Chapter 18: Some gifts hurt

It wasn't until late evening before Lily awoke again and Roy almost wished she were asleep. She just lay there immobile, staring off into space. She didn't want food, water, a story, wouldn't even look at him. It was almost as if she were on the verge of shutting down which Roy Mustang would never allow. She was stronger than that, she was his and her mother's daughter.

He sighed, sitting beside her upon her bed, Al standing near by, talking to her. She didn't answer either of them. "Lily," Roy said sternly. "I need you to listen to me and your brother."

No response.

He'd never been angry with her before but he could feel his frustration turning into such. He didn't like it but he had an idea, one that he'd discussed with Alphonse, asked everyone else to stay away long enough for them to put it into play. "Edward has been here, in this room all this time. He would tell you himself how much he cares for you if he could stay awake long enough to do so."

That got her attention, her ebony eyes met his, glossy wet with coming tears and fear.

"It is not your fault what happened poppet, but he was hurt again, terribly and could have died. He's still not well but he's asked for you, wanted to see you." He rose from her bed and pulled the separating curtain aside so she could see. It wasn't a pretty sight, Ed still hooked to the heart monitor, Ivs running into his arms, and he was so pale, still sleeping and looked as if just sleeping was exhausting.

Lily sat up, tears trickling down her pretty face but she didn't utter a sound, just looked upon her older brother.

"He looked for you, came for you, was so scared he'd lost you forever and you dare to repay him by thinking he hates you? That's not being a good little sister Lily; it's betrayal on the highest level. I'm disappointed in you; I thought you were better than that." Nothing hurt more to a child than to hear their parents tell them they were disappointed in them. He didn't want to hurt her, but he'd be cruel to help her, make her understand.

It seemed to be working, Lily's body stiffed, and the tears fell more quickly but her eyes didn't leave Edward's face.

"Anise shot him in the back just after we found you and he almost died for you. He's given up a kidney and a lot of blood for you, because he loved you enough to risk his own life just to find you and bring you home. No one would do that for another if they truly hated them, no one. However with how you're acting now I wouldn't blame him if he decided to push you away." The pain upon his little girls face was the kind best described in horror novels or sad films. The air and expression of utter misery was a thick, dark, low hanging cloud within the room.

Roy advanced upon her and she actually shied away from his reaching hand but he caught her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. "You have no idea how much you have hurt me and Alphonse with thinking we've done nothing but lie to you, thinking we hate you. You had better be glad Edward hasn't heard you say these things. It might make him stop fighting for life. So what's it going to be Lily? Are you going to believe us and help us keep Edward alive and with us or are you going to kill him with contempt? Do you even love him at all?"

He wasn't expecting what happened next, thought she'd cry even, beg him to believe her, believe that she did love her brothers, say she was sorry for hurting them. But no instead she jerked her head back and kicked his knee, glaring for all she was worth. Al gasped and it was enough of a surprise to Roy that he just stood there blinking in astonishment and thus giving her more than enough opportunity to climb upon her knees and throw her arms around his neck. She was sobbing now, burying her face in his neck.

Had it worked? Had he shocked her into anger, snapping her out of her self loathing and uselessness, her misassumption that everyone hated her? Damn she could really kick and it hurt!

"I'm sorry," she cried weakly. "I won't be bad anymore."

Damn it! He thought wrapping his arms around her, he couldn't help himself, could keep being so cruel because evidently it wasn't doing the trick.

"I don't want to hurt anyone; I don't want to be like… her."

Oh for the love of… You're not anything remotely like your aunt! His mind screamed.

"Lily," Al scolded harshly. "Don't be an idiot! Sometimes terrible things happen to good people even when they are trying to do good things. Bad things happen but that doesn't mean it's your fault. Stop blaming yourself for this. Did you shoot brother?"

"No but he was looking for me." She cried.

"Shut up, you didn't shoot him if you had then he and the rest of us would blame you but you didn't and so it isn't your fault. If you keep thinking everything bad that happens to everyone around you is your fault then you're going to me miserable and make everyone else around you miserable for the rest of your life. No one will want to be near you so knock it off! You're starting to drive me crazy, worse than brother."

Lily winced, burned her face deeper, as if she were trying to climb inside Roy and hide from Al. Frankly to hear Alphonse yell and scold like this was a little unnerving for even him.

