Chapter 17: Where are my brothers?

Roy found Riza in the hall, just outside the waiting room speaking with Alphonse, calming him down.

"Is he awake, is Lily awake?" Al asked breathlessly which Roy found strange since he couldn't breathe.

"Uh, Lily awoke for a little bit but she's sleeping now. Ed's still unconscious." Roy replied quietly. "He'll wake Alphonse, remember he underwent surgery and lost a lot of blood. It'll take some time." He didn't even know why he was saying it other than it was the only thing he could tell himself as to why Edward wasn't awake yet.

He rested his hand upon Al's shoulder, had to reach up to do so. The cold metal of his steel body was like a jolt of electricity to him and for a moment he just stood there. "I-I've been cruel Al, staying in there all this time when you've needed to see him. I'm sorry."

Al hugged him. "It's okay Dad, you needed to be with Lily. I understand. I'm just worried."

Roy took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, returning the embrace. Alphonse had never called him 'Dad', not really anyway and to hear it now… It felt good as much as it pained him and he really wasn't sure why the latter. "Go sit with him, maybe you can get him to wake up."

"Okay," Al replied, releasing him.

As Alphonse clanked down the hall, Riza slipped her hand into Roy's. "How was she?"

"I-I…" He closed his eyes for a moment to gather himself, to keep from crying yet again.

"Roy, come with me, we can find a place more privet." She said softly. He didn't reply just followed her into an empty room where she closed the door and locked it behind them. He went to the window to look upon the snow covered night. They didn't need the over head light with the moonlight shinning clearly upon the snow. The glow from the snow illuminated the room.

"She asked me… Lily asked me if it would be better if she was dead, so she couldn't hurt anyone anymore." He heard Riza's faint gasp but continued. "I don't understand… I couldn't save Sable so my punishment is to watch my little girl suffer so dangerously close to the edge. We alchemists live by equivalent exchange, I know it doesn't always apply in all things, but it does with most, but where is the equivalency in torturing an innocent sweet little girl, a bright young boy and his wonderful little brother just to hurt me? Why Riza, why would she do this to her own family?"

"She's a heartless bitch,"

Roy blinked, caught off guard by Riza's harsh bluntness. He'd expected some sort of wisdom, some long explanation, but not what he heard.

"Anise will pay for her crimes-"

"Yes, she will," He interrupted. "No, I'm not going to do anything stupid so don't warn me not too. It's just why do Edward, Alphonse, and Lily have to pay for something I couldn't…"

"Perhaps you weren't supposed to save Sable, maybe it was her time to die." Riza replied. "And as for the children, Roy it's not your fault and frankly I don't believe Anise ever really cared about Sable, she only wanted control and to manipulate her and you. When she lost that power she chose to retaliate anyway she could. She doesn't care about anyone but herself and now she's going to pay the consequences of her actions."

"But Lily and the boys," He breathed.

"Will get passed this. They'll move on and be stronger. In the very least they now know that there are people in this world that aren't as caring and loving as you and can and will appreciate what you have given them so much more. The most precious things you've ever given them were your care and heart, your protection."

"BUT I DIDN'T PROTECT THEM!" He shouted, whirling around to face her. "I WASN'T CAREFUL ENOUGH AND NOW LOOK AT THEM!" He advanced toward her, angry with himself but not with her. "All the care and love in the world will never be enough, never erase the pain and torment they're going through!"

"No, but it's a start!" She snapped, closing the distance between them. "It's a stepping stone for them; something they can cling too, the one thing in this world that they know will never abandon them or change. You've proven that time and again to all of them. They knew happiness and love Roy and they knew it under your roof and from you. They'll have it again you just have to show them, prove to them this isn't the end. Who better to show them, prove it to them than their father?"

Roy swallowed. He was shaking again; his whole body and he felt so cold, so lost. "I can't lose them Riza, neither of them…"

Riza nodded and rested her hands upon his upper arms. "You won't, they'll make it. They're your kids, stubborn and determined with a vengeance."

Hopeful comforting words, but not nearly enough. "She was hysterical; I couldn't let her see Edward. She thinks she's hurting everyone, Anise told her, made her believe. I couldn't let her see. How am I going to explain it to her? She'll ask to see him, want to be with him, talk to him. I-I can't let her think it's her fault and she's too much like me to help it."

"Then fight her on it. You know you best and I know you well enough to know that if I fight you on something, make you see, eventually you'll listen. I'll help you, I'll be right there like always. Maes will help, Havoc, all of us. We won't let her because it's simply not true." Riza promised and pulled him close, holding him gently yet firmly.

Roy slipped his arms around her and just cried, he cried because he needed too, needed to let it come out, needed to let it go, and because he could without fear, but he promised himself he'd not make a habit of this. "Thank you," He whispered.

