It's Raining Naked Men

Harry Potter Fanfic

by EC and Shanchan

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Authors Notes:

First off, the disclaimer: we don't own the character and so we're not taking credit for their creation. PLEASE don't hurt us. Secondly, we take credit for all the insanity that occurs in this story. If you steal our ideas, we'll strip you naked, gut you like a fish, pulverize your intestines, and bury it underneath our octopus tree. And Finally, THANK YOU FOR READING OUR LITTLE STORY. If you give us FEEDBACK, we'll LOVE YOU forever (well, provided that you keep on giving us feedback)! Seriously, readers, even ones who tell us we suck, keep us writing!

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Chapter 6

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"What a pity Malfoy didn't get detention," Seamus commented.

"It wasn't his time," Luna smiled and told him. "The wispy willysnarfs control teacher's whim to give out detention. Don't you know that? If the willysnarfs are in a good mood, no one gets detention. I think Filch killed a nest of willysnarfs once… so they hate him and when they're around him, he tends to give more detentions."

Neville reached out and patted Luna's arm drunkenly. "I always thought there was something up with Filch and willysnarfs…hm…"

"You know perfectly well there's no such thing!" Percy exclaimed indignantly. "I can name every animal in Magical Creatures and Where to Find Them and let me tell you, there is NO mention of willysnarfs!"

Luna shifted to avoid Percy's spit which flew out of his mouth when he was ranting. She took out her wand from behind her ear and started fiddling with it while explaining in a distant, dreamy voice, "That's because most people are silly. And just because you're well read doesn't mean books are right. Do you read the Quibbler? It's a great magazine. My father owns it and it had at least five articles on willysnarfs in the past two years. If you read the Quibbler, you would know about willysnarfs." She then smiled at Percy like a mother smiling at her ignorant child. "It's really not your fault though. You have too many zanjaros floating around your head. They make you kinda stupid and insanely close minded, did you know that?"

"Thank you Luna…for your…er…explanation," Ron said, with a small grin. He had grown quite fond of Luna over the years, but if this story was ever going to end they had better get on with it. "Harry is it okay if I take this part of the story about Snape's class?"

"Sure," Harry said with an uncaring shrug.

"We were late by the time Malfoy, Harry, me, Hermione, and Crookshanks got to Potions," Ron began.

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"You're late," Snape sneered as soon as the four of them had entered the room. "I would have expected this from Potter, Weasley, and Granger, but Draco, you surprise me."

"Professor," Hermione said boldly. "This is my Uncle, Mr. C. The Headmaster has allowed him to stay with me for the next couple of days because he was curious of the Wizarding World. Professor McGonagal let us give him a tour….I'm sorry we were late."

"Not acceptable," Snape sneered dispassionately. "Fifteen points from Gryffindor-five for each of you-and I think five from Slytherine for Mister Malfoy. Mister…"C" was it? I am sorry, but this is a completely inappropriate class for a Muggle to be attending. This class is meant for discipline and I'm afraid, I'm sure that you understand of course it is nothing personal, that your presence might break some of the students' concentration."

Crookshanks blinked, "Wow. You're really quite a greasy git. Did you get it from your mum or dad's side? I mean, you're level of obnoxiousness can ONLY be hereditary."

"Excuse me?" Snape asked, a look of derision curling on his face.

Hermione hurriedly jumped into the conversation. "Professor, the Headmaster gave my uncle special permission to sit in on ALL of my class today. There's no where for him to go otherwise. He won't be a disruption, I promise."

Snape looked like he had just swallowed something very, very unpleasant. "Very well, go take your seats." With that he began the class, ordering them to open their books to an obscure potion they would definitely have to make on their exams. The trio was convinced that it was out of retribution for the last scene.

Crookshanks sat and watched and got bored within 15 minutes. "Hermy, watcha doin'?" He asked, poking Hermione in the back of the head.

"Making my potion," She answered curtly. "Now be quiet before Snape docks more points off of Gryffindor because of you."

"But I'm bored," Crookshanks whined.

"Is there a problem?" Snape asked, glowering in their direction predictably.

