Chapter 15: On the Door Step

Roy looked at his desk calendar and marked yet another day off. He didn't know why he was keeping track any longer. His days had become one long nightmarish blur. The bitter days faded into harsh icy nights with only the early snow fall to touch the earth and wipe away all that was dirty and tarnished. Seeing such a beautiful blanket, a thing that used to fill him with the promise of joy was slowly, agonizingly, burning his heart with its cold windfall.

Sable had loved the snow, loved it so much she'd drug him into the cold winter when she was naught but thee months pregnant with their daughter. He'd not wanted to go, had preferred to stay inside where it was warm and cozy, where he wouldn't shiver, where he was near his flames. He'd said it was beautiful and he'd like to see it from inside.

But she'd taken him out and shown him the beauty of it, shown him it wasn't just the frozen flakes of water in a cold season. Her beloved snow was a white blanket so pure, so out of reach. He could touch it, hold it in his hand but it was so delicate that once the heat kissed it, it melted and the tiny unique pattern each flake held melted away never to be seen again. One could never keep the snow and at the time it had made him sad.

She'd made some remark that people were like that, different from each other, the same but unique with a special pattern. They, like the snow, floated down from the clouds to grace the world just for a short time, some staying pure white and some getting dirty, but in the end, they, like the snow, met the same fate. He hadn't known why she'd talked so, she'd been so happy, thrilled at the prospect of being a mother. He'd thought with the promise of a child, she'd be like most and only think and dream of happy hopeful things, not such gloomy things. Of course then she'd laughed and hit in square in the face with a snow ball.

But even to Roy, even after Sable had committed the same sins as he, taken life, followed orders that were unreasonable and cruel, she'd never been tainted. Sable had been as clean and white and fresh as the first snow and would never change where as he saw himself as dirty and bloodstained as snow could get.

And there was Lily; she was as white and pure as snow as well, just like her mother. When he looked at Edward and Alphonse, he saw the same blanket as if nothing disgusting could touch them or mar them no matter what they did or saw, or said, or thought. It wouldn't matter if they destroyed the world; he knew they'd never be wicked and unclean. They were the pure snowflakes he wanted to protect and soiled himself so that they may stay clean.

He sighed and turned to look outside in to the dark melancholy day for as far as he was concerned it was so without his children being safe and happy.

This would have been the first winter Roy would have had Lily with him; completely with him and he'd wanted to take her out to play in the snow. She, like her mother loved snow and when he'd visited her at Anise's they'd gone out to play in it. They'd made snow dogs and cats because Lily loved animals too much, didn't really want to make snow men and that had been fine. Once they'd even made a snow turtle, stealing the food dye from the kitchen and colored it green. He'd taught her how to dig in a snow bank and create a small shelter where she'd be protected from the wind.

But now he feared never getting to play with her this year in the snow before their own home if ever again and it made him sick. He'd waited all this time, waited until there was a time where she might understand and fully appreciate what her mother had shown him. He wanted her to know that her mother had told him that, taught him, and pass that small bit of wisdom on to her. He'd wanted her to see her mother in the snow. And of course he'd show Edward and Alphonse because they needed to see it and hear it too.

It had been four days and still there was nothing. Four days since his precious little girl had been once again ripped from his arms. He'd had no sleep, hardly anything to eat for he felt if Lily was being starved or could no longer eat he should suffer with her. It was idiotic, he knew, but he couldn't help himself. The only thing he'd consumed had been coffee so that he may stay awake and be ready to go if word came.

Roy couldn't say the last four days had been a waste however. No, he'd been here in his office waiting, hoping, and suffering, getting his papwerwork finished. But he'd also had Edward and Alphonse with him and managed to teach both boys how to make coffee properly. He'd taught Ed how to be more strategic and less impulsive in chess, talked with them about their home in Resembool, their mother, how they'd learned alchemy, little things really, things he'd not really asked before. Maybe it was wrong to take advantage of their guilt and sadness to learn more about them, but in all honesty, he'd done it to keep his mind and theirs from harping solely upon Lily's absence.

But today he couldn't stand the sight of his office, couldn't stand the sight of Ed and Al's dreary faces, and couldn't stand the thought of never seeing his baby again. He also couldn't face the fact that he'd pushed Lily upon them and now that she was gone from them and they loved her, he'd inadvertently caused them more suffering. It had not been his intention. His intention had been to give them all, Lily, Ed, Al, and himself something warm and brilliant to hold on to, mold them together, build a family.