When they left the room, they went to find something to eat. Maes had some food saved, had been back to Roy's house and cooked then brought it up for when he was ready to eat and he'd made enough for everyone and they ate together with the rest of their co-workers and friends.

It was good to finally get a decent meal in his stomach and good to take a breather, talk to his friends, know they were there to back him up once again. Havoc left to find Bandit for Lily, asking before hand if there was anything else Roy thought she'd need or want from the house and if he needed or wanted anything.

Hohenheim had not returned and he was beginning to worry, question that when Alphonse came bursting into the waiting room. "Dad he's awake, he's awake!"

Roy practically leapt from his seat and ran to the room down the hall. Ed was awake, groggy, but his amber eyes met his and it was very clear that he registered who Roy was. Edward even let out a small whimper and weakly lifted his hand to him.

Relief beyond comparison filled him as he walked toward the bed. He smiled. "Hey,"

Ed tried to talk but Roy shook his head. He looked so tired and Roy didn't need him to say a word, was just so thankful is son was finally awake. He felt that was improvement, hoped that meant he was going to be alright after all.

He brushed Ed's golden bangs from his heavy lidded eyes. "You had me worried; glad you decided to join us."

Ed tried to move, winced with a pained frown and Roy held him still ever so gently. "Shhhh, it's alright." He soothed. "I know it hurts, just lie still, you're going to be alright."

"Lily?" Ed managed.

"She's going to be alright too. She woke, was scared, but she'll be fine." He hoped that were true, that he wasn't lying. "She just needs a little time but she'll be okay. Her hands were the only physical injuries." He'd not tell him she'd been starved and dehydrated. Edward didn't need that right now. God he wanted to hold Edward but was afraid of moving him too much, pulling stitches. So he leaned over and hugged him as best he could. He felt Edward relax.

When he pulled away Edward was asleep again but that was alright, he'd need the rest and at least he'd awoken, spoken, knew what was going on.

Edward faded in and out for the rest of the night and into the next morning. He didn't talk much, maybe a word or two here and there and when he did talk, he didn't want much, just Roy and Alphonse to be with him. Once he wanted to see Lily so Roy moved the curtain back long enough for him to see her, let him know she was really there.

Dr. Hiasen said Edward wasn't out of danger yet, but he had a lot of hope for him since he was waking often, even if it was only for a few minutes at a time. It was one step into going home and having his family safe and well. To Roy, he wasn't going to let it go, he'd push, demand, hope, pray, order, do what ever it took to make it happen. He'd not let Lily ever question or think ill of herself or that people loved and needed and wanted her and he'd will Edward to live and recover.

Lily opened her eyes, startled by the mere sound of beeping near to her. The mere sound seemed louder than it should have been; her sense of hearing had seemed to grow more acute since she'd listened to every little sound afraid of hearing something terrible or nothing at all.

Sunlight flooded the room, warmed her face. She was so unused to it hurt her eyes and for a moment she panicked, thought this was another cruelty her aunt and that man had for her. After being in the dark for so long and wishing for just a touch of light she was scared to be so frightened of it, that it was hurting her. It wasn't until she felt her father's hand upon her shoulder that she realized she was staring wide-eyed in terror at the light and stark white around her, panting, trembling.

Her Daddy looked concerned, had a frown upon his face and she slowly began to remember she was safe with him, that he'd been here last night, holding her, assuring her she was safe and wanted, loved.

"It's alright poppet," He said softly, touching her hair.

Lily wet her lips. She was thirsty, her mouth dry but it wasn't the first thing upon her mind. "You shouldn't frown Daddy, you'll get wrinkles." She didn't know why she said it, it just sort of came out.

He smiled and sat upon her bed. "There's my girl, are you hungry, thirsty?" He leaned over and she whimpered, reaching for him.

"Daddy don't go,"

"I'm not," he promised, sitting up. He was hiding something where she couldn't see but he was smiling that wonderful smile when he was about to show, tell, or give her something nice he knew she'd like. "Havoc rescued someone from the loneliness of our house for you. I think he missed you terribly, I know I did." He lifted Bandit up then held him over her face for a moment, touching the stuffed toy's nose to hers.

Lily reached for him, beginning to cry, and hugged him tight. She'd left Bandit with Edward to keep him company but she was glad to see him again. She'd thought never to see him again locked away inside that horrible coffin, alone in the dark. "Bandit,"

Roy rose from the bed and Lily began to panic once again, thinking he might leave her. "Daddy please," But he only pulled the blankets back and gently moved her over in her bed, climbing in with her after first removing his boots and uniform jacket. Then he lay down and wrapped her in his warm embrace, petting her hair and kissing her forehead.

"It's been awhile since I've read to you. Would you like me too now?"

