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Title: It's Raining Naked Men!

Authors: Shanchan and EC-Chan

AN: First off, the disclaimer: we don't own the character and so we're not taking credit for their creation. PLEASE don't hurt us. Secondly, we take credit for all the insanity that occurs in this story. Some of the dialogue may start to offend people. If it does, we apologize. But you have to remember, the characters aren't little children. Also, if you steal our ideas, we'll call on the penguins to unleash their unnatural powers on you and gouge your eyes out. They'll probably proceed onto your brains and feed them to their babies. Oh, yes, how we love penguins. They may even end up using your carcass to feed ants. Nice warm place for a crunchy protein source… mmmm. And Finally, THANK YOU FOR READING OUR LITTLE STORY. If you give us FEEDBACK, we'll LOVE YOU forever!

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The four-some had made it to the Great Hall without very much delay. To Ron's relief Hermione seemed to have made it her personal vendetta to keep Crookshanks off Ron as much as possible. It was in this end he had hoped that things would be getting better. Now, however, having been seated and eating breakfast for at least fifteen minutes by now, there was just sheer awkwardness and silence was reigning and Ron wasn't quite certain why.

After Harry had eaten a bit and had lost the shock that Hermione's cat had not only turned into a human, but a horny GAY man, he decided to strike up conversation with Crookshanks since neither Ron and Hermione were willing to talk.

"So…" Harry said, reaching for another piece of toast in a nonchalant manner. "You said that you were…cursed?"

The former cat shrugged. "Like I said, I was hitting on a beautiful wizard named Tom a year after we graduated. I met him at a pub, drinking some potent stuff and talking to people that I didn't really think were good news. He got mad at me for one reason or another, I'm not sure why, and cursed me. I guess he wanted to talk to those people and my trying to kiss him was not letting him talk."

"You were trying to KISS him?" Harry asked incredulously.

"What?" Crookshanks asked innocently as he took a swig of his milk. Then, seeing Harry's still startled expression, he swallowed and explained. "Tom was head boy… oh, about 50 years ago at the school. All the girls had a crush on him: tall, dark, talented, and incredibly hot. I, of course, am an honorary girl, so… I liked him too!"

"That must have been dark magic though…" Harry pondered. "To put a curse like that on you…I mean, the only person I would think who would do something like that would be…wait. What did you say his name was?"

"Tom," Crookshanks said in a near coo. Then his sighed and added remorsefully, "Such a normal name, for such a handsome wizard… Tom Riddle."

"VOLDEMORT CURSED YOU?" Harry screamed, standing up without thinking, and staring at the man before him in utter shock.

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"Thankfully, that was when Professor Dumbledore swept in and rescued them," Ron said with a smile. Everyone was giving him somewhat dazed and a bit confused looks, so he paused to wait for this last bit to sink in.

"Wait," Fred said.

"Let us get this straight," George finished.

"Voldemort cursed Crookshanks and turned him into a cat?" Percy said with a derisive snort, beating his brothers' to the punch. "That's ridiculous! What on earth else are you going to bring into this story? What other utterly impossible—."

"Percy darling," his wife Penelope said, placing a hand on his arm. "Can we please just enjoy the story?"

"I'm with you though," surprisingly Neville piped in, "It does seem rather a bit…convenient."

"Everything in my life is 'rather a bit convenient' when it leads back to Voldemort," Harry said dryly, smiling almost dangerously. "This is just one more example…"

Neville nodded with a wry smile. "I can see that."

"If you don't mind Ron, I'd like to take a stab at this next part," Harry said, glancing at the newlyweds. Ron nodded, obviously not caring too much so Harry continued. "Anyway, so like Ron said, at that point we're pretty lucky that Dumbledore intervened…"

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The Great Hall fell silent—like any public place would when someone said Voldemort's name, let alone screamed it—and everyone turned to look at the two figures talking.

"Um…Who's Voldemort?" Crookshanks asked.

Before Harry could answer him, a shadow loomed over the two males. Cautiously, Harry looked up to see Dumbledore smiling faintly at them both.

"Follow me," Dumbledore said quietly and led the four of them out of the Great Hall. Normally Dumbledore might have said something comforting to the sea of students eating breakfast to calm them down. This time, however, he did no such thing.

Harry figured that he probably figured that no matter what he said, it wouldn't make a difference-there would be talk and rumors no matter what. He either knew that or had no idea what was going on at the moment. Either way it was an interesting concept.

They were led to Dumbledore's office and asked politely to sit down. After they obliged, Dumbledore smiled and asked, "Would someone mind explaining to me what's going on?"

Crookshanks was the first to speak up. He briefly recounted the day's events.

The original trio had expected Dumbledore to be at least a little shocked after he heard their story. After all, it wasn't everyday that someone's cat turns into a human being…right? Well, there was Ron's rat…but that was a bit different. This just seemed so…illogical!

But Dumbledore was sitting there seemingly unconcerned and was even-SMILING!

"What does this Voldemort have to do with my sweet, foul tempered little Tom?" Crookshanks added, seeing Dumbledore smile.

Harry almost laughed, "Sweet and foul tempered don't exactly work together well, mate."

"Whatever," the cat-turned-man replied, "Just tell me why do you call Tom Voldemort now?"

Dumbledore gently told Crookshanks what had happened in the world since he had been cursed, and the one-time cat took in surprisingly well. He seemed a bit shocked, which was completely natural, but other then that not particularly affected.

"I guess I missed a lot then, didn't I?" Crookshanks asked with a stretch.

Dumbledore smiled and said, "Yes you have. Fortunately, your curse only made your human form gain one fourth of the years acquired by your cat form. And thus, you seem no more than 35 years old."

"So, what do we do about Crookshanks?" Ron asked, shuffling away from the former cat.

Dumbledore replied in his usual gentle manner, "If you would like Crookshanks, you can continue to stay in the Gryffindor for the next three days. After three days, however, I must ask you to leave if you are still a human. If not, it is up to Hermione if she would like to still keep you as a pet, or up to you on where you would like to go from there… I believe that we could tell the rest of the school that you are a visiting relative of…?"

"Mine," Hermione spoke up quickly, which surprised all three men.

Dumbledore merely smiled as if he had expected this. "I see," he said. "So you are Hermione's uncle who is checking on her for the next three days and has no where else to stay."

Crookshanks nodded and, as easy as that, it was settled.

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Thanks for reading! Please review ;p…

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