It's Raining Naked Men

Harry Potter Fanfic

by EC and Shanchan

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Authors Notes:

First off, the disclaimer: we don't own the character and so we're not taking credit for their creation. PLEASE don't hurt us. Secondly, we take credit for all the insanity that occurs in this story. If you steal our ideas, we'll strip you naked, gut you like a fish, pulverize your intestines, and bury it underneath our octopus tree. And Finally, THANK YOU FOR READING OUR LITTLE STORY. If you give us FEEDBACK, we'll LOVE YOU forever!

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"I remember that!" Neville broke into the story in an excited manner. "I remember your uncle! Seamus kept on telling us he wasn't and we would yell at him…though he always seemed a bit odd…"

"See? I was right!" Seamus said haughtily.

"Sorry for doubting you, mate," Neville apologized to Seamus. They were sitting at the same table with Dean Thomas and the three boys' various dates and Seamus just happened to be the person sitting right next to Neville. "Sorry about that, Harry. On with the story!" He lifted his glass up and gulped down yet another drink.

"Um…" Seamus said, looking at Neville with concern. "Do you think you should stop Neville. You've had at least nine of those by now…"

"I can hold my liquor!" Neville protested, swaying just a tiny bit in his seat. "I just want to hear the rest of this story!"

"Right…" Seamus said, gently taking the tenth drink from his hand. "Why don't I take that…?"

"Have you ever been drunk before?" Dean asked, eyeing Neville dubiously. "Besides that time when we gave you a few shots of course…"

"Of course I have!" Neville protested. "And I'm not drunk now!"

"Right…" Seamus and Dean said together, both completely unconvinced.

"Right…" Ron repeated dubiously. "Don't throw up there mate, if you need to just run outside…alright?"

"I'm not drunk!" Neville said angrily.

"Um…why don't I get back to the story," Harry suggested and promptly began again.

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"I will make freckled boy fall in love with me!" Crookshanks announced as the quartet walked to class.

"Excuse me!" Ron and Hermione said together angrily.

"Me falling for you is less likely than Harry snogging He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!" Ron told Crookshanks with a glare.

Harry involuntarily shuddered, "Ron, mate, never say that again. I think it's enough to make my scar burn for a week."

"Awwww, is poor widdle Potter's scar hurting again?" a voice sneered from behind them. Of course, this was just what Ron needed right now. His currently second most favorite person in the world.

"What do you want Draco?" Harry asked angrily, turning himself around to face HIS least favorite person.

"Just wondering why Weasley has a big red-headed oaf clinging to him everywhere he goes," Draco replied. "Do you have a new boyfriend Weasley?"

Without even a moment's pause, Hermione stepped forward and slapped Draco across the face. "Grow up Malfoy," She said and stalked away, presumably to class.

Draco stood there with a stunned expression for a second, then muttered, "Filthy mudblood. Now I have to wash my face."

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Ron shouted, lunging for Malfoy. However, Harry caught him around the middle in a vain attempt to hold the enraged Ron back. "YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU SLIMY FERET!"

But before Ron could break free, Crookshanks had already launched himself at Draco, knocking the boy down. Glaring at Draco, he growled, "Never call her that again, you disgusting being. If you do, I will strangle you with my bare hands."

It was striking how much Crookshanks looked like a cat at that one particular instant in time…

"Honestly," Hermione said, pulling Crookshanks off the blonde haired boy. She had turned back when she realized her friends weren't following her."When will you lot realize that he's just not worth it? Uncle C, I thank you deeply, but you don't have to get into a fight over nothing… I don't really care what he has to say."

"But he was insulting to you!" Crookshanks argued.

"Really," Ron said, for once agreeing with Crookshanks. "How can we just stand by while that slime is saying things like that!"

Draco had been brushing himself off, an angry pinched look on his face. "Oh, I will get you for that! You better believe I will get you for that!"

"What's wrong Malfoy?" Harry taunted. "Break a nail?"

Draco's face darkened and then broke into a sinister smile, "Don't worry, Potter. I'll be breaking more than just that."

"Oh no!" Hermione practically screeched. "We're late for class!"

"Oh no Granger, we're all going to die," Draco sneered as Hermione was trying to get the three boys to move.

"Or rather you will all get a detention," a new voice added to the conversation dryly. Almost as one, all four students and one cat turned in dread. McGonagall was standing behind them, her face tight and her hands on her hip.

"P-Professor!" Hermione squeaked, looking like she was about to faint.

"Who are you?" Asked Crookshanks. He blinked, "Minerva? Wow. You've gotten OLD."

Draco was giving him a very curious look now, but Minerva took this all in stride, her frown only deepening in distaste. "Granger, Potter…I expected better out of both of you. All five of you will have detention with me tomorrow night. Now get to class before a different teacher has to reprimand you and give you the same punishment."

"But you can't do that! I don't go to school here!" Crookshanks complained.

"Who are YOU?" McGonagall turned and asked Crookshanks.

"He's my uncle professor," Hermione said quickly. "Draco wanted to meet him and we tried to tell Draco that we had to go to class, but…you know…Muggles always intrigue Wizards…"

"We were just showing him around before class," Harry clarified, "and didn't realize the time."

McGonagall gave all five of them each a withering stare and then her expression seemed to lighten a bit. "I had been under the impression that there was going to be an imminent fight, but hearing that that is not the case, I will merely reprimand you. And Mister Malfoy…I'm happy to have learned you are showing an interest in a different culture for once. I think that is what impressed me the most about this…tell your professors that I detained you to meet your…uncle was it Miss Granger?"

"Yes ma'am," Hermione said quickly, a bit pink.

Crookshanks grinned and hugged McGonagall, "Thank you for being so nice to my Little Hermione!"

McGonagall looked severely uncomfortable at this physical contact. Hermione hurried over to free her, looking severely apologetic. "I'm sorry professor!" She cried. "He's a bit…just a bit…but I'm sorry! It won't happen again!" Hermione glared at Crookshanks and began pushing him down the hallway, but McGonagall's voice stopped them in their tracks.

"I'm simply curious," McGonagall said before they got too far. "How you uncle Hermione, forgive me I do not know your name Mister…"

"C!" Hermione supplied before Crookshanks could say anything.

"Mister C," McGonagall said. "But how do you know me if it's alright for me to ask?"

"We showed him pictures," Ron blurted out, looking horrified.

McGonagall looked skeptical, "Apparently you showed him pictures of me in my YOUTH and told him my FIRST name?"

Ron gulped and before he could answer Crookshanks told her, "I looked through some stuff in the library. You wizards sure do have funny pictures. I can't believe they MOVE!"

McGonagall nodded, "Then I'm sure you noticed the YEAR of the photos?"

"Oh… there was a year?" Crookshanks asked, still grinning.

Hermione quietly sighed in relief, grateful for her cat's intelligence.

"Ah, I see. You are nothing like you niece," McGonagall replied and waved her hand, indicating them to hurry up and get to class before she actually gave them a detention.

At that signal they bolted. Even Draco didn't argue, though he looked annoyed that they had just helped him out… Though Hermione had not wanted to help him out after those comments she had thrown at her… it was just inevitable if she didn't want detention.