Derek.
''Well, we were..pretty hard on you earlier, and we just wanna say..um..sorry.'' Alex looked down at the table, ''And um...we were wondering..if you'd help us..with the er...funeral.'' Derek smiled slightly.
''I'd love to.'' He told them. There was an awkward silence, then the interns headed back to their cases and post-op notes.
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Well, I FINALLY got some reviews, and i would like to reply to those that i did get:
AddisonMD - I'm glad you like my MerDer story, but soon that will all be changing...And possibly a twist. Hope you'll continue to read!
Nett00 - I'm afraid it's not a bad dream. I was thinking about it, but it might make the story a little cliche. I will be making a few more MerDer Oneshots in the nearby future, i hope you will read them D
The Vanilla Latte - I was hoping to get some kind of 'jaw-dropping' reaction, i'm hoping to put some more shockers into the story, so get ready to catch your jaw, lol
One.2nd.C - Im a Mer-everyone fan myself, but it's nice to create stories without her in. Gives the other characters a chance, and its nice to see Mer-haters reading too, lol P
Teamdermer - I'm afraid Meredith has passed through the pearly gates, and is already playing operation with the Big Guy Upstairs...I too would like her to be okay, but apparently not in this story..
Kate and Jack forever - Thank you! I will be updating soon, with some good storylines hopefully!
Savvy32500 - Im not sure if you meant that you didn't understand the storyline, or you didn't like the story.. S
I also would like to hear what your favourite pairings are, so i can focus more on the characters and please everyone (Apart from Meredith-lovers, becuase she is recently deceased...) Read and Review!!