It's Raining Naked Men

Harry Potter Fanfic

by EC and Shanchan

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Authors Notes:

First off, the disclaimer: we don't own the character and so we're not taking credit for their creation. PLEASE don't hurt us. Secondly, we take credit for all the insanity that occurs in this story. If you steal our ideas, we'll strip you naked, gut you like a fish, pulverize your intestines, and bury it underneath our octopus tree. And Finally, THANK YOU FOR READING OUR LITTLE STORY. If you give us FEEDBACK, we'll LOVE YOU forever!

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Chapter 7

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"Hermione!" Ron half whined as he followed the angry girl out of the castle. After she had stomped off, Ron had somehow found the power to shove Crookshanks off of him and, without thinking twice, had chased after Hermione.

He was more then a bit upset with the recent development of Hermione's cat turning into a horny gay male who was in love with Ron not simply for the obvious reasons that he liked the cat far less as a human than when it was a cat (which was saying a lot since Ron had always despised Crookshanks), but also because things between Hermione and Ron had been going quite well lately, if Ron did say so himself, and the newly unfolding events had screwed that all up.

Yes, Ronald Weasley, had finally realized that not only was Hermione a female, but he was basically in love with her. Well, maybe not in love…that was a bit too strong of an emotion to attach to it, but in like, yes. Ron gritted his teeth in annoyance. In the past he had always been the one to screw up their relationship and it was frustrating that things were finally going right and he wasn't the one to mess it up.

So now he decided to be the one to step up and make things right. Oh, just bloody brilliant. He took a deep breath, drawing courage from the frosty air and yelled, "Hermione, can you please slow down for a sec? I want to explain!"

The bushy-haired girl stopped in mid-stride and snapped her face to face him, "Explain what? It was perfectly evident that YOU-" (he had caught up with her, so she jabbed him in the chest) "- were SNOGGING my cat." Hermione waved her arms in frustration. "What more are you trying to tell me?"

"It wasn't like I WANTED to snog him," Ron retorted, eyes suddenly ready to spit fire.

"Well it sure bloody well looked like you wanted to snog him!" Hermione shouted. It was plainly obvious she was holding back tears and it was all Ron could do to hold back a snort. This was ridiculous! Girls!

"How could it possibly look like I wanted to snog him?" Ron gritted his teeth. "He was practically suffocating me-he was on top of me so that I couldn't fight him off! How could it even seem like I wanted to-to-snog your ruddy cat!"

"Listen to yourself!" She said. "'He was on top of me,' 'practically suffocating me.' Maybe he wouldn't have been suffocating you if you weren't so-so involved in kissing him!"

"You are being ridiculous!" Ron said, getting fed up. "You know bloody well that I hate your ruddy cat and would never in a million years want to ever be in such a position!"

"But he's HUMAN now. For all I know you could be attracted to men! After all, you obviously don't seem to be attracted to many girls," Hermione snapped back.

"Oh! I get it! So I like men! Of course! Why didn't I see it before?" Ron asked sarcastically, too angry for yelling. "Yes. You're right Hermione. You found me out. I like MEN. That's right. I want nothing more than to be in your former cat's pants. Happy now?"

Hermione shook her head and burst into tears. She could not believe he was taking her so lightly. Couldn't he tell she liked him? She was jealous. She knew that! She didn't want to be, but she was! Before she could stop herself she had slapped Ron and her hand was stinging from her slap. Not wanting him to see her cry for a moment longer, she ran past him and into the castle.

"Fine!" He shouted after her even though it wasn't possible for her to hear him anymore. "Fine! If you want to be ridiculous, then I guess I can't stop you!" Ruddy women and their ruddy tears.

Ron sighed and headed back to Gryffindor Tower at a much slower pace then his distressed friend. The common room had emptied, so he headed to bed. He didn't feel like doing much of anything else at the moment anyway…

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Ron paused for a moment in the story. Hermione had been recounting the tale until he had added to her account and somehow it had ended in a weird combination of both their sides of the story. It was probably better anyway considering it turned out to be such a large fight over nothing.

"Bloody hell Hermione, you must have been pmsing or something," Fred spoke up when Ron paused.

"We can say that to you now that you're our sister-in-law," George reassured her when she went scarlet.

"Have you forgotten what happened when you got back to our room, Ron?" Harry asked, trying to bring the topic back to the story at hand. He could barely get his words out due to his laughter.

Ron blushed bright red, "You don't have to talk about it! God, it was so horrible!"

"It's not like we don't all know about it, Ronnikins," Fred cooed.

"Wait, what happened?" Luna asked, confused.

"He was tackled by Crookshanks," Hermione answered, giggling slightly.

Ron drooped and added, "I almost lost my virginity to a ruddy cat!"

"You're exaggerating," Dean Thomas said nonchalantly. Then he added without even cracking a smile, "He was merely trying to get to third base with you. Either that or have some oral sex."

Seamus cracked a smile, "Teabagging or a blowjob?"

"Enough," Hermione said, looking a little disgusted at where the conversation had turned. "This is my wedding reception not a bar. Ron, dear, would you like to continue the story?"

"Hermione, loosen up a little. Ron's the only one who's trapped; the rest of us are still bachelors!" Seamus told the girl.

It was true Hermione and Ron were the first out of their year to get married. But then again it was also true that there are just some lines you do not cross with Hermione Granger. "The next day things were pretty much the same," Ron started in a hurry before Hermione could say anything in response.