Clearing the air

They sat quietly … both going over everything that had been said. It was finally out there and now they would deal with it.

Marissa couldn't take the silence any longer. She hadn't known how Ryan would react. But his fingers now linked with hers and his last words gave her hope. "So you're okay with it?" Marissa asked softly.

Ryan took a moment … trying to find the right words to express all that was going through his mind. "I have no right to question what you did to cope when we were apart. I wish that it had never happened … that we'd never been apart … but I have learnt that I can't go back and change things. You make mistakes …you learn from them and you move on." Marissa started to relax until he started again. "But … I do know that I would have rather you'd told me in the beginning. It would not have hurt nearly as much as it did finding out like I did last night. If we are going to make this work then we have to trust one another. I can't do that if you insist on keeping things from me." he added.

"Don't you trust me?" she asked scared by the tone of his voice.

"Let's just say you gave it a real shake up last night. I didn't know what to think. I had asked you straight out about Karl and yet you still hadn't told me what had happened with him. To find out that he was obviously much more than 'a friend' sure managed to set my insecurities off in to overdrive. I spent the night imagining that you either had made a mistake and didn't want to be married to me or that you did but you wanted to keep him as a bit on the side as well."

Marissa squeezed his hand back, just the reassurance that she got from it making it possible to go on. "It was never anything like that."

Ryan nodded. "But you have to promise not to keep things from me. If we're to have any chance of making this work we have to be open and honest with one another."

Marissa nodded. "Okay. I can do that." She replied softly.

"I know it won't be easy sometimes but it has to happen … I don't see any other way." Ryan said softly.

"It was just a one time thing. It will never happen again." Marissa explained.

"You say that. But if you remember you kept Dan's phone calls from me too. You need to open up to me. We're in this together now. If we deal with things together then maybe we will stay together … as long as that's what you want?" Ryan said his insecurities creeping back again.

Marissa smarted from his words. She did have a pattern of keeping things from him … but she was going to change. She had to change. "Of course it's what I want. I don't want us to end up like my parents. When you left last night … " Marissa didn't know how to finish. " … let's just say that it was the worst night of my life."

"I assure you that mine wasn't any better." Ryan replied.

"So we move on from this. Open and honest." Marissa vowed.

"Open and honest." Ryan repeated and then frowned as something came to mind. Much as he didn't want to bring it up right now, he knew that he couldn't take the risk in Marissa finding out some other way. Especially not after what he'd just said to her. He sighed deeply. "And I guess in view of this new pact of openness I should probably tell you about what happened with me last night rather than take the chance that you'll find out about it some time in the future from someone else."

Marissa felt the chill come over her. What had he done in those hours when they were apart? Had he resorted to his college ways and found a girl to hook up with? Once he'd known that Marissa had been sleeping with Karl did he go out and screw the first female that offered herself to him. She knew that there would have been plenty in the Pigalle district that would have been happy to fuck him senseless. The street walkers there would have been ecstatic to get someone like Ryan as a client. He would have been a cut above their normal clientele. And how could she blame him after what she had done?

Ryan looked at her as the colour washed from her face. "Are you okay?"

Marissa nodded. "Just tell me. I want it over and done with."

"So … your friend Sasha …" Ryan started unsure how to explain exactly what happened. But he knew that he needed to tell her. He didn't want to take the chance that Sasha would make some reference to it and Marissa would have no idea what she was talking about.

Marissa's head spun around to look at him. Sasha? The word was like an arrow that pierced her heart. Had Sasha lied to her? Had she known all along where Ryan had gone to when he'd left the club? And then, after Marissa left, did she follow him and get to have her way with him after all? She wouldn't put it past her. And Sasha had openly told Marissa exactly what she'd like to do with Ryan. That she wanted to fuck him senseless. Had she finally managed to make it happen? Marissa felt sick. It was bad enough to think of Ryan with some faceless woman from the streets but the thought of Ryan and Sasha together was more than she could bear. She wondered if this was how Ryan felt when he'd spent the night thinking of her and Karl together? She felt the nausea build in waves until she could take no more and she suddenly stood up and ran for the bathroom. Ryan followed closely behind and as Marissa emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl he held her hair to one side and gently rubbed her back. All she could think about was Sasha and Ryan together … and the fact that she had caused him to do it. Marissa's lies had enabled Sasha to get her claws into him. She would never forgive herself. Her husband had been unfaithful. But she had driven him to it.

Ryan got out a clean face cloth, rinsed it and passed it to her. "Are you okay?" he asked concerned about her.

Marissa took it from him wiped her face and then sat down on the cold tiled floor and nodded. "Yeah. It wasn't your fault. If I'd been honest in the first place then it would never have happened."

"What are you talking about?" Ryan asked.

"You and Sasha. I can't very well blame you for it… not after you'd found out that I'd been sleeping with Karl." Marissa couldn't go on … the vision in her mind of Ryan and Sasha together threatening to set her off again.

Ryan started to realise just what was going through Marissa's mind. "Wait … You don't think that we … that I … I assure you that I'd never …I'm married … and even if I wasn't … I'd never do that to you."

Marissa looked up at him; his beautiful blue eyes were staring in to hers … the honesty to his words evident in them. "Then what?" she asked bewildered.

"She had a grope of the family jewels. That's all. I was standing at the bar and she came up behind me and slipped her hand inside my jeans. And if you remember I was going commando? I thought it was you and didn't react … well not much anyhow … there some things that I can't control." He smiled. "Then she hugged me from behind and slipped her hand inside the front of my jeans and that's when I realised that it wasn't you but I suspect that she'd already copped a pretty good feel by that point. I got her hand out of there as quickly as I could and told her exactly where she could go. I just didn't want her to make some reference to it sometime in the future and you not know about it."

Marissa sat for a minute picturing it all in her mind. If Sasha ever went anywhere near Ryan again then she'd scratch her eyes out … but then she looked at Ryan and as the relief washed over her that nothing more had happened … she couldn't help it. A small smile started to form as she thought about it and then she started to giggle slightly. "Were you embarrassed?" she asked.

"What do you think?" Ryan replied the blush creeping up his face even now.

"I'd have liked to see that." Marissa replied a smile now firmly on her face.

"Exactly what are we talking about here? Did you want to see me being embarrassed, Sasha copping a feel or just what she was feeling? Because you know that you can see that whenever you like." Ryan smiled happy that she seemed to be okay now.

"That's not exactly true. You made us get dressed before … when all I wanted to do was stay in bed."

"Sorry about that but we needed to have this chat but I see no reason why we can't go back to bed. I think this little discussion is over for now. What say we reconvene the honeymoon activities in our bedroom?" Ryan asked the sparkle back in his eye.

Marissa smiled. Ever since they'd gotten here, Ryan had kept referring to it as HER apartment even though she'd tried to correct him. He had been very quick to share everything that he had … even before they'd gotten married … but he had been reluctant to feel the same way about her things, insisting that she keep them all for herself. This was definitely a step in the right direction. "OUR bedroom?" she queried.

"Your bedroom." Ryan corrected returning the smile. He knew just as well as she did that they had just moved to a new level of understanding and commitment.

Marissa shook her head as she stood up and pulled him behind her. "OUR bedroom." She corrected him yet again and then smiled. "But come on … I need to inspect those family jewels and make sure that Sasha didn't damage them in any way. After all … they are precious." She smirked.