"Yep!" Crookshanks declared. "Your class is about as exciting as a jellyfish's brainwaves… wait, a jellyfish has no brains! You class isn't exciting! I guess your personality is as boring as it is obnoxious then. By the way, you never told me which side you got it from."

Snape's face became ghostly white. Standing up, he ordered Crookshanks to leave the room, "If you do not excuse yourself from this room, I will be forced to blast you out of here be you muggle or not. You cannot, and I repeat, CANNOT waltz in and disrupt my class. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

The former cat wafted his hand in front of his face, "I'm sorry, could you repeat yourself? Your voice isn't quite loud enough for my poor deaf ears and your horrendous smell distracted me."

Harry and Ron had to stifle laughter at this comment, but Hermione looked furious.

"Do not dare come into my classroom and use it as your entertainment, mister. I do not care if you're some muggle uncle of a mudblood or the greatest wizard known to man. I would not even care if you are the Dark Lord himself. Leave at once!"

Harry and Ron stood up when they heard the term "mudblood" and Hermione's face turned as red as a tomato. Crookshanks had stood up as well with this pronouncement, a look of disgust on his face.

"How dare you call her a mudblood!" He screamed and launched himself at Snape, knocking the potions master over and pummeling him in the face.

"CROOKSHANKS!" Hermione cried in fright, she looked pleadingly at Harry and Ron. Both gave small sighs of half concealed regret as they stalked over to Crookshanks and pulled the cat off of their professor. Hermione hurried to their side and the four of them departed from the room without another word. The last that could be seen as the dungeon door closed behind them was Professor Severus Snape standing up and brushing himself off in a dignified manner. There were scratch marks along his face and blood was gushing freely from his broken nose.

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"Wow! You punched SNAPE!" Neville cried in awe.

"Yeah, don't you remember?" Seamus asked.

Neville shook his head, "I wasn't allowed in the class, remember? My OWLS were too low."

"Oh," was all Seamus could say lamely. He looked apologetic, but Neville simply shrugged him off.

"I think I did hear about it though. People were wondering why Hermione yelled for her cat," Neville said, squinting his eyes as he tried to remember.

"You're making that up," Seamus protested. "Though we did find that a little odd at the time… I guess we know why now though, right?"

Ron cleared his throat. "May I continue now?"

"By all means, be my guest! This is by far the best get-together story every," Ginny said, grinning. "By the way, how does this contribute to you guys getting together?"

"Well, you see, we ended up fighting that night and the fight ended up making us understand stuff. But wait for it. It'll come. Hermione, care to do the honors?" Ron handed the floor to his wife.

Hermione made a face, but decided not to protest. "So that day continued in much the same manner. The three of us were given detentions for disrupting class and then leaving, but Snape was severely reprimanded by the Headmaster for his choice of words when he demanded Crookshanks be turned out of the castle.

"The rest of our Professors did not make a fuss about Crookshanks and the students were in awe, whispering about the events that had unfolded in Potions – it had, by the next period, spread throughout the entire sixth year, of course. It was not until later that night after dinner, when the four of us were in the common room when something of importance happened…"

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Ron and Harry were working on homework into the night and Crookshanks was sitting there watching them. By about 11 o' clock, the common room was empty except for the three of them.

Crookshanks looked around, stretched and pounced on Ron before the boy could react.

"Eugh!" Ron protested as he toppled down onto the pillows next to him. Crookshanks was kissing him and he felt like he was suffocating. All of Crookshank's weight was pressed on top of Ron to insure that the younger man wouldn't struggle away. Ron tried to pull his head away to get air and to make Crookshanks let go, but that only made it worse.

Harry groaned and tried to pull the former cat off his best friend while saying, "Get off! He doesn't like you like that!"

That's when the portrait-hole opened and Hermione walked in. Upon seeing Ron and Crookshanks, she paused and stared in a disorientated fashion at the duo. Then, with an angry frown she slammed her books down on the table, "That's it! I've had enough of your kissing!" She turned around, her dirty brown hair whipping behind her, and headed right out the portrait-hole without a backwards glance.

Ron heard this with a wince, still struggling wildly. He finally managed to kick Crookshanks off and scrambled to chase after Hermione.