When Suzannah Cries

It was Suzannah who woke the two of them up a few hours later. She had never been the one to stay asleep throughout a whole night. Both Lorelai and Rory felt more tired than they had before falling asleep. Sleeping while sitting up on a hard chair didn't provide much energy. Rory offered to give Emily the new information on Richard's new diagnosis, and although Lorelai was very much tempted to take that offer, she sent her home to get Suzannah into a real bed. After she had gone to the car with them, she went to the reception and found out which room Emily had spent the night in.

She took a deep breath to prepare herself before she opened the door and went inside, where she found her mother folding up the quilt. Emily turned when she heard the door open.

"Oh, it's you. Coming to check how long those tabletts could keep me unconscious, are you?" she asked sarcasticly, and went back to folding. "I can't believe you allowed those nurses to sedate me last night. And to put me down in here, these linens are of terrible quality! I am very disappointed in you, Lorelai."

"Never heard that one before..." Lorelai mumbled to herself. Louder she said: "I didn't have much choice, you know. You were acting like..." "Ah well, enough about that!" Emily cut her off. "How's your father, have they let you see him yet?" "Not yet..." Lorelai sat down on a chair in a corner of the room. "I talked to a doctor a few hours ago, she said they'd take him to a room around noon."

Emily nodded, placed the evenly folded quilt back on the bed and then turned to face Lorelai. "And where's Suzannah?"

"I think I accidently gave her up for organ donations...She went home with Rory, Mum!" Lorelai quickly gave up joking when she saw the look on her mother's face. "Why did you bring her anyway? Couldn't you just have let her stay at home with the maid?" she continued.

Emily glared at her, as if she'd never heard such a stupid suggestion. "The day I leave my Suzannah alone with that Consuela-woman for even five minutes, you can call me an idiot!" She declared without explaining further. Then she sat down on the bed and averted her eyes, as if she didn't really want to know the answer to her next question.

"Have they found out anything new about your father's condition yet?" she asked, in an almost whispery voice.

"Well, yeah. That's why I came to see you, Mum..." Lorelai crossed her legs and folded her hands around the upper knee before she continued. "It's...it's not that thing they thought it was. It's worse than that." She took a deep breath and made sure she had eyecontact with her mother before she said what had to be said. "He's got cancer, Mum. Lung cancer. One of his lungs has to be removed. They're operating on Monday. And they don't know if he'll make it through the operation." She couldn't get herself to mention the odds. "You should talk to one of the doctors...they can explain it way better..."

The explosion Lorelai had been waiting for didn't occur. The night before, Emily had blamed the doctors for not doing enough, Lorelai for not nagging enough at them, even Richard, for not having gone to see a doctor sooner. But now she was just sitting there, staring down on the tips of her shoes. She bit her lip for a second or two before mumbling something that Lorelai had to ask her to repeat.

"I asked: Have you talked to him?" Emily asked, louder and sharper. Lorelai shook her head. "No, Mum,I just told you. The doctor I spoke to said they'd be taking him to a room on this floor around noon when they're done with some kind of scanning, we can see him then..." She quickly checked her watch. "That's still a few hours away. I'm going home to take a shower." She got up and streched her arms above her head with a yawn. "So...should I drive you home first or do you want to stay?"

"Don't be silly, Lorelai, of course I will stay. And I expect you to be back here as soon as possible."

"ASAP, Mum," Lorelai sighed as she left.

The second the door had closed behind Lorelai, Emily's chin started shaking. She clenched her fingers so hard that her nails made marks in her palms, before she grabbed the perfectly folded quilt and threw in on the floor, with all the energy she was able to gather up. Then she buried her face in her hands, and cried.

When Lorelai got home, she found Rory asleep on the couch, and when she peeked into Rory's room, she saw that Paul Anka had climbed into bed with Suzannah. "Ah well, I'll leave him there," she thought to herself. Whatever could make the little girl feel safer in a scary situation like that was grately appreciated.

She want back into the living room to check her phone messages. As soon as she clicked the button, Chris' voice came from the speaker, and she turned it down so it wouldn't wake Rory.

"Hey Lor, it's me... Just thought I'd let you know that we've arrived now...Everything's fine, GG got a little crappy during the long car ride, but now she's sleeping. Uhm..what else..oh yeah I'll see if I can find a store that sells good wine here and bring you some. I'll call you later. Oh, and Rory told my your dad is ill, send him my best wishes. Bye."

Lorelai wrinkled her forhead as she went back into the kitchen to get a glass of water. "Will do, Chris, if he stays alive long enough to listen to me." When she turned off the sink she heard that the machine was playing another message.

