'How in Merlin's name can you just smile while all of this insanity is going on, you stupid old coot!' was what Remus wanted to scream at the Headmaster. The old man was simply sitting at his place, smiling at the woman, his eyes having an extra twinkle in them. This did not assure Remus. In fact, it was only making him even more worried.

Severus cleared his throat. "Headmaster, I do apologize, but I must remind you that we do have a situation on our hands. Somehow, Potter and Lupin have been turned into females. By a spell that we do not know and thus do not know the cure. I suggest-"

"Look, I don't really care that I have become a woman, or the truly odd fact that I don't have to worry about my 'furry little problem' anymore, I am just worried about Harry! How could you send her back there as a girl? Did you not think that something would happen! Trust me, something will happen! I know it!"

"'Furry little problem'?" Severus repeated, his voice incredulous and his eyebrows arching.

"It is what James decided to call my lycanthropy." Remus said off-handedly. He then snapped his attention back to Dumbledore, "Look, Albus. I think of Harry as my own, and if anything happens…"

"It will all be fine." Dumbledore said, sighing slightly. "If there is anything wrong, the wards will go off."

"You haven't been listening to me! I'm not worried about Voldemort. Harry could take that bastard any day! I care about what those stupid Muggles will do to her."

"And why do you insist that something will go wrong?" Dumbledore asked, his face suddenly serious, the twinkling in his eyes non-existent.

"Because Harry told me about it. He told me about the weeks without food. He told me about all of the chores that he has to do. Alone. Albus, Harry is being abused, and you won't see it! What do you need before you believe me? Harry's dead and mangled body?"

Remus looked into Dumbledore's eyes, honey locking with light blue. There was no sign of the older man changing his position on the matter.

"Fine." The tan-haired woman said, letting out a sigh, "I will… I will just go down to the dungeons. I am sure Severus will let me stay there for the night."

"Are you mad!" Severus practically yelled.

Remus took Severus by the arm and then yanked him towards her. She then put her mouth close to his ear, "I will explain once we get to your rooms, all right, Severus?"

The obsidian-eyed man suppressed a shiver as that warm breath danced across his skin. He nodded slowly and then let the woman lead him back down to the dungeons.

((The Pretender))

Remus sat on Severus' bed, eyes closed and breathing steadily. Severus watched her with slight interest. It appeared that the woman was meditating, or something akin to it. She looked so much younger with that peaceful expression on her face. It seemed that she didn't have even one wrinkle…

"Would you please stop staring at me? You are distracting me." Remus said, cracking one eye open.

Severus let out a small grunt and then averted his eyes to the floor, "You really should get some new robes, Lupin. Yours are just sad."

"Well, I can't well do that without a job, can I?" Remus said, now glaring at the Potions Master.

Severus raised his eyes and looked at the woman. Her hair was a lot longer than he thought. It had to go down to her thighs at the least. Potter's had only been to her back… Perhaps it was due to the fact that Lupin had already been growing her hair out…

The man shook his head, trying to rid it of the unnecessary thoughts.

"So, what was it that you wanted to speak with me about?" Severus asked.

"I want to go to the Dursley's. I want to get Harry out of that place before something really bad happens. And I need you to help me." Remus said quietly.

"Are you out of your mind? Go to the Boy-Who-Lived's house and then kidnap him? You know how much shit we would go through, doing that? We would be sent to Azkaban!" Severus said, eyes wide and patience growing thin.

"Harry is practically my son. Daughter. Whatever! Harry is my cub and no one is allowed to hurt her! I refuse!" Remus said. She then walked over to Severus and then put her hands on the arms of the chair, trapping the man. Her face lingered a few inches from Severus', her breath dancing across his face, "I couldn't live with myself, Severus. I just couldn't."

Severus looked into Remus' honey eyes. They were filled with such pain, sadness, and a yearning. A yearning to see her cub back. A yearning for everything to be all right. But there was another yearning there as well. One that seemed to be repressed somewhat. One that wasn't quite clear, as if the woman was afraid to let the man know what it was.

And then, before he knew what he was doing, Severus placed his lips upon Remus'. Soft and tender to the touch. It was a chaste kiss, and yet it took the man's breath away.

Remus looked up at Severus, her eyes slightly wide, but a small smile was tugging at her lips. She lowered her head and rested it against the man's chest.

"You don't know how long I have waited for that…"

"For as long as you have called me Severus?"

"Yeah…"

Severus tugged at Remus' arm, persuading her to sit down on his lap. The two sat in silence for ten minutes, simply thinking to themselves, before Remus looked up at Severus.

"I think that we should start planning on how we are going to save Harry."

"All right," Severus said. He paused for a moment and then a smirk flitted across his lips, "Remmy."

"Remmy!" the woman squeaked in indignation, leaning back farther to look at Severus' face.

"Of course. Remus just doesn't suit you that much anymore. Way too masculine. But of course, I have been saying that since I met you."

Remus hit Severus upside the head and then stormed out of the bedroom.

Conditions Met:

1. More than one character must have their gender switched.
2. They are switched involuntarily.
3. Snape gets somebody to love.