Lily shook her head then nodded. She wanted to hear his voice. It was always nice, always kind, always soothing. "Will you stay with me?"

He leaned back and reached for something but didn't let go. "No, I won't leave you. Here try to drink a little." And a cup came into view.

Not wanting to spill the liquid, she sat up and accepted the small cup and began to drink. It was water, nice cool water. It felt so good on her throat, tasted so sweet. She really wasn't one much for water, liked tea and juice better, sometimes even her Daddy's coffee with sugar in it, but today water had never tasted so sweet and she gulped it down. "May I have some more?"

Roy nodded, sitting up and reached for a small pitcher upon the side table. She watched him pour another cup and drank it quickly asking for one more. When she was finished he tucked her hair from her eyes. "Are you hungry? Dr. Hiasen wanted you to eat something."

Lily nodded. She was hungry, very hungry. "I'll eat anything,"

Her father smirked. "Even celery?"

Lily scrunched up her nose. "Not that, it's not even really good for you. I asked Teacher and he said we burn more energy eating it than we get from it. So no anything but that."

"How about milk?"

"And that,"

He chuckled and slipped off the bed. "I'll just go to the door and ask a nurse if they'll bring you something. If we're lucky they'll have pudding again."

Lily wasn't as thrilled about pudding as she used to be. It just didn't seem as nice as it once did. She just wanted something to eat.

Her Daddy was back and like he promised, he'd only stood in the doorway. He sat upon her bed and she climbed into his lap. "Hold me?" she asked. Instantly his strong arms wrapped around her.

Lunch came but Lily thought it looked more like dinner. It was mashed potatoes with brown gravy, peas, and a piece of ham, nothing too big and there was pudding, tapioca. She liked chocolate better but it was this was fine and she mixed her peas into her mashed potatoes. She offered to share but Roy turned her down, said the peas were hurting the mashed potatoes and he didn't understand how she could eat them together like that. She didn't really have an answer other than it tasted good.

Lily finished every bite, relishing it even though it didn't taste like her Daddy's cooking which she thought was the best in the world.

Then it was back to laying in her Daddy's arms and this time he had their book, the one about the cat on an adventure. "Let's see we've missed several nights, nearly six so how about we read six chapters to catch up."

Lily shrugged. "I might fall asleep," She was a little tired.

"Well then we'll just read until you fall asleep and pick up again later when you want. Does that sound good to you?"

She nodded but placed her hand over his as he moved to open the book. She'd not see her brothers at all. She wanted too, wondered where they were and if she could see them now. She'd missed them and had wondered if she'd ever get to see them, hear their voices, and smell their scents ever again. Her heart hurt a little to not have seen them yet. "Daddy, where are my brothers?"

He was quiet a moment but nodded.

Her father tensed and Lily lifted her head. "Daddy?"

He smiled sadly. "Soon baby, I'll send Alphonse to see you in a little while."

She frowned, something wasn't right. Why just Alphonse? Not that she didn't want to see him; she did but what about Ed? "Just Al?" She sat up and she knew, she just knew Edward didn't want to see her, they did hate her. Why else would he hesitate? He… He'd lied to protect her and her aunt had been right all along.

The tears came flooding back unrestrained "You lied didn't you? Ed is mad at me; he doesn't want to see me! He would have been here already if he wasn't, Al too."

Roy sat up abruptly, capturing her in his arms, but he was so quick it scared her, reminded her of that man jumping out of the closet, and she screamed. "No Lily, Ed does want to see you, I didn't lie. God I'm sorry, he's just-"

"Get away from me! Leave me alone, you liar!" She shouted, her little fists pounding upon his chest. "They hate me, he does, you're lying!"

Clanking sounded down the hall followed by pounding footsteps and Lily knew they weren't alone but she didn't care, Edward hated her and probably Alphonse too. She wondered what else her Daddy had lied about and desperately wanted to get away. But her father's arms held firm, gentle and he refused to let her go. There were other hands upon her, soft slender ones and big ones.

"Lily," Al said. "Lily please don't cry."

"Let me go! Get away from me!" She couldn't take it, didn't really register that he was really here and it made her chest ache with more pain than she'd ever felt there in her life, even when she was terrified beyond her out of her mind inside that coffin. She was going to be sick. "I want to see my brothers; I don't want them to hate me. I swear I didn't mean too, I didn't! I'll be good, I just want to say sorry!"

"Lily Shhhh, Lily look at me." Riza said softly. "Come on, look at me."

"No I want them, I'm sorry I'll be good, I swear I'll be good! I didn't mean to hurt them Daddy please tell them I didn't mean too!" She sobbed, desperately turning her fight with him into clinging to his white dress shirt. She looked into his eyes and was frightened even more to see him look so scared and sad. She'd do anything to fix her mistakes, make them happy if they would just let her.