And he didn't think he could stand to hear Edward and Alphonse beg to go find Lily on their own and tell them no. After all if he couldn't go then they couldn't either, and well, he didn't want to risk losing them too.

Roy felt Edward come up beside him. "It's pretty," Ed whispered, his flesh hand touching the window. "And it makes me sad."

Roy smirked. "You too huh?"

"The last time Al and I played in the snow…" He sighed. "It was with Nina Tucker. I was hoping this year we could take Lily to the park and play there or in the yard, didn't matter which. Does she like snow?"

Roy slipped his hands into his pockets, "Yeah,"

"Didn't know, she doesn't like being cold very much."

"Neither do I, she must get that from me. Her mother never really had a problem with the cold but she hated being hot."

"Funny, it's like you were opposites from what I've heard and that's very little. She played with water where you play with fire. Guess that made you two perfect."

Roy shrugged. "We were different in a lot of ways but the same in others. But I don't know about perfect, no one's ever perfect."

"Oh so you're finally realizing that." Ed replied with a smile.

Roy snorted and rested his hand upon Ed's shoulder. "No one but me Ed," He paused and looked over his shoulder to see what Al was up too since he'd not heard a peep from him in awhile, but Al was gone. Strange, he'd not heard him leave. "Where's Alphonse?"

"He went to get us some food, something to drink, and see if there was any news."

Roy nodded. "Mmm," he paused a moment and turned to Edward. For a moment he hesitated but reached for him, pulling him close, holding him. "At least here I know you two are safe." He bent his head and kissed Ed's hair catching the soft scent of shampoo, the same that he and Lily used. He must have switched when he moved in with them.

Ed's arms slipped around him. "I really wish you'd let us go find her. We might be able to cover more ground."

Roy shook his head. "No Ed, Anise knows you, knows what you look like and you and Al would just be more targets for her. I want to go too, but Maes is right though I hate to admit it."

"But we have the backing of the state," Ed said lifting his head.

Roy smirked. "And we'd tear the city apart and risk hurting civilians. We'll get our chance, Ed."

"I don't understand why we can't find her. She can't be that smart and us that dumb. Maybe were not looking in the right places-"

"You mean you think she's never left the city and is so close we're overlooking her?" Roy asked. Ed nodded and he sighed. "I've thought that too."

"So what are we going to do about it?" Edward asked as some one knocked upon the door.

"Hold that thought, come in." Roy called, disengaging from Edward as Havoc came in followed by Maes and a red haired woman. The woman, of course wasn't wearing a uniform and Roy hadn't seen her before in his life, and he had to give his friends a questioning glance. "This had better be important." He was short with them; they had no time for games.

"It is," Maes replied and motioned to the woman after he closed the door and locked it. "This is a Ms. Lacey,"

"Lacey," Ed muttered, scratching his cheek. "Oh Lacey, Ms. Cara mentioned you. You used to work for Franky and now live here."

Lacey smiled in a knowing sort of way and nodded. "You as well Mr. Elric and her description of you was right on the money, but I'm not here for idle chit chat. I came with a message, it's from Franky."

Roy was all ears, shifting his weight. Franky must have found something they were missing. "Go ahead,"

"He says he's not sure as it's merely a rumor but someone in his world caught wind of your Ms. Miller angering a few certain parties within a less reputable circle. Apparently she's taking refuge with a long time friend and they've begun trying to find ways to skip the country. He also said you might want to look under your nose." She shrugged. "That's all and I really couldn't tell you what that means."

"That's fine, thank you," Roy replied. It was more than they had come up with and as far as he was concerned Intel and investigations needed some new training, not Maes exactly as he knew Maes was working as hard and fervently as he could. "Lt. Havoc, please escort Ms. Lacey from HQ and do not be seen, I don't care what you have to do."

"Yes, Sir," Havoc replied with a salute.

Roy watched them go then turned to Maes. Maes sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose. "Guess we'll be checking HQ then and the city again."

"Mm, and this time you're not hold me back." Roy replied.

"Roy," Maes sighed.

"Not this time Hughes," He gave his best friend a cold stare. "Don't worry I won't kill her."

Maes ran his hand through his hair. "Honestly Roy, that's what I'm afraid of." They both knew what Roy meant, both knew what Maes meant and even Edward seemed to pick up on it.

"She deserves what ever we can dish out to her after what she's done." Ed said quietly and yet his voice still head a deeply rooted anger bordering upon hatred.

