Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

A/N: Hey :-) Once again it has taken me a while to update, but since I want this story to turn out as good as it can, I will take the risk of not updating every week, though don't think that I won't try 'cause I really do love to write. :-) Oh, one more thing before I leave you guys to read the story, my beta told me that I didn't need her anymore and although I'm not so sure about that just yet, I posed this chapter without sending it to her so please tell if there are mistakes in the grammar etc; I still have a lot to learn about the English language. :-)

A Bridge to Burn

-x-x-x-

Jess isn't one to wear his heart out on his sleeve, though sometimes, I wish he would; it would make things easier if I knew what was going on with him.

And I wish he wouldn't try so hard to keep people upon a distance, to keep me upon a distance; it tends to get tiring.

Sometimes, when I am able to get close enough and his eyes flicker with something I can't seem to put my finger on, he gives me glimpses, snapshots in a disarranged order to keep me satisfied and most of the time, it is enough to satisfy me and to keep me from getting too close.

I wish he would just give in.

Last night, he almost did; it was in his eyes, in the way he looked at me, and in the way his touches had lingered.

Both his eyes and fingers had burned.

Still, I stopped him. I stopped myself from getting too close. I didn't follow my heart, but did do what was right, what I knew was right, though it felt wrong to be the one backing away this time. He felt it, too, though he said nothing, he never does. He gives me my space and time to figure things out, he always does yet he's always the one to make the first move and to walk up to me, his way of making sure that our relationship is still intact.

He only pretends not to care.

In his head, he carries the same memories as me, unable to forget, no matter what comes between us. With Leah however, I'm not so sure; for the first time, I'm on the sidelines, able to do nothing but watch as he keeps slipping. I have no say in their relationship and I don't want to. I might not care about her, but I do want him to be happy and if she makes him that, then I don't want to be the one who stands in the way. I'll just watch and hope as I tip-toe around town so I won't disturb them too much. It's what Leah wants and maybe it's what he wants.

Ironic, how now I'm the one keeping him upon a distance.

In my mind, I have this story that I keep on repeat just to keep myself believing that things could be different. Actually, it's more like a fairy tale...

It's about how one day, a dark prince meets a strikingly beautiful queen who herself carries many of the prince's traits. They seem to be the perfect match with the 'happily ever after' just lurking around the corner, although it doesn't come, not for them. The queen ends up being too dark, even for the prince himself and he decides to leave her, escaping into the woods when all of the trees are hidden within the raven colored night. The prince gets lost and is happy when finally, in the morning, a fair princess comes across him. She takes him to her castle and offers him to stay for as long as he wants. The prince instantly falls for her pure and kind heart and they kiss right before the story comes to a happy ending.

In reality however, the prince and happy ending weren't meant for me; they were meant for her. It isn't fair because she already has it all; she has him. I don't even think she realizes what she has, but I do...

I wish things were different.

-x-x-x-

Rory dropped her pen with a sigh, watching as it came to a halt in the middle of the two fully written pages before her. Her fingers ached.

Her eyes left her journal to travel up to her window. Her heart ached from withdrawal; she had managed to stay out of his way for almost an entire day. Being at school had been the easiest on her; he hadn't been there, although her thoughts kept sidetracking, stuck on a set of chocolate eyes and a pool of water that was close to matching them. Once she had gotten off the bus, it had become harder with each step; the memories were so close by that she could lose herself in them if she lingered too long.

She had wanted to go see him the second she had closed the door behind her, though she hadn't; instead, she had buried herself deep within a pile of homework, fighting off the urges as they came and went. The last time, she had dug her fingers into the fabric of her sheets, holding on for her dear life as she strained to keep herself seated.

They used to be able to go days, weeks even without speaking to one and other.

The memory made it hurt more; she didn't want to go back to that place, a place where neither of them noticed when their eyes crossed and where she missed out on hours of sleep, wondering whether they were still friends or not. They were and always would be, although she wasn't sure if she would be able to share him.

Her eyes dropped back down to her journal. She would go and see him, but something in Leah's voice kept her from doing so. Leah's tone had been sweet all the while talking to her, too sweet, as if she had sugarcoated her kindness so hardly anyone would see through it, so Jess wouldn't see through it.

The thought made it harder for her to breathe; she was jealous.

