Teresa Green: Hi everybody! The boss isn't feeling so good at the moment, he ate too much over Christmas, and now he's stuffed... Get it? Stuffed...? You people are no fun... Anyway, the Boss is busy at the moment, so I'm gonna do the disclaimer thingy... How do we do this now...

Reno: You've gotta somehow convince one of us to say a disclaimer.

Teresa: What's a disclaimer?

Tseng: Like we'd fall for that.

Teresa: Dammit... Okay... I'll be right back... I erm... Left my house on... Fire...? Yeah!

Suddenly, the Author appears from thin air...

Sorry about the idiot, somebody tied me up and left me in a swamp... Luckily I had a can of spinach handy...

Turks: Sorry Boss...

You will be... Anyway, what are we gonna do with you this time... How about I strip you all down and toss you to the fan-girls?

Elena: What about me?

Er... Fan-boys?

Turks: The horror!

Now then, be a good set of Turks, and say the disclaimer. Or else.

Turks: Cueball don't own nothing... And if you think he did, then your dumber than Rufus.

Rufus: I resent that.

Good for you... Now then... The chapter:

Two Days Earlier... In A Dark Office...

"So, the plan is working out?" A deep, booming voice, sounding something similar to Darth Vader... Only not...

"Yes Master... We will soon be in complete control over the Bra-Liens and their allies, the dreaded Pantie-talons... Early testing indicates that exposure to fat, middle-aged, balding men seems to do serious damage, Agents Palmer and Heidegger have reported that in order to win this war, we're going to need alot of money, the kind of money we could only get by winning some kind of competition, I suggest the-..." The second voice, more feminine than the first, was cut off, as a third one interrupted.

"Why are the lights off?" It said, and flicked a switch.

Suddenly illuminated, stood Scarlet and Reeve, and at the door, leaning casually was a nameless ShinRa Employee, the kind that always die at the beginning of a movie.

"What's going on in here?" He asked. The two Executives looked to each other, then to the Employee.

Two sets of bright red eyes flared...

In Another Dark Office Of The ShinRa Building...

Tseng sat behind his desk, typing slowly at his computer, he stopped, took a drink from his bottle of imported water, and set back to work.

He looked up at the ceiling, as it shuddered, and a blood curling scream rang out.

The leader of the Turks shrugged.

Old Man ShinRa's probably getting his bikini line done...

Back To The Present... At Kentucky Fried Chocobo...

"That's Ivan, my second in command..." Teresa said, as herself and the two Turks ducked under the table, watching their enemies from behind small fake-wooden seats.

"And thats Avalanche..." Reno replied, taking out his prized Betty... Betty the Mag Rod.

"...!" Rude added, eyes glowing like a bright pink neon light as he watched Tifa.

"Easy big guy... This could be a good opportunity for you two... Reno, what size are you?" Teresa asked, a sly grin itching at her mouth.

In Another Part Of KFC...

"Hi there! Can I take your order please?" A red headed, short, teenage girl asked, from behind the counter.

Dr. Barett looked to Tifa, then to Ivan.

"We'll take forty Chocoburger's please." Ivan spoke up.

"Forty?" Tifa and Dr. Barett spoke up as one.

"Would you like anything else with that?" The cashier asked.

"No, that will be fine, thank you."

"Why you orderin' forty Chocoburger's for foo'!"

"You'll see."

"If you'd like to take a seat, we'll bring your order to you once it's done."

So, as one, the Avalanchers and Ivan walked over to a random table, which, just by chance, happened to be next to were the Turks where.

"You gonna tell us now sucka'?" Dr. Barett asked.

"Yes, of-coarse... What were we talking about again?"

"Why you ordered forty ChocoBurger's?" Tifa suggested, and looked to their new Instructor.

"I did? When?"

"Just a minute ago...?"

"Oh... One second..." Ivan said, and pulled out a small black book... "Here it is... 'Take Students to fast food joint in order to teach them how to be old... Bring money...' well, does that explain anything?"

"How does taking us to KFC teach us how to be-" Tifa was cut of, as another red headed worker interrupted.

"Hi there... My name is..." The red head looked down at his- erm... Her name tag... Cough... "Helga... And I have some... Chips... For you?"

The twin tattooed cashier said, and grabbed a bag of french fries from a nearby table.

"We didn't order no chips foo'!" Dr. Barett shouted.

"Isn't Helga a girls name?" Tifa added.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean! You saying I'm not a lady? Cos I'm a lady alright! Do these breasts feel fake to you! Huh!" The crazy red head shouted, in a more than manly voice, as she grabbed hold of her obviously padded bra and shook... Now, if by chance you've ever cross dressed as a Lady, you would probably know that stuffing a bra full of potatoes, then shaking it wildly, isn't the best of ideas...