"He's right Lily, you didn't do anything wrong at all, you just happened to be the tool Anise used, the victim in her sick game. You're letting her win when you think these things, blame yourself. Keeping her from winning would be to listen and trust your brothers and me." He sighed and pushed her away so he could hold her face in his hands. She was reluctant to let go but allowed him to do so. "Look poppet, I didn't want to hurt you, I just wanted to help you. You can't let Anise win, you can't."

"Would you two stop being so mean?" Ed's scratchy voice snapped from behind them.

Lily's head came up and Roy turned to greet him, thankful Ed was awake to help now. "Big brother!" She turned as he turned.

"Hi," Ed replied then narrowed his eyes at him. "I think you could have found a better way to handle this. If you-"

"Edward you can't die." Lily said desperately. "You can't leave me and Daddy and Al. If you promise to live for us I promise to not to blame myself for getting you hurt."

The room was quiet for a moment. Well, maybe it had worked after all, Roy thought.

Ed sighed tiredly. "Sure, promise." Then he looked away with shame. "I'm sorry I didn't hear you Lily can you ever forgive me for that?"

"Can you forgive me you thinking you hated me?"

"Yeah," Ed breathed.

"Okay, then I forgive you. I'm sorry Ed."

"Me too," He whispered, his eyes closing. "Missed you."

Lily looked at Roy and poked his shoulder. "Daddy?"

"Yes?" He asked.

"May I lay down with Ed or would that hurt him too much?"

Roy gave Edward a questioning glance. Ed shook his head. "She won't hurt me,"

Roy nodded and carefully placed Lily upon Ed's bed, turned and grabbed Bandit for her. She thanked him for it and curled up careful against Ed's side, her head upon his shoulder.

"Do you feel any better brother?" Al asked.

Ed tried to hug Lily as best he could and nodded. "A little; still hurt but I'll be okay. Just tired." And to prove that he yawned.

With this crisis adverted Roy sighed thankfully. Now he could handle other things, smaller yet no less imperative. "Are you three going to be alright if I leave to take care of some business?"

"Don't go after her." Ed replied. "Please,"

Roy shook his head. "No, I'm not going after her. She's in custody under constant supervision along with her accomplice. I'm going to look for Hohenheim. He was here but said he had to take care of something and would be back soon. He hasn't come back yet and I'm going to see if-"

"He skipped town?" Ed asked.

"I don't think he did Ed, honestly. He was pretty upset before he left, said something things that bothered me. I'm just going to check to see if he's alright." More like he was going to make sure Hohenheim hadn't done anything reckless. He'd not heard of the man going to see Anise but that didn't mean the man hadn't. Hohenheim knew who had hurt his son, knew where she was being kept and the man was a talented Alchemist. Roy knew the man could get in and out of the brig without anyone knowing. Hell if Edward could do it, Hohenheim would be able to as well.

And it wasn't so much that he was really worried about Hohenheim doing something reckless, it was that the man had promised to return soon and it had been a whole day since then.

"We'll be alright," Al replied. "I'll make sure Lily gets something to eat and she and Ed both rest."

"Are you going to be alright if I go Lily?"

Lily hesitated but nodded. "Just come back soon Daddy."

He smiled. "I will. Riza and Uncle Maes are still here. If you need anything just call for them. I sent everyone else home."

"Okay," Lily whispered.

After informing Riza and Maes of what he was doing, and being refused to leave alone, Roy and Riza both headed to the Military prison upon the command center grounds.

They passed the guards who simply nodded to them and left the hall, giving Roy the key to Anise's cell. He slipped it into the lock and opened the door. The small room was dark, the electric light above flickering dimly. The bed was a mess and Anise wasn't upon it or anywhere to be seen for that matter.

At first it startled him, he thought she'd escaped but he caught movement just on the other side of the bed and zeroed in upon it. "Anise,"

The movement jumped and a head of tangled, matted red hair lifted. Glossy, confused green eyes looked at him. "Is he here?" She asked, shakily.

Roy perked a brow and leaned against the wall with his arms folded at his chest. "Who?"

Her eyes darted about the room. "He came out of the wall,"

He was not in the mood for games and he was sure this was one. "That's impossible, look-"

She jumped up, slamming her hands, hands that were bruised and bloody upon the bed. "It's not impossible! He was a tall blonde man with glasses, a demon in human form! He showed me hell!"

