Chapter ten: home

Edward never thought he'd be so happy to return to Roy Mustang's house let alone go there but it felt like home, his bed felt like his bed, soft and warm. His room looked a little bare for his liking and he decided he'd fix that as soon as he felt well enough to do so. He knew Hohenheim was in the house but he didn't want to see him. It still hurt too much, he still felt so betrayed and abandoned. Why did he want to come back now? Ed didn't need him now; he'd needed him when he was little but the bastard had left him. As far as he was concerned his father could just disappear again. Maybe that was his angry and foggy with medication mind talking, maybe he was letting his feelings take over his common sense since he knew his father really did care for him and loved him. But it really didn't matter, Roy was his father now and that man, though annoying was a million times better than Hohenheim could ever be. Roy wouldn't leave him.

In the hospital he pretended to be asleep when Lily had been dragged from him to get some sleep of her own as she was dead set upon taking care of him. Hohenheim had come in to see him them, sat beside his bed and dared to touch him. That had hurt more, to have him touch him and Ed had been torn between wanting to scream and cry.

Roy knocked upon his door softly. "You awake?"

"Yeah," Ed replied, opening his eyes.

Roy smiled, bringing in a bowl of water and some new dressings, towels, and the ointment the doctor had prescribed. "How do you feel now that you're home?" The man asked, setting everything upon the bedside table.

"Better… Sorry about what I said in the hospital."

Roy shrugged. "It's okay Ed, I know, but I also know what it feels like." Roy busied himself with soaking the hand towels in the water. "I'll tell you something about my relationship with my father. It's not like yours and Hohenheim's. My father didn't exactly leave, just wasn't ever home. My mother raised me."

Ed frowned. "He was military right?"

Roy nodded. "Yes he was, set on me becoming military as well." He smirked as he sat upon the bed beside him and began to unwrap the old dressings. There was a gentleness that Edward had never before felt from this man's hands, his touches slow and light. "When he was home, however short that was, protocol was in effect and our house was rather cold. I never could seem to measure up or impress him and he wasn't too fond of alchemy. Eventually I stopped caring, he wasn't home, never wrote any letters, and wouldn't take us up north where he was stationed. I figured why should I care what he thought, I loved alchemy and was a bit of a pyromaniac, it drove my mother a little batty sometimes."

Roy smiled. "I set the back yard on fire and the kitchen table, her living room curtains all while practicing. But even though she was angry with me for it, she convinced my father to let me keep studying with my teacher."

"Why didn't he like alchemy?" Ed asked.

Roy shrugged. "I don't know Ed, he wouldn't tell me. I think he was a little afraid of it because when I tried to explain some of it too him it seemed to go right over his head. And well there was the fact that he knew how mischievous I had been as a child and that I had set some things in the house afire."

"Did you want to go into the military?" Ed asked as Roy lifted his arm. He'd learned if he lay still, didn't move his arm the pain wasn't so much, but moving… It made him want to cry like a baby. But he held it in, just wincing.

Roy gave him a sympathetic look then nodded. "Yes, I, like a lot of naïve young people, thought I could make a difference and there was part of me that still wanted to be just like my father, be better." He sighed and gently placed Ed's arm down. Once all of the old bandages were removed he set them aside and wrung out the towels.

"Before I left for basic we had a fight, not uncommon at that point in my life, but things, terrible things were said between us, and it was just after my mother's funeral. We didn't speak to each other for a year. It wasn't until I sent him an invitation to my wedding that he called me. We never apologized to each other just…" Roy sighed again. "He came to the wedding and he approved of Sable, not that it would have mattered if he had, but it helped and it was nice that she and my father got along. Shortly after I was married he died of a heart attack. I didn't get to tell him how I really felt, that I did love him, never even got the chance to tell him he was going to be a grandfather and it still aches Ed. There's so much that I want to tell him. Even now I wish he was here so I could ask his advice or just talk. I don't want that for you Ed."