This is because the potatoes obviously fall out, which, just by chance, is what happened here...

Now, a six foot something red headed man, dressed as a woman and shaking his stuffed bosom at his enemy's isn't smart, but its funny...

"Hah!" Dr. Barett shouted, and chuckled, quickly joined by Ivan and Tifa.

Renaldo Nevada did the only thing he could in this situation... He ran away... Erm... Sorry, I meant to say, he made a 'Tactical Retreat'... Cough...

The red head made a sniffling sound as he ran through the door, followed by a pink haired woman, dragging a bald man by his ear.

At Around The Same Time... In The ShinRa Building...

Eleanor Roosevelt was a smart --If sometimes dumb-- Woman... She knew the basics of 'fight or flight'... She also knew something was going on in the ShinRa building.

The executives had all began to act strange over the past few days, even Tseng, in his Zen-Master style way, was acting off...

Apparently, according to a very good source --who happened to be that Secretary on the fifty second floor, that knew more about what was going on than the Turks did-- there was a bad infection going around, that made people go loopy.

And a couple of days ago, Reno and Rude had set off to join the old person Olympics...

If she was a conspiracy nut-ball --and I'm not saying she is--, then she'd probably figured out that there was more to this than just a virus... Or was it?

She didn't know, but she was going to find out...

And so, the small Turk-in-training jumped from her seat, and was about to storm out of her office, when she remembered one thing...

"I don't have a clue what I'm doing... Maybe I should come up with a plan..."

And so... The small Turk-in-training sat back down, took out a pen, and began to doodle...

"First, I'm gonna have to make a team, all good conspiracy films have a team... Then I'm gonna have to figure out what's actually going on in this building..."

The Vice Presidents Office...

"I've called you all here to go over the situation... Agent's Hojo and Scarlet have come up with a plan to win this war..." Rufus, now donning a pair of dark sunglasses, said from behind his desk.

"As I was saying to Agent Reeve the other day... We're going to need alot of money to win the war... I recently found out about a competition which happens to have alot of money on stake, just enough to help us... That's where Hojo comes in..." Agent Scarlet, also wearing a dark pair of sunglasses trailed off.

"Sir... I've hired a trainer to teach my latest experiment how to be old... I plan to enter it into this event, and win the money... However, it escaped... I've sent my best personnel to retrieve it..." Agent Hojo, surprise surprise, wearing a pair of dark shades continued.

"Excellent... But what about the Turks...?" Rufus asked, unsure on what was happening to the stars of the story.

"The Turks don't stand a chance... Reno and Rude are also entering the competition... Tseng is busy with paperwork... And the rookie is an idiot, they don't stand a chance..."

"Just one last thing... What have you named your new project Agent Hojo?"

"Project Jephiroth..."

DUN DUN DUN!

Cueball's notes begin:

Where to start with this one... Erm... I enjoyed most of it, the scene in KFC didn't go to plan, I wanted Helga... Erm... Reno... To get to talk to them more, and as a comedy bit, flirt with Dr. B... Don't look at me like that... I hate yaoi as much as the rest of you... But as you can see, it didn't work out... The rest is okay in my books though...

You may have noticed some links to previous chapters... Is this on purpose or accidental? Well, it's on purpose of coarse, I wanted to thicken the plot a little bit, and give Elena something to do, along with the Executives... Still gotta find something for Tseng to do though...

And yeah, not alot of Reno and Rude in this chapter, but this one was just mainly to add to the plot...

Thanks to Cyraxis for the idea of a side plot.

And if anybody's looking for a good story to read, be sure to check out Random Reno Fangirl 05's latest masterpiece, not sure on the title at this exact moment, but it's in my favorites list and in her profile.

And finally... The Questions...

Am I really gonna be writing Chapter seven next, or am I dreaming? Are the 'Agents' wearing the sunglasses to look cool, or to hide something? What'll happen to Tseng, Twang, Prude, Leno and Helena in future chapters? Does my butt look big in this? Can you say "Sam's suit shrank short, showing Sam's shivering legs in short cherry socks" quickly without messing up? Is Elena really a conspiracy nut-ball? Will Teresa and Vincent make a good couple? Is it really an infection, or something more sinister? Do you hate going to the Dentist more than me? Would it be considered cruel if I took Cait Sith's cape and crown and gave them Reno? Should the next Chapter be an interlude/side story, or a normal chapter?

All these questions and more, will be abducted by muffin wielding frogs, next time, when the Turks joke about dirty socks and Elena sets out to find a team, in Turk Olympics Chapter seven, 'Come One, Come all!'