Roy nearly shuddered at the thought of Edward soiling his hands with Anise's blood. It was an image he wasn't able to handle so he pushed it away and nodded his head to him. "Maes I'd like you to take Edward down and-"

"No!" Ed snapped grabbing his sleeve. "No, you're not leaving me behind! I lost her damn it and I'm going to find her!" He turned to Maes. "If you let him leave me I'll just escape and go on my own. Can you really risk that?"

There were times Roy truly admired Edward's tenacity but this was not one of them, in fact at this very moment Roy wanted nothing more than to call Alphonse back in where ever he'd gone which was probably to the mess hall, and throw him and Edward in lock up with several guards. He wanted to make it so Edward's hands were bound in such a way he couldn't transmute, anything to keep them guarded and safe but knowing how resourceful and creative they could be at times he really didn't envision that coming to pass. And he knew Ed would fight him every step of the way.

"Fine," he said sternly, "But you're to stick close to me at all times. I do not want you out of my sight is that clear? I mean it Edward I cannot and will not lose you and Alphonse too."

Ed nodded. "Yes Dad, I got it."

Roy sighed. He didn't feel easy or right about this. It seemed as if the ominous clouds around them were darkening and would grow darker before this was over. Why hadn't they checked HQ before? Maybe because it was a really dumb place to hide someone just as it was a very brilliant place to hide someone. "Let's find Alphonse."

Finding Alphonse was easy; he was on his way back from the mess hall with dinner which was quickly abandoned in favor of joining the search.

They checked the entire facility, the warehouses, the grounds, the yards, even the closets and bushes but they found nothing and found themselves studying a map of the city trying to puzzle Franky's message near midnight.

Roy ordered Edward not only as his superior officer but as his father to go rest upon the sofa as Edward looked exhausted as worn out as he felt. But because of Ed's near tantrum he and Maes conceded to bring the map to the coffee table where he could look at it as well. Roy really didn't think Edward would last much longer as far as remaining conscious was concerned.

He sighed rubbing his face before bringing his new cup of coffee to his lips. "What are we missing Maes, what am I not seeing?" He was near tears from fatigue and heart ache alone. He had just about convinced himself he was exactly all those terrible things Anise had accused him of all these years, a failure as a father, husband… A real father would never be so careless with his children. A real husband wouldn't have let his wife die.

"Stop it," Maes said giving his shoulder a good shake just as soon as he set the coffee cup upon the table. "I know that look, stop it; I'm not letting you fall into those cracks again. Besides if you did you'd prove she was right all along and what about Ed and Al?"

Was he reading his thoughts? What look? Did he have a certain look to betray him? Or did Maes just know him so well he was able to interpret his expressions? Must be all of it, he thought. Maes had been with him through nearly everything, picked him up and dusted him off, knocked him around when he needed it.

Roy lifted his eyes to both boys. Ed looked… a little frightened, was barely breathing, his amber eyes searching his, looking for firm ground to stand upon. Did he really depend on him that much? Al just sat still.

Suddenly Al spoke. "Don't give up Dad, we'll find Lily and then we'll go home and everything will be okay."

Are you always so optimistic Alphonse?

Roy tried to smile but he couldn't find the sunshine Alphonse was trying to show him. He couldn't leave the fog that surrounded him and it occurred to him that with everything that had happened to the boys, maybe Al was like he was because one of them had to be. He wondered what scars little Al carried that he hid so well behind the armor of his moods and soul. That was nothing but a depressing thought in itself.

"Wait a sec," Ed whispered and snapped to life. "We didn't check everywhere,"

"What do you mean Ed? We've had people combing the city-"

"Not well enough," Ed interrupted pointing to the area that was their neighborhood. "We didn't really look here. Franky did say look under our noses and since it was afternoon when Lily was stolen who ever it was that got in and took her couldn't have gone far without being seen."

"Hey, you're right," Al said. "Isn't there a house on the block up for sale?" Al asked.

"Yeah," Ed replied. "And wouldn't that be a good place to hide someone? It's close and we never even thought to look there, guessing that Anise would want to get as far away as possible. What if all along she was really just down the street waiting until a good time to leave?"

That was… damned, horribly, and completely brilliant, ingenious even. How he loathed Anise. "Let's go," He said as he rose from his seat.

"Wait we need back up," Maes said.

"Fine meet us there," Roy snapped. "Not too many, we don't want to scare Anise into doing something insane."

"You got a plan?" Maes asked.

Roy smirked. "Actually I was going to take Edward and Alphonse approach this time and fly by the seat of my pants. Although, I would like all the information on that house, see if we can obtain that."

"Hey!" Ed snapped jumping to his feet then sighed. "Enough talk, we can figure out what to do on the way."