Gently Roy placed the cool towels upon his arm and they were soothing, felt nice even if the fabric stung a little. Ed thought of Roy's tale, knew it was true just from the way his eyes took on a hint of sorrow. It really did hurt him. The difference between them, at least in this instance, was that Edward still had time, he just…

For a long time they were quiet. "But it hurts, what he did. I get what you're saying but every time I try I see my mother's face. I see her waiting, looking so sad out the windows." He paused. "What I did to her was worse; I knew the laws but… I don't blame him for what I did, but I can't help but think it might have been different if he'd been there."

"I know," Roy replied softly. "And I don't think he should have left you. On some level I can understand it as I am a father, but on another I wouldn't have been able too. Hell I don't think I could now. I know what it's like to live without my kid and I never want to feel like that again." He smirked. "Which brings us to another point."

Ed groaned, knowing he was in for a lecture. "Just get it over with."

Roy chuckled. "I'm not going to yell, you were actually doing what you were told for once. This wasn't your fault and you've got nothing to be sorry for. I just wanted to tell you that I want you to be more careful from now on. I don't want to lose you or Al and frankly I don't think Lily could handle it if her big brother died."

Edward nodded. He didn't think she could either, at least not after seeing her in the last few days. If she wasn't asleep she was with him or Al and wouldn't let either of them out of her sight. At the moment she was napping in her room as she'd been up pretty late upon the train and had been pretty cranky today. And he'd seen how frightened she was, felt how afraid she was to touch him, and how much it hurt her to see him like this. He hated to even think it, but this was something she was going to have to get use too. And it was such a shame for he wanted her to be happy and carefree like before he'd left.

"I'll try, just like I promised her." He replied softly.

"That's all I ask." Roy nodded.

Ed smirked. "You're being awfully nice. I thought you'd be yelling."

Roy perked a brow. "The one I want to tear into hasn't been found yet. Like I said this isn't your fault but, how did you get caught?"

"Didn't move fast enough I guess," He replied as Roy removed the towel. He hissed.

"Sorry," the man apologized, dropping the towel back in the water.

"Any way I should have looked around more, didn't know there was a bomb in there. It wasn't there that morning, at least not that Al and I saw."

"I would like to know why it was that you left her house."

Ed looked away. He knew this was going to come up. Maes said he was going to have to tell Roy but he didn't want too. He was too afraid that Roy might be upset with him, might be disgusted in him. He also feared Roy going after Anise himself and getting hurt or putting himself at risk. Roy had done that enough for him and his brother, he didn't want for him to do it more. "I don't really want to talk about that."

"Did she do something or say something?"

"Yeah," Ed whispered. He heard Roy wring out the towel and felt him place it around his arm again, ever so gently. "Hughes knows."

"And he won't tell me. He's afraid I'll go on some rampage so I can only assume it was bad. Did she hurt you?"

Ed shook his head the sickening feeling returning ten fold. "No,"

"Ed,"

"Please, not now."

Roy sighed. "Alright, how's your arm feel now?"

"Still hurts and itches. I want to scratch it but that hurts too." Ed whimpered.

"Mind if I ask something?"

"'K,"

"Do you remember…" He felt Roy shift and turned his head to look at him. He couldn't puzzle out what exactly his surrogate father wanted to know. Unless… No Edward wouldn't let him blame himself so he sort of lied.

"I don't remember being burned, guess I was knocked unconscious before that but it feels… what my arm feels like now might be what it feels like to be on fire. It's painful." Roy winced and busied himself with the burn cream.

Ed turned over in his bed, reaching for him. The truth was he did remember being on fire and what it felt like, it was the most excruciating pain he'd felt in his life, he remembered slapping at his arm as much as he could before passing out. "Dad?"

"Hmm,"

"Are you okay?"

Roy gave him a faux smile and nodded.

"Liar…" Ed frowned, biting his lip a moment in thought. "You don't have your dad but you have me. Want to talk to me about it?"

Now Roy smirked and brushed his blonde hair from his eyes. "Maybe someday Ed. For now I just want you to stay put and rest. Also I need to know what you want for dinner."

"Food,"

"Well that's helpful Edward." Roy said sardonically.

"When are you making it?"

"In a couple of hours. I thought I'd wait a little bit since it's about time for you to take medicine again. It knocks you on your ass so eating right away might not be a good idea."