Rory reached for her curtains, wanting to see what she already suspected as she tugged them slightly to the side. Dusk had already veiled the town with its shadows, leaving but a few streaks of dying daylight to illuminate random bits and pieces of stores and houses that stood along the main road. The final hours of the day would soon be passing.

She pulled her hand back, letting the sheets of fabric fall back into their former place. He would have noticed by now that there was something wrong; he had a knack for seeing straight though her. She knew that it was too late to feed him thoughtfully made up lies and carefully considered words. She might not be able to read him, but he knew how to read her all too well. It was something that she hated, but he loved because it made each word they exchanged more complicated and each glance seem like more.

Hearing her mom's jeep come up the driveway, she reached to close her journal, sliding it underneath the books that lay scattered across her bed just as the front door opened. In her mind, she calculated the number of seconds it would take for her mom to check on her; she always did.

When there was a knock on her door, Rory brought her eyes down to her schoolwork, feigning the look of concentration on her face as the door opened. Lorelai remained standing in the door's frame as she looked over at her daughter, greeting her with a smile Rory caught when it was already fading. ''Hey brainiac,'' Lorelai said, her voice not as cheerfully loud as it usually was, knowing that when it came to school, her daughter was serious.

Rory's brow wrinkled at her mom's words. ''That's the best you can do? The last time you used it I was seven,'' she pointed out, smiling.

''Luckily for me, the word is timeless... Besides, I couldn't come up with anything else that was witty enough and you have to admit that 'hey brainiac' sounds better than 'hey, you overly smart person' which was all I had a couple of seconds ago.''

''Sounds like your imagination is on a strike.''

''On a temporary strike,'' Lorelai added, watching as Rory rolled her eyes. ''A strike is always temporary.''

''Not always.''

''Name one strike that lasted for an eternity,'' Rory dared her mother.

''Well, there was this thing a few years ago were people wanted more money so they went on a strike...''

''That only lasted a few days, a week tops.''

Lorelai crossed her arms. ''Well, for the very old people among the strikers it must have seemed like forever. I mean, their limbs are all worn and pretty much used up so maybe they died of exhaustion on the last day of the strike.''

''Looks like you're imagination is no longer on strike.''

A grin appeared on Lorelai's face. ''It likes me again. I knew it wouldn't let me down; I don't think it would be able to survive without me.''

''Or is it the other way around?'' Rory commented.

''Now there's something to think about.'' Lorelai paused, taking in the mess of paper and books on Rory's bed. ''So, does this mean that we're not going to Luke's tonight?''

Rory lowered her gaze. ''I still have some work to do, but you can go to Luke's without me and just bring me back something.''

''No way, sister. You stuck with me during your birth so I will stick with you through this, no matter how dull it may be.''

''You jump, I jump,'' Rory responded.

''Amen! Wait, that only counts when there isn't a bridge or a high building involved.''

''Since you're being so cooperative, I think that you've earned yourself the right to decide what

toppings you want on our pizza,'' Rory offered.

''And since you desperately need a break, you've earned yourself the right to go to Doose's and pick out a selection of junk-food!''

''I knew I was setting myself up for something,'' Rory mumbled while getting up from her bed, taking her mom's money with dread; she hoped Jess had to work tonight.

-x-x-x-

Once she was inside Doose's, Rory let out a sigh. Relieved she headed into one of the many aisles; Jess wouldn't be caught dead in here. Her boyfriend being the reason; for some reason, Jess didn't get along with him, although he had never even bothered to try. He was stubborn, too stubborn for his own good.

She maneuvered herself through the aisle with practiced care, stopping every now and then to reach for the junk-food she was here to get. Her mind occupied with countless thoughts, she didn't even pay attention to what she was throwing into her basket. Caught up within a daze, she headed for the cash-register, placing her basket onto the counter without looking up. A light touch broke her spiral of thoughts. ''Hey, you okay?''

With her smile in place, Rory looked up. ''Hey,'' she returned almost dreamily.

The worry was erased from the pair of hazel eyes before her. ''Hey.''

''You already said that,'' she playfully said, breaking eye contact with him when his gaze burned too deep.

Dean followed her lead and cast his eyes down, too. ''So, movie-night, huh?''

''Something like that.'' Rory let a few seconds of silence pass as she watched him scan another article. ''I still have some more studying to do so we just decided to order pizza.''

''That's why I haven't seen you around all day.''

