Title: Mexico.
Chapter 4.
Disclaimer: see ch. 1
Special thanks as always to my dear Beta Carol, for her help and her patience.
Thanks to all of you who read and write your opinion. You are so impostant for me!
Sorry for the delay, but real life mixed with this story, both for Carol and me.
I assure next chapters are ready, but it's holiday time.
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Ennis was ready to break open the door, but it wasn't looked and opened easily at his first push. The room was dark except for two half burnt candles on a table; their smell lingered in the air.
While his eyes were adjusting to the faint light, he saw the silhouette of a man moving and then more light from the bulb on the ceiling. His rage lessened a bit.
"Jack?" he asked, blind for a second with the sudden change, while the man turned towards him.
It wasn't Jack, this man had a thin dark moustache and was shorter. He was surely the Mexican, Jose, as Rolando said.
The man was not bothered by the strange intrusion, he stood proudly bare chested near the small untouched bed; the fly of his trousers open. Ennis diverted his gaze. Better not know if...
Things like that happened every day in those brothels, Ennis realised, so he took his time to look at Jose, a strange curiosity to see what kind of man Jack would pick up as a surrogate, a substitute for himself.
Josè was surely a man, not a boy like Rolando; he was dark, his hairs like coal, his skin a mixture of Indian and White. Ennis saw the instinct of a wild animal inside, a snake ready to strike and inject a mortal poison. Eyes were strong and spoke of danger, lust and rage, a man who cared for nobody and was not afraid.
Ennis prepared himself for a fight. Without attracting notice he chouced a little lower.Josè was well built and his broad shoulders revealed strong muscles.
For the love of God, why did Jack choose him? Of every man, why him?
Maybe Jack was really into the queer thing? In the past Ennis never thought a lot about men. Or better about Jack's desire for other men. He believed that desire was for himself only.
He and Jack were different, but not SO different. They both had wives and kids, proof of normality. Not like old Earl, always a bachelor, only his story with Rich.. that killed him in the end.
Ennis wondered if he would be able to accept this side of Jack or at least understand what he had denied since they were both 19. The knowledge that he wanted a man, nothing more, nothing less, although he was good with a woman – had the proof of two kids at home, could have had two or three more, if only Jack Twist had never crossed his path.
He tried to hate Jack, God only know how much he tried, but in the end it was impossible to erase him and the feelings that mere voice stirred in Ennis.
In a flash he saw his darling's search for pain, pickup Josè in the bar downstairs with the secret hope to be hurt and therefore forget the pain of being rejected by Ennis. Pain for pain, it was Jack's destiny, but Ennis decided it was time to change the rule.
"Where is Jack?" Ennis' voice was stronger than he expected.
Jose pointed at the opposite corner of the room. There, curled like a ball, was his precious prize.
Jack wore one of his blue shirt, ripped from neck to middle, buttons lost, traces of blood on a sleeve.
His hair was a mess and there was crusted blood around his nose. Jeans were still on and Ennis sent above a prayer of thanks above.
"Take him away. Good for nothing, only crying and screaming if I touch. Look."
Josè showed his left wrist under Ennis' eyes, it was red and marked with three deep traces of nails.
"He is crazy, drink a lot and gets no hard."
Ennis wanted to punch Jose hard enough to make his face bleed, too, but he clenched his fists and remained still.
Jose spat at Ennis as he left the room, his steps echoing on the stairs loudly.
Finally alone, Ennis slowly approached the man on the floor, softly touching a shoulder.
Jack raised his arm to showe him away. Ennis resisted.
"Go away!" Jack croaked, mixing voice and tears.
He felt horrible, exausted from the long drive, hungry and full of cheap beer, tequila and who knew what else. He remembered being approached by a tall guy in a bar, then a black man and stumbling over stair steps.
From that moment on his memories mixed with a burning poison forced in his throat and the intense smell of a man.
When he felt strong hands touching him, kneading his buttocks and sliding under his shirt aiming for bare skin at first he thought of Ennis and leaned in for a kiss, but a hand cupped his neck and pushed him back.
He tried again and was kept at arm's lenght, so when he opened his eyes and saw dark skin and darker hair – no Ennis – Jack went crazy.
He looked at the room, but it was wrong, they never shared one, except the Siesta Motel, a lifetime ago.
A big hand took one of Jack's and placed it on a male crotch; Jack touched fire when he made contact with a hard dick under denim fabric.
He backed away swiftly and fought against drunkenness. A sudden moment of reality.
That's not what, no no! I want Ennis, I need...
The man stepped forward and grabbed Jack's arm.
"Let me go." He shouted.
"Come on senor, you paid this."
"Let me go!" Jack repeated with more anger.
The man was all over him and tried to push Jack towards the bed.
Jack started to fight with all his strenght, his opponent was shorter but well built, he moved with the grace of a boxer and Jack soon got his nose and head kicked twice.
To stop the fight the man captured Jack's neck and made him turn, so Jack grabbed an arm and used teeth and nails to leave a message sign. The mexican withdrew his injured arm and Jack took refuge behind the bed.He braced himself for another round but nothing happened. With a quick glance he saw the man pouring a bottle over the injury, without moaning.