She saw Dr. Hiasen from the corner of her eye, holding something in his hand, a calm expression upon his face. He came toward them but shifted around the bed and headed to the stand that held the bag of liquid that was connected to the tube running into her hand. She'd not noticed it before being so focused upon her father, not felt it. She didn't know what he was doing, didn't trust him because she couldn't see what he was doing other than reaching for the bag and screamed again, trying to tear the tube from her hand. For all she knew he might be trying to kill her.

Riza had to pull her hands apart for Roy was having trouble trying to keep her still.

"Lily, look it's me Alphonse. I'm right here, please don't cry. I don't hate you, you're my little sister."

"See poppet, Al's right here," Roy soothed. "Look baby, look and see. He doesn't hate you, he's not mad at you."

Lily turned her head and saw Al, saw her steel brother and reached for him as soon as Riza let one of her hands go, her attention upon him, forgetting all about the doctor. "Al, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She was beginning to feel weighed down, sleepy as he came closer and took her hand in his large leather and metal one.

"There's nothing to apologize for sister, nothing at all. I missed you so much, was so worried. Please don't cry we don't hate you, we love you."

"Big brother," She whimpered, tugging him closer weakly. She was so tired and didn't understand but Al was here, he said he loved her and missed her but that still left Edward, where was Edward. "Where's… Ed?" Her eyes were so heavy, getting heavier. "Al, tell Ed I'm sorry, I didn't… mean… too."

Roy sighed, adjusting Lily in his arms. She was out, just fell into the mercy of the sedative in mere seconds. It always amazed him how quickly sedatives worked and she must have been fighting it as she'd fought him. This was just awful, hysterics so quickly, good god what else had Anise said and done to her to shake her very trust in him, in her brothers? What was he going to do? They couldn't keep sedating her, it wasn't right or fair to her. They also couldn't keep her from Edward and they were lucky he didn't wake, not that he was positive that Ed hadn't awoken, the curtain was closed. And they couldn't keep the truth from her, but how could he let her see Edward as he was or as she was. She'd only blame herself and he couldn't have that, none of this was her fault.

"We have to tell her," He said quietly, deciding then and there. "We have to tell her when she wakes. I think if I explain it to her, let her see him she'll… She'll be alright. I can't bear to see her like this again."

"But what if she blames herself?" Al asked. "We can't let her do that."

"We won't," Riza replied. "And next time Edward awakes we'll make sure she talks to him, make sure he sets her straight."

"But what would ever make her think we didn't love her?" Al asked sadly. "It's not true, we love her."

"I know," Riza said softly. "It wasn't what; it was who and what was said. You have to understand Alphonse, Lily hasn't had it easy. She's had to adjust to some pretty big changes. She's finally gotten her wish to live with her father, she's moved to a new city, gotten new family and friends, been ill, seen Edward hurt, been kid napped and placed in a coffin, and all her life she's been lied too by her aunt, been treated appallingly by someone who was supposed to care for her. Even for an adult, being told your worthless and no one loves you or wants you, that you're a burden can be harmful.

"And she's so young, been told so much that she's had to separate and find the truth of what is real and what's not."

"But-"

"She was trapped inside a coffin made just for her for four days Alphonse. Without food and water, terrorized… Four days is a very long time when you're in the dark, in a thing you know is made for death. Four days is a long time to wait for someone to come save you even though you've tried to get out on your own. After awhile your mind thinks unreasonable thoughts." Roy interrupted. "She's just hurting and confused."

Roy then smiled though it was faint. "We'll just clear that up for her, shouldn't take too long and she's seen how much we care for her before this nightmare. She's smart and will be able to decipher the truth quickly."

Al didn't say anything but bent over and picked up Bandit. He held the toy in his hands for a moment then touched Lily's sleeping head. "I'll do what ever it takes to prove it to her. Ed will too. I'll talk to him and I'll make sure he understands and doesn't try anything stupid."

Little did they know Edward had been awoken by Lily's panicked screams and had heard her pain. It tore new places within his heart, places that bled and ached. He'd not said a word and perhaps that had been wrong of him, but he needed to know what had happened, knew at the time it would be the only way to learn exactly what had befallen his little sister in that horrible place.

He wanted to cry, for her, for himself, for Al and he did, silently, turning his head away in case the curtain was pulled back. He and Al knew better than anyone they would was full of sick people but Lily shouldn't have to know that so soon, she was still just a child. Ed had hoped she'd stay innocent and unaware for a few more years and not be hampered by pain, so much for that. How he hated Anise for showing cruelty to her.

He was still in deep physical pain, knew the drugs the doctor was giving him were helping but it did nothing for how tired he was. Soon, maybe minutes later he'd cried himself into an exhausted sleep.