He rang everything up and she reached for her back-pocket, retrieving the money her mom had given her earlier. She handed it too him and he took it, their fingers lightly touching. ''Yeah, I've been busy, but you could have dropped by if you wanted, you know.''

His eyes briefly locked with hers. He nodded. ''I know, but I also know how important school is to you. We can always hang out tomorrow or something.'' His eyes left hers as he started to bag her groceries.

Rory smiled at his action. ''You can come if you want.''

''Tonight?''

''Yeah, unless you have to work a late shift.''

''Actually, you're my last customer.'' Dean handed her the bag.

''You're coming then?'' Rory asked while quickly glancing at him.

''Yeah, I just have to let Taylor know that I'm leaving and grab my jacket. You can go on home if you want.''

She shook her head. ''I wouldn't dream of it. I need someone to carry this home for me. I'll just wait for you outside.''

''Okay.'' Dean leaned over the counter to place a kiss on her forehead. ''I won't be long,'' he whispered, taking his time to pull back, waiting for her to close the door behind her before taking off his apron and heading for the back.

Rory left the store with her eyes cast down, not seeing what she was walking into until it was too late. She clutched the paper bag a little tighter as her eyes came across the figure before her. ''You shouldn't smoke,'' she remarked, remaining indifferent as she closed in on him. It was against her better judgement, but she tried not to care; he didn't seem to.

His eyes were cool as he took her in, lingering only on her face as he pretended not to care, though he did, more than she knew. He let his cigarette slip from between his fingers, outing it with the heel of his shoe without saying a word. He slipped his hands into his back-pockets while keeping his gaze leveled with hers.

''What are you doing here?'' Rory finally asked; she didn't appreciate the silences like he did. She shifted her bag to her other arm, balancing it on her hip, even though she didn't need to.

Jess shrugged, making her believe that he wasn't going to offer her an answer for the slightest of seconds. ''Leah insisted on stopping here to get something to eat before we headed over to the diner.''

Rory looked over at Doose's. She hadn't seen Leah while she was in there.

''We're going to watch some movies,'' Jess explained, causing for Rory to hold back a smile as she looked at him again. ''Movies?''

''Yeah, you have a problem with that?''

''No,'' she said while shaking her head, biting her lip before continuing, ''You just don't seem like the movie type, that's all.''

''It's not like we're actually going to watch them,'' he said, knowing that he had made a mistake by the way she turned her head away from him.

She awkwardly shifted the paper bag back to her other arm, glad when she spotted the door of Doose's open. Dean came out, smiling at her as he approached, though she didn't see him; all she saw was Leah who was carrying a paper bag of her own. ''Thanks,'' she managed when Dean took the bag from her, her eyes still on the other girl.

Leah walked up to Jess, her cheeks turning crimson when he leaned in to kiss her, though it didn't affect Rory as much as Jess taking the bag from her and reaching for her hand. Leah seemed to radiate as she finally glanced over at where Rory was still standing. ''Oh, hey, Rory, I didn't see you there.''

''Hey, Leah.''

''Is that your boyfriend?'' she went on.

Rory nodded. ''Yeah, Dean meet Leah.''

''Jess's girlfriend,'' Leah finished, eyes gleaming while wrapping one arm around Jess's waist and pulling him closer.

''Hey,'' Dean greeted.

Rory avoided Jess's gaze; it stung to know that he didn't care. ''We should be going; my mom's waiting for us.''

''Yeah, we should be going, too,'' Jess said, trying to keep their relationship standing the best he could.

Leah shot Rory a smile. ''Okay, it was nice meeting you, Dean. See you around, Rory.''

Rory uttered a simple 'bye' before turning around. Dean followed, loosely wrapping an arm around her waist, mimicking Leah's earlier gesture. ''I don't like her,'' she said. Dean just softly chuckled and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

She was jealous.

REVIEW! Please? :-) So...the diary entry was a bit on the long side, but I never know in advance how long they will end up being so I hope it didn't bother you that much. Also, the characters might not be in character all the time because I just write them the way I want them to be, if that makes even a little sense... :-) And finally, my writing...especially in this chapter it wasn't that good, but I guess everyone expierences an off day ever now and then, though it tend to happen more often to certain people so...I really am trying to improve, but I think I'm failing so please tell me what you think about anything and everything; it is really appreciated. :-)