"Hey. It's Luke...Just wanted to say that Babette told me you had to go to the hospital with your father last night. Yeah...hospitals suck. I don't really know why I called, I guess I just...I just want you to know that I'm here, OK? So...just let me know if there's anything I can help you with. I'll see ya."

When Richard was wheeled into a room later that morning, Emily was already there, waiting impatiently for him.

"Finally, there you are! I haven't seen you all night, you'd think this place was a concentration camp, not a hospital," she said as she shot a glare at the nurse, who wheeled the bed, a glare that made her hurry out of the room. Richard smiled at her. "They're only doing their job, Emily..." he reminded her. "Yes, well, I only wish they would do it faster. I swear, I've seen snails move faster than some of these nurses," Emily said as she sat down on the bedside. She quickly leaned over him to let him kiss her cheek. "Where are the girls?" Richard asked while taking her hand in his and rubbing it. "Suzannah went to Lorelai's house with Rory some time before I got up. And Lorelai went home a few hours ago. She promised they'd be back soon, though," she explained, while she was trying not to stare at the tubes that were going into the veins on his hands."Good," Richard declared in a tired voice. They sat together in silence for a little while.

"Can I get you something?" Emily asked. "A newspaper or something else to read?" "Thanks, Emily, but I don't think I'll be able to concentrate on anything like that right now. I'm so tired...It's like my mind is worn-out," Richard answered while trying to smother a yawn. "Oh yes, you should probably rest before your operation..." Emily nodded, and on that note she had to wipe her hand across her face. "Richard...I'm scared!" she admitted in a thin voice. "Oh, Emily, don't be!" he tried to comfort her, but she just got more upset. "Emily, please don't cry!" he tried again. "I promise you, I will do everything I can to regain my health after that operation."

"You'd better..." Emily said in the same thin voice as she lay down next to him. "You can't leave me alone. That time when we were seperated I could hardly manage without you, even though you were living next-door...," she rested her head on his shoulder as she continued. "And now we have Suzannah and everything...No, you simply can't leave us alone!" she concluded. As she kept on crying softly Richard wasn't sure what to say, except for "Don't worry...it's all going to work out. It's all going to be allright."

Lorelai and Rory decided to ride in seperate cars when they went back to the hospital, so that Rory could go straight to school afterwards. Lorelai had her sister in her car, sitting in the back seat wearing one of Lorelai's tightest tops over a pair of pants she had forgotten under Rory's bed some time in the past.

" That was Mum on the phone, she says Dad's looking forward to see you," Lorelai said as she closed her cell phone and put it in the seat next to her. But Suzannah had other worries at the moment.

"Mum is going to go bananas when she sees me in this..." she predicted. "I know, it's going to be hillarious!" Lorelai claimed. "Hey, what was I supposed to do, let you walk around naked?"

They were driving past Weston's when Lorelai suddenly stopped the car. "I'm just going to get some coffee, do you want anything?" she asked. "I'll let you eat something with jam, in a very unnatural color, the kind that Mum doesn't allow." "Why don't you buy coffee at Luke's diner anymore?" Suzannah wondered. "Well, you know I told you that Luke and I aren't boyfriend and girlfriend anymore? That's why," Lorelai tried to explain as she unbuckled her seatbelt. "Yeah, 'cause you're with Chris now. Rory's dad. I know," Suzannah said in an indifferent tone. "I think it's sad that you're not Luke's girlfriend anymore. I liked Luke." "Yeah, I know you did, cupcake. He liked you too," Lorelai assured her. "Sooo...how about a donut?"

When Lorelai and Suzannah entered Richard's room a little later, they found Rory there, reading out loud from the newspaper while Richard and Emily were listening. Suzannah ran over and crawled into her father's bed instantly, while Lorelai went to sit with Rory.

"Oh, I've missed you, princess!" Richard whispered into his youngest daugther's hair. "I was worried about you, Dad," Suzannah mumbled. Then she started studying her father's face. "At least now you don't look like Nemo's dad when he's not in the ocean, anymore."

"Well, that's a relief," Richard chuckled. Before he was able to finish his sentence, Emily had gotten up and pulled Suzannah back out of the bed. "Goodness, Suzannah, what are you wearing?!?" she asked in a way that made it clear that she wasn't happy with her daughter's new style, "You look like a...a...I don't know what!"

"It was her idea!" Suzannah quickly explained while pointing at her older sister.

"Tattletale!" Lorelai complained. Emily was about to respond when Suzannah started pulling on her sleve. "Mum, please don't freak?" she begged. "Yeah, Mummy, please don't be mad?" Lorelai started pouting and asked in her most childish voice.

