Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters.

A/N: It's been a while, what am I saying, it's been a very long while since I've updated this story and when I finally did, I kind of rushed the second half of this chapter, so I worked on that and rewrote it. I think it's better this way, less all over the place, so I hope you'll think so, too. :)

End of the Road

It was just somewhere past noon and, except for the date, Rory hadn't written so much as another word in her journal; the fact was that she didn't know what to write because she didn't know what to think or how to feel. Actually, her feelings had been all over the place since their phone call the night before. She had contemplated just avoiding him, at least until she had her heart and mind back on the same line, a problem she had unsuccessfully attempted to solve when lying in bed this morning. Come to think of it, she thought about him a lot when she was in bed, a realization that made her blush. She shook her head, so her hair would camouflage it, always self-conscious when he was around, though now she was painfully aware of his presence. She hadn't even dared glancing at him, something she normally did on regular basis, but now didn't do because of the probable awkwardness that would present itself when their eyes would accidentally meet, something that she knew would be just be an accident on any other day, but today those didn't exist. They were too aware of each other.

She knew that she wasn't supposed to be at Luke's and that she would have a slim to none chance of avoiding him, but somewhere she also knew that she had never really intended on staying away from him. That only worked for them when they weren't looking for the exact definition of their relationship. She knew the deep waters they were in and didn't have a clue on how to get them out of there, even though he had made an effort by trying to undo all of their damage by proposing they go back to being friends in the most innocent signification of the relationship. And she had foolishly accepted the proposal, not thinking of herself when she finally could have been selfish enough to do so, now that Leah was out of the picture and she had already set her own relationship on the line by kissing him. A kiss that happened in the heat of the moment, but didn't make what she was feeling any less sincere, nor did it get anything out of her system because she still felt the same about him afterwards. It was unfair that he had lost Leah because of her, though she couldn't say that she didn't prefer him without her. It was crazy what jealousy could do to a person, but she couldn't help wanting what she wanted.

She bit her lip, letting the following train of thought pass by her without stopping it, still having a pen between her fingers, one she eventually dropped with a frustrated sigh, knowing that she had to accept, at least for now, that she wasn't sure enough of how or what to feel to write it all down. Her eye fell on the empty coffee mug in front of her. She reached for it and got up immediately, not allowing herself to think about it. It was an excuse to talk to him, one he would see through right away, but she didn't care and she had gone through her share of drama to afford herself such an admission. She placed the mug on the counter. ''Hey.''

Jess nodded in acknowledgement, put his book down and reached for the empty mug. He refilled it and gave it back to her, their fingers just touching. ''Thank you,'' she said, though didn't move. ''Are you okay? I mean, you told me Leah broke up with you...''

He looked at her. ''Do you really want to get into that?''

She lowered her head back down and opened her mouth to speak, though he did it for her. ''No apologies, okay.''

''Okay.''

''It's not like we had plans to get married anyway.'' Their eyes met and he turned his back to her, not wanting to show that it hurt just a little, even though he did just that by turning away from her like he did and he liked to believe that it hurt her.

''It's okay,'' Rory told him. ''To feel hurt.'' Her statement made him turn around. ''You lost someone you cared about and it was my fault.''

''It wasn't just your fault,'' he corrected her. ''I was right there with you, wasn't I?''

It was a question that didn't need an answer and she didn't give it to him; instead, she let her free hand slide from the counter. ''Can we not talk about that. Please?''

''You brought it up,'' he pushed, not letting her blue eyes hush him.

''I shouldn't have.''

''No,'' Jess said. ''It's good that we talk about it.''

''Why?'' she naively asked, even though she knew that he knew her too long to buy the act.

''So we don't forget and-''

''And it doesn't happen again,'' she finished the sentence for him.

''Right.''

''I don't want to lose Dean, Jess.''

''You didn't lose him and you're not going to.''

''It feels like I am,'' came her whispered confession.

Jess took a step toward the counter. ''Why?''

She shrugged off her comment. ''It's just a feeling.''

''Exactly, it's just a feeling,'' Jess repeated to her. ''We're just friends.''

We're friends were the words Rory wrote in her journal as soon as she sat back down, her coffee steaming hot in front of her.

But what are we really (?) when we can't even talk to each other about what happened between us? He won't hear my apologies and I won't hear him.

It's like being in a bubble and anything that might not fit (in that little world), we only look at from the inside. I don't think I like it there, but to be the one to bring everything back up again, just when it has gotten the chance to sink...

I don't know (exactly) what I want from him, but I do know that we aren't friends and neither are we more; for the moment, we're floating somewhere in between (again).

She tapped her pen against the edge of the table and bit down on her lip, unaware of Jess standing nearby until his voice startled her eyes upwards. ''Homework?''

''Yes,'' she lied while keeping her eyes on his.

''Need any help?''

She fought back a smile at the memory, wondering if it was something he thought about, too, and shook her head. ''No, I'm done.'' She closed up her journal and got up, suddenly as close to him as she was before, her heart thumping rapidly. She held the book to her chest, careful not to accidentally touch him, though he still felt her everywhere. They kept their eyes on each other, brown on blue, reluctant to lose touch completely.

''You going home?''

She nodded.

''Do you want a ride?''

Rory let out a soft laugh and shook her head. ''It's a five minute walk. I think I can handle it.'' She didn't tell him that she had somewhere to be; she didn't want to hurt him.

''Guess I'll see you then.'' He took a step aside and she past, but felt his fingers on her wrist only a second after, before Jess even said Rory's name. ''Yeah?'' She shook her locks from her eyes as she raised them to his.