Right, hell, he doubted it. Perhaps a picture of it but not hell itself, Hohenheim couldn't open the gates of hell anymore than he could, oh they could try, they could wish too and he did want to fling her there and never look back but he knew it just wasn't possible. "Hohenheim Elric; thought he might sneak in to visit you. He's no demon Anise, just a man, father who's pissed because you nearly killed his son."

Anise shook her head. "No, I saw it, so dark, so many eyes and hands reaching for me. There's everything and nothing in that black place."

He smirked. "You know pretending to be insane isn't going to help you."

"I'm not insane!" She snapped. "Just keep that monster away from me!"

"Why?" Riza asked. "Why should we keep torment and fear away from you when you've done nothing but inflict it upon others? I think you deserve every bit of it you get."

Anise had nothing to say of that, just slipped back to the floor and began to rock herself, rubbing her arms.

Roy shifted, his foot making a soft scuffing noise upon the floor and Anise jumped violently. She really was scared. Oh well, he didn't care. It wasn't a good think to think, but after everything he really couldn't dig up the nerve to blame himself for it let alone admonish himself. Out of all the anger and loathing he'd felt for her now he felt nothing, nothing at all. She was just a woman, a stranger with no value to him. Why should he waste energy hating her, being angry with her when he needed it to take care of his children, his friends, the things that did matter to him?

"I'm not sorry you know. You took Sable from me and even if I die, you'll still suffer because of it." Anise muttered.

He wasn't falling for that or taking any threats. "Maybe, maybe not, either way expect no help from me Anise, you're on your own. I can't help someone like you, you're vile and you know what I think? I think Sable would be appalled, disgusted with you, even want you dead for what you've done Lily. Oh and by the way you didn't win. Lily and Edward are alive and well." With that he motioned for Riza to follow him out, closed, and locked the door.

"Do you think Mr. Elric really got passed the guards and saw her?" Riza asked as they left the building.

Roy shrugged slipping a hand into his pocket. "Probably and honestly I don't care."

"Her hands were bruised and cut."

"So?" He asked giving her a sideways glance. "She probably did it to herself."

Riza nodded. "Where too next?"

"His apartment." He replied as they neared the car.

Major Hughes informed him of Edward's current condition, Lily's as well, and told him Colonel Mustang was out looking for him. Hohenheim apologized for being absent so long and asked if he might be allowed to see Edward and Lily for a little while. Major Hughes nodded and remained in the waiting room.

Hohenheim smiled as he closed the door to the small infirmary room. Lily and Edward looked sweet sleeping together in that small bed and they both looked better. There was the slightest hint of color in both their cheeks. Alphonse was here as well, resting in the chair, immobile and probably in his state of sleep, or as close to it as he could be. Al had explained that he didn't really sleep just sort of meditated, tuning everything else out until there was nothing and his mind was blank and nothing could gain his attention until he came from it. It was a type of sleep, but not really, truly sleep.

It was sad to know his sons had come to this sort of life and he really should have been there to stop them. But they had been children, frightened, alone in the world without any blood family there, only the ever kind Rockbells to take care of them. They'd been lost and in pain, had the talent to do something impossible. Even though they knew the laws it was still to tempting.

Hohenheim had often wondered what the out come of their attempt had been after learning what they'd tried to do. Alphonse only said it wasn't Trisha, it was something else and it hadn't survived. That must have been a terrifying sight for them, more pain to their already grief stricken hearts.

He sighed softly and pulled an envelope from his suit vest, placing it upon the bedside table. If all went well, he'd not disturb any of them and they'd wake on their own.

Slowly he reached into the pocket of his pants and produced a small red stone. He didn't wait, didn't say a word, didn't move, just began to transmute, filling the room with a red glow, keeping his eyes upon the beautiful sight of his sleeping sons and bright student. He put all of his will into the transmutation, determined not to let the four hundred years of alchemic research and practice to fail him. It wouldn't erase the past, but hopefully it would make their lives easier, happier.

When it was finished he couldn't stand upon his own two feet, collapsed to his knees as his vision grew dark. He felt his torso make contact with the cold linoleum floor and he smiled.