For a second, Emily looked as if she was going to scold Lorelai, but then she calmed down. "Alright," she agreed. "Stop doing that with your lip, Lorelai, or you'll remain that way."

When they all had managed to stay together in the same room for about half an hour, without getting into any major discussions and without mentioning the word "death" in front of Suzannah, Rory decided it would be best to stop while things were going so well, so she suggested that she and Lorelai would take off, but Richard protested. "Rory, why don't you and your grandmother take Suzannah with you out to the hallway for a little while. I would like a quick word with your mother." Lorelai had been sitting on the window sill flipping through a magazine she had found there, but now she got up in a hurry. "With me?" she asked. Richard simply nodded as Emily brought Suzannah and a sligthly confused Rory out of the room.

Lorelai tiptoed over to the bed and sat down on the chair next to it. "You look tired, Lorelai," Richard began. "Thanks a lot, Dad..." Lorelai mumbled to herself. Her father ignored her comment. "Last night was terrible, wasn't it?" he continued. "Yeah..." Lorelai agreed. "Lucky you, you were ill, so you got away from it all," she joked. "While I had to take care of Mum who was...you know...hysterical. And then when she finally went to sleep I still had Suzy, and she was so scared that she wouldn't close her eyes. I had to sing that song with her name in it over and over to calm her down...

When Suzannah cries
She cries a rainstorm
She cries a river
She cries a hole in the ground
She cries for love
She cries a sad song
She cries a shiver
Sometimes she cries for me too

Lorelai had to yawn for the 50th time that day before she continued. "But then I reached Rory on the phone and she came over...it worked out."

"In fact, Lorelai, it was your sister I wanted to talk to you about," Richard explained, in the new, quiet, hissy voice of his. "Lorelai, if I don't survive this surgery..." "Don't say that , Dad!" Lorelai interrupted, mainly because it felt like her duty to do so. "Yes, Lorelai, we have to talk about it. You know as well as I do that my life might be over soon, and I think the worst thing we can do at the moment is not to think of this possibility."

Lorelai nodded."Alright, you were saying?"

"Lorelai, if I don't make it through this surgery, then your sister will be in a much more vulnerable situation than at the moment. True, your mother will still be around, but who knows how long that will last. As late as yesterday, I had good hopes of remaining healthy for years to come. Today, I'm lying here." He looked up at his daugther before he continued. "If I die from this cancer, I need to know that you will be there. For you sister, and for your mother. Can you promise me that, Lorelai?"

"Of course, Dad, what do you think?" Lorelai began, but Richard cut her off. "I don't mean coming to dinner once a week or having Suzannah over now and then, I mean that you have to commit, do you understand? I mean that you can't let future conflicts or discussions between you and your mother keep you from them, you have to show your sister that you are there for her." Richard had to take a break to regain control of his breath.

"Lorelai, you know I would be lying if I said that I've always agreed with the choices you've made in your life. Nevertheless I think that you have grown to become a strong and independent person. You have a good job, you are a good mother, and now it finally seems like you've come to your senses with your choice of gentlemen-friends, as well." "Wow, all the drugs they've been giving you must have gotten to your brain now, huh? " Lorelai mumbled shyly.

"You are going to manage, you don't need anyone to protect you and look after you, but your sister still does..If anything should happen to your mother before Suzannah is old enough to take care of herself, unlike you, then she is going to need for you to be there. That little girl never asked to be born at the time that she did, to have parents who have already been grandparents for decades. It's not her fault that she might become an orphan..."

Now I slip the night around her
And I hope she'll be okay
I just pray someone will find her
And guide her along her way
'Cause I'm leaving on the 1. am
Soon I'm out of sight
But she'll always be my baby
Though I'm leaving tonight

"Dad, don't be so pessimistic, please," Lorelai begged. "There's a good chance you'll be fine. And Mum's always healthy, sometimes I get a feeling she'll outlive me."

"Lorelai..." Richard looked at his daughter in a strict manner. He didn't have to say anything else.

"OK, I promise. I promise I'll be there. You can count on me."

"Good," Richard nodded. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm feeling extremely tired, I think I need to get some sleep."

"Sure." Lorelai grabbed her coat from a chair and went to look for Rory. As she walked out of the door, she heard her father's ghost-like voice.

"I'm proud of you, Lorelai."

"Thanks, Dad." She whispered as she closed the door behind her.

Every night I hear her
Talking in her sleep
She says "You know I'll always be there..."
And I feel like such a creep
Please take back the love she gave to me
And in time her grief may pass
Just tell her that I loved her
Now it's all she has -

When Suzannah cries...