Now there was another sound in his head, sweeter and like a caress. It was all around him, a real presence and Jack believed he was dreamnig, because that voice belonged to a different world.
The voice called his name.
Jack lifted his head slowly and saw Ennis' face hovering above him.
Ennis knelt near his lover, half of him wanting to slap Jack, half to hold him and never let him go. He took Jack's wrist in his large hands, the skin was soft, he tried the pulse with calloused fingers that felt like little magic stones on Jack.
Jack looked at the place where they touched; warmth was spreading from there, reminding a distant fire under open skies.
Instinct told Jack to grasp harder tthe hand which prevented him from falling into the abyss.
His shame made him look away, to the floor, the wall, his boots, everything except the truth.
It was like a dream come true, Ennis finally made a move, only to find Jack betraying them and what they shared together.
Jack was afraid to move or speak, there was a storm inside him, thoughts running free in his mind and nothing to stop them, except that hand.
Shame disappeared soon and guilt took its place. Yesterday they were together, he gave Ennis proof of his devotion and in the space of a single day he was caught with his dick in the cookie jar.
"Good choice, Twist," he muttered. "The perfect way to fuck up everyting".
Ennis saw emotions passing on Jack's face like waves on the beach.
The idea of losing Jack to another man was unbearable. Driving south Ennis had enough time to realise the depth of his fears, stronger than the memories of old Earl covered in his own blood.
Ennis was happy – Jack could clearly see the joy in that handsome face – but their happines wasn't mean to be of the same kind.
Jack tried to stay calm and sat on the floor.
"Why are you here? he inquired, hoping for a dream but ready to be denied once more.
Jack knew he should be happy because Ennis found him, crossed four states for him.
They could continue their old three-times-a- year-meetings, full of riding horse, explosive sex and sad partings, the same cycle repeating over and over with the rythm of the seasons.This time it was not enough.
The sudden rage he felt became more powerful than previous guilt and Jack wasn't inclined to be ashamed again. Too many bad memories of his father and the way John Twist criticized every choice of his son. Enough was enough.
Ennis took a deep breath and looked startled: why he was here? Weren't his reasons as clear as the summer skies?
Why did Jack always need words? Sometimes for a man it is really hard to talk, but no, Jack Twist wants to dig words from your body like a dentist pulling a tooth. The same pain, too.
He was there for Jack, but all the reasons he wanted to express become a messed up knot.
Ennis found himself unable to speak and if Jack wanted him to do it he was better cutting off the top of Ennis'head and reading directly from his brain.
"For you." He said simply, but it was a statement, not an answer. He was aware of his fears, locked in the deepest part of his soul and mixed with so many regrets to keep at bay that often he woke sweating in the middle of the night."
"Was with you yesterday, too". Jack pointed out.
"Yeah, but you didn't..."
"You mean I went away?"
Ennis nodded. He blamed Jack for leaving Riverton in a hurry and going straight South; it was wrong, but he couldn't help himself
"You threw me out."
"Jack I told you, the girls..." Jack's rage didn't allow him space. Ennis found it hard to compete with the speed of those words.
"Fuck, I'm not a monster! Could let them see me. I wanted to talk, let you know I was on your side."
Supporting Ennis become at the same time the most simple and difficult idea in the world.
Ennis softened a little.
"Sorry Jack, shouldn't let you go away so soon. There was room enough at my place."
"Yeah, room for a quickie then old Jack disappears again, right, Ennis? Isn't that so? You need my ass three times a year and then back to your imitation of a straight life?"
Jack's voice was rising and Ennis' soon followed.
"I always told you there's no life for us, no life at all together! If you do things like this they'll surely kill us."
"I did this thing – as you call it – because I was desperate and alone. I'm the one who drove 14 hours to receive clear NO straight in the face. I was lost up there with you and lost in Texas, too. Can't face Lureen and got no place to hide, so I came here."
He was tired of telling lies.
To Lureen, like he did few hours before, entering her office to explain about the business trip and receiving only a cold glance.
To his mother, pretending that his life was good with a sweet wife and a perfect job.
To himself, the worst at all.
Jack was at the very edge of his control, ready to explode, to bang his head and let the contents out, if only that could make Ennis understand, see the truth for the first time in his life.
"Here with another man, you found company quick."
Ennis let his anger light up his eyes, like burning flames
"It's the right place Ennis, rodeo boys always told me so. But I never – I swear, Ennis – never came here before. Not after Brokeback. Not after Lureen."
Jack understood that only plain and simple truth could satisfy them.
There wasn't time for guilt or rage anymore, what Ennis had done for him was the best gift of all.
Their gazes locked and sent silent messages of sincerity and vows; Ennis felt relieved.
"I believe you."
"That man, I was not able..when he touched me, I imagined it was you. Wanted to kiss you so bad, to feel you in me. I tried to stop him, we fought. You should be happy to know nothing happened."
Ennis had the affirmative answer on his lips, but pushed it back.
He had travelled so far for his own peace of mind and now had to stand the situation and share his own part of the truth.
"I came here because I got mad thinking of you with another man."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah."
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