The painkiller, something Edward couldn't even pronounce let alone had even tried, was a blessing. He hated taking medicine, had fought Al and Roy on taking it before, but this time, this time he didn't really have the energy to do so and it did dull the pain for a few hours. He didn't like that it made him so sleepy, but he figured it was a fair trade as long as he couldn't feel the full extent of all his aches and the burn. The cream helped too, soothed some of the heat and itch and the pain, not much but took the bite out of it.

"So what do you think you want?"

"Um what do you have?"

"Doesn't matter I have to make a run to the market anyway."

Ed thought about it for a little bit. "Could you make that casserole you made the first evening we came to stay here?"

Roy nodded. "Sure, want some milk too."

Ed glared. "You just couldn't help yourself."

Roy sighed. "I don't even know why I keep it, you won't go anywhere near it and Lily turns her nose up at it and I barely drink it. I end up only using it for cooking."

"So don't get any. Problem solved."

Roy perked a brow. "Nice try, any way. I'll be leaving after I finish with you. Hohenheim and Al are down stairs if you need anything until I get back."

"'K," Like he'd ask Hohenheim for anything except to stay away from him.

Roy seemed satisfied with that and removed the towels to gently apply the ointment. Then he carefully dressed Ed's arm with gauges, gave him his antibiotic and pain killer and left quietly.

Roy thought of everything he knew Edward liked to eat, everything Lily liked. He knew he was spoiling them and intended too. He just wished that he knew what Al liked and wished the boy could eat as well. He still felt like he was in the wrong somehow, calling Edward and Alphonse his when Hohenheim was here, like he was cheating the man. He didn't want to cheat him of his children, he knew all to well the pain of that, but… Oh hell it was a no win situation. Edward didn't want Hohenheim. Hohenheim wasn't pushing to gain Edwards favor or affections. Edward was claiming him and desperately reaching for him and he wanted to reach back but a little afraid to do so. He hadn't been before, had wanted to give Edward everything, help him, care for him and Al, bring them home and show them they could still have things, little comforts in a big and terrifying world.

He sighed as he picked put the grocery bags in the back seat of the state loaned car. Really he was happy Edward and Al were home now, felt like he didn't have to worry so much. But then what Maes said at the hospital, Edward not wishing to talk to him about Anise and why they'd left her house kept knocking upon the door of his mind. He was afraid to venture a guess, afraid to learn what she'd done to Edward, but he had to know because if she'd hurt him… She had hurt Edward, she'd tried to kill him and that was enough for Roy to wish her dead.

As he drove home he came to the conclusion that he just felt nothing for her, didn't even hate her now but he wanted her gone, forever and he didn't care how it happened. It was a frightening thought. He didn't used to think and feel this way and wondered if it might be wrong, if Sable would be disappointed in him. Sable had loved her sister despite everything but then again if Sable were alive and could see what Anise was doing, had been doing what would she do?

Damn it he was too tired to be thinking about these kinds of things, had too much to do, the case to finish with Maes, even though he really couldn't do much since Maes had already made the call to Central and Hakuro himself had called and told him to just go to work as normal. And he had to take care of Edward, convince him to let Hohenheim change the dressings of his burn while he was at work. Lily, she could do it and would be gentle, but truthfully Roy didn't want her to see Edward's arm, not until it healed. The scars, the fact that she knew her big brother had been burned, had been in an explosion made her cry. She didn't need to see the actual gruesome burns.

Edward didn't want her to see them either, hell he didn't want her to see the bruises and cuts, said he didn't like the glossy look in her eyes when she looked at him. Roy couldn't tell who hated to see her cry more, him or Edward.

Getting Lily to bed was a lot easier than Roy thought it would be. She simply crawled into Al's bed after he read to her for a little bit and went to sleep curled up against her brother. Al didn't seem to mind or at least didn't say anything and Roy was free to himself for a little while.

He went down stairs into the study after changing Edward's dressings, giving him more medicine, and listened to a soft record in the living room while reading beside the fire.

Roy placed his book mark in his place as the he felt the chill creeping into the room due to the fire dying down, near embers. He checked the time upon his pocket watch, saw it was after two in the morning, and set his book aside.