''We have to talk about it sometime. Soon.''

''I know,'' she said.

He nodded and flashed her half a smile. ''Okay.''

She returned the smile, rolling her eyes and giving him a playful shove with her free hand. ''Bye, Jess.''

Her smile had already faded when she left the diner, somewhere feeling guilty for not having told him about where she had to be, but to be honest, she felt bad about still having Dean when Jess had no one. He didn't even have her, not really anyway, and he wouldn't be able to completely have her until she no longer had anyone, but she wasn't bold enough to come clean with Dean. She wasn't sure enough if what she felt towards Jess was enough for her to risk her steady relationship with Dean, even though she knew that the instability was weighed down by all of her (white) lies.

She was a coward.

She was a coward and a hypocrite.

And she felt nothing but bad. Still she faked a smile when Dean opened the door for her.

''Hey, you,'' she greeted, accepting the kiss he gave her on her cheek before passing him. She dumped her things on the coffee table and sat down on the couch, going through the movies Dean had picked up earlier while he disappeared into the kitchen for the soda and junk-food he had brought home from work. None of the movies were something she would have picked out herself, though he kept no one but her in mind when going through the junk-food aisles, something that made her feel that flutter that she used to feel all the time when they first started out; over time, their relationship had become, not boring, definitely not boring, but familiar and predictable, and the reason she stayed with him was that she liked familiarity and predictability. It was comfortable and she knew that eventually every relationship would strand there.

Dean, on the other hand, was still madly in love, because every time he looked at her, he saw what he wanted to see, and every time he was with her, he didn't want to be anywhere else. They didn't talk about what they felt for each other that much, though he sometimes wished that they could, that she could; she's always been too shy to tell him exactly how or what she felt. Instead, she wrote it all down. He eyed her journal that lay within his reach. ''Are you ever going to let me read that?'' he asked, the question rhetoric because he already knew what the answer would be.

Rory looked up, losing her spot on the back of the DVD. ''It's personal, Dean.''

''At least tell me if you write about me?''

''Of course I write about you,'' she told him. ''You're my boyfriend.'' She fought the urge to snatch the journal from the table and handed him a DVD instead. He obediently got up to start the movie, her answer satisfying enough to sit him through at least one movie, though he knew that it wasn't what he had been looking for because, all throughout the first movie, he kept coming back to her journal. It lay in plain sight and almost asked to be read, just the first page, so he could just get it over with. And that time came when she left to go to the bathroom; he was flipping through the fully written pages before he could think of the consequences the breeching her privacy would sure enough bring on. He quickly went from page to page, skimming the handful of sentences, and sometimes even just the words, that he managed to lay his eyes on. His name came up, just like she had told him, but only in the first dozen or so pages because another name took his place over and over. ''You sure write about him a lot for someone who claims to be just friends with him,'' he said when he heard her reenter the room, giving her a heads up as he continued to read bits and pieces here and there.

She immediately began to approach him. ''Dean, what are you doing? That's personal.''

''So you've told me,'' he answered coolly. That's why it probably isn't such a good idea to carry it around with you wherever you go or just leave it lying around the way you did.'' He closed the journal with a thud just as she came to a stop in front of him. ''I couldn't help myself; I was curious.''

''That's not a good enough reason, Dean,'' Rory remarked while snatching the diary from his hands, his hold not as strong as she had imagined it would be. ''I trusted you.''

He snorted and shook his head at her. ''I can't believe you're bringing up trust when you apparently kissed him. You kissed him, Rory!'' he silenced her before she could get a word out, his hands going to his hair in frustration; there was nothing he could do about the situation, not anymore. The damage had been done and he couldn't believe that Rory had been the one to do it. He could have taken it if it had been all on Jess, but it wasn't and that was what was upsetting him, killing him even. And the worst of it was that he hadn't seen it coming, not really. Of course he's always known that there was something between her and Jess, something that was just beyond friendship, but he had believed her when she told him that it was nothing more than that, he had trusted her.

Seeing how hurt he was she said, ''I'm sorry.''

He just chuckled. ''You cheated on me, Rory, so I'd say it's a little late for an apology.''

''Dean,'' she said. ''We can fix this; we can talk about this.''

He shook his head. ''I don't think this is something we can fix, Rory.''

''Why?''

He sighed and let his hands drop into his lap. ''Because I don't want to talk about it. There is nothing to talk about.''

''I don't know what I was thinking,'' she gave it one last try, though she didn't really fight him on anything. It was over. She'd known it would be once he found out; she couldn't drag on their relationship forever, no matter how right it had been at the beginning. All good things came to and end eventually... Still, she didn't feel as sad she probably should be and she wasn't as mad at him as she could be for reading her journal.

''Yes, you did,'' Dean gently disagreed, not having to fight for a battle that he had already lost. ''Or at least it seemed that way when you wrote it down.''

''Dean, I... '' she began, though trailing off soon after because she really had no clue what to say to him. There was nothing to say. ''I think I should go,'' she finally decided.

He nodded. ''You should.'' He didn't want to say anything that he wouldn't regret later.

Rory left the house with herjournal pressed to her chest.

She didn't cry.

Please review? (: It's important for me to keep 'growing' writing wise, so as soon as I posted the first version of this chapter, I knew that I had to do something about the second half; it was too rushed, so I hope that this version turned out better than the first. And thanks for reading this, and reading this again if this is your second time around. I appreciate it. :) Let me know what you think and if you see any grammatical and/or spelling mistakes, let me know and I'll get on that asap. :)