Slowly he rose from the sofa and began to stretch, popping his back and neck. Something akin to a thud sounded from upstairs. Hmm, maybe one of the kids was up. He waited to hear the sound of Edward's feet or Lily's but didn't. So he decided to just head on up to bed, turning out the lights as he went.

He made it to the bottom of the stairs before he heard another strange sound and it wasn't the kind of thing anyone would want to hear, it chilled his bones and froze his blood in his veins, stopped his heart, frightened him. It wasn't Lily; her screams would be higher in pitch… that was Edward. There was a loud thud and more screams of terror and agony.

Roy bounded up the stairs and shoved Ed's bedroom door open, flicking on the light. Ed lay upon the floor, crying out, sweating, his body quaking so hard his auto-mail was rattling, and he was pushing against the air, gasping in between screams.

He hurried to the boy's side, careful of his wounds, and tried to wake him at first shaking him and calling his name. When that didn't work he tried to pick him up from the floor but got the heel of Ed's auto-mail hand in his collar bone.

"FULLMETAL!" He barked. "Wake up!"

Ed's eyes opened but he was still within the dream, lost and out of reach, his eyes looking far away and past Roy. "Come on Edward," He kept talking, tried soothing him until Ed's amber eyes met his, focusing upon him. What Roy saw there he'd seen many times before and loathed to see it in Edward. It was that agonized look of raw terror and tormented pain, helplessness and hopelessness. He wanted to make it go away, now!

"Dad?" Ed asked timidly, his hand reaching for his face as if to ascertain if he were real.

"I'm right here Edward." Roy replied softly as cool metal fingers slid down his cheek.

Ed began to cry and buried his face into his shirt, his arms slipping around him. Edward winced, sobbed a cry of pain but didn't let go, just sat there in Roy's arms. "Scared, s-so sca-scared. I co-couldn't get out, couldn't r-really move or br-breathe."

"Shhhh, it's okay now Ed, you're home. You're safe." He soothed rubbing Ed's back. Good god the poor boy was sweating through his night clothes, still shaking so terribly. He could feel Edward's tears soaking though his shirt, his hot breath.

"I just wanted to come home and I couldn't move."

"It's okay, it's okay Ed."

"Couldn't get out, hurts…"

Roy closed his eyes, holding Edward tighter. He couldn't even begin to imagine… Forget if it was right or wrong, Edward needed him and he was going to be here like always. The pain and sorrow he felt for Edward right now was enough to tell him that he needed Edward just as much, loved him just the same as he loved Lily.

He held him there upon the floor in his arms for a long time, long enough for Ed to calm down a little. When he tried to move Ed whimpered. "No, don't go. Please don't go Dad."

"I'm not," He whispered. "Just putting you back in bed. Did you get hurt when you fell?"

"Mm,"

Roy didn't know if that was a yes or a no but he wasn't going to push him. The boy needed rest, needed comfort, and so much more. Gently, he moved them both and stood. Ed was heavy, heavier than what he was used to lifting, but he got him up and into bed, tucking him in. He sat beside him as Edward curled up and wiped away his tears, his bangs from his eyes.

He checked his watch again. It was time or actually passed time when Ed could take more pain medicine and given how he'd found the blonde alchemist, Ed probably needed it. So he gave it to him and sat with him, gently stroking his hair and back as he'd done with Lily a long time ago when she'd had a nightmare and he'd been there.

"Dad?" Ed said after awhile.

"Hmm?"

"I love you." It was so timid and meek, but seriously honest just the same.

Roy smiled, letting go of any hindrances because he wanted too, because Ed needed it, because Ed was his son and nothing in the world could change that. "Love you too Ed,"

Ed smiled, closing his eyes and relaxed completely. Soon he was asleep but Roy stayed just a little longer before going to his room. The boy might try to show the world that he was strong and could handle everything like an adult, but he was still just a child and that was just fine. As far as Roy was concerned Edward was allowed to act his age, be scared, need, and was just like every kid. He and Al both deserved it and he didn't want them to lose the few precious years when they were kids to be kids.